Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Can you buy a new brain at Costco?


I’m having the weirdest day.  Is ‘weirdest’ a word?  Hmmm…looks sort of, well, weird.  Anyway.

This morning as I was leaving for work I wanted to change the car radio from f.m. to a.m. so that I could listen to the traffic report but I couldn’t remember how.  I pushed the wrong button several times, confused.  Darn small buttons anyway.

When I got to work I asked one of my employees to work on a problem file and she told me she would not.  I did not react well to being told no.  I felt this red hot rage rush up my body from the soles of my feet through the top of my head until it consumed me.  I hung up on her and then took a walk to calm down.  My reaction was totally out of proportion to the infraction and  my boss had to talk me down.  Darn employees anyway.

After work my husband met me for dinner before we went to the hospital to visit Aunt V.  Some little girl in the next booth was laughing a lot and loud and I wanted to crawl over the seat and strangle her.  Totally ruined the dinner.  Darn little kids anyway.

By the time we got to the hospital I could hardly wait to get away again, as if I could not stay in my own skin.  Darn noisy, smelly hospitals anyway.

I’ve been nominated to serve on an advisory committee to monitor some truck stuff and I need to send in my resume and a couple of other documents.  I needed to get that together tonight and I couldn’t find my resume on my laptop.  Eventually we found it on the desktop computer, and husband emailed it to me.  Then I couldn’t figure out how to get it to a place I could edit it.  Then I did get it edited but couldn’t figure out how to save it.  Eventually I just sent it the way it was.  Close enough.  Darn technology anyway.

While I was looking for my resume, searching through documents stored on my laptop, I came across the rough draft of a (very) short story.  I have no recollection of writing it.  It’s pretty good.  It might have been a dream I had.  Or not.  Maybe I didn’t write it.  But how else would it be there.  It’s not like me to copy something into a document.  And there are parts of it that seem like something I might write.  But I don’t remember this story at all.  Darn memory anyway.

One of my college roommates emailed me earlier today looking for the email of another college roommate.  An hour ago I sent her  the information, cc’ing the roommate she was looking for.  I thought.  But just as I hit send I realized that the cc was actually for one of our community band librarians…whose name is not remotely similar to my college roommate.  So then I had to email her and tell her to ignore the totally confusing and irrelevant email and resend the original email to the appropriate party.  Darn it all anyway.

My brain seems to belong to someone else.  A much older and extraordinarily confused someone else.   I’d like to exchange it please for the one that really belongs to me.  Or at least for a newer model.  This one seems to be wearing out.

I’m going to bed.  I hope tomorrow makes more sense.

I have my doubts.

Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

17 thoughts on “Can you buy a new brain at Costco?

  1. LOL. Oh Dawn, I totally understand! Brain fog is one of my best friends.

    I was helping one of my students yesterday, he was reading a sentence out loud and said, “That’s foreshadowing right?” I robotically say, “Right,” because he’s a smart kid, of course he got it right. A few minutes later, I read the sentence myself and say, “No, no, not foreshadowing, it’s setting, no I mean, symbolism.” He shook his head and said, “Oh my God Mrs. B! I probably have this entire paper wrong and you sat there nodding your head, telling me everything was right! What is wrong with you?”

    Hope your brain is better this morning!


  2. Don’t you just love days like that (NOT) I am convinced it is the American way of life. I use to be the most placid person in the world but have noticed lately I am getting angry at idiots on the road, people who crash into you in the grocery story, loud people talking on cell phones – the list goes on. It use to be that I just use to tune all this out – now it just annoys me – lets all head back to Australia – life is much easier there.


  3. This post could be a newspaper column or magazine feature, Dawn! You have taken a frustrating day and turned it into something the rest of us can recognize with laughter. We can all see ourselves in your bad day.

    Memory? Here’s a recent episode from my life. David and I were watching a movie, and afterward we watched the special features, including the deleted scenes. Halfway through deleted scenes, I exclaimed, “Boy, I really missed a lot!” David had to remind me that I didn’t miss those scenes in the movie–they weren’t there. Oh. Right. That’s why they’re called….

    I’m sure today will be a better day for you, Dawn. But thanks for sharing yesterday, and know that you are not alone!


  4. Your brain still works well enough to write an incredibly engaging post about how it is not working! 🙂 Good luck today!

    I have felt that “red hot rage” in totally inappropriate reactions to things – hormones? Probably.


  5. I hope you have a better day tomorrow 🙂

    I do have that kind of day very often and my yoga teacher said it’s because I’ve no awareness with me at all. Whatever!!! Sigh! I find her teachings about to forget and to forgive, to tolerate and to accept are just too hard for me to follow.


  6. Ah, Dawn, we’ve all been there! Thanks for writing so humorously about it. I don’t know whether it’s hormones, age, lack of sleep, need for a vacation, or just the times we live in that cause these sudden, uncharacteristic rages and puzzling brain fog. Whatever, I hope today’s better for you!


  7. I absolutely agree with PJ! We are all laughing with you, about your terrible horrible no good very bad day 🙂 Darn that brain anyway!
    (And if I can make splendiferous a word, weirdest is CERTAINLY a word…but I really think it is one. Darn that, too, anyway!)


  8. Don’t you just hate it when you go to a restaurant or a movie or someplace where you have to spend money — and then something ruins it (like noisy people). Mommy always feels like its a waste of money whenever that happens.

    Let Mommy know if you find out where to buy a new brain — she’s getting older each and every day! 🙂


  9. Poor Dawn….Just take heart in knowing all of us have days where we want to visit the great Oz for a new brain….naturally your post had me humming….


  10. We all have days like that. I’ve often wished for a new brain, or other replacement body part, lol! Hope things have improved!


  11. I blame it on the fact that as we live, we add more and more to our hard drives, and we don’t have a “defrag” button for them.


  12. Some days you eat the bear and some day the bear eats you.


  13. I really liked reading this, Dawn. Sounds like you had quite a day! When you described your scene at work and the red hot rage rush it brought back memories of similar experiences. Don’t you hate when that happens? One of the last times I remember it happening everything then went in slow-motion and I could see that there were multiple ways to react. HOWEVER, did I choose the wise mature one? Not a chance. Thank goodness this doesn’t happen every day.


  14. Pingback: Worrisome culture | Change Is Hard

  15. Ditto what Chris and Rocky said.

    Also, you can get new brains at Costco but they come only in packages of 12 giant-sized brains that wouldn’t fit in most people’s skulls and most of them would expire before you had a chance to use them anyway.


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