Change Is Hard

August 11, 2009
by dawnkinster 2 Comments

The annual Perseid meteor shower

As I got out of the car into the muggy darkness last night after working 8 hours at the library I heard the unmistakable sound of generators humming. At all the neighbors homes. DRAT! We had a couple day power outage last week, and last Wednesday I threw out several bags of food from our fridge and freezer as a result. Yesterday the power went out around 2 while I was at work, and didn’t come on till about 8 this morning. Today I have bagged up a couple bags of food from the fridge and freezer. Again. The good news was that I had been too busy to really stock up on stuff, so there was less stuff to throw away. And the really good news is that now my fridge and freezer are clean!

So Katie and I slept in the tent last night. The 3/4 moon was high and there was lots of light in the backyard. The house was dark and she doesn’t like the moving light of flashlights or lanterns, so the tent was a good choice. We fell asleep to the hum of generators. Very early this morning I had to use the bathroom, so we trooped back inside. But on our walk back to the house I was looking at the stars, so many, so bright, focusing on a planet in the southern sky when I saw the most beautiful shooting star! What luck I thought! To happen to be sleeping in the tent and happen to have to go inside to use the bathroom, and happen to be looking in the right direction!

Then I remembered that it was August 11, my mother’s birthday, and a date when the Perseid metero shower usually is at it’s brightest! News reports today say the best viewing for people in North America will be “between midnight to 5 a.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 12, (that’s tonight!) but late Tuesday night and also Wednesday night could prove fruitful, weather permitting.”

Katie and I will be in our back yard studying the sky tonight. Hope you can watch too!

August 10, 2009
by dawnkinster 8 Comments

When 27 is all there is.

Yesterday afternoon I sat in a hot and stuffy church sanctuary waiting for a ceremony to start. In some ways it felt like I was attending a wedding. There were flowers. And people dressed up. And we kept glancing toward the back, waiting for the family to enter. But it wasn’t a wedding, and the people sitting in the pews were sniffling, wiping tears away, hugging those long clinging hugs of grief. The person this ceremony was for was only 27 when he died last Tuesday. I never met him; he was the husband of a running buddy of mine who lives over on the other side of the state. Yesterday, the day of his funeral, would have been their first wedding anniversary.

I heard the news Saturday night late, and the funeral was Sunday afternoon, coincidently not far from where I live. Of course I had to go. All night I slept fitfully, waking with his name on my mind. Because you see, he chose to leave this life. Something inside of him was so painful that he couldn’t see a way to stay. And I’m trying to understand that now.

The parking lot was full, the sanctuary was packed. There were probably 200 people attending the service. I watched young men arrive, eyes red and swollen to sit alone. I watched the family standing near, still in shock, trying to give and receive comfort. I saw people sitting quietly watching a slide show of a young man growing up with tears sliding silently down their faces. And I wondered the obvious. Did he not know that all these people loved him? Or maybe it just wasn’t enough.

So as I listened to one of his brothers and his sister-in-law sing inspirational music, to his youngest brother, maybe 17, read a poem that he had written, my eyes filled up as well. I never met this man, but I wish somehow he could know. And I, like everyone else there, wished I could turn back time, unravel the past, make him see.

Twenty-seven. Life is so much bigger than twenty-seven. The weight of the world can seem too heavy when you’re that age, but it’s just the beginning of so much more that will be wonderful. So in honor of this young man whom I’ve never met I will try to spend more time looking around, checking on my friends and family. I need to make sure that no one feels so alone that the weight of the world hangs so heavy, no one feels so alone that the only option is to give up.

Because yesterday two hundred people cried while singing Amazing Grace…and someone wasn’t there to hear it.

August 7, 2009
by dawnkinster 9 Comments

Restless nature = long bike ride

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I’ve been lucky enough enough to have had three days off in a row this week. I’m feeling restless, wanting to DO SOMETHING with this time; something I haven’t done in a long time, something fun, something that’s been on my list of things to do someday. I thought about going to the zoo, there are several new exhibits since I was there when I was a kid over 40 years ago…but it’s quite a drive. Thought about heading down to a few towns I used to live in and poke around the neighborhoods. Also quite a drive. Thought about heading up north for that trip I didn’t get to take a couple of weeks ago…but there was that drive thing again.

So I settled on a bike ride. There’s a rails-to-trails route not so far away from me. About three years ago, when I bought myself a new bike, I attempted to bike from a town at one end of it to the town at the other. It was a hot, humid day, my tires were under inflated, and I gave up about 5 miles down the trail. Today my tires were correctly inflated, it was in the mid 70’s with an overcast sky and I was determined to go the whole distance and back. I had no idea how far that was, figured it was maybe 6 miles one way, but whatever.

I picked up a map at the start of the trail, but realized I hadn’t brought my reading glasses, so it was pretty useless. I figured I’d just ride and figure it out as I went. Since it’s a trail built on a railroad grade it’s pretty level, with crushed limestone which was well packed. It was quite busy at the start with people and their families out biking, walking the dog, jogging. The trail follows Paint Creek as it meanders through woods and marshland. I got to see the back yards of some pretty spectacular houses along the way. But it seemed to be uphill. A lot. Or my tires were flat again. Or something. Apparently I have a 21 gear bike. One handle has 3 numbers, and the other has 7 numbers. I played it pretty safe, stayed with the 2 on the left, and moved around from the 3 to the 5 on the right. Didn’t see any reason to get myself in trouble trying to be some kind of bike pro. After awhile I began to wonder if I would fail at this challenge again. I stopped under a bridge, tried to read the map, had a drink of water, took off my sunglasses and headed off again. I was determined not to fail. It seemed to go better after the drink and without the sunglasses I got a better breeze which was cooling, although there were a few bug near misses.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I used to run and so I know that a technical shirt is cooler than a cotton one, but of course I wore cotton today. Lesson learned. Next bike ride (in another three years I suppose) I’ll be wearing a technical shirt and I”ll find my bike shorts. The ones with the padding!

Nature report: One female deer, standing down by the creek in the dappled shade, watching all the traffic go by. Most people didn’t even notice her. Cardinals and robins singing and flying across the trail in front of me. Lots of dogs on leashes with their people, one Bichon in a basket on the handle bars of her mama’s bike. A few chipmunks, or maybe they were Reilly’s ground squirrels, hard to tell. Two horses grazing nearby.

And can you tell what I saw out in the pond?

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One big ole turtle swimming in a dammed up part of the creek.

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He seemed very interested in me and eventually swam up almost to the viewing deck. Maybe people feed him, I don’t know. I bid him farewell and continued on.

Eventually I got to the next town. Since I hadn’t paid attention to the mile marker at the start, I didn’t really have any concept of how far I had traveled. But I was pretty sure it was more than 6 miles, and that most of it was uphill. I cruised around downtown for a bit, looking for an ice cream place. It seemed like there should be some reward for my work, and ice cream would have been perfect. I remember years ago running with a friend and we’d stop at a little grocery store and buy one popcicle. We’d split it and enjoy it all the way back home during our “cool down.” I miss that. Well, couldn’t find any ice cream store, so headed back. And guess what? It WAS mostly uphill coming out…so popped my gear up to 7 and started my flight downhill home. 🙂 Of course there were a few places that I was headed uphill again, but it was mostly downhill. What a nice return!

When I got back to where I had parked I did the math based on the mile marker at the other end and the mile marker at the parking lot. 8.9 miles. Times 2. Hmmm… no wonder my hands were numb, my butt was sore, and my sciatic nerve was acting up again. Probably should have ridden a few shorter trips prior. All in all though a fun trip.

Lessons learned:

1. Wear the right clothes.

2. Take some food, I was starving!

3. Check out the map before you leave home.

4. Don’t wait three years to go on another bike trip.

August 5, 2009
by dawnkinster 9 Comments

Another tricky t-day snuck up on us!

Katie and I have been working on weaving between my legs. At first she was scared, all that obedience training caused her to want to stick right next to me on the left.

“Not going through Mom’s legs, no siree! Pretty sure THAT will get me a big ole “NO!” Gonna prance right next to her and look beautiful, that’s what usually gets me my treat, no sense deviating from that…hmmm….Mom’s bending over all crooked, and there’s a tasty morsel in her hand, and it’s right over THERE…and so….OK! MOM! I’m going to get that treat even if it IS over on the other side of you!”

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So the book says, practice this for 5 minutes a couple of times a day for two weeks and she should have it. I can get her to weave in between my legs now without giving her a treat at each weave, just at the end. I guess that’s progress. But I haven’t figured out how to weave, reward AND get a picture of us. So, I hope you guys have a vivid imagination. OR…just go watch Sara and Oreo’s July 14’t post at http://saralovesdogs.blogspot.com/ ! Then pretend it’s me and Katie! 🙂 I think Sara is doing a wonderful job of teaching her two some great tricks.

Meanwhile…back to our weave practice…

“Wait!” Katie whines, “It’s almost 2 in the morning, and a sheltie-girl has to get her beauty sleep! How about we wait till tomorrow to try again?”

Good thinking girl.

August 2, 2009
by dawnkinster 6 Comments

trees-1061 A couple days ago I went berry picking at a local farm. The blueberry bushes are about five feet tall, and as you pick, sheltered under your particular shrub, you hear the conversations of the people around you. Most people were there with families, complete with lots of little kids. I heard innumerable Moms and Dads explain to excited elementary schoolers and toddlers to “only pick the blue ones, the pink ones are yucky!” Generally after that would come a chorus of “Is this one a good one Mom?” and “Dad! Dad! I found a BIG one!” Followed shortly by “MOM! Eli HIT me!”

I heard many of the adults talk about how peaceful it was to be out picking berries. Mostly it was mothers who were out with their kids, chatting with their friends or relatives while the kids crawling in under the bushes to find the “bestest” blueberries. But on one occasion it was a dad who exclaimed loudly that “picking berries is the most peaceful thing in the whole world.” To which his son disagreed. “No it isn’t Dad.” “No? Then what is the most peaceful thing in the world?” asked the Dad. “EATING them!” triumphantly crowed his son.

We all chuckled in agreement.

July 31, 2009
by dawnkinster Leave a comment

Reconstruction

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You know when you watch people on the news after a tornado or a hurricane has ripped their lives and homes to shreds, how they look around with tears in their eyes, in shock at all the damage, but still grateful that they’re alive? And how they always say that no matter how bad things are, regardless of their terrible loss, that they’re going to rebuild? Well, I always wonder how they’re doing after the news trucks and reporters have gone on to other stories. How they are months later when the really hard work of rebuilding is happening and no one is there to notice.

In a smaller, more personal and more human way I’ve witnessed something similar; the destruction of a lifestyle, of a commitment, of certainty. The confusing disbelief, the crazy anger, the debilitating sadness; the hopelessness, the exhaustion, the constant and wearing questions and lists. And as time went on I’ve also seen the hope shining through the tears, the growth of a human spirit, the strength growing, and the rebuilding beginning. Out of disaster, disorder and deconstruction, through heartache and hard work, comes a new life. Here’s proof that reconstruction is possible; that’s it necessary and difficult, but satisfactory and joyous all at the same time. Even when no one is watching.

Congratulations little sister on your reconstruction of a deconstructed life. You’re on your way, no time to look back, the future is yours now. Go with it. I’m proud of you.

July 28, 2009
by dawnkinster 9 Comments

Another tricky-T day!

Katie will, about 80% of the time, “roll over” when asked now. Even if I’m not right there luring her over! She only rolls to her right; going left is not an option at this time! I figured out how to make my camera shoot some “video” but try as I might I can’t get it loaded into this blog. So here are a couple still photos. You’ll have to use your imagination!

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Do I have to roll ALL the way over Mom?

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Oh, really? Well OK.

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Geeze Mom, if I do all the work, the least you could do is get all of me in the picture!

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I still think “Shake” is more fun though.

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We’re going to try a new trick for next week…can’t tell you which though…cause we don’t know!

July 27, 2009
by dawnkinster 4 Comments

Sad little garden

Last fall I said I wasn’t going to plant another vegetable garden. Too much work I said, too little payback. Could go to the neighborhood farmers’ market and get things cheap, support my local farmers, bla bla bla. And this spring as usual I was sucked into the illusion that I would have better luck, an overflowing garden filled with lush foliage and vegetables. Enough to share with the neighbors, to make it all worthwhile.

It’s mid July now. If you squint at the garden you can sort of recall that once upon a time, many years ago it used to resemble a fruitful garden. This year, however, it has not lived up to my expectations.

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And what appears to be an empty bed, toward the back on the right? That was supposed to be my green beans. I planted after Memorial Day and only three bean seeds germinated. Then some sort of bug ate all the leaves off the three plants and they died. I replanted just before I left for the 4th of July, and about a week later I had pretty little rows of green beans, about an inch high. I was delighted. Then something came and ate everything down to stubby little stems. So. No green beans. I do have some beets and some chard though.

And three, maybe four tops tomatoes. Not even many blossoms. And something ate one of my tomatoes. Already.

It’s been a cold, wet summer. We’ve had a couple of days into the 90’s but mostly highs in the 70’s. So maybe it’s not my gardening skills. But still.

On the other hand, the perennial garden seems to like the chilly weather. The cone flowers are unstoppable of course, but other things are pretty this year too.

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So next year I’m not doing a vegetable garden. Going to go buy my produce at the farmers’ market. Yep. Not going to put all that work into three tomatoes, no siree. Going to plant flowers in that space instead. Or turf. Maybe make it into a big ole rock garden. Yep. That’s what I’m going to do…bla bla bla.

July 26, 2009
by dawnkinster 9 Comments

Here's Daisy

Essex and Deacon’s dad asked us to show you a picture of Daisy, our very first sheltie. She was such a good girl when I met her while dating my husband. She didn’t get on the furniture, sleep on the bed or bark too much. She loved to fetch the tennis ball for as long as you were willing to throw it. Then her daddy and I got married and she moved into my home. I spoiled her and by the time she died a year or so later she enjoyed snuggling on the bed with me whenever daddy wasn’t around. She also learned about people food at my wedding shower when guests thought she was cute. Poor girl, she was just getting used to being spoiled when she died of a blood illness. No sheltie of ours since has had any concept about staying off the furniture or the bed. Wonder why? LOL!

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This is Daisy, running in our backyard shortly after we got married in 1990. I haven’t found many pictures of her, though in this one she’s smiling, like she always did when running around the yard.

Then there’s Katie. We’re still working on “roll over.” She will now do it while I’m slightly away from her. I don’t have to lure anymore. But she’s sneaky. While I was messing with the camera, trying to figure out how to make it convert to video, she got up on her hind legs and stole the rest of the “good” treats off of the desk. Guess she was tired of having to work for them! So far I have a few fuzzy still photos of her rolling over. If I figure out how to use the video, then figure out how to upload it, you’ll see the trick next Tricky-T day!

July 24, 2009
by dawnkinster 4 Comments

When we go to our favorite park

This evening, feeling bad about a trip to northern Michigan that I didn’t get to take today, I decided to compromise with a walk in my favorite park with my girl Katie. It’s about a 30 minute drive; we arrived early evening. It was 76 degrees and quite humid. I carried treats and a water bottle, plus the camera and a doggie bag to pick up any deposits we might leave. I felt like a bag lady. Katie was quite impatient with all my preparations. She was ready to go Go GO!

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As it was quite warm we stopped every quarter mile or so for a drink, but mostly she was just doing the “Sheltie prance” right down the bike path.

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Of course there was much sniffing along the way.

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And of course, lots of times I made her pose for me near beautiful places.

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Katie and I had quite a long discussion when we got to the 3/4 mile mark, but she wanted to keep going, so we turned around at the one mile mark.

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Which turned out to be a mistake. We should have turned around at 3/4 of a mile. Shortly after we started back Katie just stopped walking. We goofed around for awhile, got a drink, sniffed some stuff, then she trotted off. We rested each quarter on the way back too. During one rest two sandhill cranes flew overhead, squawking madly.

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It took us more than an hour to walk the two miles. The sun was going down by the time we got near the car. Low evening light makes for pretty pictures.

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