Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Update (smile)

So after I made Katie get off the bed (see initial post below) she sulked off and I went  back to sleep.  About 40 minutes later husband woke up and asked where Katie was.  I said I didn’t know, she hated me and had wandered off mad.  He got up, searched all over the house and couldn’t find her.  When he came back to the bedroom he happened to glance over at the crate that she hasn’t used in over a year.

There she was, curled up in her crate!  And even odder, she didn’t get up and follow him around while he looked all over the house for her!  Cause she’s ticked off!  And maybe because her crate is her safe place.  Which isn’t a bad thing at all.

Silly girl!  (image is from her puppyhood.  Long, long ago)

resized Katie in crate


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Getting dressed

I started laughing this morning as Katie and I were getting ready to go outside to do her business.  All she had to do was get the leash clicked on her collar.  I, on the other hand, put on boots, my husband’s double heavy work coat, ear muffs, heavy gloves, pulled the hood up and considered whether or not I needed a scarf.

She waited somewhat patiently, staring intently at the closed door.  Finally I was ready for our 5 minute trek into the 7 degree morning and we ventured out.

She did her job in a minute or two and turned to come back inside, where I unclicked her leash and she dashed off.  I, meanwhile, shed the boots, earmuffs, gloves, heavy jacket and sighed.  She was already on the bed where she wasn’t supposed to be.

OFF!

Katie 1256


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New sheriff in town

Katie 2227 We’ve had some issues with Katie that have been building and becoming more severe.  Mostly we’re frightened that she will lunge and bite someone the way she lunges and shows her teeth at us when unexpected sharp noises occur at home.  We can’t sneeze, tear tinfoil, change the garbage bag, or vacuum without risking getting attacked by a snarling hysterical dog.  Well that’s not good.  My 75 year old aunt sneezed and Katie hit her right in the hips and knocked her into the kitchen cupboards.  So you can see the problem.

Today we had an animal behaviorist come out to the house.  He’s someone I’ve used occasionally for obedience training in the past, but Katie doesn’t know him well.  He spent an hour and a half talking to us and evaluating Katie.  Luckily Katie displayed some of her bad behavior when he pulled tissue from the box and sneezed.    He was so good with her.  He showed us how to slowly desensitize her over several weeks.

And more importantly he told us we had to show her we were the leaders of the pack, and that there was a “new sheriff” in town.  No more jumping on the furniture,unless she’s invited, no more sleeping with us. (at least for 30 days, then we can invite her to sleep with us one day a week for another 30)   Her toys are put up and we give her one to  play with when we feel like it, and we take it back when we feel like it.  She gets to eat when we allow it, after 20 minutes whatever is left in the bowl is put up for awhile, and then we award it to her again later on.  She has to earn all the things she wants.

The trainer says that Katie is actually acting out of fear and that she will be much more comfortable when she doesn’t feel like she has to control everything, because she can trust us to handle stuff, to be the leaders of her pack.  So we’re going to try.  Heavens, we don’t want our Katie-girl to be afraid and on guard all the time.  Though the on-guard part is in her genes I think!

This is so HARD for me!!!  She always snuggles up on the bed in the evening with me.  Tonight I have to tell her “OFF!” over and over.  But she’s getting it.  She’s sleeping next to the bed now.  I sort of miss her though.  Husband and I played with her seperately this evening.  We each picked out one of  her favorite toys, played for awhile then put them away.  I think I am going to miss her bringing me her favorite toy.  But the point is that WE are the ones that decide when to play, not her.  Because there’s a new sheriff in town and it’s not her!

We’ll be doing the desensitizing tissue work every day for a week.  Then we’ll be desensitizing her to us sneezing for another week at least.  Then we’re going to have to go find people that are willing to come over and sneeze!  He says the best thing would be if we can teach her to do a trick when we sneeze..like roll over or something.  But at worst (and this would be fine) she should not jump on the person sneezing!

Since we can’t afford to allow her to hurt someone, we’re taking this very seriously.  BUT IT’S HARD!!  She looks like an angel doesn’t she.  Don’t let her fool you; just try sneezing!

Katie 2215


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Bye bye Christmas

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We packed up Christmas in our handy dandy new red and green tubs.  No more digging through dusty boxes in the basement looking for stuff.  All the tubs are labeled.  I don’t believe I’ve ever been this organized!

But with the last tub put away I felt a slight twinge.  A bit of sadness that happens every time I take Christmas down.  I already miss the lights and festivities, the cards from family and friends, the visits, the music.  I know, I know.  It’s only been a couple weeks.  But still.

Here are some last glimpses of Christmas past:

Pretty lights…

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multi generational guests…

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brilliant flowers…

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and the fixings for fattening food!

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Sigh.  Just going to have to wait till next year I guess.

King Christmas 2009 111


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Settling down

I met a woman once, not so long ago, who was expressing her unsettled feelings.  I only met her a couple of times, but each time she was rapidly and intensely expressive about how she wished she had made different decisions, always anxious about whether or not something else might have been better.  She described how she moved from job to job thinking the next thing would be the best, how she moved her family into a big house thinking that would be the best, her children into a private school wanting the best for them.   How she had to take a different, higher paying job to pay for the all the decisions she had made and now how tired she was, stressed out and not at all sure that anything was best after all.  That in reality her family had been the most happy in their small cozy home, kids in public school, she at a job she liked.

She reminds me of me.  Internally, though I rarely express it aloud, I too wonder if  living in a different place would be better, a different (or any right now!) job would make me happier, if living alone would be better for me than living with someone else.  And yet I know from experience that when the work world was busy I wished it would slow down, and when it slowed down I worried that the work would never come back.  I remember when I lived alone and wished there was someone else there.  Why is it such a difficult thing to appreciate what we have right now while we have it?  Why can’t we just be happy with what we have?  Why must we wonder what it would be like if...

Yesterday I purchased a teapot.  You’d be right to wonder what that has to do with being satisfied with life as it is.  It’s just that I’ve wanted a teapot for a long time.  A really long time.  And last night while my husband and I were out shopping for other things we wandered by the teapots and actually stopped and picked one out.   So now I have a little spot of color in my kitchen, and I’m sitting with a hot cup of tea watching the birds outside my window while fragrant meatloaf is baking in the oven.

I think for the moment I’ll learn from the lady with her frantically scattered fearful thoughts  and just sit here enjoying what I have.  I have beautiful birds outside, finches and chickadees and nuthatches, cardinals and a big woodpecker, titmice and sparrows.  I have Katie asleep nearby and a husband off in the den.  Dinner is in the oven.  The sun is sort of shining.  I don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow.  And I’m reading a great book; “Night Gardening” by E. L. Swann.

I think I am content.

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Snow play

Late in the afternoon yesterday Katie and I went outside to play Frisbee in the snow.  Man what a fun time that was!  Here’s what the back yard looked like before we started to play:

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She can hardly wait to get going.  Can you see her little pink tongue sticking out in anticipation?

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And then she was off! Running and catching and bringing it right back so I could throw it for her again!

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Sometimes she’d pick up the Frisbee and dump a whole load of fluffy snow into her face.  Didn’t slow her down though!

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We had the best time!  Even when a noise distracted her she mostly stayed close and always came right back when I put on my school voice and demanded her to do a recall.   Even after she realized I hadn’t brought any treats with me.  I think next time I’ll take treats out and let her know I have them just to be sure since we don’t have a fenced back yard and I’m always a bit nervous.  Anyway, this is what the yard looked like after we finished playing.

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She and I had a really good time.  Now she’s dozing in my reading chair, letting the Christmas tree lights mesmerize her as she daydreams about flying through the air and making that perfect catch.

Silly but very special girl.

Katie 2193


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Mall walking and blood letting

funky art 054 I’ve been going out to the mall every day in an attempt to increase my exercise level.  You know…from zero to anything.  The mall is about 4 exits down the freeway from me but it’s worth the drive; it’s in the shape of  a long oblong track, with stores on both sides and it’s just over a mile around!  How perfect is that!  It’s indoors, well lit, warm and there are lots of other people there in the mornings doing their walking.  There’s lots of stuff to look at, and if you turn around every other lap you get to see all the store windows!  I leave my wallet hidden in the car so I know I can’t spend anything.

One of the funniest things I’ve seen on my walks so far is a young man, walking ahead of me with his slightly heavier young friend.  The T shirt  hanging large on his slight frame was filthy dirty.  His baggy dirty jeans hung low across his hips, puddling over his untied huge and ratty sneakers.  The baseball cap worn backwards over his longish greasy hair did nothing to improve the total image.  His friend was dressed in an over sized jacket and sloppy jeans, dirty sweatshirt, and backwards baseball cap.  They were both eying all the young hip looking girls who were out “shopping”.  What was written on the back of the first guy’s T shirt?  “Ralph Lauren.”   Somehow I’m thinking Ralph would be aghast.

Yesterday I was scheduled to give blood.  The Red Cross called and I made an appointment for their blood drive up in Flint.  New Year’s Eve morning I headed up there, arrived about 15 minutes early.  Turns out I wasn’t on the list of people with appointments, even though the Red Cross had called the day before and confirmed the appointment.  So I had to wait in line with all the people that had walked in.  Ticked me off, but whatever.  Then during the pre-donation interview I was asked for my SS number.  I rattled it off and was told by a frowning nurse that I was incorrect.  “That’s not your Social.” she said.  Well…I said…yes it was.  Turns out someone had entered my information with one digit off.  But that caused a long argument between me and her as I tried to convince her I knew what my number was.  More time ticked by.   Finally I get to donate blood.  But the nurse can’t get the needle in the vein.  The blood won’t flow.  She tries for a long long long time!  She gets it started, walks away, then it stops and she has to poke around some more.  Another nurse comes to help.  More poking around.  Other donors come and go.  I’m still on the table.  “Hold your arm this way, or that way.”  Nothing helped.  This is very weird as I normally have no trouble donating.  Eventually they decided that there was a clot somewhere in their needle and they gave up.  I think I was on the table for about 45 minutes.  I returned home with a big bruise in my arm and a sad feeling that after all that I didn’t really get to donate.  But I tried, and I’ll try again next time, hoping that this was just an anomaly and not something that will happen again.

Meanwhile I’m looking for a yoga class and considering starting again to play with the local community band.  I’ve decided I should use this unemployed time to do some fun things even if I have to drop them once I find a job.

Here’s to a great new year, productive and fun, for all of us!

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Happy New Year's Eve!

Ten years ago we were all sitting on the edge of our sofas watching the coming of the new millennium.  Everyone was worried about things that turned out to be nothing at all, computers crashing, systems going down, electrical grids collapsing.  Most of us were totally ignorant of what was going to be truly scary in the first decade of the new millennium; things like  terrorism, war and economic collapse.

May the next ten years find us enjoying more peace!  Katie says if we were really smart we’d live like she does…happy play, naps, good meals and tummy rubs!  The world would be a better place if we all took her advice.

Be safe tonight everyone!

Katie 2138