Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Man, moon and hummingbird

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Last weekend two things made me sad.  I heard that Neil Armstrong died and so did one of my hummingbirds.  Katie and I were sitting on the deck reading a book.  Well.  I was reading and she was napping.  The hummingbirds were buzzing around, chasing each other away from the feeder.  A female hovered right in front of my face and stared at me for a bit.  I wasn’t sure how many hummers we had, they moved so fast; zipping through the trees, over the house, back again to the feeder.

When I got up to go back into the house Katie sniffed at what I thought was a leaf on the deck, but wasn’t particularly interested.  I glanced over at the leaf and realized with a breaking heart that it was one of my hummingbirds.  There was a tiny spot on the window, and the poor bird was lying dead on the deck.   I was overwhelmed with grief out of proportion to my actual loss.  I love watching my hummers at the feeder.  They are there because I put the feeder there.  This poor little female was dead because I put the feeder there.

I picked her up and stroked her soft feathers.  She weighed nothing at all.  But she was beautiful.  The sun made her feathers glow, and I took her down the hill and put her on a nest of thistle fluff at the base of an oak tree along with a flower from the garden we passed.  I wanted her feathers to glow with the last rays of the sun just a little longer.  One last time.

I cried the whole time I mowed the yard.

When the sun slipped behind the trees I buried her, along with some flower petals and a bit of goldenrod, beneath our butterfly bush.  That evening I sent her on her way and hoped she and Mr. Armstrong were both flying over the moon.  The next day a male and a female hummingbird visited the feeder.  I wonder if they miss her.  I do.

Tonight as I watched the full moon swing up into the night sky I thought of them both.  And I winked, just the way his family asked us to.  God speed to you both Neil and my little one.  God speed.

Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

4 thoughts on “Man, moon and hummingbird

  1. Oh my. How sad. I love “my” hummingbirds, and I’d be a mess if I lost one. How sweet of you to treat her with such love.

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  2. I’m writing this through tears, Dawn. How sad that you found this tiny creature dead. Just this past week, we bought a hummingbird feeder and have had so much enjoyment from watching our guests feed at it. You were so kind to have treated her so gently at her end. I bet the other hummers were watching and now know yours is a safe place to be!

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  3. it was weird – I was sitting outside the other day sipping a cup of tea when the teeniest tiny hummingbird flew right up to my face. I thought at first it was a bug but then when I realized it was hovering I knew it was a hummingbird. It was just a brownish color and only about two inches long…..it was amazing! It stayed for a while checking out all the flowers in the hanging baskets.

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  4. You got me with that one, Dawn. I once found a chickadee in what appeared similar condition on my front porch. I lay him in my palm and stroked his tiny head, and, lo, afer a minute or so didn’t he being to stir. Then he staggered unsteadily to his feet, still in my hand. I placed him out of harm’s way and later found he had left to fly another day. I’m sorry your experience didn’t have as happy an ending.

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