When I got home late last night I watched the 11:00 p.m. news.  I was shocked to see the story of another university shooting, this time at Northern Illinois.  I thought back to where I was at 4:00 p.m.; just getting out of a class myself, lingering to talk to the professor, then hurrying away to my job.  During that time five or more people were dying and many others were injured.  All were terrified. 

And though this is all horrific..again…what struck me most last night was the short story at the top of the news, then on to the next story, politics, weather, sports.  I’m torn between feeling outrage that it wasn’t a bigger story, people were dying here, and thoughts that maybe there wasn’t much news yet as only a few hours had passed, to wondering if this was a different news tactic,  maybe correct, not to sensationalize the story or to give the gunman too much press.

But this morning, though I missed the first 30 minutes of the national news shows, I was saddened not to see any more information.  I guess it would have appeared at the top of the show, but still.  I am wondering now if we are so used to seeing violence of this type that it is no longer news worthy?  Is it so common that we can’t let ourselves care anymore?  That we can’t take a minute and listen and feel some empathy?  Are we hardening ourselves against the truth; that it could happen here?  Or anywhere?  Must we protect ourselves this way? 

This morning I take a break from my web assignment and think about those students there.  They say it was a grad student.  Maybe we’ll learn more as the investigation continues.  Maybe we’ll hear information that will make us feel more secure, make us feel it is a problem that could only happen “over there.” 

But I think not.  This is not a problem that will only happen over there.  This is more evidence that every day must be lived by every person as if tomorrow isn’t going to come.  Because maybe it won’t.  One student asked that we all pray for them.  I think we need to pray for all of us.  And be grateful for today.

There are funny feelings in the pit of my stomach as I realize that my last final exam of my graduate student life is only nine weeks away.  It’s hard to figure out if the butterflies are those of joy or fear.  Joy because I will have accomplished a huge goal, and also because I will never ever have to study for another final in my entire life.  (And this is one time I can honestly say NEVER!)  Fear because the final is in the overwhelmingly difficult web design class and because the last final marks the start of a new chapter when I have to turn back into a responsible adult.  I’ll have to emerge from the protection of the big university and find my way in the world again. 

But unlike the last two times I graduated from college, I have oh so much more experience behind me and a much stronger vision of what I want to do when I grow up.  It’s the growing up part I’m not so comfortable with!  Lucky for me, library work lets me be a part of so many people’s lives at so many different levels that I don’t think it’s a requirement to grow up at all to do this work.   You are able to give surface information to those that just want minimal direction, or to delve deeply into a subject with those that want more help or just want to share their exploration.  You get to learn a little bit about a lot of stuff, and learn more than you ever wanted to know about some stuff.  That’s what makes it cool.  That and the people you get to meet along the way.

So here’s to counting down the last days of student life, and counting toward the first days of real library life. 

I had a conversation with my brother last night about on-board recording technology for trucks. Apparently it’s on the trucks in Europe, and in fact most industrialized countries across the globe already use these devices to track their trucks movement. It records when the truck is moving and when it’s still, among other things, which would stop the fudging of the driver logs and make drivers more accountable for their rest periods, reducing fatigued drivers, and hence reducing fatigue related death. As we begin to research this topic, to put together our fight to make them mandatory, we are trying to see both sides of the issue. The trucking industry doesn’t want them installed. Drivers use the argument that they would be invasive to their privacy, industry management argues that they would cost too much.

Brother P found a Wickipedia article that described how devices similar (though analog) were used in the 50’s in Europe and how the drivers felt the same invasiveness then, fearing that their bosses would dock them for pay for times they were resting. Though I wouldn’t use Wickipedia to make any important decision, it does provide interesting background material. P said something interesting too; that he thought trucking companies should WANT on-board devices installed because it would level the playing field. That no one wants to play by the rules and rest if it makes them less competitive against others that are not resting but driving straight through to get the load delivered faster. So everyone breaks the rules and there is little in the way of consequences…until someone dies.

So I’m thinking about this leveling concept early today as I set out on my trek to Ann Arbor. I’m thinking about how to use this idea with my Senators and the members of the House that represent Michigan. About how to use it with trucking industry officials I know. It feels like an “aha” moment to me. Something to use to get what I want to be what they want too. I’m so deep in thought that I am miles down the road before I realize I am not supposed to be driving to town for groceries, but to Ann Arbor for class. Which is in the opposite direction.

During lecture tonight I suddenly realized I was enjoying listening to the professor ramble on about collection development.  And that I enjoyed my other classs, professional practices, as well.  And that even though web design is incredibly difficult for me, I am learning a ton, and sort of proud of what I have accomplished to date.  Though the posts lately have a negative tone, in reality school is still such a blast, and I recognized, once again, how amazingly lucky I am to be there. 

Remind me of these feelings when I’m stressed out by the web design midterm.  Please.

This is Katie last spring when I couldn’t get any homework done while she was running around the house.  She waited patiently (usually) for me to complete assignments, and then we played until she’d fall asleep, usually back in the crate of her own choice.  Today she still doesn’t mind sleeping in the crate if there isn’t anything more exciting to do.

The ruby download is complete.  I can’t say I understand fully what I have done.  I can say I couldn’t do it again, even if you DID pay me.  My screen shots to prove to the prof that I accomplished this are very odd; for some reason they incorporate not just the screen shot of the web page I created, but also a shot of my desktop image, Katie in her crate.  Drats.  I need to fix that before I submit the homework.  Or not.  Maybe the prof would LIKE to see Katie looking woefully out of her crate.

After I finished the assignment yesterday evening, about 8 hours after I sat down to work on what was supposed to be a 15 minute assignment, the professor emailed that he had created yet another podcast to explain away some of the issues I ran into.  He urged me to review the podcast even though I was finished with the assignment.  I’ll do that next.  I feel like I have to stay ahead of the game in order to merely keep up.  He says next week he will give less instruction…that doesn’t sound good to me.  He thinks this work is trivial and we’ll move right along into the real world of computer languages.  I’m treading water now, with a feeling that drowning is a distinct possibilty in the very near future.

Meanwhile it’s very cold here, with the wind blowing, the sun shining and snow on the ground I am grateful to be inside with nowhere to go.  No excuses not to read and listen to more computer jargon.  Someday I will make that jargon mine.  Maybe even before the midterm!

Having now spent 2.5 hours more on installing Ruby I am exhausted.  Could that be because little Miss Katie was indeed up at 5:30 this morning?  Or because I am just frustrated as #*($ with this installation?  Maybe both.

I have the stuff installed.  I think.  Now I am on to the actual assignment that is to be handed in.  The first sentence of which is “Use jEdit to modify a file in your Rails application under the public folder.”  Well.  I don’t HAVE a public folder.  Not that I can find anyway.  So I have closed it all down to take a break.  Maybe I’ll clean out the pantry, that sounds like more fun than working on this any further.

Katie has gone back to sleep.  Of course. 

And another thing…I just got an email from brother P who has learned that a Tennessee minister, his wife and their two children were killed yesterday when the van they were in, which was stopped in traffic, was rear ended by a semi truck.  Sounds too familiar.  They were out helping people that had lost family members to the tornados.  This is another stunning loss for their community.  He was fifty-one.  Kids were 11 and 14.  I will need to find out more about the crash, what the cause was, but it sounds like another tired trucker.

It’s after midnight, Friday night, and I can’t get my next program in the web design class to download.  It’s pretty complicated, at least for me, and the instruction sheet (all nine pages of it) and the 13 minute podcast which I have reviewed twice have only confused me more.  Though the course is supposed to be for people without web design experience, it is obvious that SOME computer experience would have made this easier.  The underlying knowledge of basic computer giberish would have been a good thing to have.

For example, my instructions say things like “switch to the proper drive and into the ruby directory.”  Right.  What and where is the proper drive?    “Enter the rus command, this will add ruby and rails to your path.”  Right again.  “Create a sample application with the sqlite3 as the database.”  OMG.   To be fair, there ARE intricate instructions under each of these headings.  But honest I have no idea where I went wrong.  My application won’t open after hours of messing with this.

So I have sent out a SOS to the class, maybe some kind hearted fellow student will come to my aid.  Meanwhile, Katie has gone to sleep, not a good sign, because she will be wide awake and bouncing on the bed come early morning, which isn’t that many  hours away.

I hope tomorrow goes better.  I am giving the whole day over to getting this application installed.  The professor said this was a “mindless” assignment and would only take about 5 minutes.  I’ve spent more than four hours on it and am nowhere.  I think perhaps it is me that is mindless.

A disadvantage of having your Dad killed by a tired trucker who worked for a very large national trucking line is that you see their trucks everywhere. I rarely make my daily 100 mile round trip to Ann Arbor without seeing at least one of these brightly colored trucks each way. Usually I see more. In the days and weeks after the crash catching a glimpse of one of these trucks caused a knife sharp pain to radiate through my body. Now, a little more than three years later, I don’t feel such deep pain, but they never fail to remind me of who I lost. And I am always saddened.

So it was a nice surpirse this morning on my way to Ann Arbor, and again on my way headed north about two hours later, to see a State Trooper in an SUV on the side of the road behind a semi truck. Apparently they are stopping trucks, maybe random inspections, maybe for cause. Either way, I’m glad to see some evidence of someone keeping an eye on trucks moving through our state. I wanted to stop and give the trooper a big thumbs up, but figured that would appear pretty weird to a cop.

And on the radio on my trip home a song caught my ear. Dad wasn’t born a farmer or in a small southern town, but he lived in the south, in small towns, for almost 25 years. I think he would have been proud to be considered a “Small Town Southern Man.” Partial lyrics from the Alan Jackson song are below:

And he bowed his head to Jesus
And he stood for Uncle Sam
And he only loved one woman
(He) was proud of what he had
He said his greatest contribution
Is the ones you leave behind
Raised on the ways and gentle kindness
Of a small town Southern man
Finally death came callin’
For this small town Southern man
He said it’s alright ’cause I see angels
And they got me by the hand
Don’t you cry, and don’t you worry
I’m blessed, and I know I am
‘Cause God has a place in Heaven
For a small town Southern man