Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Dreams v.s. responsibility


Imported Photos 01584I’ve been thinking a lot about how people deal with their dreams.  Not the crazy out of control dreams in living color I often tell you about on mornings after a restless night, but the kinds of dreams we all had as kids when we thought about our futures.  Believe it or not when I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a truck driver.  Given how my family’s life was irretrievably altered by the trucking industry I think it was an ironic dream.  But that’s another blog for another day.  As a kid I imagined the open road would be romantic, free, nomadic.  Of course I knew nothing about the reality of driving big trucks cross country.  And I wasn’t interested in the reality of it;  it was the chance to see what was around the next curve that pulled me in, that still does.

Now that I’ve spent a good number of years in one spot the restless itch has come back.  Truthfully it never really left, it’s just been stuffed down under the weight of responsibility.  My folks were nothing if not responsible and all four of us were brought up to be productive, to contribute, to be self sufficient.  Yet we were brought up to be curious too and they made sure we got to see as much of this country as they could share with us.  We traveled every summer somewhere new and these days husband and I try to travel somewhere new every year still.

So why am I so restless?  It’s not as if I never get to go anywhere – you’ve come along with me on plenty of adventures – yet as soon as I’m home I’m looking for the next opportunity to get away.  I consciously work at being satisfied where I am, but half my heart is always one step out the door.  I could throw a dart at a map and find something interesting to explore at any random location.   Often I’d like to do that.  Get up in the morning and throw a dart.  And the day after that throw another dart.

So where is the balance between dreams and responsibilities?  What makes one person stick with routine, follow the rules, maintain the status quo and be happy while another person turns away from responsibility and throws that dart?  And can a dart thrower ever be happy with routine?

Can contentment with what is be learned?  Or is a dart thrower always a restless dart thrower?

Imported Photos 01567

Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

19 thoughts on “Dreams v.s. responsibility

  1. Hmmmmm, those are really good questions!

    Seems to me as though the need to nest vs. the need to fly is part dna, part self made.

    For me, I always enjoy the planning of the travel more than I do the actual travel. The anticipation is more exciting for me. Plus traveling is exhausting! I think when I’m finally retired, I will travel more, because there will be less stress in my life, and then the stress associated with travel won’t be so overwhelming.


  2. I love “half my heart is always one step out the door” and the idea that you could be fascinated by any random spot on earth. I look forward to enjoying your future travel, going along vicariously from my armchair. We have not been 100 miles from home in over a year! For a couple of lifetime “gypsies,” that strains credulity! But I still dream of travel and plan for lovely wanderings in the future, as you know from the books I read. And maps! Aren’t they magical? Love this dream, Dawn!


    • I look forward to my future travel too! 🙂 Maybe after a lifetime of gypsy sticking close to home fits. And then again maybe you’ll find yourself adventuring further away someday. You have a lot to explore within 100 miles of where you are…as do we all I guess if we stop to think about it.


  3. I want to travel. I like the thought of traveling but the truth is, I am a homebody. We go to Florida for a couple of weeks in the winter but that is familiar and comfortable and once I am there I relax. I think we moved around too much when my husband was in the Army and it ruined me for traveling.. 🙂 I have the very same thoughts as sara, oreo and chewy. We are retired and I still find traveling stressful!


    • I think there are people that are happier being at home. I’m just not one of them. I agree, though, that there are a lot of things that can stress out a trip. I’d like to travel without deadlines or specific destinations, the better to avoid stress.


  4. I am content with where I live, but still I’d like to get away and see more of the world 2 or 3 times a year. The home base is, I think, appreciated all the more when I return to it after having been away.

    Sent from my iPad



  5. This is such an interesting post, with some interesting thoughts and questions. Especially so in light of another blog post I read yesterday, about a woman who has been traveling for years and is now home, and is finding the adjustment difficult. I wonder, sometimes, if we humans always experience some sort of dissatisfaction, no matter what our circumstances. Perhaps that’s how we grow. 🙂


    • If I traveled for years I don’t think I’d be able to settle in one spot either….you’d think you’d be glad to settle but I don’t think so. I agree that we all have some dissatisfaction…the grass being greener you know.


  6. Dawn, this presents a whole new side of you! We’re a lot alike, you know. I, too, love the idea of throwing a dart and going somewhere (at this time of year, somewhere WARM, ha!); but I, too, was raised to be responsible and dependable. Perhaps we learn wanderlust; perhaps we’re hard-wired to it. I just don’t know, but you’ve posed some most interesting questions.


  7. I’ve had this conversation with a dear friend many times. We admire her ability to pick up and go (which, given our history is a lot like the pot calling the kettle black), and she likes that we’ve settled down. I don’t know if it’s a case of grass being greener, or just a case of restless leg syndrome 😉 We love where we live, but we still like to explore and go on lots of adventures. I have no answers. Just a nod that I understand the conundrum 🙂


  8. Maybe different stages in life mean different levels of adventuring…me I’m ready to move out! 🙂


  9. I was always the restless one, too, which made it sometimes painful to settle down here in the woods. Lots of trips have eased that restlessness a bit, but the spiritual journey has helped the most. Learning how to be deeply at rest and home in this body has helped immensely. Not every day–but more often than used to happen. Enjoyed reading this post, Dawn. I think many have felt this way.


  10. I’m thinking about, “What next.” as my teen takes his next step towards independence. I’m pretty content with hearth home and furs. I would however like to contribute to something larger—-I want to make a difference in a meaningful way. I’m not sure what that looks like yet, but I’m sure it will show up.
    Funny, I always wanted to be a trucker too when I was a kid–Very ironic for you.


  11. Throwing the dart sounds like a great idea! How I’d love to do that some day. I can understand that restless spirit, and I’ve seen relatively little of this great country we live in. I have a deeply buried dream about taking myself on a cross-country photography road trip some day, but I wonder if I’d ever muster the courage to do it.


  12. I’m like you–I love to go places & see & do things. Never do enough of it. Used to do more. Trying to do more again. I love the travel there, the being there, and the coming home… the only part I’m not too keen on is *going* home, since a lot of the time you’re just backtracking over ground you’ve already covered, and it’s a long way, and you’re tired… But that’s pretty much it. Wishing you interesting places in the new year.

    Karma–a few years back, I mustered the courage and took myself to London by myself… well, not exactly true… me and my camera, and we had a great time! I’ve been back and forth across the US more than once, and it’s wonderful, so much to see everywhere you go! You can start small, like, “going to yellowstone”, and take 2 weeks to do that trip, something like that. Wishing *you* the courage to go farther and longer in the new year. 🙂


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