Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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As the world turns

I’ve been unemployed since last October.  Looking for work is a sobering experience; it starts to play with your mind; makes you wonder about your worth and causes you to rethink decisions made long ago when the world was a different place.

You go to interviews smiling and hopeful, certain that the interviewers can see the value you’d bring to their libraries.  Your years of experience.  Your motivation and enthusiasm for the work.  Your fresh ideas framed in another life, adapted to fit the world of public libraries.

But after months and months of looking and writing and applying and meeting I still have no library work, and that world has become distant and even somewhat foreign to me.  Unemployment benefits are ending soon, husband is still adjusting to his forced retirement.  Tensions mount.

On a whim I applied for an underwriting job on Monster.com, never thinking that anyone would be interested in me, a person who has been out of the business for over four years.  Turns out that though that particular job didn’t work for me it did lead me to call my previous employer who has offered me a full time job and the opportunity to get my head back into the mortgage underwriting world.

It was a difficult decision to give up the dream of working in a place I feel I’m meant to be.
And to give up the freedom these last few months have afforded me.  But it’s an opportunity I can’t ignore, so the week after next I’ll be putting on grownup clothes again and heading into work with the other rush hour commuters.

I know I’m lucky.  I’ve seen what it’s like out there for the unemployed and it is not pretty.  I also know I am lucky that someone is willing to take a chance on me and let me relearn the industry.  And I’m grateful for all of that, and will give back to them more than their money’s worth.  I always did.

But I’m going to miss the way the light falls on the trees in early afternoon.  I’m going to miss long walks with Katie.  I’m going to miss staying up late reading all night if I want to.  I’m just going to miss the possibilities that hover around each morning when I get up.  The possibilities to do anything or nothing at all.

I’m gonna miss this.


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Mystery bird

The past couple of weeks I’ve noticed a mystery bird in my back yard.  In fact it’s out there now.  It sits on Katie’s kennel (but not when she’s in it!) then flies off catches a bug and returns to it’s perch.  It’s an elegant but small brown bird with cream markings on the wings and a gray underside.  I have never seen it before these past couple of weeks and it is intriguing.

I emailed a friend of mine who is pretty good identifying birds, but she couldn’t tell me what it was from my description.   I’ve spent a good amount of time googling “small brown bird MI” and finally narrowed it down to the Eastern Phoebe.

Here’s a link to a great photo of the bird.  I think, given that I’ve noticed it here at least three different times this week, that it’s likely been around all summer and I just didn’t see it.   The first time I noticed it I thought it was a junco and the voice inside my head said “NOOOOO!”  because juncos are only here during the winter and it was way too early for me to believe winter was around the corner.  When I noticed it flying up and catching bugs I was relieved because juncos don’t do that.

I’m really excited to see a new bird around…even if it isn’t really “new.”

Katie, on the other hand, doesn’t care.


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Still summer

Even though it’s cooler now, especially at night, I want to remind myself that it’s still summer.  At least for a few more days.

I was out weeding last week and noticed all the bee action on a couple of sunflowers.  It never ceases to amaze me that this giant plant can come up out of a single little seed.  I planted quite a line of these, but only a few grew this year. Still, those that did are beautiful.

See all the yellow on the leaves below the flower head on the photo above?  That’s pollen knocked off by the bees who are themselves covered in the yellow stuff.  Fascinating to watch.

Way more fun to watch then weeding.


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The end of the race

Eventually I did get to the finish line of my 8K run/walk Saturday at the Crim Festival of Races.  What a relief!  But still, I felt pretty good other than my knee.  It takes a LOT of people and a lot of work to put these races on for us.  Just at the finish line alone there was an orchestrated effort to keep us comfortable.

There was the woman with the towels that had been soaking in ice water…

…and the volunteers handing out medals for the ten mile finishers.

The tables loaded down with fruit…

…and water….

….and sports drinks.

Volunteers were handing out popsicles which were just the ticket.  I got the orange one, my favorite!

People were all around talking about their race, and these little girls were being interviewed about their Teddy Bear Trot for the local TV station.

But eventually most of us ended up like this:

And probably most of us, at least those of us that are not elite runners have spent today sitting around with our feet up.

I certainly have!


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Training Challenge (4)

All this lunging and chasing cars while barking hysterically is a really big problem.  When Katie and I are out and about she generally behaves, probably because she’s out of her element and doesn’t feel a need to defend her place.  But back at home she reverts to her crazy self.  Especially when it’s the mail lady’s diesel truck.  That starts and stops, revving up that noisy engine at each mailbox.

So I’ve been trying to get her out to the driveway whenever we hear the mail truck approaching.  We have three times each day that she goes by; the first time is on the side road as she approaches the subdivision.  It’s our first notice that she’s on her way.  Then she comes back our way, putting mail in the boxes across the street.  And finally, once she gets way up to the end of our road she comes back down our side of the street and puts mail in our box!  That’s just the WORST!  I can often get Katie to sit quietly and wait when she goes by on the side street, but it’s just about impossible to keep her in a sit when she’s on our street Mom! The crazy dangerous mail lady is  ON OUR STREET!

So here’s the story, in Katie’s own words:

I’m waiting for that mail truck to come by…

There it goes!!!  Up the other side of street!  GET IT!!! GET IT!!!

Ok.  Mom made me hang out further up the driveway, away from the road in the hopes that putting some space between us will help me concentrate on sitting when that truck comes back.  Yea.  Like that’s gonna work.

NOW she has decided I wasn’t far enough away, so she’s making me sit way over here in the front yard.  Sheesh! This is mortifying.  I can do this, what’s she thinking anyway?  (I hope this involves treats!)

Hey!  I hear the truck coming!

It’s coming, it’s coming!  I see it!

I’m SITTING!  I’m SITTING!  SEE!?!?!?!  SEE!!!!!  And it’s RIGHT HERE!!!  She’s TOUCHING MY MAILBOX!!!!

I did it!!! Yes I DID!  WAIT!!! WAIT!!! The truck is moving AWAY!   I’m trying to sit.  Yes I am.  I’m TRYING!  BUT I CAN’T CONTROL IT ANYMORE!  I HAVE TO BAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!

Darn.  Sorry Mom.  Sigh.  Hey – Got any cheese?


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The Crim and Special Olympics

Last night I had a pre-race dinner with three running friends.  We all ran the “Crim,” a fundraiser for Special Olympics, this morning.  More on our race later.  As we ate  our pasta dinner yesterday evening we heard cheering out on the street and a high school band playing.  We made it outside in time to see many of the Special Olympians running their races.

You see, the Crim Festival of Races is a big deal here in Southeast Michigan.  It’s been going on for over 30 years and has grown to include the 10 mile road race, an 8K (5 miles), a 5K (3.1 miles) and a family walk as well as a Teddy Bear Trot for the little ones; all on Saturday morning.  Friday evening the Special Olympians run their own races and I have to say it’s hard to keep from crying as you watch them run or walk.  Most of them are grinning from ear to ear, and the crowd cheers for everyone.  It reminds me of a quote I read in some running book years ago.  Something like “how many middle aged folks get to do anything where people line up and cheer you on?”  That’s why we run, and that’s why they run too.  We’re not so different.

Generally I run the 10 mile race.  But these past couple of years I’ve been injured.  This year I had great hopes of being back on the 10 mile course, with it’s unweildy hills, fraternities offering beer, neighborhoods cheering, gospel choirs singing..well…you get the picture.  But two weeks ago while training I did something bad to my knee and even though I’ve stayed off of it, have iced it and heated it and massaged it, it’s still painful.  So I “downsized” to the 8K figuring I could walk 5 miles and I’d still get to see much of the course and enjoy the amazing support from the families, musicians and other runners out there.

The wheelchair racers headed off at 7:30  Then it was time for the over 10,000 runners and walkers doing the 10 miles to start.  Ten thousand runners is an amazing sight and it made me sad not to be out in that massive crowd waiting for the gun to go off.

By the time I saw the 10 milers off and got back to the finish line 3 blocks away the wheel chair racers had already completed their 10 hilly miles!  Talk about speedy!!

Those of us doing the 8K got started at 9:30.  It was a wonderful day for a road race!  Cool and sunny.  Perfect.  We had lots of support along the way, from the preacher type urging us on…

…to the cheerleader girls shouting for us to rally on our way up a hill.

There were the frat boys offering Crispy Creams…

and families with small children providing water.

There were singers and musicians along the way like this saxophone quartet…

…and a family that every year beats a rhythm on buckets for the entire time (hours and hours) that runners and walkers are going by.

I felt pretty good most of the way…

…until the middle of mile 4.  Then the knee started to give me trouble.  But I found that it hurt less if I was running, so I tried to run as much as I could.  Too bad I hadn’t TRAINED to be running!

Here are a couple of amusing photos…first the back of one woman’s shirt that made me laugh…

…and second, a beautiful little old lady, standing alone ringing a cowbell for us as we ran by…

…and a little old man playing his accordion as he walks down the sidewalk!

And then I was at the finish!  This is already too long…so I’m going to post the finish line pictures tomorrow!    Suffice it to say I made it, bad knee and all…and it was a wonderful day.


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Making the bed

I have company coming so I was making up the bed in the guest room.  Katie, always the helpful Sheltie-girl supervised.

I’m sure Sara had a similar post when Oreo was helping her…hope she doesn’t mind a little plagiarism.    Maybe we could get Katie and Oreo to make the beds together!  A little chore off our own lists.  It’s a thought.


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Experiment gone wrong.

So yesterday I wrote a post, then figured out how to get it to post after midnight (this morning).  I thought.  I checked at 3 a.m. when Katie and I came in from camping.  It was COLD out and I decided enough was enough so we abandoned the tent.  There was no new post, but the draft was still there, still supposedly scheduled to post at 12:00.  I figured that maybe that meant noon.  So I waited some more.

Guess what?  It’s not posted but it’s no longer in the draft section either.  So probably at noon it went somewhere…just have no idea where!  Maybe I’ll recreate it.

Technology got me again! LOL


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Reality check

Yesterday I attended an AARP sponsored job fair for unemployed people age 50 and up.  I haven’t had to get up so early and dress so nicely in a long time, and it felt strange.  It started at 9:00 in a city about an hour away, so I got to experience rush hour traffic again as well, and I have to say I was OK with that.  Skills long unused came right back as I maneuvered my way down a familiar freeway with all the normal stop and go spots.

I arrived about 8:30 and the huge parking lot of the civic center was filling up.  Inside a couple of hundred people just like me were already in line.  By the time they opened the doors at 9 there were a few hundred more behind me.  All of them dressed in suits, looking quite employable.  All of them over 50.  All of them unemployed.

I talked at length to a couple of women, one used to work in the federal government’s drug enforcement and left to raise her kids.  Now divorced and years away from any work experience she can’t find anything.  She’d welcome a receptionist job if it paid for her health insurance.  Another has been a lawyer for many years and doesn’t want to do that anymore, but can’t find anything else.

The speaker, a volunteer with AARP started out by stating that we might be sitting there feeling “a little bit old and a lot beaten up” as we searched for work.  All around me heads nodded.  She told us to stop feeling sorry for ourselves, that we had a wealth of experience and employers wanted that experience.  But that we had to stop automatically closing doors, that some of us were more inflexible than we realized and we needed to show that we were open to ideas and new things, not  just focus on who we were and what we did in our old job.  We need to show a prospective employer what we can do for them NOW, not what we might have done for someone else some time ago.  And she said the young recruiters didn’t want to see us as like their moms and dads, they wanted to see us as more like them.

I have an interview next Monday for a position that would take me back to my old line of work.  I’m going to practice being hip and young and open and inventive and creative over the weekend.

Because I don’t want to be in the nicely dressed older  and unemployed demographic anymore.