Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

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Another camping attempt

It was a warm night, dozens of fireflies winking nearby, hundreds of stars winking above.  Katie pulled hard at her leash, straining to get to the tent set up in the backyard.  But once inside she just wasn’t ready to sleep.  We tried.  Far off dogs barking, nearby deer wandering, cars driving by; it all riled Katie, and in turn me.  At 1:00 a.m., after 3 hours of attempting to sleep in the silky warm night air, I gave up and we went inside.

Once settled on the familiar bed, ceiling fan twirling, window open, she fell sound asleep, but I was wide awake.  I wasn’t barking at every sound from outside, but I certainly wasn’t yawning either, though I was extremely tired.  Another hour went by.  Katie rolled over onto her back, her favorite way to sleep, propped up against me.  Past 2 a.m., I was wide awake and Katie  softly snoring, her little feet twitching while she dreamed of chasing those deer into the warm summer night.

Another Katie adventure ended just the way she likes them to;  pressed up against her Mama, safe and sound, free to dream.

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Happy Father's Day

Father’s Day sort of blindsided me this year.  For five years I’ve make a conscious effort not to notice things that relate to fathers in an attempt to stem the pain. This year it was more of an unconscious thing that I didn’t notice the day was approaching.  Earlier in the month I walked into a department store and was assaulted by all the Father’s Day signs, suggestions,  and piles of wares.  It surprised me and yet there wasn’t the usual stab of real physical pain right under my ribcage like I’ve felt in years past.  It was more like any person might be surprised when they see the Halloween stuff go up in stores in late August.  More like, “Yea that’s right, this month has Father’s Day.”

This year, though I truly wish I could still call my Dad and wish him a fabulous day, I am more content to just wish all the fathers out there a great day.  I’m happy when I hear someone talk about spending time with their own father without feeling the deep sadness that I can’t do the same.

So Happy Father’s Day to you all!  And if you can spend some time with your own Dad, enjoy your day; make some memories, share a laugh, a hug, a thank you.   Do it for yourself, do it for your Dad.  Maybe even as a favor to me.

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Observation

Working in a library gives me the opportunity to watch people interact, and I’m beginning to recognize different parenting styles.  There are parents who arrive at the library and totally disassociate with their children, as if they are relieved to be free of the responsibility.  There are others that hover anxiously while  aggressively choosing books and movies and offering them to their children for approval.  Still others hang out nearby  letting the children choose their own items, but effectively ignoring any attempts at discussion.  And then there are the parents that actually interact with their children as if they are intelligent beings; listening while their children talk, provide coherent, relevant responses to their children’s comments and questions.  Those are the ones I like to watch the most.

I’ve seen negligent parenting, hostile parenting, coaxing parenting, condescending parenting, and supportive, image building parenting.  I’m sure some of the differences between parents has something to do with differences in children, but I have to ask; which comes first, the pouting, recalcitrant tween or the domineering, manipulative parent?

So much of the behavior I see in children, from the tiny youngsters refusing to stay near their mom as they explore  to teenagers oblivious to any requests from their parents reminds me of Katie’s behavior.  And worse, the responses from the parents often remind me of ..well…me when I’m trying to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do.  The cajoling, the bribing, the short loud demands…I’ve done almost everything I see parents do to get my dog to do what I want which is so often wildly different than what she wants to do.  Sometimes, as I commiserate with the parents at the checkout desk I almost slip and tell them that I’ve got the same issues with my dog.  But I stop myself.  I’m pretty sure no parent wants to hear how their child reminds me of my dog.  But still…

I’m just glad Katie has her own edgy and stubborn personality. Even when I make parenting errors she bounces back and reminds me that she still loves me.  I wish all parents could be so lucky with their own kids.

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Bird dog?

Katie and I went to the park yesterday afternoon.  There was a new sign there that said we weren’t allowed to train bird dogs for several months during bird nesting season.

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Good thing we were warned about that, because you know Katie is such a bird dog!  But we did have several incidents along our walk that involved birds.  Right at the beginning of our walk I noticed two families of Canadian geese near the pond.  One family’s babies already had the markings of adult birds, the other family’s little ones were still fuzzy balls of fluff.  I decided we’d take a route that totally avoided them as Sheltie + parent geese do not make a good mix.

We headed into the mowed paths of a big hilly field.  Katie enjoyed sniffing along the edges, at the flowers and traces of other dogs, who knows.  Suddenly she went stiff, then lunged and up out of the tall grass right next to us flew a fat brown partridge (or something like that).  Katie leaped straight up in the air and I screamed.  Guess we weren’t meant to be bird hunters!  Good thing Katie was on a leash.

We moved on down the path, and Katie went into her bird dog alert mode again. katie-16541 Holding tight to her leash I let her explore a little, and there was a turtle!  Way less frightening (at least to us) than the bird.  I eased Katie away so as not to disturb it and we moved on.  katie-16552

Just a bit further along the way we began to be dive-bombed by tree swallows, as we were passing their nesting boxes.  I kept ducking and urging Katie to “come on” as they swooped low over my head, making clucking noises just inches away from my hat.  We rushed through that section of the path!

katie-1656 Eventually we arrived at a resting spot, and Katie had a bit to drink.  I’ve been working on getting her not to be afraid to drink out of this contraption that allows me to carry water on my belt as well as serves as a bowl for her.  She decided yesterday that she was thirsty enough not to worry about the funny shape.

We also got to see a bluebird couple.  They were sitting on the fence that surrounds the softball field.  A game was in progress but that didn’t seem to bother them.  The male and female were swooping down into the outfield to catch bugs.  There was another bird hanging out on the fence, a little brownish bird that I thought was a sparrow or house finch.  On our way back to the car the blue birds were back on the fence, as was the little brown bird.  Turns out the little bird was a baby bluebird.  As Mom and Dad got bugs they’d fly up to the fence and feed the youngster!  How cool!  We watched for a bit and then wandered past.

And then, on our drive home we saw a wild turkey along the road near the house!  Katie didn’t notice it, but it was the last bird in our bird filled experience of walking in the park.    Maybe I should get Katie a set of binoculars so she can watch the birds more closely.

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Tricky Tuesday

katie-14221 Katie and I have been working on “shake” this week.  She learned it in about 2 seconds as long as treats were involved.  But no treat?  No shake!  I don’t have video but if I did, you’d see that she just grudingly offers her paw when I ask for shake, even with the treat.  She knows what I want, but she doesn’t want to give in and play the game.  She’s way too smart for me!

Today I have the afternoon off.  I promised her we’d do something fun.  That usually involves car rides and the park.  So off we go!


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Sittin on a Sunday

katie-1643 Katie and I spent some time weeding this morning.  Well to be truthful I weeded and Katie napped on the warm black asphalt of the driveway.  She’s the only Sheltie I’ve ever met that likes to be really warm.  After awhile I got too warm myself and we retreated to the rocker on the shady deck.  She’s being very good, intently watching the birds at the feeder, but not (yet) lunging off the deck to attack.  I keep telling her what a good girl she is, but I’m sure as soon as the resident chipmunk arrives all bets will be off.

Meanwhile the most beautiful wonderful thing just happened.  As I’m sitting here on the deck reading email (got to love that wireless!) and listening to a neighbor’s country music while sipping on iced tea, there is a ruckus in the trees just above the bird feeder.  And then down swoops a blue jay being chased by a Baltimore oriole!  The oriole chased the blue jay up and down through the trees for quite a long time, so I got to watch the sun flickering off of its bright orange back.  Then they both landed on the ground and the oriole continued to chase the blue jay until the jay left with a big squawk.  Sadly I imagine the cause of all this is that the jay tried to raid the oriole’s nest.  Or something equally traumatic.  But I only see an oriole maybe once a summer and never for as long as I got to watch this one.  I’m hoping he (she?) is around more this summer.  I have a feeder for them somewhere in the basement.  Guess it won’t do much good down there; I should find it and try to entice them to visit me again.  Last year an oriole tried to eat from the humming bird feeder, which is why I bought the oriole feeder.  Of course I never saw the orioles again after that first appearance.

So now it’s just Katie and I, one neighbor’s country music, another’s lawnmower, my backyard wren singing her heart out, and the frogs across the way joining in on the summer’s symphony.  Can’t say I’ve heard better .

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

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Agility-not

Tonight Katie and I were scheduled for another agility class.  But it’s been a misty kind of day and by evening it was starting to rain.  So the class got canceled.  But Katie was all wound up; I’d told her we were going to school, I’d thawed out her favorite turkey for treats.  I’d packed the car with her special princess pink agility leash.  She wanted to go Go GO!  So we worked a little bit in the driveway and on a plank I bought which was in the backyard.

Tuesday I went to the orange home improvement store and bought an 8 foot long 12 inch wide plank, some spray paint and a couple of orange cones.  At last week’s agility class Katie had been afraid of the dogwalk and the A-frame, so I’m hoping I can get her used to walking on boards that are painted yellow and blue.

Yesterday I put the plank out in the yard and we “walked the board!” several times.  This is Katie at the end of our session.  “Let’s get going, I’m not afraid of any stinkin board Mom!”

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Today I painted the board and we walked it some more.  Too bad there was no class, because she’s got “walking the board” down now I think.  We’ll have to see what happens when the board is elevated.

katie-1636We also did a little heeling around our cones in the driveway.  That turkey sure was motivating, as she was very attentive.  But it wasn’t as fun as going to agility class and getting to run and jump and visit with other dogs.  Oh well.  Maybe we’ll be able to go again someday!

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Age is but a number. But my number is bigger that I realized.

Lately I’ve begun to realize that I’m a lot older than I thought.   I think the fact that we never had children kept me, in an odd way, young.  I didn’t have a measuring stick of time going by, didn’t watch a child head off to kindergarten, graduate from high school, have kids of their own.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m still just out of school.  Ok.  Not just out of high school, but certainly just out of college.  Undergrad college, when the future was bright and all things were possible.  Forgotten is the fact that I graduated in the late 70’s when we were in a recession and there were no jobs.  Or that when I got out of grad school the first time with my MBA it was the late 80’s when there were no jobs.  And here I am again, a year out of grad school, working part time in a public library when everything is crazy, there are no jobs, funding is being cut and savings are being drained.  But I digress.

I’ve always thought that the future was endless, that all possibilities were open, that there was time to try everything I’ve ever been interested in.  Whenever something came along that sounded fun I’d add it to the list of things to do “some day.”  It’s only been recently that I’ve begun to realize that there are not infinite “some days” out there, and that possibly, just possibly I’m not going to get around to doing all the things on my wish list.  Oddly enough this realization is happening in part because I’m working at a library.

At the library I get to work with lots of people, all ages, and while I like working with such a wide variety of people, my favorite group has always been senior citizens.  Especially senior citizen readers.  What’s becoming clear to me is that some of these seniors are not much older than I am!  This is a shock and not one I’m adjusting to gracefully!  As I’m registering new patrons for library cards and entering their data into the system I’m beginning to notice birth dates.  And the most difficult thing for me to reconcile is that many of these adults are people that could have been my children!  They were born as I was graduating from college the first time.  And they have children of their own who could be my grandchildren!

I think in my prior life, when I didn’t have access to actual birth dates I went along thinking that everyone was pretty much my age, whatever age that was.   I had no proof that life was moving ahead, time was slipping away.  Now I do, and I’m going to have to figure out how to deal with it.  There are lots of things I still want to do and  I always figured I’d get to it all.  Now I think I may have to condense a few things or leave them off the list entirely.  Might never learn to fly that plane.  Might never live in a downtown loft,  out in a tiny cabin in the middle of my own 50 acres, or on the shores of a Great Lake.  Might not write that great American novel.  Might not bike from coast to coast, or hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Might be that all the marathons I’ll run have already been run.  Maybe I won’t have time to learn another language, get that PhD, or start a nonprofit.  Maybe I won’t make a difference in one student’s life, put someone through college or get on-board recorders mandated on all big trucks.  Maybe not in this lifetime.

Then again.  Just might.

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Tricky t-day

Katie and I are supposed  to be working on tricks for Ludo’s tricky t-day.  We are working on cross paws.  But since I don’t have a video camera, and we haven’t mastered the trick yet we don’t have much to tell you!  I use the word “cross” and sometimes she will cross one paw over the other.  But mostly she thinks I’m a little crazy.  Some of you have been successful at this trick, so any hints would be good.  I’m pointing to where her paw should go…I’m sure there are better ways.

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Agility and the big campout

katie-1145 Last night Katie and I had the opportunity to do a little agility again.  It’s been a very long time since we have tried this, and I was worried that she wouldn’t remember anything.  I was wrong.  She remembered that she hates the dogwalk and the A-frame, refusing to begin them, and only tentatively maneuvering them when she was placed on top of each.  We didn’t even attempt the teeter.  She still likes to do the tunnel and she loves to run and jump.  She even did weaves pretty good with me guiding her through them.  Most of her weave problems were caused by me not being able to handle the hand with the leash (and her) and the hand with the cheese through all the poles.  The chute was OK, but someone was holding up the end so I think she thought it was just another tunnel.

Anyway, we had great fun, ran a lot and generally wore ourselves out.  Which is why I had great hopes for our first night this summer of CAMPING OUT in the back yard!  I’ve been having that soulful wish to camp out for awhile. Warm afternoon sun entices me to spend the night listening to the frogs singing in the cool summer night air. Since I am off work today, and lack of sleep wasn’t going to be a big issue, I put the tent up yesterday afternoon.  Katie and I explored it before we went to agility.  And late last night I headed out with tons of blankets, pillows, a flashlight, water…and of course Katie.  katie-camping-resized-august-16-2008

She didn’t settle in right away; she had to circle the permiter of the tent several times, flop down, get up and do it all over again.  Finally she settled on “her” pillows near a little doggie window and stood guard while I fell asleep.  For a minute anyway.  I was awakened  by barking and her jumping on me.  We did this a few times before she crawled up on the blow up bed (I’m not THAT much into old fashioned camping and sleeping on the ground!) stole all my pillows and went to sleep.  I scrunched further down under my pile of blankets and went to sleep too.  For a minute.  I woke to her jumping on my head and barking.  After awhile we settled down again.  For a minute.  This went on for perhaps an hour, and then she sighed, curled into a small ball, her nose in her tail at the foot of the bed and we both went to sleep.

I think our first night of camping out might have been successful if I had not woke up in the middle of the night, about 3, having to go to the bathroom.  She was still curled in a tiny ball at the foot of the bed, sound asleep.  It was FREEZING, I think we were somewhere in the low 40’s and my feet and nose were cold.  I decided our little camping experiment could end, and I woke her up, put on some shoes and attempted to crawl out of the tent.  She didn’t want to go!  Silly dog!  I finally picked her up (good thing she’s a little dog!) and we tromped back into the house with it’s indoor plumbing, heat, and king size mattress.

My husband thinks Katie and I are nuts.  He’s probably right.

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