Change Is Hard

Yesterday was a day filled with family.  Well, filled with Aunts anyway.   Husband I spent the morning helping his 94 year old Aunt put her apartment back together.  She’d had to empty her kitchen and bathroom so that the building management could have all the apartments sprayed for bugs.  Of course being the independent soul that she is, she didn’t tell us this was happening, and spent part of each day unloading drawers and cupboards on her own for several days until we accidentally happened to find out.  She was totally exhausted, to the point of near collapse, by the time we arrived to help finish the process.

They sprayed on Friday so yesterday morning my husband and I, armed with buckets, cleaning supplies and garbage bags descended on her home.  She was supposed to have gone back to her apartment Friday evening, gone to bed and not lifted a finger until we arrived Saturday morning.  We were so foolish to think she’d follow those directions.  When we got there at our appointed hour, ten a.m., she had already put her bathroom together, and announced she had cleaned it and her kitchen so we didn’t have to.  She was visibly tired already.  Sigh.  Her eyesight is going, and we could determine that though she might have “cleaned” there was much left to do.  The problem was getting it done while making sure she didn’t overdo.  Repeatedly we told her to sit down and just tell us where things went, but of course she was popping up out of her chair all morning.

She and we had agreed that before we put anything back in a cupboard she would determine if she used it or if she could get rid of it.  Given that she doesn’t cook anymore we anticipated taking a lot of kitchen stuff away, freeing her cupboards of clutter.  But each piece held a memory of a meal with a family member or a friend, most deceased now.  Each pot or pan, cup or bowl was a tie to someone she loved.  Fairly quickly my husband and I realized that it was important for us to listen to the stories, not to pressure her to give up too much.  And though she let go of several pots and pans and a few plates, in the end she kept most of her treasures, because they give her comfort.  They sit now gleaming, newly washed, lovingly put away in tidy cupboards, waiting to be used again, waiting to provide that little window on the past for her to gaze through, whenever she wants.

She had a special spoon rest that a cousin had given her many years ago.  She said to me “I never use this anymore, but I can’t give it away,” as she hugged it to her.  I said that was OK, everyone needs a spoon rest and let it go.  But just before we left she silently held it out to me, tears in her eyes, and as I slipped it into my purse I told her I’d put it on my stove, give it a good home.  She nodded mutely and I knew then what it must feel like to begin to disassemble your own life.

Later that afternoon my husband and I drove down to Ann Arbor for diner cooked by my 75 year old Aunt and a concert by the University of Michigan bands at Hill auditorium.  The meal was lovely as it always is and we listened to her travel plans, several major trips in the next few months, and stories of her children who are coming home for the holidays.

The concert was lots of fun for me, who used to play in a band in high school, and later as an adult in a community band.  I miss it, and realize just how much, when I sit in the audience and listen to talented young people play their hearts out.  Speaking of hearts…mine skipped a few beats when after  intermission  the University of Michigan marching band raced down the aisles and up onto the stage.  The sound was huge and pulsating, and their halftime show renditions of music we all know literally (almost) blew us away.   Three hundred and fifty musicians up on the intimate stage of an auditorium that seats 3600 and is acoustically renown.  Think about it if you dare!

It was a long day, a satisfying day, one filled with life and memories and stories, laughs and tears, and a bit of music to sooth (or jolt!) the soul.  A good day.  Can’t believe how lucky I am because I get to experience it all.

You’d think someone without a job would have time to get lots of stuff done.  You’d think.  And I have been fairly productive the first..well…two days of my unemployment.  Really.  Today I decided to take Katie to a “fun match” obedience trial at the same building that has her so freaked out during Monday night classes.  So we were up relatively early.  Katie doesn’t like to get going too early in the morning, because that usually infers that she’s going to the vet or the groomer; neither are favorite places of hers.  So after I packed up her treats and leash and water, then asked her if she wanted to go to “school” she went and hid.  Silly girl.

I finally got her loaded up in the car, shaking like a leaf, trying to reassure her that we really really REALLY were going to school and it was going to be OK.  She didn’t believe me.  Once at the building she was racing all around at the end of her leash looking for a way back to the car I guess.  We went inside and there were lots of dogs.  Really big dogs; mostly shepherds.  We tried to walk around to warm her up, but there wasn’t much space.  We tried to walk around outside but the building is located next to a semi truck depot and there were lots of trucks warming up and moving around making lots of noise.

She was squirrely in the ring, her heeling was horrendous, she was everywhere but where she needed to be.  She did stand still for “stand for exam,” only moving one foot.   I think she was too afraid to move.  Ditto for her long sits and downs, didn’t so much as move a muscle!  And I did learn a couple of really useful things.  One, the judge said I was encouraging her to lag by looking back at her and moving too slow, that Katie was bored!  And I needed to keep my shoulders straight and look straight ahead.  She let me try it again, so I got to do heeling three times.  Katie did move along better when I wasn’t watching her.  And second, I figured out that at about an hour Katie relaxes and starts accepting rewards and doing her job.  So obviously if we were to do competition I should arrive at least an hour early and let her get settled into her role.

Good things to know.  It was worth the $5.00.  She’s exhausted, also worth the $5.00.  If you know what I mean.

I filed for unemployment this morning.  I’ve been working since I was a teenager and never filed before.  I have to say it was confusing even though I thought I had all my information figured out prior to starting.  I have two masters and I found some of the wording vague.  The instructions for each section were in small print, way up on the left.  It tok me awhile to figure out they were there, even though I read all the directions prior to starting.  At one point I even thought about giving up and starting again another day.  But I was threatened by the fact that if I stopped all the information I already had figured out how to enter would be lost.  Sigh.  Maybe I was overthinking the whole thing.

A lot of people use the public computers at the library to do this.  They are limited to 30 minutes there unless there is no one waiting, or they let us know they need more time when they start.  It took me 40 minutes to enter everything, and I didn’t have distractions like occur in the library.  Well, maybe I did.  I had this Sheltie dog that kept whining and jumping on me.

Anyway, that part is done.  I still have to upload my resume.  Time for that tomorrow.  This afternoon I’m going over to the elderly aunt’s place and help her finish cleaning everything out of her kitchen and bathroom as her building is going to be spraying each apartment.  What a job!  She’s way too old to be doing this.  I wonder what other residents are doing, those without family to help them.

More on the world of unemployment later…