Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Category Archives: Uncategorized


by 11 Comments

Dream speak – and driving a boat over a cliff

I was going to post about an experience I had over the weekend, but this early morning I am awake and remembering a dream.  It’s 4:30 a.m.  and I’ve retreated to the living room because no way will I be able to go back to sleep in the bedroom.  And to get the dream out of my head I’m going to share it with you.  Hope it doesn’t keep you all awake!

I’m driving a pickup truck and towing a big boat.  I think it’s a sailboat but that’s odd because we’ve never owned a big sailboat.  I’m attempting to get the truck and boat down to a beach which has a boat launch of sorts.  The problem is that the “road” down to the boat launch is more like a very steep, very narrow hiking path.  The kind that is more like a trail to climb up a mountain, or a place where water has run and carved a fissure in the rock.  And it’s almost straight down.

But apparently this is the way down to the boat launch, so I start down it.  I remember that my Dad, whose boat and truck I am driving, told me that the weight of a boat makes it harder to stop and so I downshift to the lowest possible gear just as I get to the steepest part.

Then in the dream I have parked the truck with the boat somewhere and have climbed back up to get some belongings I need to take with me out in the boat.  I am worried because the boat launch turned out to be two parallel chunks of concrete with water in between and I’ll have to be an expert to back the boat trailer out onto it to launch the boat.  I am thinking I’ll need to find someone that can back up a trailer better than me.  I’ve never hauled anything larger than a jet ski, and I’ve never backed up towing anything on a trailer.

I’m also worried because I don’t know how to sail a big sailboat.  I don’t even know how to sail a tiny sailboat, and the ocean (yes this is all at an ocean with big swells of water) is crashing on the rocky shore.  There’s a rumor of a baby shark out there too who’s been snapping at swimmers.  Great.

Then somehow I’m walking around trying to find where I parked the truck and the boat and I can’t find where I parked it, and more than that I don’t have any memory of actually parking it, just the vague feeling that I did.  I can’t find it anywhere and I start saying that aloud, that I can’t find my boat, and finally a woman asked me if it’s the crumpled brown one that is bouncing around between the piers on another side of the peninsula we’re on and I say I don’t think so, but that I can’t remember anything after I began the decent down the steep mountain and shifted into low gear.

She gently says that she thinks it probably is my boat that is totaled over on the other side, and the truck is over there totaled as well, and there’s blood on my forehead and I’m thinking Dad is going to KILL me for ruining his truck and boat and I still have no recollection of anything after I started over the cliff…and I walk by this shallow part where there’s a “baby” shark that’s about fifteen feet long and people are petting it, like in a petting zoo, and some little kid is crouched on the end of a rock petting the back of it’s head and it turns it’s head around and you can see it’s teeth, and the kid is petting it’s snout and I tell the kid “This isn’t Disneyland you know, that thing is real.” and I turn my back quick because I don’t want to see what happens next and I climb back up the steep mountain to get to the other side to see if it’s my boat.

I can’t even remember what “my” boat looks like and now it’s possible it’s a ski boat not a sail boat…and I don’t remember what color the truck is, and the lady is leading the way through some sort of back door into a dark hallway that is supposed to take us to the other side of the mountain where my boat is crumpled up.

And I wake up and find my knee hurting and the dog sleeping on top of my leg and I am SOOOO glad that I didn’t actually drive the truck and boat over a cliff.  But if I had I am SOOOO glad I survived it.  And I’m sure I’m not going back to sleep because I don’t want to find myself  back on that mountainous peninsula  looking for my truck again.  Ever.

So Katie and I are out on the sofa now.  Think we’ll try to get another hour or so of sleep before the work week begins.  She’s already asleep.  Wonder what dogs dream about?


by 7 Comments

Training Challenge #8

This week we took our cue from Oreo over at Sara’s blog.  We’re working on the vacuum cleaner!

Ever since she was a little tiny puppy Katie has hated the vacuum cleaner.  I don’t know if she thinks she is protecting me, or if it’s a game, but she barks and growls and pounces and bites the vacuum.  She’s so vicious I am afraid she’ll break a tooth.  So mostly I put her outside when I do the vacuuming, and frankly I don’t vacuum as often as I should.  Which isn’t such a bad thing when you stop and think about it.  Sort of liberating actually.

But wait.  I digress.

I can’t even touch the handle of the closet door behind which lurks the evil vacuum without her spinning in circles and barking hysterically. To actually drag the hose out creates mayhem.  And turn it ON?  Unthinkable.

So one day this week I put her in a sit/stay and opened the closet door! If she barked I closed the door and walked away.  No treat.  I tried again later.  Eventually she sat while I opened the door and she got her treat.

Next we tried MOVING the vacuum hose.  Same deal.  Sit, don’t bark and you get a treat.  I’ve left the hose and the vacuum heads sitting in the middle of the living room floor for a couple of days now.  She doesn’t have a problem with that…

…until I move that evil vacuum head…it’s not even turned ON yet…then she gets all crazy again.

Sigh.  So much more work to do.  Of course we haven’t put in the hours and hours of relaxation work that Sara and Oreo have done.  Just goes to show…if you don’t do the work, you don’t earn the treat.

My treat would be to vacuum in peace.  I think.


by 16 Comments

Disclaimer: This one's about trucks. And hope

Do you remember hearing about a horrific crash out in Oklahoma a year ago June?  Ten people were killed when a semi driver didn’t notice that traffic had stopped.  I wrote about it then in a blog called “It’s not all about Michael” because the news that day was all about Michael Jackson’s death.  I remember being upset that one celebrity death was overshadowing the deaths of so many innocents.

Well, the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board) has made a determination about the cause of that crash.  Bet you can guess.  Here’s a bit of their findings:

“The National Transportation Safety Board today determined

that the June 2009 fatal multi vehicle collision involving a

2008 Volvo truck-tractor semitrailer and a traffic queue

near Miami, Oklahoma, was caused by the truck driver’s

fatigue stemming from his acute sleep loss, circadian

disruption associated with his shift work schedule, and mild

sleep apnea. The 76-year-old driver failed to react to

slowing and stopped traffic ahead by applying brakes or

performing any evasive maneuvers to avoid colliding with the

traffic queue.”

“Ten passenger vehicle occupants died, 5 received minor-to-

serious injuries, and the driver of the truck combination

unit was seriously injured.”

I’ll spare you the description of how these people died.  Whatever we imagine is probably not as bad as it actually was.  I was disheartened to read the report this morning that confirmed my suspicion that this crash was almost exactly like the one that killed my dad.  It just seems as though the death continues and no one takes notice.

I was going to write this blog entry about my outrage over an issue that I feel is at the center of the fatigued driving problem – the lack of good and honest record keeping on the number of hours a driver drives – which could be solved with the mandate of Electronic On Board Recorders (EOBRs.).  EOBRs would keep the drivers, and their management honest, would allow drivers to rest when they should, and would monitor the bad drivers and companies in order to get them off our roads faster.  I was going to write about how the NTSB has been advising that EOBRs be mandated on all commercial trucks for almost thirty years but no one was listening.  I was going to write with passion about the thousands of people that die every year, the hundreds of thousands that are injured yearly and how EOBRs would be a relatively inexpensive way to lower those numbers.

I was all fired up.

And I came home to an email from the Executive Director of Truck Safety Coalition that told me two Senators introduced today a bill on the Senate floor to mandate EOBRs on all commercial trucks.  Really.  I had to read it twice to believe it.  And I’m having trouble breathing right now I’m so excited.

We don’t have a bill number yet.  But when we do, and hopefully we’ll have it soon, I’m going to find out the best way for us to make it clear to our Senators that we want them to support this bill.  If any of you want the text from Senator Pryor’s (D-AR) let me know and I’ll forward the email.  The other sponsor is Senator Alexander (R-TN).  I’m excited by everything about this; that it’s in the Senate, not the House, that it’s bipartisan, that someone gets it and is willing to do something.

I know that time is short with this legislative session.  I know it could die on the Senate floor.  I know we’re still a long way from making this law.  And I know that every day we wait 13 or 14 people will die.

Let’s not wait anymore.  Let’s get this bill passed.  Truck companies are behind it.  The NTSB is behind it.  Safety groups are behind it.   There’s no reason we can’t get this bill passed into law.  It’s worth the effort.  Because each of us is worth the effort.

Safety is  not partisan, not religious, not sexist, not elitist.  Safety just is.

Let’s not waste this opportunity.  Dad’s watching.


by 11 Comments

Portrait of an amazing woman

I’ve never tried portrait photography, though I’ve admired many photographic portraits over the years.  I especially love those of older people, whose faces show some of their history, whose eyes have become wise with time.  But I’m a shy photographer and asking someone to sit for me is difficult.  And of course I’m shooting with a point and shoot and never figured I had the right equipment for “real” art.

So when Kathy over at her blog Lake Superior Spirit mentioned that she had an photographic assignment from Scott at his blog Views Infinitum that required her to try portrait photography I was intrigued.  And I instantly knew who I wanted to photograph.

My husband has an Aunt who just celebrated her 95th birthday, though you wouldn’t know it to look at her.  She’s beautiful.  But she also, like most people, doesn’t feel she takes a good picture.  And I’m still shy.  So the photo I’m going to share with you was taken while she sat in her chair in her apartment looking at an ancient photo album filled with family pictures, some over 100 years old.  She was entranced enough that she didn’t notice me taking pictures.  I understand from reading that a real portrait would have her engaged with me.  We’ll work on that!

She’s sitting in her favorite chair, sunlight coming in from her left, wearing her reading glasses and telling us the names of family members in the photos.  I like that the shot includes her hand which has a character all its own.  This was taken with a point & shoot camera, on the automatic setting.  I darkened it up slightly in “post production.”

I think she might let me try again if I ask.  Now that I know there’s a “portrait” setting on my camera!


by 6 Comments

Busy busy busy

Katie and I have had virtually no time to work on anything this week.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  Katie has had time.  Me?  Not so much.  So this week’s training challenge is being postponed to next week.  In it’s place I’ll share with you a bit of our weekend.

Saturday was Bruce’s Aunt V’s 95 birthday.  We arranged to take her to lunch, and several family members came along. She didn’t know that other people would be there and became more and more excited  each time another person arrived at our table in the restaurant.

After lunch and back at her apartment a great nephew shared a very old photo album he had inherited from his mother.  In it were photos of Aunt V’s family, including her mother and her aunts and uncles when they were young.  Aunt V spent a good amount of time pouring over those pictures, telling us who everyone was.

It was a tender moment and I was trying not to cry.

My husband and I  had a wedding to go to that evening.  It was in an outdoor venue quite close to where we live, so we hugged Aunt V goodbye, wished her a Happy Birthday again and headed over to the wedding.

They sky was getting dark as the wedding began.

but everything went well and they were married before the first rain drops fell.

All in all a lovely and celebratory kind of day.  And to top off the weekend my husband and I are going to Ann Arbor this evening to listen to the season opening performance of the symphony.

Life is good.


by 13 Comments

Having a grownup dinner

For the past few years I’ve become  used to being the oldest person in the room.  Going back to grad school at 50 was fun and exciting and stressful and exhilarating all at the same time, but I was almost always the oldest person within sight, in study groups, in classrooms, sometimes even on the bus!  And while working in the library I was often older than the other employees.   And now, back in the mortgage industry I’m for sure the oldest person in my group.  It’s just something that I take for granted now after four years.

But last night I had dinner with a group of women to discuss a book and most of them were my age or slightly older.  It was a lovely evening, the discussion one I could relate to; talking about the things we’ve noticed about ourselves since we turned 50.  It was comforting to know that other women are going through the same things, noticing the ways our hands, hair and bodies are adjusting to five or more decades of life.

Not having to be hip or young or technically advanced, not to talk about the latest technical gadget or social networking site – that was all comforting.  Peaceful even.   Of course some of that warm fuzzy feeling came from the three or four bottles of wine we shared.

Giggle.


by 8 Comments

Good news! Really!

I had a call from Reilly the Cow Spot Dog’s dad today.  You can check out Reilly’s blog here…but his Mom’s been really sick since last Christmas.  Today Reilly’s Dad called me and told me that Bree had surgery a few weeks ago and has been in ICU, but is now out and most everything is fixed.  She has a long way to go to get her strength back..but there is definitely hope that finally things are moving in the right direction!

She hasn’t been able to talk, what with tubes going down her throat…but today she whispered to her husband to call me because I’d be worried.  I have been worried.  I’ve been worried sick, and it was such a relief to hear she was hanging in there strong.

So for those of you out there that know her…know that’s she’s fighting and getting better!


by 7 Comments

Rejoice! The recession is over!

Heard on the radio during my long commute home tonight that the recession was officially over back in June of 09.  Gee.  Guess they forgot to tell us that up here in Michigan.  What with our unemployment still over 15% we must not have noticed all the rejoicing in the streets back then.  I know I was still employed in a library, albeit part time.  And that I got laid off in October of 2009.

I’m pretty sure I heard that one group making this astounding announcement was a University of Michigan research group.  Huh.  That would be the same university that assured us that many librarians were retiring and that the job outlook for people with my degree looked promising.

Credibility is a bit lacking.  Just saying.


by 6 Comments

Training Challenge #7

This week’s challenge for Katie was going for a long drive.   We are wondering how she’d travel, so we took her over to Michigan State University which is just over an hour away from us.

Next year, if I get the opportunity to drive down to Alabama, I’d like to take her with me rather than have her stay at a kennel.  But sometimes she gets feisty even coming home from her school, and I can’t envision a two day car trip with a sheltie barking at me!

But on this trip Katie settled in on her princess pillow in the back and seemed content to just nod her head sleepily.  Maybe because we did this last Sunday, after her Rally Trial, and she was exhausted.  LOL.  She wouldn’t put her head down, but her little eyese were closed and her head was bobbing up and down until she’d catch me watching her, then she’d try to look alert.

We were visiting the ornamental grass garden on campus.  It’s out near the farms, on the grounds of the sod farm where they experiment in making grass that golfers love.

Katie was really happy to get out of the car and explore.

The gardens were beautiful.  We had a nice time checking out the names of the grasses that we particularly liked, and considering where we might be able to add a few varieties to our own landscape.

Katie drank some water and peed on the pretty green lawn, just to make sure everyone knew she’d been there.  Then back into the car we went for the hour trip home.

She did great.  Maybe some weekend I’ll see if I can take her a little further from home.  Because two hours is not two days and I still don’t want to find myself somewhere in Tennessee with an unhappy girl.

Know what I mean?