Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


12 Comments

Back to the future

Earlier this week I had a day off and I didn’t have any other appointments or commitments.  A whole day to myself!  It was rainy and cold, but still, a whole day off to myself.  I have a number of “things to do” on a list I keep in the back of my mind for just such a day.  Most of them would be more fun on a sunny warm day, but you take what you can get.  So I headed off to Hidden Lake Gardens, about two hours south of me and just north of a town I lived in when I was a little girl.  My folks used to take all four of us there on occasion; I can remember a narrow road and big willow trees near a pond which held the best thing of all:  swans.

Back then there was no such thing as the internet, heck we still had rotary phones, but today I can share the gardens with you by providing this link:

http://hiddenlakegardens.msu.edu/

And these pictures I took on my dark and dreary cold rainy afternoon trip.  Which was, by the way, a blast from the past. (You can click on the first picture to make it bigger, and then move through them by clicking on the “next.”)

Sadly there were no swans at the small pond, but the willow trees were there.  And the winding drive through the woods was really fun.  I could just image Dad maneuvering our big station wagon full of kids around the hairpin curves, the rear view mirrors just fitting between the trees.

At the rare conifer garden it began to rain in earnest, so I packed it in and drove the rest of the way to the town I lived in until I was ten.  Nothing much looked familiar as I drove into town.  But I just stopped thinking and let my heart drive the car and low and behold, with only one missed corner, there I was in front of the house we all lived in way back in the 60’s!

Hidden Lake Gardens and Adrian Aug 2009 079

I sat in front of the house long enough that someone finally came and looked out the window.  I moved along then, not wanting to appear to be a stalker!  When we lived there the house was gray with either white or black shutters.  I say black, my Mom always said they were white.  She was probably right.  The house next to the one I lived in is for sale.  I went online later to see what the values are on that street and was amused to see they are just a little over 10 times what my parents paid for the house back in 1961.

Hidden Lake Gardens and Adrian Aug 2009 080

Driving around the neighborhood memories popped into my head, along with the names of  friends who had lived in some of the houses I passed.  I even found the first little house we lived in initially when we  moved to town; the house my two brothers were brought home to from the hospital when they were born, almost 50 years ago.

Hidden Lake Gardens and Adrian Aug 2009 081 The only way I could find my elementary school was to drive along the route I walked way back when I was five.  I remembered my Mom saying I had to cross two “big” streets, so again I just let my brain follow my heart, and there was the school.  Funny how much you can remember when you stop trying.

On my way out of town I stopped at the public library where I first discovered my love of reading.  It looks like a castle, doesn’t it?  It’s a museum now, but when I was a little girl we came to this building once a week;  we were all allowed to pick out books for Dad and Mom to read to us, and later, for us to read aloud to them.

Hidden Lake Gardens and Adrian Aug 2009 086

In front of the library is a sculpture of a little boy in glasses, reading a book, sitting on top of the world.  That wasn’t there when I was a kid, but it sure is cute!

Hidden Lake Gardens and Adrian Aug 2009 083

I stopped at a diner for some supper before leaving town, read the local paper and remembered.  Everything here was the same but not.  Since I had been so young when we left, I didn’t have clear memories of much of the town, so changes didn’t feel like changes to me.  The main buildings of my youth— my homes, my school and my library were still there, still largely unchanged,  a time capsule waiting for my discovery.

This place was the beginning of who I am today. The preamble to the now.  It’s nice to know that it’s still out there.

On the way home, listening to a country station I realized through the haze of my musings that someone was singing the chorus to a song:  “There’s too many memories for one heart to hold.”   True.

Hidden Lake Gardens and Adrian Aug 2009 038


5 Comments

A librarian's recomendation

new-jersey-08-482

Typically a librarian’s recommendation involves a book.  But last night, a couple of hours before close I remembered I had a long commute to my work location today, and thought it might be nice to have some music along the way.   So in a lull between patrons I purused the CD collection.  Did you know that you can borrower music CDs from your local library?  Check it out!  The first one I picked up turned out to be a winner.

It’s done by Peter Boyer and the Philharmonic Orchestra, along with several well known actors, and it’s called “Ellis Island:  The Dream of America.” I listened to part of it on my short drive home.  As the music began my eyes immediately welled up; it sounded like something I would love to do with a group of musicians, interesting and heart stirring.  And then the first actor spoke, and the tears slid down my cheeks.  These are the words of immigrants who came to Ellis Island in the 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, read by actors of similar ethnic backgrounds.  The music flows behind the words, and between the readings it swells.

new-jersey-08-4811

When I visited Ellis Island in the spring of 2008 I listened to several recorded accounts of arrivals at the island, the hopes and dreams, the stories of loss and renewal.  These are similar short versions of individual stories.  Each tugs at your heart.  And makes you realize how lucky we are to be here, most of us just by virtue of being born.  Check your local library and see if you can borrower this CD for a bit.  You won’t be sorry.

But then, I’m a sentimental sort of soul.

new-jersey-08-466


8 Comments

Darn! It's almost fall already!

Seems like I haven’t really gotten around to noticing summer this year, what with all the rain and cold.  Finally we’re getting typical hot muggy days and nights filled with thunderstorms, but it’s only a couple weeks till Labor Day!  Kids around here are getting ready to go back to school; some districts are already back in the classroom!  How can this be?  I look around for evidence that it’s still summer, but I found these things that are convincing me fall is just days away:

Farmers are rolling hay into bales…

trees-1047

…and milkweeds are forming pods.

trees-1073

The goldenrod is blooming everywhere…

trees-1070

and the fields of grass are drying to a toasty brown.

trees-1066

The grocery store looks like a flower market in Italy with all the mums for sale out front….

trees-1089

…and today, as I was driving home from a rural library across the fam land, taking pictures of beautiful clouds…

trees-1079

I noticed off in the distance this flock of sandhill cranes.  I’ve never seen so many, there were almost thirty of them close together in one field.

trees-1081

I guess they’re getting ready for a flight to warmer digs.

I will be sad to see them go.


6 Comments

Technology and a Sheltie

katie-1460 On occasion Katie gets interested in what I’m doing on the laptop.  I don’t know what it is, maybe the clicking of the keys, my concentration or more likely the sound of dogs barking on bits of video I watch.  Who knows how a Sheltie mind works.

Tonight I was watching a six minute video on a Sheltie rescue site out of Utah.  Many of you follow the SheltieTales blog, but some of you probably don’t.  If you have time, go check it out at http://sheltietales.com;  they currently have about 20 Shelties living in their house and they do amazing things.  Anyway this video clip is some of the dogs hanging around outside.  As a Sheltie owner myself I can’t imagine having that many!  Multiply Katie by 20…that would be crazy!  The dog in the video with the bandaged leg had surgery today to remove his leg.  He was found wandering after being hit by a car and the leg was ruined.  He seems to be so happy in the video, safe and having fun with other dogs.  Such a cutie!

Anyway, I was watching this video with the sound off so Katie wouldn’t wake up.  But she must have noticed that there were SHELTIES on the video because by the time it was over she was on my lap watching intently.  I know she recognizes others of her kind when we travel to classes or other events, but I can’t tell if she understood there were Shelties in this video.  Maybe she was just attracted by the movement.  I don’t know.

But it was fun to watch her watch them.  Next time maybe I’ll turn on the sound for her!  She’s gone back to sleep now.  I guess the fun is over.

katie-1458


7 Comments

Camping laments

katie-648

No work tomorrow, a warm evening and an eager Sheltie all point toward a night spent camping in the backyard.  So after the nightly news concluded I pack myself, several pillows, the cell phone, house keys and Katie up and we head out into the darkness.  As always, she prances excitedly out to the tent and plops herself down on her pillow in front of her window. I settle in myself, happy to be out there again.

But it turns out neighbors up the road are having some sort of party that includes loud cars and raised voices, even dogs barking.  Katie doesn’t barked once, though she sniffs a bit at her window before settling down with a big sigh, then rolling over onto her back, her favorite sleeping position.  Me, I’m a person who likes to sleep curled up on my side, but my hip aches, the result of five very busy hours on my feet at work this afternoon.  No way to be comfortable except flat on my back which just isn’t conducive to sleep for me.  I roll around enough to wake Katie up, and she stands over me as if to say “MOM!  Just settle down, will you?  A girl needs her beauty sleep, and you’re keeping me awake!”

Far off lightening flashes and a hint of thunder floats.  Or maybe it’s  just another car out on the road.  Hard to tell.  I shift again.  Now my arms and neck ache.  And I’m hot.  Katie sighs and goes back to her window, checks everything out and curls up in sleep.  I roll over again; fling off the covers.

Somewhere off in the distance I hear it begin to rain and soon rain taps on the roof of the tent.  Katie is so sound asleep she doesn’t stir until I wake her while zipping closed the windows.  Even then she just rolls back over onto her back.  I listen to the rain, enveloped in the sound, cozy in my space.  The temperature begins to drop and finally I nod off to sleep.

But I should have used the bathroom before I ventured out.  And taken some asprin for my hip.  Turns out Katie is as excited to go for a walk when we’re headed back to the house as she was when we were headed out until she figures out that she’ll get her feet wet.  Rather than argue with her at 3 in the morning I carry her across the backyard and put her down in the house.  I notice how loud the refrigerator is, how cool the air conditioned air.

As I wait for the asprin to kick in, writing this and watching evangelistic television Katie is curled up at the foot of the bed after letting out still another big sigh.  Turns out if you are a Sheltie you can sleep anywhere.  Regardless of how silly your Mom is.

katie-1804


5 Comments

Cruising

funky-art-003

This weekend is the “Dream Cruise” here.  It’s a weekend where people bring out their vintage cars and cruise on Woodward Avenue just like people used to in the 50’s and 60’s.  It’s a pretty big deal, people from all over the country come, along with their cars, just to cruise Woodward.

Katie and I went to the park this evening and then went out scouting for cars.  We didn’t go all the way down to the cruise itself, that’s crazy down there, and after all I had the crazy girl with me.  Two crazies do not a good thing make.  But we found a couple of cars parked in areas near home.  And we saw lots more driving by, heading for Woodward.  funky-art-0011

So, if you like classic cars,  and want to learn more, here’s a link:  http://www.absolutemichigan.com/dig/michigan/the-woodward-dream-cruise-a-detroit-classic/


7 Comments

Trickery

katie-1659

I forgot to post anything for Tricky T-day this week.  We (Katie and I) are still working on weaving through my legs.  She still doesn’t understand what the point is, though she has taken to rolling over whenever I ask her to do anything, just in case.

This morning I recognized a behavior she has learned on her own that has a bit of trickery to it and I thought all you dog owners (or do they own us?) out there would enjoy the story.  Katie says it’s OK to tell, even though I am sort of ratting her out.

In the house we have a few windows and doors that allow her to see the back yard, and the road the runs the length of our property.  She always lets us know if something is in the backyard (like a rabbit, or a chipmunk or a DEER!!!!) and whenever something or someone is walking on her road.  Being a Sheltie she can hardly help herself.  We used to get up and go see what the problem was, then assure her she did her job and she could stop barking now.  Sometimes we picked her up and carried her away from the offending view.

Lately we’ve been too lazy to get up.  If we’re on the sofa, watching television or working on our laptop, we’ll call out to her, ask her to “COME!” and if she stops barking and runs over to us, she got a “GOOD GIRL!” and a bit of dog kibble as a treat.  We kept a bag of treats on the coffee table.  Well.  Don’t ever say that dogs don’t reason stuff out.

I’ve noticed the past few mornings that as I am on the sofa watching the news, or checking emails on the computer she will be off in the breakfast room, or at the door to the deck.  Then she’ll let out a couple of yips or a long low growl and than RACE back around the sofa to me and look at me expectantly.  Hmmm…I’ve gotten up a few times and checked outside.  Nothing.  I think she’s barking at nothing at all, then running over to get her “GOOD GIRL!” and especially her treat!

Little stinker!  Has she got us trained or what?

katie-1096


2 Comments

The annual Perseid meteor shower

As I got out of the car into the muggy darkness last night after working 8 hours at the library I heard the unmistakable sound of generators humming.  At all the neighbors homes.  DRAT!  We had a couple day power outage last week, and last Wednesday I threw out several bags of food from our fridge and freezer as a result.  Yesterday the power went out around 2 while I was at work, and didn’t come on till about 8 this morning.  Today I have bagged up a couple bags of food from the fridge and freezer.  Again.  The good news was that I had been too busy to really stock up on stuff, so there was less stuff to throw away.  And the really good news is that now my fridge and freezer are clean!

So Katie and I slept in the tent last night.  The 3/4 moon was high and there was lots of light in the backyard.  The house was dark and she doesn’t like the moving light of flashlights or lanterns, so the tent was a good choice.  We fell asleep to the hum of generators.  Very early this morning I had to use the bathroom, so we trooped back inside.  But on our walk back to the house I was looking at the stars, so many, so bright, focusing on a planet in the southern sky when I saw the most beautiful shooting star!  What luck I thought!  To happen to be sleeping in the tent and happen to have to go inside to use the bathroom, and happen to be looking in the right direction!

Then I remembered that it was August 11, my mother’s birthday, and a date when the Perseid metero shower usually is at it’s brightest!  News reports today say the best viewing for people in North America will be “between midnight to 5 a.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 12, (that’s tonight!) but late Tuesday night and also Wednesday night could prove fruitful, weather permitting.”

Katie and I will be in our back yard studying the sky tonight.  Hope you can watch too!

katie-1625


8 Comments

When 27 is all there is.

Yesterday afternoon I sat in a hot and stuffy church sanctuary waiting for a ceremony to start.  In some ways it felt like I was attending a wedding.  There were flowers.  And people dressed up.  And we kept glancing toward the back, waiting for the family to enter.  But it wasn’t a wedding, and the people sitting in the pews were sniffling, wiping tears away, hugging those long clinging hugs of grief.  The person this ceremony was for was only 27 when he died last Tuesday.  I never met him; he was the husband of a running buddy of mine who lives over on the other side of the state.  Yesterday, the day of his funeral, would have been their first wedding anniversary.

I heard the news Saturday night late, and the funeral was Sunday afternoon, coincidently not far from where I live.  Of course I had to go.  All night I slept fitfully, waking with his name on my mind.  Because you see, he chose to leave this life.  Something inside of him was so painful that he couldn’t see a way to stay.  And I’m trying to understand that now.

The parking lot was full, the sanctuary was packed.  There were probably 200 people attending the service.  I watched young men arrive, eyes red and swollen to sit alone.  I watched the family standing near, still in shock, trying to give and receive comfort.  I saw people sitting quietly watching a slide show of a young man growing up with tears sliding silently down their faces.  And I wondered the obvious.  Did he not know that all these people loved him?  Or maybe it just wasn’t enough.

So as I listened to one of his brothers and his sister-in-law sing inspirational music, to his youngest brother, maybe 17, read a poem that he had written, my eyes filled up as well.  I never met this man, but I wish somehow he could know.  And I, like everyone else there, wished I could turn back time, unravel the past, make him see.

Twenty-seven.  Life is so much bigger than twenty-seven.  The weight of the world can seem too heavy when you’re that age, but it’s just the beginning of so much more that will be wonderful.  So in honor of this young man whom I’ve never met I will try to spend more time looking around, checking on my friends and family.  I need to make sure that no one feels so alone that the weight of the world hangs so heavy, no one feels so alone that the only option is to give up.

Because yesterday two hundred people cried while singing Amazing Grace…and someone wasn’t there to hear it.


9 Comments

Restless nature = long bike ride

paint-creek-trail-bike-ride-august-2009-005

I’ve been lucky enough enough to have had three days off in a row this week.  I’m feeling restless, wanting to DO SOMETHING with this time; something I haven’t done in a long time, something fun, something that’s been on my list of things to do someday.  I thought about going to the zoo, there are several new exhibits since I was there when I was a kid over 40 years ago…but it’s quite a drive.  Thought about heading down to a few towns I used to live in and poke around the neighborhoods.  Also quite a drive.  Thought about heading up north for that trip I didn’t get to take a couple of weeks ago…but there was that drive thing again.

So I settled on a bike ride.  There’s a rails-to-trails route not so far away from me.  About three years ago, when I bought myself a new bike, I attempted to bike from a town at one end of it to the town at the other.  It was a hot, humid day, my tires were under inflated, and I gave up about 5 miles down the trail.  Today my tires were correctly inflated, it was in the mid 70’s with an overcast sky and I was determined to go the whole distance and back.  I had no idea how far that was, figured it was maybe 6 miles one way, but whatever.

I picked up a map at the start of the trail, but realized I hadn’t brought my reading glasses, so it was pretty useless.  I figured I’d just ride and figure it out as I went.  Since it’s a trail built on a railroad grade it’s pretty level, with crushed limestone which was well packed.  It was quite busy at the start with people and their families out biking, walking the dog, jogging.  The trail follows Paint Creek as it meanders through woods and marshland.  I got to see the back yards of some pretty spectacular houses along the way.  But it seemed to be uphill.  A lot.  Or my tires were flat again.  Or something.    Apparently I have a 21 gear bike.  One handle has 3 numbers, and the other has 7 numbers.  I played it pretty safe, stayed with the 2 on the left, and moved around from the 3 to the 5 on the right.  Didn’t see any reason to get myself in trouble trying to be some kind of bike pro.  After awhile I began to wonder if I would fail at this challenge again.  I stopped under a bridge, tried to read the map,  had a drink of water, took off my sunglasses and headed off again.  I was determined not to fail.  It seemed to go better after the drink and without the sunglasses I got a better breeze which was cooling, although there were a few bug near misses.

I don’t know what I was thinking.  I used to run and so  I know that a technical shirt is cooler than a cotton one, but of course I wore cotton today.  Lesson learned.  Next bike ride (in another three years I suppose) I’ll be wearing a technical shirt and I”ll find my bike shorts.  The ones with the padding!

Nature report:  One female deer, standing down by the creek in the dappled shade, watching all the traffic go by.  Most people didn’t even notice her.  Cardinals and robins singing and flying across the trail in front of me.  Lots of dogs on leashes with their people, one Bichon in a basket on the handle bars of her mama’s bike.  A few chipmunks, or maybe they were Reilly’s ground squirrels, hard to tell.  Two horses grazing nearby.

And can you tell what I saw out in the pond?

paint-creek-trail-bike-ride-august-2009-021

One big ole turtle swimming in a dammed up part of the creek.

paint-creek-trail-bike-ride-august-2009-0221

He seemed very interested in me and eventually swam up almost to the viewing deck.  Maybe people feed him, I don’t know.  I bid him farewell and continued on.

Eventually I got to the next town.  Since I hadn’t paid attention to the mile marker at the start, I didn’t really have any concept of how far I had traveled.  But I was pretty sure it was more than 6 miles, and that most of it was uphill.  I cruised around downtown for a bit, looking for an ice cream place.  It seemed like there should be some reward for my work, and ice cream would have been perfect.  I remember years ago running with a friend and we’d stop at a little grocery store and buy one popcicle.  We’d split it and enjoy it all the way back home during our “cool down.”  I miss that.  Well, couldn’t find any ice cream store, so headed back.  And guess what?  It WAS mostly uphill coming out…so popped my gear up to 7 and started my flight downhill home.  🙂  Of course there were a few places that I was headed uphill again, but it was mostly downhill.  What a nice return!

When I got back to where I had parked I did the math based on the mile marker at the other end and the mile marker at the parking lot.  8.9 miles.  Times 2.  Hmmm… no wonder my hands were numb, my butt was sore, and my sciatic nerve was acting up again.  Probably should have ridden a few shorter trips prior.  All in all though a fun trip.

Lessons learned:

1.  Wear the right clothes.

2.  Take some food, I was starving!

3.  Check out the map before you leave home.

4.  Don’t wait three years to go on another bike trip.

paint-creek-trail-bike-ride-august-2009-030