Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Inertia begats sluggism

Trees 1407 While lying awake late at night I often plan tomorrow’s day.  Think about all the things I want to get done.  Things that will be good for me, maybe good for Katie the dog too.  It’s going to be a busy day tomorrow, oh yea, lots of stuff to do!  Things that have needed to get done for a long time, possibly for years.  And since I’m not working I have all sorts of time to get these pesky tasks done.  Right?  Sounds good in the warm darkness, under the blanket, with sleep seeping around the edges of my consciousness.

But in the morning, with it’s chilly air,  cold floors and empty fridge it’s just a bit more difficult than I had projected to get moving and actually accomplish anything.  At all.  I haven’t been out of the house since a couple of days before Christmas.  Laundry piles up.  The dishwasher is clean but full.  Dresser drawers needing to be sorted remain untouched.  The news cycle runs over and over on the television…planes being threatened, storms across the country.  I think I might need a nap.

I never took a physics class but I believe that inertia creates more inertia and it’s harder and harder to move once you sit down.  Unemployment is a lot like sitting down and I think today, even in the face of another snowstorm, I need to unstick myself and move out into the world.  Cause a little snow never used to hold me back.  And those of you reading this from “up north” would laugh at the small amount of snow that is currently thwarting all my plans of dogs and parks and walking in the woods!

So…onward!  Let’s venture out!  In the spirit of my northern friends…it’s time to get off the sofa, turn the TV off and find something interesting to do.  Might organize the dresser drawers too…but probably not until tomorrow.

Katie 2194


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At the park

Inspired by Diana’s walk with her dogs Katie and I went back to the park yesterday.  We hadn’t been there in a very long time.  In fact so long that last time we were there we sat by the pond to reflect…while today there was a family ice skating on the very same pond!  Just like in summer when Katie likes to stop and watch the little league kids play ball, she sat and watched the family skate.

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But mostly we walked on snow covered paths, enjoying all the good sniffing places.  Well, SHE enjoyed the sniffing…I enjoyed the sunshine.

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We did a bit of recall practice of course.

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Katie 2173And of course we had to do at least one portrait!

Katie 2180Today we may try to get another good walk in before the storms come.  We hope you all have a good Christmas Eve!

Katie 2182


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5 years

Dad 044 It was five years ago today that Dad was killed.  It seems like yesterday, and a hundred forevers all at the same time.  Much was lost and much has been learned.  Where once I cried in mourning, now I cry angry tears,  and I’m determined that we’ll win our fight for safety.  That’s progress I suppose-from mourning to anger.  Still, I wish I could have remained unwittingly ignorant.

I wish that he was still here.


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A funny

funky art 033 This morning  Katie and I were wandering around the house picking up the last bits of holiday party trash.  We both kept hearing a sound that sounded like ice scraping down the roof.  But we didn’t have ice on the roof.  Katie would bark, I’d check out the windows.  Nothing.  We’d start working again.  Then the same noise would happen and off she’d go to bark.  We’d look out all the windows.  Nothing.

Eventually we were in the kitchen and I heard the noise again.  As Katie ran off to bark I looked up.  And there, on the kitchen skylights were several mourning doves, eating birch seeds that had fallen on the glass which was covered in ice.  They were sliding down the window as they ate, then they’d flap their wings and get back to the top, then slide down again.  Silly birds!

Even more silly was the dog, who has no concept that something might be up in the ceiling!  I couldn’t get her to look up.  She just ran around growling and barking each time a bird slid down the window.  Finally I picked her up, held her chin up and when the birds flapped their wings she finally noticed.

Now she’s sitting in the kitchen staring intently up at the skylights.  On guard.   If those terrorist birds arrive again she’ll be ready!  Can’t get anything past a vigilant sheltie girl!  No siree!

Katie 1395


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Chistmas is past

Katie 2119 I know for most of you Christmas is right around the corner.  But for us Christmas was last night when we entertained my husband’s family here at the house.  We planned for days the seating and menu, worried about the weather and the guest list.  I cooked for a couple of days before and finally the day arrived.  Husband and I moved worriedly among the rented tables, adjusting table cloths, finding the odd spiderweb up along the ceiling, checking the butter dishes, napkins and plate numbers repeatedly.  So much last minute stuff and I knew the family would arrive early and set me all off  kilter.

Which of course they did.  The invites said 4:00 p.m., dinner at 5:00.  Most everyone had arrived by 3:30, and they arrived hungry.  Thank goodness I had made one extra h’orderve dish’!  So they munched on ham roll-ups (including some with dill pickle inside, based on the grocery store cashier’s recommendation.) and cheese and peppers dip and the last minute artichoke heart, spinach and cream cheese dip along with crackers, pita chips and other munchies.   The teenagers made short work of all of that and then everyone was waiting for us to finish with the roast beef and ham.  And of course the beef wasn’t cooperating and wouldn’t come up to temperature even when we cranked up the oven in a panic at the end.

Finally at 5:20, which wasn’t all that late considering the original plan, we sat down to eat.  I was so frazzled by then I don’t really remember things, but I am pretty sure all the food was wonderful because when everyone left last night there were hardly any leftovers!  I guess I should measure the success of a dinner party by the amount of food I have to put away later..the less the better…right?

Katie stayed in the bedroom, occasionally barking and even howling, but mostly she stayed quiet and probably slept.  I checked on her a couple of times and she was anxious to see what all the commotion was out in the living room, but we had too many little kids running around and screaming in play to let her have free reign.  She’s not used to little kids and we didn’t want to risk having a crisis, so she waited it out until the little ones left.  Then she came out and entrained the adults with her obedience and rollover tricks.  She even played fetch with our 94 year old aunt!  They thought she was adorable.   And of course she is.

So our Christmas is pretty well finished, at least the large part of it.  Christmas Day my aunt will come up from Ann Arbor for dinner, but it will be a quiet, small affair.  I guess I should figure out what that menu will be but in reality I’m not going to get excited about it till at least Tuesday!  Today is a day to sit with feet up and eat the few leftovers we have.

And maybe take Katie to the park.

Katie 502


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A busy day for the Sheltie girl…Mama's back in town!

Katie got to spend almost 3 weeks with her Dad while I traveled about.  No school.  No responsibilities.  Just playtime and nap time..oh…and SUPPER TIME!  This morning I told her that we had Rally class later in the day.  So she immediately asked to go outside to her play pen, where she took a long nap in order to prepare for the riggers of school.

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Silly girl.  How she can sleep outside when it’s below freezing is beyond me!  Then we went to school where she did surprisingly well given no one has worked with her in so long.  She didn’t need to get acclimated to the building and was ready to get to work as soon as we arrived.  She still won’t heel worth a bean, but we’re working on it.  I wish I had pictures of her sitting in the long sit line with all the other really big dogs.  Maybe I’ll ask the instructor next week if it’s OK to take a non flash picture when they’re all in their long sit.

I’m having my husband’s extended family here for dinner on Saturday and there was much coming and going today as I began to prepare.  Lots of pots and pans and things banging around in the kitchen.  Katie was very observant.  After awhile she got quite antsy and I figured out that she wanted to play!  That worked out great as we had moved all the living room furniture against the wall in preparation for putting up rented tables in the middle of the room to seat people for dinner.  So there was a giant space in which to play fetch!  Great idea Katie!

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We had lots of fun until I, while talking on the phone and continuing to roll the ball past the dog, accidentally rolled the ball under a chair where she couldn’t get to it.  She told me off for sure!

Katie 2146I never was that good at multi-tasking.  So anyway, after her long day, she’s now upside down next to me in bed, sound asleep.  While I’m wide awake of course.  This is going to be trouble tomorrow morning when she’s UP and READY TO GO at her typical 6:30 or 7:00 a.m.

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Sigh.

Katie 2138


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Invisible

When I was a kid I thought that I wanted to grow up and have no permanent home, to travel the country, maybe the world, living nowhere and everywhere, free to move about as I wanted.  I’ve always kept that idea tucked in the back of my mind, thinking that someday maybe I’d hit the road permanently.  But after spending a week alone in DC I have to say I may need to reevaluate that concept of freedom.

On one hand it’s a wonderful experience that everyone should have, days and days without agenda, no responsibilities, sleeping as late as you like, eating when you like, what you like, visiting sites you’re interested in, leaving them if they don’t hold your attention.  On the other hand there is no one to discuss the sites with, no one to catch a meal with, no one to wake up to the next morning.  And as I wandered the city in my one pair of jeans, wearing my beige coat, purse over my shoulder I began to feel invisible.  People working the museums, the train, the national monuments saw me, I’m sure, but I’m equally sure they won’t remember me.  People taking my meal orders at restaurants smile blithely but wouldn’t be able to describe me the next day if they were asked.  Often my food orders were prepared in error, people didn’t seem to hear me, or maybe they just weren’t listening.  I thought that perhaps this is the way homeless people feel.  Invisible.

Each day I’d go out and explore some new venue.  I’d fill my day until it got dark and then I’d scurry home to the hotel.  I was grateful I had the hotel to retreat to and  I wondered about other people that wandered as I did but didn’t have that luxury.  It was a funny feeling to belong nowhere; to attempt to fill my days, plotting where I could go to get warm, or to sit down for awhile.  There aren’t so many places you can just sit for very long without arousing suspicion.  I even wandered into the downtown DC public library and read a whole book one morning, when I arrived at an art museum several hours before it opened.

It’s an eye opener to be “homeless” for a week.  To not be noticed by anyone.  When I was a kid I thought that being invisible might be fun.  Now I think maybe not so much.

truck safety meeting Dec 2009 295