I’ve been thinking a lot about how people deal with their dreams. Not the crazy out of control dreams in living color I often tell you about on mornings after a restless night, but the kinds of dreams we all had as kids when we thought about our futures. Believe it or not when I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a truck driver. Given how my family’s life was irretrievably altered by the trucking industry I think it was an ironic dream. But that’s another blog for another day. As a kid I imagined the open road would be romantic, free, nomadic. Of course I knew nothing about the reality of driving big trucks cross country. And I wasn’t interested in the reality of it; it was the chance to see what was around the next curve that pulled me in, that still does.
Now that I’ve spent a good number of years in one spot the restless itch has come back. Truthfully it never really left, it’s just been stuffed down under the weight of responsibility. My folks were nothing if not responsible and all four of us were brought up to be productive, to contribute, to be self sufficient. Yet we were brought up to be curious too and they made sure we got to see as much of this country as they could share with us. We traveled every summer somewhere new and these days husband and I try to travel somewhere new every year still.
So why am I so restless? It’s not as if I never get to go anywhere – you’ve come along with me on plenty of adventures – yet as soon as I’m home I’m looking for the next opportunity to get away. I consciously work at being satisfied where I am, but half my heart is always one step out the door. I could throw a dart at a map and find something interesting to explore at any random location. Often I’d like to do that. Get up in the morning and throw a dart. And the day after that throw another dart.
So where is the balance between dreams and responsibilities? What makes one person stick with routine, follow the rules, maintain the status quo and be happy while another person turns away from responsibility and throws that dart? And can a dart thrower ever be happy with routine?
Can contentment with what is be learned? Or is a dart thrower always a restless dart thrower?