Working in a library gives me the opportunity to watch people interact, and I’m beginning to recognize different parenting styles.  There are parents who arrive at the library and totally disassociate with their children, as if they are relieved to be free of the responsibility.  There are others that hover anxiously while  aggressively choosing books and movies and offering them to their children for approval.  Still others hang out nearby  letting the children choose their own items, but effectively ignoring any attempts at discussion.  And then there are the parents that actually interact with their children as if they are intelligent beings; listening while their children talk, provide coherent, relevant responses to their children’s comments and questions.  Those are the ones I like to watch the most.

I’ve seen negligent parenting, hostile parenting, coaxing parenting, condescending parenting, and supportive, image building parenting.  I’m sure some of the differences between parents has something to do with differences in children, but I have to ask; which comes first, the pouting, recalcitrant tween or the domineering, manipulative parent?

So much of the behavior I see in children, from the tiny youngsters refusing to stay near their mom as they explore  to teenagers oblivious to any requests from their parents reminds me of Katie’s behavior.  And worse, the responses from the parents often remind me of ..well…me when I’m trying to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do.  The cajoling, the bribing, the short loud demands…I’ve done almost everything I see parents do to get my dog to do what I want which is so often wildly different than what she wants to do.  Sometimes, as I commiserate with the parents at the checkout desk I almost slip and tell them that I’ve got the same issues with my dog.  But I stop myself.  I’m pretty sure no parent wants to hear how their child reminds me of my dog.  But still…

I’m just glad Katie has her own edgy and stubborn personality. Even when I make parenting errors she bounces back and reminds me that she still loves me.  I wish all parents could be so lucky with their own kids.