Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Shelties and their boxes

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A couple of days ago I ran across a Petco in a part of town I don’t usually shop.  I popped in to see if they happened to have Riley’s (the CowSpotDog) favorite treats and guess what?  They did!  I haven’t been able to find them for quite some time, so I picked  up a few of them for him, and Katie and I packed up a little box to mail to Riley.  Katie was very anxious to make sure that Riley got these treats, as she feels very sad that Riley’s Mom is having such a hard time getting better from surgery.  If you haven’t read about Riley you can here:  http://cowspotdog.blogspot.com/

Then later in the day two boxes came for Katie, via the nice UPS man.  She was very excited.  She got a TUNNEL!  And a CHUTE!  She could hardly wait while I unpacked the tunnel.  Here she is with it partially undone, when she just had to investigate.

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As soon as we got it open she walked casually through, then asked what treats she was going to get!  We thought she’d have more issues with the chute, but she ran through that a bunch of times in the kitchen with no problem.

I’m sure you’ll get more pictures from us once we take these new toys out in the yard!

Katie 2603


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Unexpected

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I had my whole day planned out yesterday.  The 2 mile run, some job searching stuff, then off to the grocery store for Aunt V,  deliver the groceries to her and visit a bit, then on to donate my old cell phone to a woman’s shelter, then maybe a bit of shopping just for fun.  But you know what they say about the best laid plans.

I got the 2 mile run in, and completed a job application for a library job nearby.  I was crabby because I had suffered a lack of sleep the night before.  I was hanging onto my plan somewhat desperately –  all I really wanted to do was head back to bed – when the phone rang and husband said it was my Ann Arbor Aunt.  For a moment I thought “DRATS!  I can’t fit anything else into my overly planned day!”

And it’s true she DID want to get together to do something.  In the beginning I wasn’t feeling very gracious, but reason overcame my illogical crabbiness.  She wanted to meet me and Katie down at our favorite park, which is halfway between where we both live.  And it was sunny out!  AND I’d been thinking I should take Katie to that park someday soon, it’s so beautiful in the spring.  So I revamped the plan and agreed to meet her.

I packed up Katie and all her stuff (you know the drill; water, bowl, leashes, treat bag, poop bag) and me and the camera and off we went.  I could feel the morning’s tension seeping away.  Especially when we crested a hill and I noticed the beautiful clouds.  I just had to stop and capture them.  Good thing I left the house early for our 2:00 p.m. meeting…lots of time for pictures!

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Then about half way to the park I realized I had forgotten the poop bag!  And Katie ALWAYS does her job almost as soon as we start our walks in the park.  It’s like she saves it up for a public place.  SIGH.  So I did a little U-turn and stopped at the bank to get some cash, then a bit later on we stopped in at Colsanti’s, a little grocery store.  It’s kind of a plant nursery, gourmet groceries and produce market complete with a bird aviary.  I’d been there once before a long time ago.  My plan was to find something to buy that I actually needed and which would require them to give me a plastic grocery bag.  Which I could use as a poop bag.  Good thing I left home early….lots of time for grocery shopping!

As I was contemplating purchasing white potatoes or strawberries I heard a strange sound directly overhead.  I glanced up and saw a large toy train chugging along on a suspended track.  Strange I thought, but then as I looked around, the whole place was quite eclectic.  Mounds of fruit and vegetables, a gift store with cute little things, pots of plants, a wonderful deli, and a train circling overhead.

I bought some potatoes, a few scones and some crunchy cheese sticks and headed back to the car and Katie.  As I stepped outside something made a terrible screeching sound.  The noise was coming from a huge outdoor bird aviary.  Peacocks!  Dropping off the groceries, checking on Katie who was waiting patiently in her crate in the car, I grabbed the camera and went to investigate the birds.

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They were beautiful!  Several blue peacocks, and a giant white peacock who was showing off.  Plus some turkeys all puffed up.  I watched them for a few minutes then realized I needed to get to the park!  Good thing I left early…

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When Katie and I arrived at the designated meeting place deep in the park (at exactly 1:59) my Aunt was already there, and soon Katie, she and I were off on a walk.  The place was beautiful, swans out on the water, wildflowers tucked into the trees, dogwoods in bloom, the redbuds were splashes of bright fuchsia among the lime green new leaves of the larger trees, huge patches of wild purple violets smudging the ground.  Gorgeous.  You won’t see pictures of this because the camera battery died right about then.  So you’ll have to imagine it yourself, which in reality is sometimes better anyway!

We walked 2.4 miles, and Katie did really well.  And that poop bag that I went so far out of my way to acquire?  We never needed it.  Of course.

So the lesson learned is this.  When you’re crabby, when you feel like you need to get certain stuff done, when you’re not feeling creative or adventurous, let it go, take the road presented to you, keep your eyes open and I bet you’ll see some beautiful stuff.

When you’re least expecting it.

Katie 2541


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What I was GOING to write about

I was going to describe last weekend’s wonderful, last of the season, Ann Arbor Symphony for you, but the words just aren’t flowing.

I was going to talk about Saturday’s obedience class, the first one Katie’s attended in almost two months, where she was “heeling” with her head down and ears flat because of all the new barking dogs, but really that was about all there was to talk about, she was a crazy girl and it’s obvious that we need to work every day to get back confidence we’ve both lost.

I was going to write about a coffee meeting I attended this morning with my Congressman Mike Rogers where I was hoping to ask him what specifically he was doing to make our highways safer, as his answers to my emails are usually generically vague.  But the talk was health care, pretty heated and there was no room for other issues.

I thought about telling you about my 2 mile run/walk this morning.  It’s significant because I haven’t run in 18 months, but two miles seems too small to mention, and I walked quite a bit of it.  Then again I ran quite a bit of it too.  But still.

And some of you may be wondering how the Aunt is doing, and I have to say she’s doing so well there really isn’t anything to tell you.

And I was going to go purchase some pansies in celebration of spring.  But the pot they’re going in is still empty so there’s really nothing to show you yet.

And there’s the painting I started while I was up north.  I worked on an unsuccessful version most of my time up there, but toward the end, the last couple of days, I started over and am quite pleased with it so far.  But I haven’t worked on it since I got home and I don’t want to show it to you.  Yet.

And I’ve contemplated lately talking about how frustrating it is not to be able to work in the field that my heart believes I am meant to be.  Unemployment is not all it’s cracked up to be, and I’m not talking about the loss of income.  But I don’t want to depress you and I’m not even sure how I feel about the whole job search thing yet.  So I’m waiting and thinking about all of that.

So all in all I just don’t have anything to write about.

Just yet anyway.

Trees 1329


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Settling down now

Trees 1538Yesterday was our first day of normal life in quite some time.  I’d been out of town for three weeks, home for one day and then involved in our Aunt’s medical crisis for more than two more weeks.  Yesterday we didn’t have to be anywhere, though husband did stop by the Aunt’s just to see how her first night alone in almost three weeks went.  Thankfully, she did fine and I’m sure she’s just as happy as we are to have us off her living room sofa.

Katie and I did some yard work; weeding and sniffing and such things as that.  Sometimes all we did was sit in the sun and enjoy being with each other.  I think that counts as yard work too.

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I dug up a small bed that had filled in with grass and weeds over the past couple of summers.  I’ll replant it later this spring.  It was a lot of work and reminds me that last time I dug this up I was younger and fitter.

While digging I came across these small plants, greenish red leaves and blue purple bells of flowers.  Tiny.  The smell when I crushed the leaves took me right back to my grandmother’s farm, where these lived in her lawn, particularly, as I recall, back by grandpa’s workshop.  I sat in the sun and crunched leaves and remembered playing on the farm, picking black raspberries, watching the pigs, playing with barn kittens.  It was a good place to play.  There are good memories there.

I  accidentally left a weed or two in my own garden yesterday just so I can pull them later and smell that old familiar small and relive the memories.

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Later on I got out the tiny teeter and Katie was all raring to go, walking over it, still carefully, especially at the pivot point, but without any apparent fear.  So I went and got her Dad, to show him how much more confident she is.  And guess what?  While he stood in the door watching she first refused to do the teeter at all, then CREPT up to the pivot point and laid down on it.  Well, that’s new!  And now she won’t go on it at all.

Ah Katie girl.  We’re going to school in about an hour, the first time in probably 6 or 7 weeks.  Hope you remember a little bit about heeling and staying.

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Should be interesting!


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Do you miss Katie?

Katie 2541 Me too.  I’ve been so busy away, spending most nights at the Aunt’s apartment that in the past week I’ve only slept at home twice, and both times I had somewhere I had to go during that time.

Yesterday was my birthday and the Aunt down in Ann Arbor had weeks ago invited me to see the University of Michigan’s production of the musical “Ragtime” with her.  So after a day filled with a doctor visit that included a long and agonizing walk down halls, discussions about prescriptions, arguments about things not particularly important, frayed nerves and stress, I had the evening free.

Katie was ever so happy to see me when I got home, but I only had time to shower, pet her and leave again.  Her eyes were big pools of liquid sad  when I ran out the door on my way to Ann Arbor.  Half way into the the hour long drive I had to stop and buy some caffeine as I couldn’t keep my eyes open.   Good thing I did, as I wouldn’t have wanted to sleep through the performance!  It was wonderful.

This morning I find myself dawdling over things.  Laundry.  Playing ball with Katie.  Reading blogs.  Mindlessly watching TV.  I know it’s that I don’t want to go back to work over at the apartment.  But I also know my husband is probably going a bit nuts and needs a break after being there since yesterday afternoon.  But still.

Katie 2543 And of course I feel guilty that I don’t want to go back.   I’m not being productive  here either.  Sort of sitting in limbo, watching the time go by; not here, not there.

Katie is barking at me, that sharp little single bark that says she wants something.  But I can’t figure out what.  I’ve tried treats, playing, going outside.  Still as soon as I sit down to read she begins again.  I get up and she prances away, but doesn’t seem to want to go out.  I sit down she barks and stares at me.  I tried putting her outside in her kennel, but she immediately barked to come in.  Finally I just pick her up and hug her, rocking back and forth.  She tucks her head into my shoulder and I begin to cry.

I know baby, I know.

Katie 2545


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A new day

Trees 1536 I’ve been staying with Aunt V these past few days.  She’s not steady enough on her feet to be alone.   But today I had jury duty, and had to be in “business attire” at the court by 8:30 in the morning.  I didn’t think I could get ready at her apartment without disturbing her routine, so my husband stayed with her last night, and I got to hug  Katie at home all night.  I’m not sure Katie really appreciated that, but she will when she’s older!

This morning as Katie and I emerged, trying to get her jobs done before I had to leave the sky was alive with fluffy clouds, the undersides of them gray, the tops tinged with pink as the sun came up.  I was sad that I was going to spend it in a jury room.  But I was also glad for the bit of freedom I had from the overly heated apartment I’ve been cooped up in since Sunday.  It’s funny how a tiny hour of freedom has so much more value when you’ve had none for a few days.

I have to give credit to those of you out there that are care givers full time, and have been for years, or face years of it in the future.  It’s a hard job.  Not to mention terribly boring!  I’m reading a good book, “Seven Types of Ambiguity” by Elliot Perlman,  recommended by another blogger, but it takes some concentration, and  it seems just when I’m getting my head back into the plot the Aunt needs something.  And of course she comes first.

She reminds me that it’s heck getting older.  Years ago when I lived in the Upper Peninsula I sometimes drove down to visit my own grandmother who was in her 90’s.  She’d outlived most of her friends and quite a bit of her family.  The last time I saw her she was walking with a walker and still living in her own home on the family farm.  She told me not to live to be her age and I wondered, in all the wisdom of a 20 something young person, what she was talking about.  Now I see it again with our Aunt.  Though she’s  smart as a tack she too has outlived her friends and much of her family.  Yesterday she started listing people, counting on her fingers over and over again, people she cared about who are gone now.  I had no appropriate response.  And it’s sad to witness.

Today’s jury duty went well.  All the cases before the two judges were settled, so they let us all go!  And today is going to be a beautiful day, high in the 80’s with sunshine.  I think perhaps Katie girl and I will have to go for a walk in the park before I head back over to the apartment to relieve my husband.  We did get some play in already, Katie and I, out in the yard.  She had a wonderful time.  Me too.

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And on a totally unrelated topic, I found a baby turtle in the driveway just a bit ago and took it over to the edge of the pond.

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He is about the size of a nickle and was warm in my palm as I carried him over to the pond.  I set him on a leaf just at the edge of the water.  I hope he makes it.

Newborn and elderly, all in the same day, with a bit of sunshine thrown in.  It’s a new day

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Aunt V is out of the hospital!

Quick update.  Aunt V got discharged this evening.  I’m home for a moment to pack a bag, then I’m going to go stay at her place.  Maybe one night.  Maybe more.  We’ll see.  She, of course, insists she doesn’t need any help.  Maybe not, but I need to know she’s able to get around before I’ll be able to leave her alone at her apartment.

Doctors never did figure out what caused the blood pressure to spike above 200.  So the underlying problem is not resolved.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts.

Aunt Vi Uncle Warren 2010 005


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Re-entry is tough

From weeks of relative silence I’ve been bounced back into my real world.    I drove home Tuesday, and Wednesday evening our 94 year old Aunt called because she didn’t feel well…and her blood pressure was sky high.  I told her to get to the hospital, and we’d meet her there.  We’ve been at the hospital ever since.  She has been through many tests but no one can tell us what is going on and why the blood pressure spiked, nor why she remains too dizzy to walk.

Many decisions need to be made, difficult decisions.  Wish us, but mostly her, good luck please.