In the past two days I’ve received news of loss from two friends. One has lost her daughter’s fiance at the age of 28, the other a father at the age of 80. Both left too soon. Each of the families are in the midst of the most unimaginable and yet necessary pain. And of course these stories took me back to my own loss, my own pain. Going to bed last night I was overwhelmed by the sound of my father’s voice, the voice of my brother as he gave me the terrible news over the phone, the imagined voice of the coroner telling my sister the devastating truth. And then I realized I couldn’t remember what my mother’s voice sounded like. I cried myself to sleep, all the while wondering why I wasn’t way past these emotions. Why they are so close to the surface still. Wondering when I would become more hardened. And somehow hoping I never get that way.

So to those two families, I send my condolences, my very deepest sympathy, my heartfelt good wishes to you. I know something of what you are feeling. I know how it will probably feel in four years…it’s not that different, but it is better. Right now, just get through today. Tomorrow will be there, and you can worry about it then. Later on you can analyze how you feel, and why; right now it’s OK just to feel. Hang in there, hang on to your family and friends. It will get better, but it will never be OK.