Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Category Archives: Uncategorized


by 1 Comment

Eight done

I just finished an 8 mile training run. I had deep misgivings about the length of this run; it’s a lot longer than any I’ve done in a couple of years. But I’m following the program and have faith that as long as I do that I can get through whatever is scheduled. My plan was that when the dog got me up at 6:30 I’d leap out of bed, eat my Cheerios and blueberries and get out the door while it was still cool. And this time the plan worked, (except for the leaping part) even though I didn’t make it to bed till long after midnight. Last night I picked up another brother from the airport at 11:30 and of course we had to talk for a bit before going to bed.

It took me 1 hour, 47 minutes and 3 seconds to do 8 miles. The three seconds were the hardest part. Mostly I was doing 2/1’s (two minutes running, one minute walking)…but there were some 3/1’s, 4/1’s and one notable 5/1 followed by a 3/1 while going down a long hill that I paid for in the next mile. Usually I note nature stuff along the way to report, but I didn’t notice much this time. I considered this a serious run and concentrated on my watch, my feet and my breathing. I thought a lot about my uncle who is now home under hospice care. The doctors underestimated his strength when they told us he’d die “within hours” five days ago. Now he’s home focused on each breath, much like I was focused on my breathing as I ran. In the old days when I used to run marathons I’d get through them by ignoring the big picture of 26.2 miles and paying attention only to the mile I was in. Now I am reduced to focusing on the minute I’m in, and that isn’t at all bad.

I’m headed to the shower now, and then my two brothers and I are going down to Ann Arbor to visit with a man who is living in the moment.


by 2 Comments

Vigil

I spent today getting ready for the arrival of my family. A brother is flying in tomorrow, a sister driving in on Thursday. Sadly it’s not a happy family reunion. My uncle, whose home I’ve stayed in many nights while a student, is gravely ill and we’ve been told it will only be hours, perhaps days before the inevitable occurs. Of course we heard that several days ago and he’s still actively engaged in conversation with his visitors. As usual, he is making predictions seem foolish; as a physicist he has always enjoyed proving assumptions wrong. And he’s doing it again now. If you can, say a little prayer for the family’s strength. I think we’re going to need it. Thanks.


by 2 Comments

Mom

Today is the fourth anniversary of Mom’s death. Time really does help, though I wouldn’t have believed it back then. I’ve been working on a stack of photos, a mixture of old and new, pictures that I stole out of her photo albums four years ago and that I will put back into those albums soon. It’s an eclectic mix of times in our family, and for the past several days I’ve been pulling out photos that included Mom. There aren’t so many, she was usually the photographer. I have lots of great images of the four kids, but few of her.

It has always been difficult to imagine Mom as anything other than my mom. But as I sort through these photos I begin to see her as a person, separate, though always connected, to her role as a mother. Most of the pictures have some or all of us in them. But these few simple pictures spanning fifty years, which are spread out before me encapsulate her adult life. They make her more real to me, a person with more facets and interests than the mother I knew way back then. In these photos I can see her evolve.

I miss her. Every single day. And I don’t think that is going to change; but then I don’t think I’d want it to change. I’m lucky that I have these memories, a lot of pictures, (hundreds more than the few I borrowed late that night in July of 2004 wait for me back at the lake house), and some pretty cool stories to tell. I was very lucky to have her as my Mom.

Thanks Mom, see you later.


by Leave a comment

Art Fair

Today my husband’s uncle and I went to the famed Ann Arbor Art Fair. It’s a really big series of art fairs, blocks and blocks of juried art, paintings, sculpture, glass, mixed media, wood. Just about anything you can imagine, and a good bit you never thought of was there. We arrived on the streets of AA about 9 a.m. when it was a tiny bit cooler and less crowded.

But as the sun moved in the sky it got warmer and warmer, and more crowded. For a respite from the heat we also explored some buildings on campus, and hung out in bits of shade drinking cold water purchased from boy scouts. We saw lots of fun stuff, both colorful and black and white.

We had fun, saw lots of great art and escaped the heat midday. Good plan, fully executed!


by 2 Comments

Second try

This evening I took some photos of day lilies that the deer haven’t found…yet. These few are in bloom among many more stalks with the tops chomped off. So I’m going to put these pictures into a gallery and see if I can get them to post here. Really.

COOL! It works! Some of these plants are really tall; the one with several upright lily blossoms creamy yellow is over 6 feet tall. Others are tiny hidden among the shrubs with a better chance of escaping notice of our neighborhood deer.


by 4 Comments

Misc. stuff

I’m trying to learn new stuff in relationship to this blog. So it won’t be boring for me, or for you! And I now can upload pictures in a gallery…and maybe give you access to that gallery…hmmm…I have succeeded in uploading three garden pictures to a gallery I called “summer garden” (how creative, ey?) but now I have to figure out how to get that gallery into this blog post. Right. Hang tight…humming elevator music now…well…unsuccessful at figuring out how to add it. But I know someone will let me know!

Meanwhile. I went out to my little herb garden to gather some basil for a tomato and goat cheese soup I made this afternoon. (really good, if you want the recipe, let me know!) I thought I’d check on the young cardinal that was sitting in a nest nearby last time I was out in the garden (see post of July 8). Imagine my surprise to see a snake curled up inside the nest. I hope the youngster flew away before the snake arrived. But I imagine that the snake wouldn’t be there if there had been no bird. Sad story.

So..anyone have help about how to use the gallery feature? Post away! 🙂

[POST EDIT – Spike]


by Leave a comment

What people do for love

I just watched a movie (that I got free at my local library!) called “The Straight Story” which was based on the 70ish man in Iowa that drove his lawnmower to Wisconsin to visit his estranged brother who had suffered a stroke. At an average speed of 5 miles an hour it took him 5 weeks to get there. It was the sweetest story and played on my emotions about family. He met a young girl who was pregnant and running away and told her a story he had learned growing up about how one stick can be broken, but a bunch of sticks tied together can’t, and those sticks represent family. He told two bickering mechanic brothers a story about how important his brother was to him, how they hung out growing up, and now how many years had been wasted over a senseless argument. “Brothers is brothers.”

If you get a chance to see the movie, do. But I have to wonder, how did he get back home? He certainly didn’t ride his mower back…did he?


by Leave a comment

Big girls don't cry

Heard on the radio this morning Fergie singing “Big Girls Don’t Cry” which seemed especially relevant as I think of someone I love who has sadly accepted the end of her 21 year marriage. To her I say that it’s OK to recognize the difficulty of giving up the dream of a fairy tale ending, that it’s scary to face a new world alone, hard to figure out where you fit, or what you want to do. The whole thing seems insurmountable, but baby steps can get you through. Like running a marathon, never never think about the whole, just concentrate on what has to happen to get through the mile you’re in. Eventually you’ll have the satisfaction of reaching a goal, one that you set for yourself, rather than one set for you. And that makes it even sweeter.

Meanwhile, partial lyrics from the song, which could be sung from her heart today:

And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I’ve got to get a move on with my life

It’s time to be a big girl now

And big girls don’t cry

The path that I’m walkin’, I must go alone

I must take the baby steps till I’m full grown.

Fairy tales don’t always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay.

-written by Ferguson, Stacy, Gad, Tobias

Much love to you, you know who you are.


by Leave a comment

Thirty-Eight

As many of you know, I’m training for a half marathon in the fall. That means I’m getting back out there and attempting to run again. It’s hard to start over. Today I was scheduled to do 6.5 miles. For those of you not runners, this isn’t as horrible as it might sound. We “beginner” runners are doing these training runs one or two minutes at a time. So just about any length should be manageable. Really.

My plan was to get up at 6 a.m. and be out the door by 6:15. It’s good to have a plan. The reality? I woke up at..well I don’t know what time it was, and I went back to sleep. A couple of times. By 8:30 I determined that this morning was going to be cooler than tomorrow morning, so I ate my breakfast and then headed out about 9. I have to say this 6.5 miles kicked my…well you fill in the blank. By mile 5 I was seriously considering calling home and getting a ride. And I’ve never done that. But since I wasn’t carrying a phone I lumbered on. Almost funny today was the fact that whenever I checked my watch it would show 38 seconds after some minute. Almost every time! I’d convince myself that I could run 22 more seconds..right!? And that’s how I got through this run.

The only good thing I can say about this training run is that it is OVER. I can already tell I’m going to be sore tomorrow. And it was taking me 13 and 14 minutes to do a mile! That’s not much faster than walking it for heavens sake. Good thing I’m not running for the US in the Olympics.

This is all testament to being a middle aged woman, slightly overweight and out of shape. I can’t do anything about the middle aged part, but I’m working on the weight thing, and the exercise. So it can only get better. Right? RIGHT??!

On a happier note: We finished moving the last of the ten yards of wood chips yesterday! Bye-bye wood chips!

Good-bye wood chips!