Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


by 11 Comments

Cramming a lifetime of memories into one long weekend

july-4-2009-alabama-045

Spending the July 4th holiday weekend with family in the south was a treat.  Part of the weekend was spent at my brother’s home on a big lake, part of the weekend was spent at my parent’s home on another large lake.  Both places played host to all four of us; siblings together again for a few days, goofing off like we did when we were kids.  Of course not having Mom and Dad there to share it all with us lent a low grade melancholic feeling that persisted beneath the laughs, good food, great boat trips and crazy conversations.

Along the way were a few things that stood out:

  • Watching 4th of July fireworks from a boat, just like we used to do as kids.  There were at least a thousand boats anchored at one end of the big lake, private fireworks going off along the shore, the official fireworks at the dam competing with the almost full moon, and Dad’s big dipper hanging high in the sky.
  • Photographing scores of patriotically decked out wave runners as they sped by our boat in a watery version of the traditional  holiday parade.
  • Listening to a celebratory concert at “two tree island” while floating next to the boat, my toes turned up to the evening sky in a salute to Mom’s swimming style.
  • Eating a sweet ripe peach, the juice running down my chin, then eating another just because I could.
  • Running my fingers over small wooden figurines on Dad’s bedroom dresser that years ago had resided on our kitchen windowsill, bringing back memories of teenage years in another place and time.
  • Stopping for a moment during a boat ride in the warm summer air  beside the mountain where we had spread their ashes to pay our respects.
  • Watching a storm come in across the lake, listening to the wind beat the roof and windows, the rain going sideways across the yard, being glad we were there so the house wasn’t facing the storm alone.
  • Playing Mom’s piano.  It took both my sister and me to haltingly make it through some of the music left behind.  Our four hands couldn’t play what her two hands had played so beautifully such a short time ago.
  • Looking around the cabin as we left, saying a silent goodbye to them.  Telling them I loved them.  Hurrying away before the pain overwhelmed.  Seeing a marquee sign out front of the first little gas station a couple of miles away that said simply “Love You.”  Knew it was a message that they loved us back.

july-4-2009-alabama-220


by 3 Comments

Sitting fat and happy

I’m here in the deep south, sitting in the shade, sipping sweet tea, watching the crazy jet skis and boats out on the lake.  Been swimming at least a couple times already today, will go again this evening before the fireworks.  It’s a wonderful life.

Hope you are all enjoying your Fourth…more later…that sweet tea is calling my name…


by 3 Comments

Deer one, gardener two. So far.

Deer love day lilies.  Of course we didn’t know that when we planted a whole lot of them on the south end of the house.  Most years we don’t see many blooms.  This year for reasons known only to the deer themselves, they didn’t eat many of the lily plants we’ve never seen bloom, and they DID eat those that in previous years they’ve left alone.   Here’s what they didn’t eat:

trees-1023

trees-1025

trees-1026

And an example of many that they did:

trees-1027

Darn deer.

Tomorrow early I fly south for the weekend with my siblings.  I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend, if you’re in the States.  If not, have a great weekend in general!  See you when I get back.  Everyone stay safe please!

trees-148


by 5 Comments

Reading about dog heaven

I was afraid to just title this “Dog heaven” for fear you’d all think something bad happened.  Nothing bad happened, I just ran across the sweetest little children’s book.  It’s called “Dog Heaven” and it’s written and illustrated by Cynthia Rylant.  It’s a picture book that explains what dogs get to do in heaven.  If you ever have to explain it to a little one I recommend this book.  Heck.  It even made me feel better about the three dogs I’ve loved and lost over my lifetime.

A sample of what’s inside:

“When dogs go to Heaven, they don’t need wings because God knows that dogs love running best.  He gives them fields.  Fields and fields and fields.”

“and…

“They run beside the water and bark and bark and God watches them from behind a tree and smiles.”

“And, of course, all God’s dogs sit when the angels say “sit.”

“And each dog is petted and reminded how good he is, all day long.”

I think all of you would enjoy this book, check to see if your library has it!  Sure it’s a picture book designed for small children..but it connects with the small child in me, and it will for you too.

katie-1441


by 8 Comments

Back from the groomer

katie-1667

Katie is just back from the dreaded groomer.  She loves to go for car rides, but starts trembling when she realizes we’ve pulled into the groomer’s parking lot.  She’s shaking like a leaf when I hand her over.   And as soon as we go back to pick her up she’s headed full tilt for the door.  But she’s so pretty when she’s all cleaned up it’s sort of worth it.  For us.  Probably not for her.

katie-16611


by 8 Comments

It's not all about Michael

Yes it’s sad that Michael Jackson died too young, another divinely talented soul  gone from this place.  But there are other important stories in the news today, stories that are overshadowed by the pop star’s untimely death.  In Oklahoma yesterday afternoon nine people died horrible deaths in a highway wreck that sounds hauntingly familiar.

When my husband told me there had been a wreck in Oklahoma my heart already knew.  He began by stating that traffic had been stopped on the freeway.   I knew the rest of it before the words were out of his mouth.  A semi slammed into the back of an SUV, then into other vehicles.  Eight adults and a child are gone.  They didn’t live extravagant lifestyles,  they didn’t cause crowds to scream, they weren’t worth billions, didn’t owe millions, weren’t particularly special.  Except to their families; to their friends and families these nine people were priceless.

So.  Is nine lives enough for us and for our legislators to take notice?  How many is enough?  Five thousand people are truck crash victims every year.  When is enough enough?   Of course we don’t know yet what kept that truck driver from seeing all the traffic stopped ahead.  We don’t know if fatigue was a factor.  The news report indicate alcohol was not involved.  If not drink, then what?

We need to find out.  And we need to make sure this tragedy isn’t buried under celebrity news.  These nine people deserve as much attention as the other stories of the day.  Their lives were worth as much, their deaths should not go unnoticed.


by 4 Comments

Tricky T-day

Today is tricky t-day, where I’m supposed to show you Katie’s new trick.  Right.  I did order a book (from the library of course) on how to teach your dog tricks.  Aside from doing “Shake!” which Katie appears to have been born knowing how to do, I haven’t successfully taught her any tricks.  So I think I need some help.  The book isn’t here yet, so this week we’re continuing to do Shake!  If there’s food involved, she can’t get enough of that!

And we made it all night last night in the tent, a trick unto itself.  I wasn’t going to take her, but as I was leaving she jumped on my legs and begged to go.  So we gave it another try.  She slept all night, upside down, against the air mattress.

Silly dog.

katie-1560


by 4 Comments

Another camping attempt

It was a warm night, dozens of fireflies winking nearby, hundreds of stars winking above.  Katie pulled hard at her leash, straining to get to the tent set up in the backyard.  But once inside she just wasn’t ready to sleep.  We tried.  Far off dogs barking, nearby deer wandering, cars driving by; it all riled Katie, and in turn me.  At 1:00 a.m., after 3 hours of attempting to sleep in the silky warm night air, I gave up and we went inside.

Once settled on the familiar bed, ceiling fan twirling, window open, she fell sound asleep, but I was wide awake.  I wasn’t barking at every sound from outside, but I certainly wasn’t yawning either, though I was extremely tired.  Another hour went by.  Katie rolled over onto her back, her favorite way to sleep, propped up against me.  Past 2 a.m., I was wide awake and Katie  softly snoring, her little feet twitching while she dreamed of chasing those deer into the warm summer night.

Another Katie adventure ended just the way she likes them to;  pressed up against her Mama, safe and sound, free to dream.

katie-16301


by 4 Comments

Happy Father's Day

Father’s Day sort of blindsided me this year.  For five years I’ve make a conscious effort not to notice things that relate to fathers in an attempt to stem the pain. This year it was more of an unconscious thing that I didn’t notice the day was approaching.  Earlier in the month I walked into a department store and was assaulted by all the Father’s Day signs, suggestions,  and piles of wares.  It surprised me and yet there wasn’t the usual stab of real physical pain right under my ribcage like I’ve felt in years past.  It was more like any person might be surprised when they see the Halloween stuff go up in stores in late August.  More like, “Yea that’s right, this month has Father’s Day.”

This year, though I truly wish I could still call my Dad and wish him a fabulous day, I am more content to just wish all the fathers out there a great day.  I’m happy when I hear someone talk about spending time with their own father without feeling the deep sadness that I can’t do the same.

So Happy Father’s Day to you all!  And if you can spend some time with your own Dad, enjoy your day; make some memories, share a laugh, a hug, a thank you.   Do it for yourself, do it for your Dad.  Maybe even as a favor to me.

braun-and-badger-068


by 3 Comments

Observation

Working in a library gives me the opportunity to watch people interact, and I’m beginning to recognize different parenting styles.  There are parents who arrive at the library and totally disassociate with their children, as if they are relieved to be free of the responsibility.  There are others that hover anxiously while  aggressively choosing books and movies and offering them to their children for approval.  Still others hang out nearby  letting the children choose their own items, but effectively ignoring any attempts at discussion.  And then there are the parents that actually interact with their children as if they are intelligent beings; listening while their children talk, provide coherent, relevant responses to their children’s comments and questions.  Those are the ones I like to watch the most.

I’ve seen negligent parenting, hostile parenting, coaxing parenting, condescending parenting, and supportive, image building parenting.  I’m sure some of the differences between parents has something to do with differences in children, but I have to ask; which comes first, the pouting, recalcitrant tween or the domineering, manipulative parent?

So much of the behavior I see in children, from the tiny youngsters refusing to stay near their mom as they explore  to teenagers oblivious to any requests from their parents reminds me of Katie’s behavior.  And worse, the responses from the parents often remind me of ..well…me when I’m trying to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do.  The cajoling, the bribing, the short loud demands…I’ve done almost everything I see parents do to get my dog to do what I want which is so often wildly different than what she wants to do.  Sometimes, as I commiserate with the parents at the checkout desk I almost slip and tell them that I’ve got the same issues with my dog.  But I stop myself.  I’m pretty sure no parent wants to hear how their child reminds me of my dog.  But still…

I’m just glad Katie has her own edgy and stubborn personality. Even when I make parenting errors she bounces back and reminds me that she still loves me.  I wish all parents could be so lucky with their own kids.

katie-1658