Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Worried about my foot

The half marathon is this Sunday. Five days away. I think I may have broken something in my foot. Great. It started bothering me after my 12.5 mile training run, and now it aches all the time (except when I run?!). It especially hurts when I carry the dog, or put any extra weight on it, like standing on the toes of that foot. Why would I stand on one foot anyway? But you know what I mean. If I turn quickly and put more weight on that foot I know it’s hurting. At night just lying in bed it hurts. I need to get it looked at, but the thing is, if I do that I’m pretty sure I’m going to be told not to do the race Sunday. So I’m thinking about making an appointment for after the weekend. How stupid is that?


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My last "long" training run before the half marathon–completed!

This morning I did the last long training run before the Brooksie half marathon (13.1 miles) which is a week from tomorrow. Today’s run was only 4 miles, so I elected to do it here at home rather than drive somewhere. I just had too much stuff to do around here to spend time (and gas) driving somewhere else to run. I could do a sort of flat (nothing around here is really flat) 4 miler that is two miles out and two miles back, or do my favorite, but very hilly four mile loop. Since the beginning of each of them heads out in the same direction I figured I’d let my feet decide which route when I got to the deciding corner. Turns out my feet wanted to do flat. So I did the run on a curving mostly paved course, but it had lots of traffic which is never very fun.

Mile one was mostly downhill. As I passed a local lake I could hear, but not see Canadian geese honking as they flew. The lake was shrouded in mist, with the morning sun trying to peek through. It was a pretty cool, literally, as it was only in the upper 50’s this morning. I did this mile in 4/1’s, running 4 minutes then walking a minute, then repeating.

Mile two was mostly uphill. It was on the part of the road that is paved, and more heavily traveled. I ran 3/1’s here, and spent a great deal of time on the gravel shoulder getting out of the way of traffic. On one curve I ended up getting even further from the road as a truck approaching not only wasn’t moving over, it was drifting toward the shoulder. As it got near me it’s right tire dropped down off the pavement onto the gravel and I scrambled for the hill. I saw the driver sort of grin at me as he went by, and I used a not politically correct term to describe him as I moved back onto the pavement after he was gone. As I was reaching the end of mile two, getting ready to turn around at the junction of another road I saw eight bicyclists coming toward me out of the fog. They whirred by and disappeared in the next bank of fog almost silently. As I turned around I realized there were four golfers on a green very near me. I hadn’t seen them as I was running. The fog made everything more silent, and things seemed to move almost in slow motion. I realized, however, that my white shirt and black shorts probably didn’t make me very visible in the fog, so I started mile three more vigilant. Maybe that grin on the truck driver’s face wasn’t really malicious, maybe it was shock and fear when he saw me. Might as well give him the benefit of the doubt.

Mile three was the reverse of mile 2, going downhill now, so I was back to 4/1’s. I still stayed mostly on the shoulder because I couldn’t see whether there were cars coming toward me. As I headed up the hill to the freeway overpass I saw three runners coming out of the fog toward me. They were running three abreast, talking and laughing, not paying attention. I waved, they waved back. I hope they had a safe run.

Mile four was totally uphill, so I did a 4/1, then a 3/1 and then a few minutes to complete the mile. I was almost home, about four houses away when a big dog leaped off of his porch and bounded toward me, growling and snarling. Fearful, I stopped running. Usually that gets them to stop, but not this one. He was circling me with his head down, still barking when I asked him rather loudly where the H&%* his people were. Turns out his person was about five feet away from me at the mailbox. She hadn’t noticed me, nor me her. She said SORRY about a hundred times, but GEEZE…she didn’t notice when her dog left the porch barking viciously? She couldn’t have called him off before I began to fear for my knees? Must have been something really interesting in the newspaper she was reading.

So anyway, the four miles are done. I’m worried about doing 13.1 next weekend. My right arch hurts. My left knee hurts. But it was a pretty good run, one of my best ones so far this comeback year. Guess it really does help to keep training. And to run in cool weather. But next time I’m running where there are no cars and no dogs. Fog is OK though.


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It's a mad mad world

I’m sitting this afternoon on my beautiful deck, reading email, investigating retirement communities, checking favorite blogs. I’m also digesting the latest news about the financial mess, the potential bailout, fears of losing retirement opportunities, craziness here in the US and everywhere else. It’s a wonderful thing having wireless, access to the world from a comfortable chair. But the news is not good from anywhere. Ah yes, there is the news that GM will build a small plant in Flint Michigan. That’s good news for a town that has been depressed for several decades. And the weather is still good. So there are two positive stories. But the overwhelming feeling I get is that I want to curl up in a small, warm, safe spot and wait it out. Preferably with my head in the sand. Maybe in warm beach sand on a far away island.

Not having a job has exacerbated my fearful feelings. I am beginning to believe that I need to make the smallest possible financial footprint right now. Similar to making a small carbon footprint in an effort to cause no harm to the environment, I feel like I need to hole up and not spend anything at all. Not drive the car. Not shop for groceries. Certainly not purchase anything remotely frivolous. Like books. Or underwear. Dog food is on the potentially frivolous list, but don’t tell Katie.

I know I am probably reacting foolishly, but I feel like I need to find a job now. Any job. That I need to work to replace the funds lost in the crazy market because I don’t have years to wait for the market to correct. My hairdresser (yes there is another frivolous expense that needs reconsideration) said that maybe I could get a job at Borders. Probably could. Good thing I went to school for all those advanced degrees.

Wait a minute; note to self. Remember that you LOVED going to school, and that in itself was reason enough to spend the money. In those days. Maybe not in these.


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The long run

Today I did my last scheduled long run out at Kensington metropark prior to the Brooksie half marathon which will happen at the beginning of October. Though the training schedule said we were to do 14 miles, our trainers said that 10 would be plenty. Thank goodness! I had all sorts of plans about doing 12 or even 13.1, the actual distance of a half marathon. But I didn’t plan well enough and didn’t eat enough to go longer than 10. Getting 10 done was a major undertaking and by the time I got 9 miles in the rumbling of my stomach was louder than the plodding of my feet.

During the fifth mile I was trying to decide whether I should just turn around at the end of the 5th mile and run back to the car in order to get the 10 miles in, or whether I should head down Turtlehead Point, which would add 2 miles to the 8 mile loop around the lake. In the end I went out to Turtlehead, a peninsula that juts out into the lake. Out and back on that road gives you an additional 2 miles, but it’s very hilly. In order to get the total 2 additional miles you have to go out to the end of the point and then also take a quick jog up another hill and around a flagpole. The hills on Turtlehead point had already beaten the stuffing out of me and I almost skipped the additional little run around the pole. I’m glad I didn’t, because up at the top of that hill were the two sandhill cranes again! I got to within 5 feet, close enough to see the rust colored feathers in among their gray feathered backs. They are truly beautiful birds…and of course I didn’t have my camera! I swear, on Wednesday I am going back out there and WALK the entire 10 miles with my camera and see if I can find them again! Having gotten so close to them the last two times I’ve been there at the park, but not having a camera is very frustrating. Of course you know that if I go out there specifically looking for them they won’t be anywhere to be seen. But it’s worth a try. If I can walk by Wednesday that is. I’m already feeling the effects of the 10 mile run tonight. By Wednesday walking will be an adventure in itself.

So..since I don’t have any up close and personal pictures of the sandhill cranes at the park, here’s a couple pictures of Katie at a park this evening. We went out to work on our dog obedience (doggie school is tomorrow, have to get that homework done!). We also walked along a mowed path way back in the fields behind the path. We had fun. She’s so good when she wants to be. Here she is sitting patiently, waiting for me to call her:

And here she is after I called her…

…which is sort of equivalent to HER long run!

I was trying to get some photos of the sun shining on the high grasses this evening, but we were a few minutes too late. Another photo project to work on some other day. Meanwhile, Katie and I enjoyed our walk through the fields.

Till then, hope you are all enjoying the wonderful fall weather…


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A treat, and it's not even Halloween!

I spent the evenings in Ann Arbor twice this weekend. What a treat! Friday night I attended a rare book event, where I got to look at some of the University’s treasures and hear a few words from the University’s Librarian on the future of books in this digital age. This was held at the Hatcher Graduate Library reading room, a beautiful place to show off the rare books we seldom get to see. It felt comfortableto be back on campus, and back in a library. And the talk reminded me of some of the arguments and discussion we’d had during classes for the previous two years. Where will digital processes and the internet take us? How will it change what we’ve known in the past as libraries? Only the phantom knows…

Saturday night I was lucky enough to attend an Ann Arbor Symphony Orchestra concert at the Michigan Theater. That was simply wonderful. We went to the informational talk prior to the concert, given by the composer of one piece, the piano soloist of another piece and the orchestra conductor who explained the third piece. The information we gained from that talk served to heighten our enjoyment of the music itself during the performance. The highlight of the concert for me was the first piece, “Three Poems by Walt Whitman” which was composed by Paul Fetler Mr. Fetler was at the performance and talked prior to the start, about how and why he composed the piece of music. It was so special to hear the inside story from the composer himself! The music supported the narrative of three of Walt Whitman’s poems, and the entire thing was at once beautifu as well as exciting. I have to say that listening to this concert made me want to go dust off the clarinet and rejoin a community band somewhere near me. And get back on track with finding oboe lessons! Those of you living in the Ann Arbor area should be proud of the treasure you have in the talented Ann Arbor Symphony. If you haven’t gone to one of their concerts, consider it. This was the first concert of their 80th season…there is more good music to come.

Thanks Aunt B for the tickets to both events! I had a wonderful time!


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In symphathy

In the past two days I’ve received news of loss from two friends. One has lost her daughter’s fiance at the age of 28, the other a father at the age of 80. Both left too soon. Each of the families are in the midst of the most unimaginable and yet necessary pain. And of course these stories took me back to my own loss, my own pain. Going to bed last night I was overwhelmed by the sound of my father’s voice, the voice of my brother as he gave me the terrible news over the phone, the imagined voice of the coroner telling my sister the devastating truth. And then I realized I couldn’t remember what my mother’s voice sounded like. I cried myself to sleep, all the while wondering why I wasn’t way past these emotions. Why they are so close to the surface still. Wondering when I would become more hardened. And somehow hoping I never get that way.

So to those two families, I send my condolences, my very deepest sympathy, my heartfelt good wishes to you. I know something of what you are feeling. I know how it will probably feel in four years…it’s not that different, but it is better. Right now, just get through today. Tomorrow will be there, and you can worry about it then. Later on you can analyze how you feel, and why; right now it’s OK just to feel. Hang in there, hang on to your family and friends. It will get better, but it will never be OK.


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No news is bad news

The hunt for library employment continues. I really didn’t think it would be so difficult to find work doing something I love. Who knew? I have to believe that something will turn up. I think I will be added to a relatively close library’s substitute roster sometime this fall. And perhaps I should pursue that type of employment as a way to get inside and known. There is also a Michigan Oral History seminar coming up that I will attend, both because I’m interested in oral history work and because there will be librarians to talk to there who might have ideas about how to find work.

Meanwhile as I watch the crisis on Wall Street brought on by the mortgage debacle I am grateful to be out of that business. Yet I find myself wondering what my future will hold and if I will have to go back to that world someday. I truly hope I can make a go of library work. I just need to stay focused.


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Wet, wound up Sheltie

It’s been raining. A lot. I know we have it better here than many people in other parts of the country, even other parts of this state where there are flood warnings today. But still. Katie is wound up after two straight days of solid rain. She barks at the ceiling as the rain drums on the skylights, she barks at the windows as rain beats against them. Sometimes she just barks in bewilderment. And having to go out in pouring rain to do her thing? Well, lets just say I’m pretty sure she’s not a beach dog. She walked through a deep puddle, water up to her knees and backed up pretty fast, totally confused. So she’s exhausted (as are we) and wound up from little to no outside playtime.

This afternoon it stopped raining for a bit. They say Ike, now a tropical storm, will arrive this evening and we will get even more rain. But for now, though everything is soaked, it’s at least not still pouring down. So Katie and I went out onto our new deck to play with Mr. Squeaky, one of her favorite toys. She was so grateful to be able to run!

We had fun, and even better, now she’s asleep! I hope everyone reading this is safe and dry. We’re thinking of you, especially those of you in Texas!