Change Is Hard

It’s been almost a week since I wrote last.  Could be that I’m so busy I don’t have time.  Could be that sleeping in and babysitting the dog have consumed my time.  Could be that I’ve become a sloth.  All of the above could be true as well.  Or is it A and B?  Or B only?  Or..?  WAIT…this is turning into an exam!

Surprisingly I did fine on the two classes I was so stressed about.  Others did better, some did worse.  But I did fine and I’m glad to move on.  Today was orientation for my “summer job” at the Ann Arbor District Library.  They spent quite a bit of time discussing parking.  It boils down to the fact that there is no parking and so I will resume my bus riding addiction.  Stay tuned for more bus stories.  (sorry!)

Puppy and I went to puppy school tonight, and she is suitably worn out.  We stayed and watched the grownup dogs during part of their session which is after ours.  She has a long way to go!  She is getting to like other people, but is still uninterested in other dogs.  I guess that’s ok, as there aren’t other dogs here!  Though I did toy briefly with the thought of getting an adult resuce dog after Katie is trained.  Toyed briefly with the thought and tossed it out!  One dog is more than enough!

Time to go relax.  What a wonderful luxury, to relax without any schoolwork waiting in the wings!  I must learn to enjoy this!

Well, let it be known that socialization did not break Katie’s spirit.  When I came home yesterday from my last final exam she was back to being the devil dog I remembered!  🙂  Even though she is a handful, I’m glad she is feeling better.  I bought her a new toy today that squeaks when she chews on it.  So far she is loving it.  And while it’s squeaking I know exactly where she is!  Though I have to say the noise is becoming irratating.

The final exam was irritating as well.  Way too long, and very unclear.  But it is done, and I am now free, at least until my summer job kicks in.  I don’t know when that will be, I go next week for orientation.  I’m working at the Ann Arbor District Library part time over the summer and into next year.  This will be the true test to find out if I really like public library work as much as I think and hope I will!

The first thing I noticed about Katie and puppy socialization is that she isn’t very social.  There were two labs, a Boston terrier, and an English spaniel in our class.  They are all about the same age, 4-5 mos.  The labs love to roll around on the floor with each other, the terrier loves to terrorize everyone, and the spaniel hates everyone.  Katie was most interested in sniffing around the edges of the gym away from the fray.  I’d pick her up and plop her down in the midst of the fun and she’d wander away.  She wasn’t the least bit interested in any of them.

She did great during the exercise where we passed the puppies around the circle and everyone got to hold everyone else’s puppy.  She got along with everyone.  Toward the end of our hour she would lie down at every chance she could get.  One of the lab puppies actually fell asleep.  They were all exhausted.

Last night she fell asleep on the sofa at 8, half an hour after we got home.  I woke her up to go outside at 11 and she slept the rest of the night.  This morning she didn’t bark to get me up at 6, I got her up at 7.  She slept all morning.  I wonder if socialization has broken her spirit?  The truth will tell when I get home from my final tonight after she has slept all day.

Today I have two more sets of lectures and problems to do in preparation for my final final tomorrow.  Then I have puppy socialization tonight; her first meeting with lots of other puppies.  As she sits at my feet shredding paper out of my wastebasket I wonder how she will react when she’s not queen puppy.

This morning she has managed to chew on a wall, dig the soil out of a plant, and carry the moss from the plant all over the house while chewing it and eluding me.  When I finally caught her and picked her up to hug her heaving body against mine she was hot and her little heart was racing, but she was happy!  I can’t believe she can cause this much of a mess, all over the house, and before 8:00 a.m.!

It’s now 8:20, and I just had to take a break, she pulled another plant over onto the floor, potting soil everywhere.  I guess today is going to be a plant day.

It’s not even 8:30 a.m. and both Katie and I need a nap!

As I rode the bus into campus this morning I mused that this might be my last day of riding the bus for several weeks.  It’s such a nice day, tulips and daffodils are blooming, trees just beginning to bud. All I have to do today is turn in the 503 exam and then go to a computer lab to pull up and print information I will need to study for the 502 exam on Thursday. Nice day!

I have to admit, I will miss Ann Arbor. I can see there are a lot of things just starting to bloom and I won’t be here to see it turn into summer. I think I will miss Ann Arbor when I graduate next year at this time too.

I try to remember if I felt this way about East Lansing when I was graduating back in 1978. I don’t think I did. I was eager to get away and start my “real life.” Oh silly girl, not to recognize when life was easy! I recognize it now.  Aging has some benefits; wisdom being one.

Having finished my first pass at all four questions for the take home final I celebrated by taking Katie (new puppy) to visit Sandy who was Bonnie’s (old dog) groomer. Sandy was very sad when Bonnie died, and as I carried the little puppy into her shop this morning we both burst into tears. Katie got to be held by all the groomers and a few customers. She shook with fear on occassion, as it was loud in there with all the other dogs barking, but she did really well over all.

When we got back home I noticed a squirrel in the top of one of my trees, laying out along a branch. I took the dog inside and got the binoculars. Sure enough, this squirrel is sleeping up there, rocking gently in the breeze, soaking up the sun. A couple of weeks ago I noticed a squirrel lying on a branch of a tree on campus, all four legs hanging down, chin lying on the branch, eyes shut, enjoying the sunshine. I’ve never seen squirrels sleep before. Today I am somewhat envious of the squirrel high in my tree, rocking in the sun, dozing away.

Now puppy Katie is alseep as well, exhausted from her adventure, curled up in front of the screen door on her favorite ratty towel, warmed by the sun. As I watch her sleep I’m listening to an insistent robin singing somewhere close by, the cackles of the blackbirds at my feeder and a distant lawn mower. It must be summer!

Time to go back to review that exam. I’d rather be dozing in the sun and dreaming of adventure.

Today I will be working on a final exam for a class that has been very obscure.  It’s open book, but that’s no consolation because odds are great I won’t even understand the questions.  But I’m going to do the best I can.  Wish me (and the others in the class!) luck!

Overwhelmed by the horrific news out of Virginia on Monday I lost track of something good that happened that day.

During the past few weeks I’ve been volunteering with a group of Detroit teenagers who are gathering information about their neighborhood and designing a website that will be used as a resource for other teenagers.  They are interviewing organizations that hire or use teenage volunteers, they are taking pictures of their neighborhood and they are putting all of that into their website.

Monday afternoon they presented some of their work at a talk and dinner in the school of education on UM’s campus.  Some of their photographs, along with their writings were blown up and matted.  They were hung on a wall in the school of education, complete with spotlights.  They looked like art.  They WERE art. 

You should have seen the students’ faces light up when they arrived and saw their work being displayed so beautifully.  The work glowed.  The students glowed.  Each student spoke about their work to a large group of educators and graduate students.  They did so well.  They are right to be proud.

I know that seeing their work validated by a group of adults in a place like the University of Michigan will have a positive affect on them.  I was happy to be even so slightly involved. 

My morning bus commute into campus was silent today.  There was not a word spoken by anyone on the bus for the entire thirty minute trip.  As we picked people up and dropped people off the air was thick with unspoken words.  I wondered if it was because today is the last day of classes and finals loom.  Or whether it was because we were all picturing Virginia Tech, putting ourselves in those students’ places.  Thinking that yesterday morning they were alive and anticipating the end of their school year, just like we are.  That they had no idea how the day would end.

I think about the families.  How difficult it is to cope with the sudden, sensless and violent death of someone you love.  How most of them probably still don’t understand what happened.  How they don’t even believe yet.  How the truth will hurt.  How the truth will hurt forever.  That death is forever.  That no matter what they do now, how hard they try to change the facts, the truth is still the truth.  And the hurt is never ending. 

So I believe that the silence on my bus this morning, the contemplative faces, the downcast eyes were in response to yesterday’s events.  That we are forced to recognize yet again that no place is safe.  That universities are not immune to violence.  That the “ivory tower” we live in is nothing but smoke and mirrors. 

Today I believe that students everywhere are hurting for those at Virginia Tech.  

And realizing that they are us.

I have my last class Tuesday.  It’s a big presentation, that basically is 100% of our grade since we’ve received no other grades in this class so far this semester.  My project partner and I spent eight hours today working on the paper and our powerpoint slides for the presentation.  We aren’t done yet, I am very tired.  But it’s going to be good!

I am worried about the foundation classes final exams, one of which is this Friday, the other the following week, but what can I do.  I’ll try to be as ready as I can be.  I know I won’t fail the classes, so I guess that’s all that counts.  

I finished my internship project and will drop it off tomorrow on my way to the presentation being done by the Detroit teenagers I work with every other week. 

 So much is being finished, so much still to do.  I’m looking forward to May!