Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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And the decision is….

You can see that the blog is looking traditional again.  I lived with the big formating changes for a couple of days, but looking at it made me feel sort of frenetic, less peaceful and even slightly stressed.  So I changed it back. Thanks, Spike, for making me consider something outside the box!

Partly I changed it back because I liked the idea of putting my own photo at the top.  This one is a photo I took from the boat of the mountain where we put my parents’ ashes.  It’s a beautiful place and I think I’ll enjoy looking at the photo each day.  Eventually I’ll change it to something else, probably just as pretty!

The good news in all this is that I was able to change it back all by myself!    WHOOOOHOOO!  If you really know me (Susie, Spike, Erin etc) you’d know how this computer stuff has been elusive for me; it’s all a bit of magic black box hocus pocus and not something that is intuitive.  So it took a lot for me to even try to change something – to poke around at what was admittedly a pretty easy formatting software site to add specific widgets in order  to make this blog a reflection of me.

So much of the time our fears are truly just that – ours.  Things that seem insurmountable can actually be handled by just trying to make one decision at a time.  Or a piece of one decision.  Or the decision to just try to make a piece of a decision.  If we don’t give up, if we don’t allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the big picture – which I agree is often REALLY big and scary – if we just move one foot in front of the other…well…eventually we can all get to where we want to be.

And if we pay attention, we’ll learn a little bit about the world and ourselves along the way.


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Change abounds

After I “mastered” the new blog look I asked for help from my friend and administrator extraordinaire Spike.  He fixed my little problem with logging back in, and then later surprised me with a whole new look to the blog.  It’s different than anything else I’ve seen, and as with any change and me, I have to look at it for awhile to see if I like it.  He’s pushing the envelope and he knows how I am about that.  Way to go Spike…keep pushing and I’ll keep growing.

On another front a blogger friend put together a list of 101 things she wanted to accomplish in 1001 days.  She did this a year ago, and at that time I was intrigued.  But you know me, the combination of slacker and fear of change meant I never got around to doing my own list.  So this week she was writing about it being her one year anniversary and how many of her 101 things she has accomplished so far and I thought “wait a minute, it’s been a whole year?”   Suddenly I was motivated to get going on my own list and so far I have 29 things listed.  Just working on that list I found out that Microsoft Word within Windows 7 is TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND I HATE IT!  Oh wait…that’s more change and it’s  Good for me. Really.  Sigh.  If, I mean when, I get it done I might share it with you.  Depending on how personal it turns out to be.

And on a third front…I’m practicing heeling with Katie-girl at the park and in the driveway, all in preparation for a Rally trial I think I’m going to sign us up for in September even though we haven’t been in Rally class since early June.  She seems pretty excited about working again; especially excited about that ole treat bag on Mama’s behind.

If you know what I mean.


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Technically challenged – everywhere

I am feeling overwhelmed by change.  First we changed our cell phones, dumping our land line but keeping our land line number on my husband’s cell.  Seemed sensible, but the new phones we got have me confused…so far…and sometimes I can’t pick up a call or make a call when I want to without a lot of fumbling around.  And it seems like whenever I open my phone I’ve inadvertently hit the camera button and it’s a camera not a phone.

Then my laptop has been updated with Windows 7.  The good news is that it’s WAY faster.  The bad news is that sometimes it jumps around when I least expect it.  Probably I touch something that I don’t realize I’m touching.  And there are other things that seem weird that I will have to get used to.  But it’s all good.  I think.  Except I can’t figure out how to download pictures from the camera anymore.  I think I can download video now, which I couldn’t do before…but I’m not sure.  Husband will have to show me.  So that’s why the new pictures of Katie remain on the camera and are not in this blog!

Then today I updated my blog to the newest WordPress, and noted that there was another header thingy I could use…so I tried that, and as you can see it is different.  I think I can customize the header but I haven’t worked that out yet.  When I first switched to the new look I lost my blogroll and a bunch of other stuff over on the right.  Now I’ve gotten the blogroll back, and added a cluster map and a tag cloud and and and…I’m pretty proud that I figured out how to do that through the “widgets” on the dashboard.

But here’s the rub.  I can’t figure out how to get into the administration of my blog again now.  Used to be there was a spot down at the bottom where I could log in…and that’s gone and I don’t know the html to get that back.  So when I sign out of this I might not be able to get back in until I get my administrator (hiya Spike!) to fix this problem for me.

Kind of scared to log out now…


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Around the lake

I have a major (for me anyway) 10 mile “race” coming up the last weekend in July.  Not that I race, but I used to be able to run most of this race, and I did it every year, a sort of tradition for me and many of my friends.  Anyway, in years past I’d have been training all winter, all spring, and certainly all summer for this 10 miler. This year’s Crim  will be the first race I do since I was injured in 2008 while training for a half marathon.   And frankly even before that I’ve been somewhat of a slacker in the running department which is probably why I got injured in the first place.   So I’m very worried about being able to complete 10 hilly, hot, humid miles in approximately 27 days.

When the trip to Alabama came about I thought I’d at least run the 1/2 mile out to the main road and 1/2 mile back to the house every day.  Right.  There are three huge hills between the house and the main road, and all I managed was to walk it every day for the first week.  And that was the end of that.  I blame humidity, but really it was that slacker thing overcoming me again.

So this week I decided I needed to make an informed decision about whether to do this race or not.  I went out on Thursday to run/walk 4 miles, just to see how it felt.  I was near the end of mile 1, running up a short, steep hill when a little red car popped over the top, headed down my side of the hill.  I instinctively moved to the edge of the road, which unfortunately, or fortunately as it turned out, was soft sand, where recent rains had run, filled with some large stones.  My toe caught on something and I started to go down.  Somehow I saved my hands, head and knees and did a giant, undignified belly flop into the sand.  The car stopped to make sure I was fine.  I was, just embarrassed.  But my 4 miler turned into a two miler as I walked to determine if that twinge in my left ankle was really anything.

Saturday morning I headed out to Kensington, my favorite park that has an 8+ mile paved bike trail around a big lake.  I decided that if I drove 30 minutes I needed to do at least 5 miles…but I’d see how I felt.  The left ankle twinged again when I  put my running shoes on, so I didn’t know how it would all turn out.  l have to admit that most of my work out there was walking with a bit of running thrown in.  At worst case I needed to know if I could walk the 10 mile race.

At the end of two miles I wanted to go back to the car, but I convinced myself that I didn’t drive all the way out there just to do 4 mile – I could have done at home.  I’m glad I made that decision because around the next corner, walking about 3 feet off the path were two sand-hill cranes!  I didn’t have my camera (more weight I didn’t want to carry on this official “run”!) but you might remember from a previous post that I took pictures back in October of 2006 for you of these beautiful birds.   (If you click on the October link, scroll down to Oct 5 to see the birds.)   I stopped to watch them, and noticed the woman running up behind me never saw them, she was so focused on the two feet of pavement in front of her.  Neither did the group of four women walking the other way and talking furiously.  Nor the bike riding couple, intent on speed.  People miss the best stuff when they aren’t paying attention to where they’re going!

I kept walking, throwing in some running as I went.  I tried, during mile 6, 7 and 8 to run a quarter of a mile without stopping, but nothing doing.  Legs just aren’t there.  Plus it was HOT, but it’s going to be hot here at the end of August.  I remember running this race in prior years when the temps and the humidity were over 90.   Saturday I finished the 8 miles, enjoying memories of other times I’d run around the lake, the big tree that used to stand there, the running partner’s funny story that she told here, the time I got stung by a bee as I rounded that corner.  I saw bits of people I know, the eyes of my runner friend Cheryl in the eyes of a woman running toward me, the stance of my runner friend Jane coming over a hill, the face of a blogger friend Melanie in someone’s  face.  It was like running down memory lane.

I don’t have any pictures for you today, they’re all stored in my mind.  Maybe someday I’ll go out there and walk the 8 with a camera.  I wish you could all see this wonderful park.  There is a millage election this Tuesday to renew the park millage.  As I looked around and saw the park, packed with picnicking families, runners,walkers, people on bikes and roller blades, the swans sharing the lake with people fishing in boats, those in canoes, on pontoons, rowing, I thought; “How can we NOT agree to renew the park millage.   How can we not.”

Now I’m going to go register for that 10 miler coming up the end of this month.


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Someone's mother

Someone’s mother died yesterday.  Though it wasn’t unexpected it must have been heart-wrenching. She was a warm and funny lady with many many friends and though her name was Virginia everyone called her Boom Boom.  Evidence of her personality I guess.  Once she was sort of related to our family but divorce changed the relationship.  Still.  I feel for her daughters and  her son, for her close friends, her church, her grandchildren.  Tonight  I sit on my deck and think  about her… what a wonderful day she missed today… and how much she is being missed by her family.

Then I realize that perhaps she did have a wonderful day today – wherever she is.  And that life after this was enhanced measurably yesterday by the arrival of a woman named Boom Boom.

God speed.


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Adrift

Did ya’ll see the full moon last night?  It made me nostalgic for the lake.  You see, the last night my husband and I were there we went “bobbing” at the end of the dock.  Bobbing is our term for floating using noodles.  You can sit on the flotation devise, water up to your shoulders, and chat or contemplate or just enjoy the warm water.

That last night we took a bottle of wine down to the lake, bobbed in the 80+ degree water and watched the moon rise.  We were tired and cranky from spending the day working on the house; cleaning, doing the laundry including sheets for all the beds, installing new lighting and a new ceiling fan, pulling the wave runner out of the water, locking up the other boats.  All jobs that sadly reminded me I was leaving soon.   So it was nice to take some time and finally relax together.

We decided to go down to the water with our bottle of wine in early evening when the sun was still up, but two hours later, having watched the sun set and the moon rise, even though we had turned into prunes, we were reluctant to get out of the water.  What is it about bobbing around in warm water in the dark with the bright moon overhead that makes life just seem so right?

Now I’m back in the real world and am resisting it, unsure of myself, not certain that I want to be here.  Tonight as I’m watching the moon rise, this time through the bedroom window, I remember how it was to be bobbing in silky waters of a lake in the deep south;  the shimmer of the moonlight on the water, the bugs humming in the trees, the ducks murmuring to each other in the shadows.

And I wish I was floating there under the moon this evening.


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Reunion

My reunion with Katie was something of a disappointment.  I waited patiently in my reading corner for Katie and her Dad to return from the kennel and  I was excited when I heard them drive up.  Katie wandered around the kitchen for just a moment, then ran right over to me.  But instead of jumping on me with welcoming kisses she dropped into a “down” and began to bark at me.  Her little yips were hoarse and I’m guessing she barked pretty much the whole week she was in the kennel.  She wouldn’t let me touch her; each time I reached out she backed away and commenced to barking again.  So I sat still and let her decide on her own what to do about me.  She ran up to her Dad when he came in as if to say “There’s this LADY over there Dad but don’t worry, I’m taking care of her!”

Husband said the kennel told him Katie had been very good.  She liked their bed; apparently some dogs preferred to sleep on the floor.  Well of COURSE she liked the bed, this is Katie, the princess who hogs as many pillows as she can, even if she’s already on the couch.  And they said she had to “think” about things before she’d follow or go with any of them.  But once she decided she wanted to go outside she’d be happy to go.  That sounds so much like our little stubborn, mind-of-her-own, Katie girl!

This evening Katie and I went for a walk in her favorite park while we got reacquainted and bonded again.  I think she’s over her initial suspicion but she sure is barky!  I’m used to peaceful evenings filled with reading, napping, swimming …not the constant barking of a Sheltie recently home.  I think she had free reign to bark as much as she wanted in the kennel and she’s not yet quite under control.  Not even close.  But that’s OK…we can start training again.

As long as she’ll give up on her grudge against a wayward mama.