I rise from bed before the alarm after a restless night. I’ve dreamed what could be the dramatic first scene in a book filled with the terror of survival. The idea for a book if I were an author. But I don’t like those kinds of books, call them scary and rush through the worst descriptions of fear.
No time for Katie this morning, I’m behind. A little belly rub as I wake her from sleep. She trots to the guest room where I have hung today’s work clothes. She hops on the bed hoping for a little nap. No time baby, no time. I am behind.
I’m behind. Behind, behind, behind pounds in my head, pounds under the conscious efforts getting ready for work. Behind. I remember the details of my dream as I’m in the shower. No time to think about the dream. No time. I’m behind.
A quick shower, no time to linger in the warm steamy water. I’m behind. Katie curls up on the rug. She has time. Drying off I am glad my hair curls whether I mess with it or not. No time.
Last night’s rehearsal went poorly. I need to practice. “You are all adults.” the conductor said. “We don’t have time to work out the wrong notes here” There are only four rehearsals until our concert. We don’t have time. I am behind.
Work is overwhelming. Hundreds of emails, problems. Short staffed. Cranky people including me. No time to stretch, relax the shoulders, take a deep breath. I worked on Sunday and now I am behind. I think of the problems I left on my desk as I rushed to band last night. If I just move faster maybe I’ll be less behind.
I strap time on my wrist this morning and think that no one wears a watch anymore. I can’t stop time. It is streaking past me, falling into the abyss of the future. I don’t know if I am the White Rabbit or Alice.
But I know that I’m behind.
Change Is Hard 
September 26, 2012 at 7:05 am
This post reminds me of Poe’s poem, The Raven. In fact, it would be a good piece for my students to analyze for literary elements.
Gee, I have to day off from school today, but I’m still doing lesson plans in my head!
Hope you find some time to stretch and relax today.
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 8:23 am
Loved reading this post — it made Mommy realize she isn’t the only one who is behind in stuff she is supposed to do.
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 8:58 am
Oh Dawn, please take a deep breath and relax!
I hope you find things are smoother and better today.
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 9:44 am
Oh Dawn, please take a deep breath and relax!
Hope things are smoother and better today.
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 10:59 am
Dawn, I woke up at 4 this morning, got up at 5, did a few things, read a bit, fell asleep over my book, and woke with a start at 7:50 to get dressed and rush off for an 8:30 meeting. Sarah got short-changed, too. (Tell Katie she’s not the only one.) Reading your post now, I remember once again–need to stop and remind myself again and again–of what race car drivers say: “Slow down and go faster.” Moving faster can be counterproductive, increasing stress and inviting accidents. Please slow down and breathe deeply. You are enough. You’ll be fine. The people at work are lucky to have you.
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 11:10 am
The good thing is that the dream was not real. The bad thing is, reality sucks!
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm
My anxiety level tripled upon reading this. 🙂 Hang in there.
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Oh, Dawn, I can totally relate to this one! I, too, am stressed by a major project at work and despite working over the weekend, it’s just not coming together the way it needs to. Perhaps both of us need to step back, take a deep breath, and relax! Our Shelties will help us, if we’ll let them. For sure, mine knows how to relax — and if he catches me with “nothing” to do, he’ll drop a ball or toy in my lap and demand I play!
LikeLike
September 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm
I liked how you wrote this. You have made being “behind” into something interesting and intriguing. I t feels so challenging to be behind when we want to be ahead. I wonder if it’s possible to relax into allowing being behind to be–just OK. I wonder…
LikeLike
September 27, 2012 at 7:53 am
Sounds like a long walk on a nice sunny but cool day is needed – and maybe seeing lots of flowers…..time needs to slow down for you
LikeLike
September 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Powerfully expressed, that “behind” feeling. I remember it so well from my 17 years with an independent escrow company in Southern California. The days that never had enough hours, the weekends either in the office or taking work home – the endless feeling of “behind”. Although I often get behind now, it is because I have developed a very casual approach to my retired life, and I know that there is “always tomorrow”. Your day will come!
LikeLike
October 1, 2012 at 9:40 pm
This took me right back to my days of never sleeping and always being behind. I shrugged off that old life, and now I get behind all the time, but it’s a deliberate choice. Wishing you more relaxation and time for yourself.
LikeLike
October 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm
What Kathy said.
I do so understand the feeling, but you expressed it well, as always.
LikeLike
October 6, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Hoo-boy. It could be the soundtrack to the movie . . . the one that someday someone will make about life in the early 21st century. The sad thing is, they’ll probably call it “The Good Ol’ Days.”
LikeLike
October 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Well of course these will be the good ole days someday…but for me, I’m looking forward to the good FUTURE days when I can retire!
LikeLike
October 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Me too. And Miss Sadie, the Cowboy, Katie . . .
LikeLike