Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.



Imported Photos 01015It’s December.  Christmas is around the corner.  Everyone seems to be excited but I’ve been feeling disconnected from it all.  With no children and no special plans for the holiday, no shopping or cooking to do I haven’t felt empathetic while listening to the young mothers at work talk about sales and gifts and recipes and travel plans.

Today contained a bad commute to work in a downpour, a bad morning at work filled with big problems, a lunch hour spent with truck safety stuff and studying rally signs, a long afternoon trying and failing to get caught up, then a quick drive to band rehearsal where we started out playing terribly and irritating the director.   A typical and exhausting day.

But we’re practicing Christmas music for our concert next week.  And Christmas music is hard to resist.  As the rehearsal wore on we started to sound better.  People settled in.  The director smiled a little bit.  The muscles in my  neck relaxed.  No one minded going past 9 p.m. as we worked out a particularly difficult passage.  People stuck around afterward getting organized for the concert.

On the drive home I sang along with the radio – “Do You Hear What I Hear?”  and “Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer.”  I enjoyed the Christmas lights in the neighborhoods I drove through.  Coming down my street I saw that my husband had turned on our holiday lights for me.

I smiled as walked in the door; Katie was excited to see me and husband seemed happy too.  All in all it was a good day.  It’s December, Christmas is right around the corner and the magic of music connected me to the season. Finally.

So get out there an enjoy the season everyone.  And my best advice is to turn on the radio while you’re out.  I bet you find yourself singing along.

Happy Holidays everyone.  Happy Holidays.

Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

24 thoughts on “Disconnected

  1. Reminds me of part of a quote along the lines of “If you can’t change things, change your attitude.” I’m sure I butchered it, but I’m glad you were able to turn your day around. Music can have such a profound impact, and I’m happy that it was a positive one for you. And for Katie 🙂


  2. Christamas is for kids. Lets face it, thats just the way it is. Now that my kids are grown, Christmas just doesnt feel the same. Money is tight and I can no long buy people the gifts I use to be able to afford. Makes me sad but this is just life.


    • It’s not the same I’m sure. Never having had kids, it’s always been a struggle to get into the mood. Now that we don’t get together at Christmas it’s even harder. I’m just happy when I get a little of that Christmas mood.


  3. Some years, it is much harder to get in the holiday spirit. In fact, I think more people struggle with the whole “be jolly” idea than we realize.

    I’m glad you found your holiday spirit in music. I always seem to find mine in snow, and when starbucks puts eggnog lattes back on their menu!!


  4. We’re having a difficult year in several respects, and all our children are grown and grandchildren (half of them grown, too, i.e., two out of four) far away, so I know what you mean, Dawn. Still, we enjoyed Thanksgiving in our quiet way–just one special guest and a relaxing evening for the three of us and Sarah. We’ll have a quiet Christmas, too, but I’ve gotten used to that in recent years. Music certainly does add a lot. We will probably spend much of Christmas Day lounging around listening to the radio. Glad your husband got those holiday lights on for you. Him, Katie, lights, music–sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?


    • I’m sorry PJ that it’s been a difficult year for you guys. You don’t talk about it much. Me? I air it all out there! But I think a quiet enjoyment of a holiday is a lovely thing. Wishing you and your family a wonderful and quiet Christmas as well.


  5. Same here…..never having children or any family to celebrate with I have always found Christmas a quite depressing time…….especially when you watch Christmas movies of the “perfect family Christmas ” with houses decorated to the hilt and lots of people gathered around. It all seems a bit foreign and over the top to me. As for Christmas music….well there is only so many times I can stand to hear jingle bells in a day no matter who many different versions there are of it. They started playing Christmas music here on the radio 24/7 the day after thanksgiving and I haven’t had the radio on since. Bah humbug to Christmas!


  6. I would never be willing to stay longer than the end of rehearsal time! LOL!


  7. Christmas seems so commercialise nowadays. we see Christmas decorations in most of the malls, people are rushing for Christmas sales and we hear Christmas music on the air everywhere. Our family don’t really celebrate it because we aren’t Christians but we do have a family dinner on the eve because of family members’ birthdays. We have two, one is on the eve and the other one is on Christmas Day. Both of them are my husband’s brother and sister. A very nice co-incident, I should say : )

    I love Christmas music a lot and always find peace in it.


  8. I find music particularly soothing, holidays or no. I admire you for your participation in band — I miss that so much, and adults really don’t have many opportunities in my area for continuing their passion. And I just have too many things on my plate right now to try starting something to remedy that. So consider yourself fortunate!


  9. You are lucky you don’t live in the Key West. It is tough to get in the Essexmas Spirit, when it is 70 F outside.


  10. I have a little idea. (I have many, many little ideas. Let us see if this one grows up to become something or other.)


  11. Even having a family with children, I can feel that disconnect too. My girls are teens and harder to please, there is little magic left in the holiday. I have to look harder to find those happy moments to enjoy. I’m glad you found some moments to enjoy.
    PS I’m very curious about Gerry’s cryptic message!
    PPS Katie and the lights looks adorable.


    • I KNOW! I can’t wait to find out what Gerry’s up to! And you are right, we just have to look around to find those tiny moments that resonate with each of us.


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