Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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You know you've had a bad day when…

Katie and I went to week three of advanced doggie school last night. Many things converged to make this a not so good night for her. With my foot in a boot for the stress fracture, the weather turned cold and windy and me being out of the house more for interviews I’ve spent less time with her working on her homework. So I already figured it wouldn’t be a stellar night. I wasn’t wrong. She was a crazy girl, not wanting to even sit when asked, leaping on people (she used to be shy, that has been fixed!) grabbing for treats, barking at the instructor when he talked too long and kept her waiting, and growling at a dog over in the corner that already has issues and doesn’t need feisty little Katie telling him off.

The topic for the evening was getting the dogs to go DOWN! when we said so, with no hand signals or head motion. Just the word DOWN! Well. Katie will only go down when I motion with my hand. I’ve worked a bit on trying to move her to do it just on a voice command, but I knew darn well she wasn’t going to do it. So we’re in a circle, and the instructor in the middle of the circle is asking each person to have their dog go down. The one just before us went down really slow, and the instructor commented that it was too slow. I told the group that was going to look mighty speedy compared to Katie’s response to my command. And sure enough when I told her to DOWN! she merely looked at me and blinked. Several commands later she was bored and watching the dog in the corner. The instructor says she’s blowing me off. No kidding. So after he finished going around the circle he came over to show me how to train her. He had her treat in one hand, the leash in the other, shouted DOWN! and jerked down on the leash and she went crazy, leaping up, eyes rolling, backing away from him terrified. Great. He felt terrible. He’s used to German Shepherds who aren’t as sensitive as Katie.

Then later in the hour the class of six people and their dogs were split, 3 on each end of a large room. Two by two we put our dogs into a sit/stay and went out to the center of the room. One by one we were asked to call our dogs. Katie does that beautifully. Then he tried it again, with two of us calling our dogs at the same time, from opposite ends of the room. The other dog on our turn is a Mastiff. Biggest dog I’ve ever seen, he is 8 mos old and about 150 pounds. Katie is almost 2 and 17 pounds. So we’re to call our dogs, I have my back to the mastiff, his owner has her back to Katie, we call, and the mastiff races across the room and tackles Katie who had almost made it to me. I never saw it coming. It’s the fastest I’ve ever seen that big dog move. I leapt in between them, (Katie was rolled on her back on the floor, and the mastiff was sniffing her, no dog fight), scooped her up and felt her little heart just pounding away.

So all in all, Katie didn’t have fun at school, though she usually loves it. She still wanted nothing to do with the instructor by the end of the lesson, didn’t even want his roast beef, and was keeping a fair distance away from all the other dogs as well. Today she didn’t want to get in the car when we went to the park, but after about 15 minutes of homework and 30 minutes of walking in the woods she seems fine. I hope next week goes better, I think it will, the instructor was horrified by the mastiff rolling Katie, and very worried about her reaction to him as well. We’ll see.

Meanwhile I go off to my first shift of my first part time job in approximately 20 minutes!


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Watching retirement slip away

A disadvantage of not being at work all day is that I get to watch CNN and CNBC and Headline News…all of which seem to have nothing on but coverage of the economy; the sinking stock market, the housing market in disarray, bailouts, threatened bankruptcy of the entire auto industry and arguments about what is best done to save us from ourselves. As I watch my retirement slip away I am grateful for the work I have been able to find, and I wonder what the future will bring us all.

If the large automakers fall into bankruptcy all bets are off. Since my other half is employed with General Motors, we watch their sinking stock prices, and their shrinking cash reserves with fear. At a time in our lives that we thought we’d be secure we are not. Though we worked hard throughout our lives, we are still unprepared. And we are in better shape than most. We will all have to learn to live leaner and though it won’t be fun, it just might be good for us. Though Katie is still holding out for more dog toys.


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When life's blocks come tumbling down

Sometimes you can be going along building your life, stacking your blocks so to speak without much concern for whether their height can be supported by their strength. Just blindly building the way you figure you’re supposed to, when suddenly someone pulls the string that brings it all down. Even when you know there’s a string attached it can still hurt when the blocks come tumbling down. Oh maybe not right away, maybe right at the moment you’re sort of relieved that they fell, because you always thought they might, and worrying about it was worse than experiencing it. But still. The actual crash is bound to hurt eventually. When you let it.

When you’re ready you can start picking up your life’s blocks. Examine each and figure out which blocks to keep for the new foundation and which to let go. You’ll be redesigning life as it is going to be from now on, and that’s OK. Rebuild that foundation by accepting the strength you find from family and friends, and start building that new life. After your mourn what was you can appreciate what is.

image:  Christmas present, circa 1966


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Waiting at the gate

This morning as Katie and I ventured outside for our morning stroll, we noted that the trees were full of birds. And the birds were all making noise; chirping, squawking, screeching, and flying around chasing each other. The noise was quite overwhelming. We stood still in the driveway, listening and watching. I finally figured out the trees were full of robins, all talking excitedly, some chasing each other through the limbs of trees, others hopping from limb to limb. All of them were making noise. I kept thinking it reminded me of something…what? Then it came to me. The robins were acting like excited passengers on the way to a great vacation destination, all excited, ready to go. And the more I watched and listened the more they resembled a high school class at the airport, on their way to Cancun for spring break. Chatting excitedly, chasing each other around, the noise level escalating as the departure time moves closer. I guess the robins are getting ready for their trip south. It sounds like they can’t wait to get there!

I got the library job. I can’t wait to get there either. (Just checking to see if you’re paying attention.)


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My backyard

I was mowing the yard yesterday for the last time this summer (again…what’s with this warm weather?) when I realized there was still a LOT of fall color, particularly in the shrubs and some of the newer trees. So I stopped right in the middle of the lawn and went inside for the camera. For the rest of the afternoon I mowed slower, stopped more often, and enjoyed the task more as I snapped pictures along the way. As my husband painted the house, and the dog watched from her kennel, I’m sure they were wondering what I was doing. Tonight I had a chance to look at what I shot for the first time. There were so many pretty pictures I couldn’t figure out which to show you. So I put several together below. I really think this will be the last of the fall color blogs. Maybe.

See ya,


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A New Day

After watching the election results last night I find myself in the unusual place of having no words to express myself. It seems all the best words have already been used. It’s historical…a time of change…hopeful…energizing…inspiring. All those things are true, but it’s more than that. It’s history in the making that we got to watch live, and it was a happy historical moment. No one had to die, the world didn’t crumble, and yet we will all remember where we were when we knew that America finally made a huge step toward true equality for all. There was nothing but joyful tears and excited cheering, and it is important to note that all kinds of people were cheering, shoulder to shoulder, in Chicago, in New York, and around the world. Their faces were rapt, and their eyes filled as they listened to the inspirational acceptance speech.

Even if you didn’t vote for the new president-elect I hope you can feel some of the overwhelming excitement, the first we’ve felt for many months, even years. The best part is that regardless of how you voted, you get to come along for the ride, to participate in the changing of America for the better. We have hope, new plans and exciting ideas to look forward to. And though the road will be long, the work will be difficult, and some of the gilding will likely become tarnished, we have turned a corner. Together we can make things better for all of us. We can make a difference.

Yes we can.


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Katie wanted to vote…but she's not registered.

After my library interview this afternoon Katie and I went to the park to work on her homework. As it happens the park is right next door to my local library which is housed in our township government building. This is where I voted earlier today. I figured I’d take Katie down to the library and try to teach her not to lunge and bark at moving cars. There were a LOT of moving cars. Katie pretty much lunged and barked at most of them. Sometimes she’d listen to me tell her to “leave it!” and “NO!” and “SIT!!!” But mostly I don’t think she learned very much. Eventually we moved further away and practiced our heeling and waiting. She did better at that.


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It's election day

So go vote if you haven’t already, it’s important, regardless of who you support. We went this morning and luckily didn’t have to wait very long at all. But I was prepared to wait, dressed in my interview clothes in case I had to stand in a voting line for 4 hours and then go straight to the interview site. We’ll be up tonight waiting and watching election results. It’s an amazing day in an amazing country. We are all so very lucky.