I just ordered flowers for a funeral to be held Wednesday.  A friend’s father died unexpectedly last night and we’re just hearing the news.  The funeral is far away and we won’t be able to go, so I send flowers in our stead.  Yet I know that in the chaos of the moment she won’t remember that there were flowers or who sent them.  She won’t remember the faces of all the people who hug her and murmer their sympanthies.  She probably won’t even feel the pain of loss till much later.  And later is when we need to be there for her.  So I send flowers to the funeral because that’s what you do, and I mark my calendar for later, when she will need to talk. 

Christmas and the death of fathers.  They just don’t mix.