Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Make your bed!

I can’t talk a lot about my work, though there are many many stories to tell.  Amusing stories, amazing stories, unbelievable stories.  But privacy rules insist that I keep them to myself.  My job is to look deeply into people’s lives; into their employment, assets,  credit histories and collateral.  And after checking everything out, I decide whether or not to let them borrower money.  Sometimes a lot of money.

One of the more fun things about my work is that I get to look at a lot of houses.  I love looking at houses.  I’d be a Realtor if it weren’t for having to work with people.  And all those weekend hours.  But these days in my job I get to look at home appraisals from all over the country.   And the really cool thing is that since all the craziness of the mortgage boom busted and rules have tightened the appraisers have to provide interior photos!

Back in the old days – pre graduate school – appraisals didn’t have interior photos, and I’d see pictures of houses I’d like, and wish I could see what they were like inside.  Well, now all appraisals have interior photos!  And guess what?  People are clutter crazy!  And many of them don’t make their beds!  This doesn’t effect the value of their home, but it does make me smile.  I don’t think people realize the appraiser has to take pictures inside now.

Cause if they did maybe they’d at least put the toilet seat down.


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Getting her affairs in order

Yesterday when I heard that Elizabeth Edwards had only “weeks” to live I was reminded of a friend of mine.  Sallie and I had been friends since junior high; played in the band together since 6th grade, designed the “senior show” together for the high school marching band our senior year.  When as a kid I got my drivers license the very first place I drove alone was to  Sallie’s house a couple miles down a empty country road.  We went to college together and were roommates our senior year.  She went on to be an executive with a big accounting firm in Denver.  I became a bank manager in Michigan.  We stayed in touch and she surprised me at my wedding by flying in with her husband unannounced to attend.

Shortly after my wedding she was diagnosed with leukemia.  A rare childhood version of leukemia.  She fought it valiantly, and none of us thought it would kill her.  If anyone could beat this illness, Sallie could.  We never doubted that.   She went into remission.  Then came out.    She went to Seattle and had a bone marrow transplant and went back into remission.  Then it struck again and she went to Houston for treatment.  My husband and I went down for a week to take care of her while her husband went back to Denver to check on the dogs and their mail.

Back in remission she was sent home and was well for a few months but then it was back.  The doctors told her, like Mrs. Edwards, that more treatment would not be beneficial.  That she should get her affairs in order.  She called me that night from Denver.  “This is the call you didn’t want to hear,” she said.  I sank to the floor as she told me the news.  “They told me I have a couple of months.”  I couldn’t breath, couldn’t speak.  I told her I needed to get my head around this news, and that I’d call her the next day.

Her husband called me later that evening and told me it wasn’t likely to be a couple months, more likely a week or so.  I spent that night writing Sallie a letter, telling her how much I loved her, how much we all gained by knowing her, having her in our lives.  I went to work late the next morning so that I could go to the post office and overnight the letter to her.

Sallie died while I was standing in line.

So when I heard the news yesterday that Elizabeth Edwards had a couple of weeks, that treatment wouldn’t be productive I knew.  Sadly I knew that it wouldn’t be a couple weeks, it wouldn’t likely be a couple of days.  This morning as I drove to work I thought of her.  On my drive home I heard that she had died today.

Perhaps when the end is near terminally ill people – those safe in the knowledge they are loved –  can relax and just let go.  They’ve already done everything they need to do, said all they need to say.  I want to believe they peacefully move to the next space.

Sallie was valedictorian of my high school class, brilliant at accounting, , a talented musician, athletically inclined.  She was generally first to do anything and always did it well.  Over these many years since she died I have often thought that she was just doing her job by being the first of all of us to move on to the next adventure.  I know she’s waiting for the rest of us to join her someday.

I hope Mrs. Edwards is beginning a new adventure as well, and that those she left behind can take some comfort from knowing that she knew she was loved.  In the end that’s all that matters.

Some day I’ll tell you all about Sallie and my “Adventure in the North with the Wandering Tree Planters.”  I have lots of Sallie stories.  May the Edwards children hold their own stories close to their heart.

God speed Elizabeth.


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Random thoughts

There are all sorts of thoughts bumping around in my work and holiday distracted brain.  None of them are significant enough to write a blog entry of any substance.  So here are some random thoughts I had this week.

While walking down the 4 flights of stairs at the end of a very long day of work:   If I had my druthers I would be living on that island  Kathy talked about over on her blog.    And that walking up and down the stairs each day isn’t really about the exercise.  It’s about avoiding conversation in the elevator.  Yep.  I’m a hermit.

While working in my cube:  I overheard a woman across the aisle bitterly dissing her parents  who were driving two days to visit her, but wouldn’t provide her a specific arrival time.  She thought they were so thoughtless, that they didn’t care that she had to have things ready for them but didn’t even know when they would arrive.  I bit my lip and didn’t tell her that I’d give a lot to have my parents driving cross country to visit me.  And that it wouldn’t particularly matter exactly when they arrived.  Just that they arrived safely.  Silly woman.   Someday she’ll know, like we all know eventually, what it’s like not to have any parents at all.

While driving to work early in the dark morning:  Note to high speed driver in dark sedan who passed  five of us traveling down the  narrow,windy dirt road in the last 1/2 mile before the stop sign.  What was so important that you had to be moving that fast?  That caused you to pass each of us individually, whether we were on a hill or a curve?  To risk your life, all of our lives and the lives of some innocent going the other way?  And when we all got to the stop sign and you, at the front of the line, had to wait while a string of cars went by on the main road, all of us lined up behind you, did you recognize how little time you had made up?  Tomorrow will you risk less?

This morning, while playing “where’s Mama” while attempting to distract Katie-dog from wanting me to get up and take her out in the dark early hours of a weekend:  I flung the sheets up over my face and waited; still, hardly breathing, I waited in anticipation of Katie’s pounce.  Except she didn’t pounce right away.  Not even a little bit more than right away.  I could hardly stand it.  I was just going to move the sheet a little bit, check on what she was doing, when I realized I had less patience than an almost 4 year old Sheltie!

And finally, Katie’s thought for the week:  Sometimes if you are very short you have to lick the condensation away from the front door in order to see out properly.

Have a great weekend everyone!


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Something old, something new

It’s the end of an era.  Last week we traded in my SUV.  The poor SUV had a lot of miles on her.  And the repair bills were mounting exponentially.

Still, this was the car I loved to drive, the car Katie and I used to explore parks and country lanes.  The car that took me home to the South and north to the peace of the forest and lakes.

Katie and I took it for a last run to the park. We had already taken her crate out of the back so she got to sit up front with me.

Hey!  Wait a minute Mom, aren’t I supposed to be back there?

She gets so excited when I pack up her stuff for a trip to the park, she runs to the back of the car and stands on her hind legs waiting to be lifted in.

I’m going to have to break her of that habit; it’s best that there be no nail scratches on the new car!  At least not right away.

This is so wrong! Where is my crate??

We had a good time at the park…

…we always do.  Then we took our last ride home.

Hey Mom!  You’re not getting rid of my car are you?  How are we going to go to the park without my car?

Don’t worry little girl….stay tuned!


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Is what's good for the economy good for me?

I’ve never been a Black Friday shopper.  Maybe because I generally worked the Friday after Thanksgiving.  And if I wasn’t at work I was down South with family.  Even then we didn’t go shopping.  I can’t figure out what the draw is – I’ve never felt the urge to get up in the middle of the night after a day of overeating,  stand in a line in the dark and cold, just to get a questionably good deal on anything.  But apparently a lot of people do this.

So this year I was surprised when I caught a bit of the excitement myself.  Newscasters everywhere were talking about retailers making sales goals by mid-morning or early afternoon.  There were excited interviews with store owners and managers talking about the crowds being bigger, the sales higher than last year.  Everyone was all smiles.

Here in Michigan the recession started earlier and will last longer than for most of the rest of the country.  That’s the price we pay for being an industrial manufacturing state.   So I am excited that people are spending and sales are up and money is flowing and spirits are rising.

Still.

How much stuff do we need?  Really?  What exactly is so important that you’d get up at 4 a.m. to shop at WalMart?  Or worse – give up family time on Thanksgiving to go to the mall?  And what about those people that have to work Black Friday or Thanksgiving Day so that we can add some more stuff to our stuff-filled homes?  Wouldn’t the world be a better place – calmer, happier, healthier – if everyone stayed home and spent that maniacal shopping time with their families?

I’ve always said that everything should be closed on Thanksgiving.  Especially grocery stores.  I know that having the local grocery open on Thanksgiving is a wonderful thing for those of us not organized enough to make sure we have everything we need to make a fabulous meal.  But truly, if you forgot to buy the cranberries and it’s Thanksgiving morning it’s better for your family to eat something else than to make some poor cashier hang around at work just to save your dinner menu.

If I were Queen of the world we’d all get a 4 day weekend at Thanksgiving.  But only if everyone pledged to spend them at home being thankful for the people and stuff they already have.  Because more stuff isn’t going to make any of us any happier.

Unless, of course, you’re going to purchase the stuff from a manufacturer based in Michigan.


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Auburn skies

I was going to write a post about conflicting feelings and Black Friday.  But this morning as I sat down to write I turned the TV on, so Katie the dog would have something to do that didn’t involve me, and a sports analysis station was talking about yesterday’s football games.  Important games.  Like the long time rivalry between Auburn and Alabama.

My mother retired from Auburn University and was a big Auburn football fan.   So my ears pricked up when I heard the sports guys talking about Auburn’s  come from behind win over their arch rivals, Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide.

I listened to all the talk about the first quarter when Auburn couldn’t get a first down and Alabama was racking up points.  I listened to the excited description of the second half where Auburn held Alabama to a mere 67 yards and outscored them 21-3.  And I wondered if Mom had watched this game from heaven.

But what caught my attention the most this morning was an almost emotional description of one of the sports guys at the end of their conversation.  He said most of the day was cold and gray, but near the end of the game he looked up at the sky and saw patches of blue dotted with orange clouds.  Auburn’s colors, blue and orange.

Right then I knew Mom had watched that game.  And for sure they have cable in heaven.


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Thoughts on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I’m taking a break from preparation to think a little bit about the things I’m thankful for.

First of course is my family, though except for my husband, they are all far away celebrating the holiday in the South.  I’m so glad my parents decided to have four of us!  It’s such a comfort to know that no matter what there’s a whole passel of us that have each others’ backs.

And of course I’m thankful for my husband who cleaned house this week while I worked, does the grocery shopping for me and runs all the errands now days.  He has my back too.

Then there’s the Katie-girl whose main job is to annoy and delight me in equal measures.  Sometimes at the same time.

I’m thankful that I have a job, as much as I wish it had all turned out differently.  I know many people are still searching for work and I know I was lucky to be able to go back to my former employer.  But today I’m also thankful for having the day off!

I’m thankful for my warm home with it’s beautiful yard that I get to come home to every day.  So many people are homeless or living in squalor across the world.

I’m thankful for the  hot tasty meal that we’ll have later today, and the fact that I never have to worry about where the next meal will come from.  Around the world I’d be in the minority; too many people struggle from day to day to feed their families.

And I’m thankful that, though I had to go back to work this year, it’s not so many years until I’ll be able to retire for good without the fear of having to become a WalMart greeter at age 95.

I hope you all have long lists of things to be thankful for as well.  And though it was a difficult year, and for some of you a year filled with tragedy and illness and loss, I’m thankful you all made it this far.

Enjoy your friends and families and enjoy your meal.   Take some time to reflect.  Take a moment to sit back and observe everything the day means to you.  Memorize the good parts, let the little squabbles that inevitably arise slide away.  Embrace the moment.

And for those of you traveling this weekend – be safe.