Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

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Valentine conspiracy

My husband and I have a 94 year old aunt who is doing really well living alone but who is needing a bit more assistance with things as her eyes begin to fail.  This winter is becoming increasingly long as she can no longer see enough to drive and even reading is difficult.  So her life revolves around television, phone conversations and visits from family and friend.

Often when I visit I go downstairs with her to get her mail and I see the disappointment when  all that emerges from her box are junk mail fliers and the inevitable bills for health insurance and her phone.  Though rarely is there anything interesting  in her mailbox, she continues to hope and this is where the Valentine Conspiracy comes in.  I have contacted almost all her family members, by phone and email, suggesting that we all send her a valentine this year…independently and “spontaneously” spread over the entire week…even going into next week.  It doesn’t matter if they arrive late; what matters is that they arrive.

So far the response has been wonderful.  Everyone says they will send her one.  This could amount to a dozen or more valentines arriving in her mailbox.  When she wasn’t really expecting anything.   I hope she smiles as she opens them, smiles as she reads them, and smiles later on when she sees them piled beside her chair.  Such a simple thing, so easy to generate a smile, so important to take that bit of time to make it happen.

So of course my message is that everyone can take a moment and look around.  Is there someone you know and love who might be having a difficult time with the long winter?  Who is a bit lonley?  Perhaps home bound?  Who feels perhaps that there isn’t much to look forward too?  Doesn’t matter how old or young they are; if you know someone that could use a lift, send a valentine this week.

It’s only Tuesday, there’s plenty of time.

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What Katie loves

We’ve been challenged by the Key West Collies Essex and Deacon (http://keywestcollies.blogspot.com/) to come up with ten things Katie loves.  I think we’ll try to come up with ten things Katie loves about going to school.

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1.  Treats.  Lots and lots and lots of treats.  Fresh chicken.  Roast beef.  Cheese.  Yum!

2.  The car ride to school.  With the windows down so she can get a breeze in her face.

3.  The place all the doggies go pee.  Such lovely fresh smells!

4.  Doggie butts.  Need I say more?

5.  Ignoring her mama and vacuuming the floor for any spare treats anyone else dropped.  Just in case.

6.  Looking at herself in the mirror.  Because she’s such a princess you know.

7.  Making goo goo eyes at that little brown aussie named Charlie.

8.  Jumping.  Over any kind of jumps those silly humans can devise.

9.  Tunnels.  Oh tunnels are soooo much fun!

10.  Getting told how pretty she is.  In case she didn’t already know.

I’m supposed to ask ten of our closest dog friends to think about 10 things they love…but I don’t think I have ten dog friends that haven’t already been asked by Essex and Deacon…so if any of you want to jump at the chance to share your favorite things…well, Katie and I would enjoy reading about them!

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Happy Birthday Sister!

Braun and Badger 109 The story is that my mom was very pregnant with my sister on dad’s birthday and she didn’t feel up to making a cake.  So she made him meatloaf and “frosted” it with mashed potatoes.  My sister was born the next day.  I think my sister was actually Dad’s best birthday present ever.  Even if she was one day late.

Happy birthday sweetie!  I know you’re having a good day today substituting for a band director in middle school.  How cool is that!  Didn’t we always want to be the leader of the band?  Well, today, on your birthday, you get to actually do it!  That has just got to be something that was meant to be.  Have fun!

And I want to hear all about it tonight!

New Jersey 08 337


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Happy Birthday Dad

Today is Dad’s 81st birthday.  I was walking at the mall this morning and a smallish man was walking ahead of me, built quite a bit like Dad, baseball cap on, and if I squinted he could a sort of might have looked like Dad.  But not really.  Funny how I keep looking for him.

A week or so ago I was corresponding via email with the mother of a young woman named Channing who was killed in a crash a year ago.  She was struggling at the one year anniversary with the fact that she felt worse now than she did at the time of the crash.   She also said she felt bad that she had been “taking” and not giving anything back, as she knows we have suffered a similar loss.  This is what I wrote back to her.  I didn’t mean it to run on the ways it does, or get so philosophical, the words just came.

“I don’t think it’s unusual for it to be more difficult for some people after the first year.  I think at first you’re running on adrenalin, getting through the first day, the first week, month, first holiday, first birthday without them.  And sometimes you think that if you can survive the first year that it will all go away.  But it doesn’t go away and that causes you to be even more depressed.  Because you start to believe that you’re facing years and years and forever feeling just like you feel right now, and you feel pretty horrible right now.  And the pain is so intense that sometimes you can’t breath and you can’t imagine not being able to breath for the rest of your life.  And you feel hopeless and you want to crawl away somewhere and cry forever.

But I’m here to tell you that though the pain doesn’t go away entirely, it will eventually recede to a manageable level.  I don’t know if the pain actually moves away or if we just learn how to manage it better.  Your counseling sessions with your family, if led by someone you connect to, will help you learn, will give you hope, will teach you tools to make some days better.  And then a few more days will be better.  And someday you will laugh about something and you will be surprised because you don’t remember the last time you laughed.  And then you will fee guilty.  And than later on, maybe days or months, you will laugh again, maybe even at a memory of something Channing did, and you will realize that it’s alright to laugh.  That you’re not dishonoring her by being happy.  Her life is not discounted because you have moved beyond the pain.  That making yourself stay in the pain is not going to bring her back, and that the way to honor her is to do good works, tell her story,and love her forever.

Someday you will be there, I promise.  And then you will be able to take some newly injured family and hold them close to your heart and they will say, “we’re taking but we’re not giving.”  And you will know that they are in fact giving, they are giving you the opportunity to do something good with your pain.  And then you will have completed the circle.  And Channing will smile.”

I tell you this, dear blog readers, not to tell my story all over again, because I’ve done that here many times, but to let you know how much I appreciate your patience when I head down this road again.  Because it’s here that I can lay the pain and let some of it go.  For whatever reason, if there is something sad hanging onto me and I put it down in writing it loses some of its hold.  And though I know that it’s not fair to spread that pain among all of you, especially those I’ve never met and aren’t related to, it does help.

And so I thank you for reading and listening and caring and helping me remember my Dad.  On his 81st birthday.  Tonight.

Braun and Badger 105


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Katie update

It’s been three weeks or so since we had the animal behaviorist in to tell us what to do with Katie’s idiosyncrasies.  We’ve been keeping her off the furniture including the bed but we haven’t been very consistent with pulling Kleenex out of the box to desensitize her.  It really takes two of us to do this and we just can’t seem to coordinate the training time.  Even though neither of us has a real job at the moment.

So anyway, no more of this for Katie:

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Or this:

Katie 2152Poor puppy.

Katie is so smart.  She knew right away what the new rules were and after the first night really didn’t try to jump up on the bed often.  At least not when we were looking.  I came home once and watched through the window of the front door as she casually jumped off the sofa to greet me.  So I’m not so naive as to think she follows the rules when we’re not around.

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She has a big pillow bed in the living room that she flings herself down on and pouts on when she wants something that we won’t give her.  Or when we tell her to get “OFF!” a chair on the few occasions she gives furniture another try in hopes that we’ve forgotten the rule.  In the bedroom she has two bed pillows with one of my T shirts on top that she sleeps on.  It’s right next to the bed and she goes there on her own, curls up and sighs when I go to sleep at night.  Later in the night she migrates to the hallway floor and then back onto her pillows depending on her mood.  But she won’t jump on the bed unless she’s scared about something; say the noise of her dad shoveling the driveway, or some carpenter guys banging away in the living room.    She also has her crate, which she runs to when she thinks we’re getting ready to go anywhere scary.  Like the vet or something.  As we pick up car keys she slinks down the hall and into her crate where she will wait us out, not leaving it until she hears us walk out the door.  It’s her super safe place and I won’t pull her out of there, even if I did want her to go with me.  I take the time to entice her out because I don’t want her to feel she doesn’t have anywhere special to be safe.

Speaking of vets, Katie developed diarrhea last Saturday evening and by Monday when it had only gotten worse I called the vet.  We got in on Tuesday morning and it turns out she has a bacterial virus.  So for now she’s getting yogurt in with her food.  And a daily antibacterial pill with a treat.  She loves both!  Today there was improvement in her stool, not normal, but a lot better.  But the vet said no school this week, so we are missing a night of agility and a morning of rally.  Oh well.  She’s feeling better so that’s all that matters.

What a princess.

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Avatar

We don’t get out that much but my husband and I went to see Avatar last night.  It’s not my usual (romantic comedy) fare, but I thought we should see what all the buzz was about.  And the chance to see something in 3D and on an IMAX big screen was too good to miss.

It’s a visually stunning film that just starts.  None of the usual title scenes with the names of actors, no lion roaring at the beginning to tell you that the movie is about to begin.  In fact I thought at first we were watching a trailer for some other movie.  Because all the bits I’d seen on TV were of the blue Avatars and this was some sort of space craft with real actors.  But eventually I figured out I was watching the feature film.

Many things in the movie reminded me (and my husband) of other events or movies.   When the huge tree which had been their home came crashing down in flames after being attacked from the air, I saw horror in the Avatars’ eyes just like the horror in New Yorkers’ eyes when the twin towers fell.  When they rode their horses into battle I saw just a bit of Brave Heart and when the old leader of the clan handed off his bow and arrow to his daughter as he lay dying I saw a piece of Lion King.  My husband remarked after that some of it reminded him of the Custer’s last stand, when individual bands of Indians gathered together to fight.

It was a visually stunning film.  But I knew I was going to be in trouble early on when the main characters ran and jumped and fell among the jungle and I felt the first twinges of motion sickness.  I don’t know if it was the 3D or the IMAX experience, or maybe all that in combination with lots of flying off of cliffs and along waterfalls, but I was swallowing hard and staring at my feet, hand pressed against my mouth, silently counting how many laps I would have to climb over in a rush for the bathroom during most of the movie. And it’s a long movie.

In the end I listened to it with brief peeks from under my eyelashes.  Nice music!  I got the story, enjoyed what small pieces of it I got to see and would recommend anyone without a propensity to motion sickness to go see it.

And the rest of you?  Maybe take a Dramamine first!

Dawn 151


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Wanna play Frisbee?

Katie 2274 It’s sunny today and already 13 degrees out!  Can’t waste a perfectly beautiful Saturday.  So I asked …”Hey Katie…wanna play Frisbee?

Well, like any good young Sheltie she was immediately up for it.  She hopped around so much it was hard to put her leash on.  And once outside and off the leash…well…it was time for CRAZY DOG!  She could hardly stand it until I threw the frisbee the first time.  Then she ran as fast as she could, heading across the snow covered yard.  With the sun in her eyes she didn’t catch the frisbee, which caused her to growl at it.  But she brought it right back to me without her  “victory lap” that she  usually takes around me before she’ll hand it off.  This time she wanted me to throw it right away.  So I did.

Do you see her waaaaay out there?

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Here she comes!

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Throw it again Mom!  Throw it again!
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Silly girl.

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YES!

It’s 7 degrees out this morning.  But the sun is shining and in the front of the house there is little wind.  And Katie was going nuts inside.  So I got the board out and we started working on getting her to go UP the slope.  I started with it flat on the driveway, butted up against the front porch’s two steps.  No problem.  She’ll run back and forth all happy, eager for her treat.

I slipped one end up on the first step which is really low.  No problem, she runs back and forth, leaping up onto the porch and grinning.

I slipped the end up to the top step.  She ran down it just like always, turned around and ran back up it before she realized it was higher.  YEA!!! I gave her LOTS of treats.  She ran back down.  Got a treat.  Turned around and balked.  Silly girl.  You just did this!

Finally got her to go up half the board, jumping on from the middle…then a bit later she accidently ran up all of it, eager for the treat.  YEA!!!! I gave her LOTS of treats.  Then she balked again.

Sigh.

After much tempting she sort of just said “oh what the heck” and ran up the board, turned around and basically said:  “OK, is THAT WHAT YOU WANT MOM?!”  She got LOTS of treats.

Then we went inside before she had a chance to balk again.  And to warm up my fingers.  We’ll try again later this afternoon.  They expect we’ll get to a high of 17.  Heat wave.

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A busy week

Tuesday evening I attended my first in a series of Hatha yoga classes offered by a local community education program.  It is taught by a man who has a PhD in pharmacology!  He’s given up that career and now teaches yoga full time.  He was very accommodating to all of us newbies, telling us (appropriately) that it was all about the breath and not about how we did the poses.  Good thing.  However I often found myself holding my breath, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what was supposed to be happening!  I’ll work on it.  I didn’t think we had exerted ourselves too much, but two days later I could hardly move.  And I still can’t sit up after reclining on the sofa without pain.  Guess that’s the “core” he kept talking about!

Wednesday night Katie and I as well as her dad went to Agility class.  We’ve been working all week on “walk it walk it walk it!” across her board, first flat on the driveway, then elevated a bit on bricks and finally sloping down from our front porch.  She runs across her board, then turns and runs right back, looking for a treat, as long as it’s level.  And she’ll run down the sloping board all day, but wants nothing to do with walking up it!  At school this week they didn’t have the dog walk set up.  DRAT!  They did have the A-frame the and teeter set up, neither of which she initially wanted to deal with.  We did get her to “touch!” them and get a treat.  Eventually we used Marie’s idea of bringing the tall table over to the A-frame.  Katie jumped right up on the table,  and with a treat to entice her, stepped onto the A-frame and walked down half of it!  Later I got her to put all four feet on the bottom of the A-frame and streeeetch up to reach a treat.  But she didn’t like it. She likes to keep her back feet safely on the floor!   Finally at the end of the class her dad could pick her up and place her just below the tip of the A-Frame and, with me at the bottom holding chicken, she’d run down the slant.

Katie does everything fast.  Jumps, tunnel…and this week, the chute!  Who knew!  Last week we ran the chute with someone holding open the end, and to Katie it was just another tunnel.  This week they dropped the chute fabric on the dogs as they went through.  But Katie was always through the chute before the girl let go.  So after the second time like that they just left the fabric on the ground.  Katie never hesitated, bursting through the chute fabric looking for me and her treat.  I was so surprised, because she’s always balked at chute before.  But I was also very very proud of her.  One of the instructors asked if I had brought the same dog, because she was coming along so well.  This week the tunnel was set up at a 90 degree turn, but when we tried it the first time Katie was running so fast I don’t think she noticed the corner, and had no trouble with it all evening.   Until we did a series of 3 jumps then tire, THEN  had to turn 90 degrees, right at the ring fence, to  go into the tunnel.  I didn’t have enough room to get her going, and she walked into it, then turned around and walked out each time.  A couple of things might have caused that, the slowness of her entry, and the fact that it was the end of class and she had pretty much shut down.  So I didn’t worry about it.  Everything is fun in agility, and that’s the way I want to keep it for her.

Yesterday morning was our Obedience/Rally class.  This week the course was much more difficult, filled with things I had never seen before.  The instructor had thrown in a lot of excellent level stations.  We bumbled our way through it, but I’m not worried as I’m a long way from competing in excellent!  Katie did really well on most of her heeling and of course she was perfect on her sits and stays.  She was also perfect on her stand for exam, so I’m happy.  I need to get her registered to do a rally trial.

Last night I went to my first Spanish for Adults class.  I’ve always wanted to try to learn another language; I took 2 years of French in high school and was terrible at it.  Maybe it will work better as an adult, and with no grade!  But I don’t know.  Most of the other 7 adults in the class had someone in their family that spoke Spanish and they heard it spoken a lot.  I don’t, though I heard it at work quite a bit.  And it’s clear that I have to think about things a lot longer than they do.  And that I’ll probably have to work harder to get it.  But that’s not unusual, after going back to grad school at 50 I am used to being slightly behind and working harder to keep up.  Which means I need to get offline and start on my Spanish homework.  Can’t blame the dog for errors in this class!

My favorite sentence from last night?  “El perro es inteligente.”  The dog is intelligent.   Well…she is… but how did they know?

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