Change Is Hard

July 16, 2008
by dawnkinster 5 Comments

Struggling with employment

I’m struggling with finding employment as a librarian in a library near where I live. There has only been one position posted so far that I have interviewed for, and I wasn’t offered that position. Now the library where I worked during school is posting a full time librarian position, and part of me thinks I should apply, and the other half of my brain is reminding me how horrible the commute down to Ann Arbor was. An eight hour work day will become a ten hour day at the least. Sometimes longer. The cost of the commute is escalating along with the cost of gas. I’d need to purchase a more fuel efficient vehicle…I might break even sometime during the first year. Maybe. Yet I enjoyed working for that library and would again enjoy working with them.

Now a full time librarian job has been posted at a town north of me. Forty miles north, the trip per map quest would be 45 minutes. There is no salary listed in this new posting, but it will be less than what is offered at my previous library, because this library is not in an affluent community. The commute would be better in the sense that I’d be going against the main flow of traffic, going north when most people go south in the morning, and coming back south when most people travel north in the evenings. When I first saw this posting I thought “GREAT!” a position just north of me. But I didn’t realize how far north.

So the question is, does it make sense to apply for the northern position for less money and about a ten minute shorter commute and NOT apply for the position that pays better but has a slightly longer (and overall more difficult) commute? Or should I not apply to either of them because they’re both too far away and wait it out to see what happens around here?

I just don’t know what to do.

July 15, 2008
by dawnkinster 2 Comments

Second try

This evening I took some photos of day lilies that the deer haven’t found…yet. These few are in bloom among many more stalks with the tops chomped off. So I’m going to put these pictures into a gallery and see if I can get them to post here. Really.

COOL! It works! Some of these plants are really tall; the one with several upright lily blossoms creamy yellow is over 6 feet tall. Others are tiny hidden among the shrubs with a better chance of escaping notice of our neighborhood deer.

July 14, 2008
by dawnkinster 4 Comments

Misc. stuff

I’m trying to learn new stuff in relationship to this blog. So it won’t be boring for me, or for you! And I now can upload pictures in a gallery…and maybe give you access to that gallery…hmmm…I have succeeded in uploading three garden pictures to a gallery I called “summer garden” (how creative, ey?) but now I have to figure out how to get that gallery into this blog post. Right. Hang tight…humming elevator music now…well…unsuccessful at figuring out how to add it. But I know someone will let me know!

Meanwhile. I went out to my little herb garden to gather some basil for a tomato and goat cheese soup I made this afternoon. (really good, if you want the recipe, let me know!) I thought I’d check on the young cardinal that was sitting in a nest nearby last time I was out in the garden (see post of July 8). Imagine my surprise to see a snake curled up inside the nest. I hope the youngster flew away before the snake arrived. But I imagine that the snake wouldn’t be there if there had been no bird. Sad story.

So..anyone have help about how to use the gallery feature? Post away! 🙂

[POST EDIT – Spike]

July 13, 2008
by dawnkinster Leave a comment

What people do for love

I just watched a movie (that I got free at my local library!) called “The Straight Story” which was based on the 70ish man in Iowa that drove his lawnmower to Wisconsin to visit his estranged brother who had suffered a stroke. At an average speed of 5 miles an hour it took him 5 weeks to get there. It was the sweetest story and played on my emotions about family. He met a young girl who was pregnant and running away and told her a story he had learned growing up about how one stick can be broken, but a bunch of sticks tied together can’t, and those sticks represent family. He told two bickering mechanic brothers a story about how important his brother was to him, how they hung out growing up, and now how many years had been wasted over a senseless argument. “Brothers is brothers.”

If you get a chance to see the movie, do. But I have to wonder, how did he get back home? He certainly didn’t ride his mower back…did he?

July 11, 2008
by dawnkinster Leave a comment

Big girls don't cry

Heard on the radio this morning Fergie singing “Big Girls Don’t Cry” which seemed especially relevant as I think of someone I love who has sadly accepted the end of her 21 year marriage. To her I say that it’s OK to recognize the difficulty of giving up the dream of a fairy tale ending, that it’s scary to face a new world alone, hard to figure out where you fit, or what you want to do. The whole thing seems insurmountable, but baby steps can get you through. Like running a marathon, never never think about the whole, just concentrate on what has to happen to get through the mile you’re in. Eventually you’ll have the satisfaction of reaching a goal, one that you set for yourself, rather than one set for you. And that makes it even sweeter.

Meanwhile, partial lyrics from the song, which could be sung from her heart today:

And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I’ve got to get a move on with my life

It’s time to be a big girl now

And big girls don’t cry

The path that I’m walkin’, I must go alone

I must take the baby steps till I’m full grown.

Fairy tales don’t always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay.

-written by Ferguson, Stacy, Gad, Tobias

Much love to you, you know who you are.

July 10, 2008
by dawnkinster Leave a comment

Thirty-Eight

As many of you know, I’m training for a half marathon in the fall. That means I’m getting back out there and attempting to run again. It’s hard to start over. Today I was scheduled to do 6.5 miles. For those of you not runners, this isn’t as horrible as it might sound. We “beginner” runners are doing these training runs one or two minutes at a time. So just about any length should be manageable. Really.

My plan was to get up at 6 a.m. and be out the door by 6:15. It’s good to have a plan. The reality? I woke up at..well I don’t know what time it was, and I went back to sleep. A couple of times. By 8:30 I determined that this morning was going to be cooler than tomorrow morning, so I ate my breakfast and then headed out about 9. I have to say this 6.5 miles kicked my…well you fill in the blank. By mile 5 I was seriously considering calling home and getting a ride. And I’ve never done that. But since I wasn’t carrying a phone I lumbered on. Almost funny today was the fact that whenever I checked my watch it would show 38 seconds after some minute. Almost every time! I’d convince myself that I could run 22 more seconds..right!? And that’s how I got through this run.

The only good thing I can say about this training run is that it is OVER. I can already tell I’m going to be sore tomorrow. And it was taking me 13 and 14 minutes to do a mile! That’s not much faster than walking it for heavens sake. Good thing I’m not running for the US in the Olympics.

This is all testament to being a middle aged woman, slightly overweight and out of shape. I can’t do anything about the middle aged part, but I’m working on the weight thing, and the exercise. So it can only get better. Right? RIGHT??!

On a happier note: We finished moving the last of the ten yards of wood chips yesterday! Bye-bye wood chips!

July 8, 2008
by dawnkinster 1 Comment

Ambushed by cardinals

Today after it stopped raining I got up the courage to go and inspect my small vegetable garden. I knew I had neglected it for the past couple of weeks while I was moving wood chips and I was a little afraid of what I’d find. Did the ground hog leave me any green bean plants at all? Would the tomatoes be falling all over themselves? Did I have any peas ready for harvest? Rounding the corner of the house I saw that the poor garden was totally overgrown. But there were some bean plants left, some peas down among the weeds, and the tomatoes had set some fruit.

As I settled in to at least get the weeds pulled from around the plants I noticed a male cardinal yelling at me from one birch tree, and a female doing the same from another birch tree on the other end of the garden. As I worked they got more and more riled up, the male flying over my head and landing next to the female, as in chorus they increased the volume and speed of their comments. They obviously have a nest somewhere near, and they wanted me out of there. After a bit I took my half filled weed bucket down to the weed pile and then stood there and watched the two of them. They cried for some time, then settled down. Mama cardinal came out of the tree and waked the split rail fence that surrounds the garden, then hopped around in the yews planted next to the fence. I waited for as long as I could, until the mosquitoes found me.

I really needed to get the garden weeded, so eventually I went back to work on it. The cardinals started up screeching at me again. I tried to keep my head down as they flew back and forth over me, and I began to weed faster, the sooner to be out of there. The garden wasn’t weeded nearly enough when I gave up, bent to gather my weed bucket handles and happened to glance up into a privet bush. There a mere yard from me was the nest, one young bird sitting inside it, with topknot just beginning to develop, chest heaving in fear. I quickly gathered up my stuff and retreated. As I glanced over my shoulder before I rounded the corner, mama cardinal was flying into the privet bush to reassure her youngster. Daddy sat up in the tree and continued to give me what for.

I’m not sure I’ll be allowed to go back into my garden until the young one flies. That’s OK. I can wait.

July 5, 2008
by dawnkinster 1 Comment

Cherries and lemonade

This morning I went to an orchard and picked several pounds of tart cherries. This is a family tradition that I carry out most years; the orchard I visit is the same one we used to go to as kids with Mom and Dad. Spicers Orchards has dwarf trees and no ladders; it was the perfect playground for four rambunctious kids. And we picked a lot of cherries too!

Many years when I go there I feel somewhat sad because I don’t have any of my family there with me anymore. Sometimes I would catch myself looking for my parents among the trees laden with fruit. Sometimes I’d just tear up at memories. But today there were fewer young families, and English was not the predominent language I heard, so I found myself remembering less and enjoying a beautiful day in the beautiful orchard. I did see an older couple that reminded me of my parents, and instead of feeling sad I just smiled at the familiarity of it.

As the morning moved into afternoon more families arrived and I heard bits and pieces of conversations that made me laugh. “I found one, I found one!” screamed one little girl as she carefully placed one cherry in the bottom of her bucket, crouched among trees heavy with fruit. “I have to go potty!” called another child. His father replied “You should have gone while we were up at the store, you’ll have to wait.” Right I thought, THAT won’t last long. Soon…”I’m taking Anthony to the potty.” called a young mother. “Get down from that tree!” “Just a little bit longer, we’ll go soon.” “Stop hitting your sister.” It all sounded so familiar.

The orchard is getting more commercial now, with rides out to the strawberry patches on trailers pulled by tractors, and employees walking through the orchard to see if we were doing alright. The young man in the Spicer shirt and straw hat that stopped to check on me asked if I had any questions about the orchard. I replied I didn’t think so, I’d been coming here since I was six. He looked at me for a moment and then said “That’s a really long time.” I smiled and said yes it was, and he wandered off.

After I filled my bucket I wandered back up to the store to pay, stopping to watch the automatic pitting machine that has been there as far back as I can remember.

Then I took the back roads home, like I usually do, enjoying the farm country, the horses in their pastures, the fields of corn that are “knee high by the fourth of July” this year. As I was enjoying the scenery I noticed a young girl by the side of the road with a sign for lemonade. I remembered doing the same thing at her age, and how no one ever stopped. I contemplated that for a couple more miles, and then took the next road to the right and went around the big country block, heading back to buy some “ICE COLD LEMONADE” from her. I’m glad I did, because I came across this field of wheat, browning in the July sun. It was so spectatcular that I had to stop and take a picture.

As for the lemonade? Well, it wasn’t ice cold, and it was a bit watered down. But it was the best lemonade I’ve had in a really long time. Her smile as I paid my 50 cents confirmed it.

July 4, 2008
by dawnkinster 2 Comments

Peaches and Love

I cut up a fresh peach this morning, put it into my cereal bowl and was transported back in time sixteen years. In early August of 1992 my husband and I traveled to Houston for a week in order to take care of my best friend who was living in an apartment there while being treated for leukemia. Her husband had been there with her for many weeks, and needed a break to go home and check on the mail, their home and their dogs.

On our way to Houston we stopped in Alabama for a day or two. It was just past the end of peach season there and Mom carefully peeled one of the last of the precious fruits into our morning breakfast bowls. The flavor was indescribably wonderful, sweet and smooth, the perfect description of a hot summer day. After breakfast there was one small peach left, enough for her and Dad to share that evening over ice cream, but instead she wrapped it up in some paper towels and put it into a lunch sack for me to take on the plane to Houston. For my best friend who had been just another kid and one of the family when we were growing up. I carried that peach carefully on the plane and in the car to the chilly apartment near the hospital. And on one of her better days my friend, who barely ate anything anymore, enjoyed her own slice of a familiar summer day as she slowly savored that last peach of the year. She said it was the best thing she’d ever eaten and I relayed that message to my mother when Sallie died two months later.

This morning as I slice a peach into my breakfast bowl I remember them both, my mother and Sallie. And I remember a time when a fresh ripe peach symbolized love.

July 2, 2008
by dawnkinster 3 Comments

Tales from the lawnmower

This morning, while mowing the yard I noticed a fair number of unusual things. I thought oddities only occurred in Ann Arbor, but here’s the country version of a stroll down State Street. I live on the corner of a county road that dead ends about half a mile from me and a subdivision road that doesn’t go anywhere either. So there isn’t much traffic other than those of us that live here. That’s nice, and one of the reasons we bought here.

Today as I began to mow the section of our lawn that runs along the county road I notice the neighbor’s dog laying in some shade at the end of his driveway watching me. This is unusual as he is usually with his people, but he was on his own property so I didn’t think much about it. As I continued to mow he trotted off down the road. Once I turned and headed back I saw that he was now laying in some shade but in the middle of the road. Well that wasn’t good. So I turned off my mower, climbed down and went out into the road to entice him back into his own driveway. He was a bit wary of me, but came along when I ran backwards and called him. Once he settled back into his own driveway I went back across the street and started mowing again.

As I turned the mower around for another sweep I saw a fawn dancing around at the other end of my mower run, coming out of a little pathway we have in the wilder section of our yard. Startled, I turned the mower off and watched. Mama deer was further back along the path, eating something. Baby was leaping around playing at the mouth of the path, just a few yards from me. The sleeping dog was to my left across the road in his driveway. I stay quietly on my mower watching the fawn play until it noticed me and leaped back, then ran back to and past mama, who ran after it and back into the woods. Shaking my head I started up the mower again.

On my next sweep back past the once sleeping dog I saw a young woman and her toddler standing at the end of the driveway. The toddler was petting the dog. That seems odd; I’ve never seen these two people before; but the dog wasn’t wary of the toddler so maybe they belong at my neighbor’s house? The mother is obviously waiting for something, she looks up and down the road regularly. The baby continues to play with the dog. Hmmm…. I turn away and mow some more.

On my next pass I was startled again, this time by a golden horse pulling a beautiful cream buggy in which sits a lady wearing a top hat coming down the subdivision street. It paused at the stop sign and then turned away from the driveway in which waited the woman and child, toward the direction of the dead end. The child stopped petting the dog, shrieked in glee, and raced into the street toward the horse. The horse seems to jump and trots away faster, the mother races after the toddler, the dog races after everyone. And in the midst of the chaos, an innocent, and slightly bewildered driver of a PT Cruiser eases to a stop at the stop sign in utter confusion.

I laugh out loud…it’s amazing what you can see while you’re mowing the lawn.