Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Family weekend

A spur of the moment decision found me flying south for the weekend.  South to where my family is.  South to where the lonely little house on the lake waited.  It was anxious to be filled again with the sound of laughter and talk, the lights glowing again late into the night, smells of dinner and especially dessert filling the air.  The little house on the lake where memories of yesterday mingle with today’s events.  South.

It was a short visit but long enough to connect again with family and friends.

To get a little swimming and skiing in between the raindrops.

A little hiking up the mountain.

And lots of good eating.

Sweet weekend.  Short weekend.

Missing the little house, friends and family already.

 


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Breakfast with Mom

This morning as I was making my lunch to take to work I noticed a very ripe peach at the bottom of the fruit bowl.  Half of it was beyond help and I was going to toss it when I thought about my Mom, and how she used to peel peaches and put a few slices into each of four cereal bowls before we got up summer mornings so we’d have wonderful, fresh peaches with our cereal.  Heaven.  So this morning I peeled the good side of the peach and sliced it up into my Cheerios.

Today is Mom’s birthday, so I silently wished her a good day wherever she is.  August 11 is often the best night of the year to see shooting stars in our part of the world.  Tonight I’ll spend a few minutes in the backyard with her, watching the sky, hoping to see something special.

Beginning and ending my day with Mom.  Just like it used to be

 


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Heading home!

Want to hear some good news?  Husband’s Aunt is headed home tomorrow!  She’s been out of her apartment for close to 6 weeks.  First in the hospital for a week, then here for a week, then back in the hospital for another week and now 3 weeks in a nursing home doing physical therapy and getting her strength back.  She’s a very determined woman, and appears to be stronger than ever.   We’re grateful for all the care and physical challenges she’s experienced in the nursing home.

But what an experience a nursing home is, even for me who was only visiting, much less for a competent, sharp and vital woman who just happens to have some issues with her balance and stamina.  It’s not a place I’d want anyone to have to live in, yet it was the place that helped her get strong again.  I have mixed emotions about the whole thing.  She, on the other hand, vows never to go back.

Last Monday I was sitting with her in the lobby watching people come and go, a main source of entertainment for us, when a little lady in a wheelchair rolled over to talk to my Aunt.  Seems she lives in the same building that my Aunt lives in, though they didn’t know each other.  She had heard Aunt V was headed home, and she stopped by to say goodbye and to talk a bit about life “on the outside.”

She was facing a difficult decision; whether to go back home to her apartment, to stay at the nursing home or go to live with her daughter.  She said that the staff told her she could do whatever she wished, though they hadn’t been able to get her walking again.  I asked her what she really wanted to do.  She wants to go back to her apartment, and you could tell she was feeling sad that Aunt V was going back and she wasn’t sure she ever would.

She said she’d been out of her apartment for over a month and after being in the nursing home for that long she had ‘lost the courage’ she had to live on her own again.  She was afraid of going home and living alone, yet she didn’t want to give that independence up either.  We talked for quite awhile, and I encouraged her to be brave, but I don’t know what she will ultimately decide to do.  I felt sad for her as she wheeled herself back to her room.  With a little bit of assistance she might be able to live on her own for awhile longer.  Who knows.

I hope when I’m her age I can hang onto my courage and take the risk to do what I really want to do.  Heck.  Even these days it often takes courage to take a risk and do what you really want to do.  I’m giving Aunt V credit for going after something she wanted.

Even at age 95.


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4th of July picking

Up here in Michigan the 4th of July means it’s cherry picking time.  At least around here.  Though sometimes I’ve missed the whole crop when it’s been early, waiting till the 4th to check with the orchard.  But this year the fruit is right on time.

When I was a kid we used to all pile into the station wagon and head for this very orchard.  Cherries are one my favorite things to pick.  No thorns, they’re usually at eye level, so no stooping, they’re beautiful when the sun shines on them.  And they taste good too.  Though tart cherries might be an acquired taste.  We grew up on them, so I laugh as I listen to other people in the orchard tasting them straight off the tree.  Pretty sour!

At Spicers Orchard your cherry picking adventure starts with a ride in the wagon pulled behind a tractor.  This morning I was the only one heading out and I remembered driving a tractor as a kid at my uncle’s farm.  Frankly, I’d rather be driving than sitting in the bouncy trailer eating his dust.  But that’s another blog.

Eventually he dropped me off near the fully loaded trees.

The most important part of any picking is choosing the exact right tree to work on.  We were trained as youngsters not to waste any fruit; to stick to your tree and pick all the ripe fruit before you moved on.  To crawl under the tree and look up, where you’d find some of the best, most ripe fruit.  So you want to find a good tree right off the bat.

And just like you wouldn’t jump into a row of strawberries that someone else is picking in, you don’t walk up to a tree that someone is already working on.  There are plenty for everyone, so you find your own tree.  Didn’t everyone get raised  with property fruit picking etiquette?

Apparently not.

As I’m under my tree, reaching high in the branches for the most succulent, translucent ripe cherries two people climb off the latest trailer and walk directly to my tree, three rows in from the road, and begin to pick!  The entire orchard is empty except for me, under my tree.  They are talking loudly and non stop in an Asian language that of course I can’t follow.  And though it’s interesting to try to pick out what they’re talking about, there on the other side of the trunk of my tree, it’s also annoying.  Because part of what I enjoy about picking fruit is the relative peacefulness of it all.

Perhaps this is a cultural thing.  Perhaps if you come from a country where space is at a premium you have never had the experience of having personal space.  Nor do you know that in a rural orchard personal space encompasses an entire tree.  I decide to chalk it up to that and continue picking, smiling as they stay only a few minutes then wander away, still talking nonstop.

They probably never even saw me.  And paradoxically, I am a bit lonely when they leave.  Because another part of fruit picking is that it’s generally done by families, and I miss my family this holiday weekend.  So I will freeze a few packages of cherries, the better to make our traditional cherry pie, the next time they come up for a visit.  Might even use it as a bribe to get them to come north.

 

Better get to pitting.  You didn’t think the work was done with the picking did you?

 


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Walking with random thoughts

Do any of you remember pine cone wreaths?  OK – that probably dated me, but I remember my Mom making pine cone wreaths in the 70’s.

You took a bunch of pine cones and glued them to a wire wreath, then sprayed them with something to seal them.  They were actually pretty.

Every day at work I try to get out at lunch for a walk around the neighborhood; it’s the best part of my day.  Lately I’ve noticed a lot of pine cones under trees along the way and they make me smile, because back in the day the hardest thing about making a pine cone wreath was finding the pine cones.  So seeing them all there, ready for the picking, makes me think of Mom.  She would have been excited to find so many.

On my walk the other day I saw a beautiful climbing rose hanging over someone’s backyard fence.

I thought how interesting it was that the prettiest part of the plant was where the owner wouldn’t see it.  That sometimes the best stuff is just out of sight and takes a little work to enjoy.

Isn’t that the way most best stuff usually turns out to be?


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Aging is harder than it looks

I stopped to visit Aunt V on my way home from work tonight.  She’s at a nursing home where hopefully she’ll get physical therapy to help build her strength back up.  She’s back to not being able to walk or stand on her own after a week lying around in the hospital.

This is her first full day and she wants out.  Now.  Yet she can’t do much of anything for herself – so where to go is the question.  Tonight I was being a cheerleader for her, reminding her how well she was getting around last Sunday, how she worked hard to get stronger and she can do it again.

She said she hadn’t realized how difficult getting old really was.  But, she said quietly as she gazed out at a lake she can’t really see, “it’s hard.”  I can only agree and hold her hand.

She can’t see much, has trouble hearing, can’t read, and is more confused than she used to be.  She’s always been very sharp, very up to date, very engaged.  Now she’s sitting staring vacantly out the window, or thinking that she’s being watched, or that ‘they’ are trying to harm her.  Then she’s lucid again and you aren’t sure you really heard her say anything crazy.  Maybe it’s just you.  Maybe.

On my drive home, sitting at a light I glanced over and saw a driver, older than me, with ear buds in his ears, listening and nodding to something.  I thought about all the people out there hooked on their phones and ipods and other gadgets.  When the next generation gets to be 95 and are sitting in a room at some nursing home will they have ear buds attached?  A cell phone with the sound turned up clutched in their arthritic hands, pressed against their hearing aid?

Will the future be less frightening to us if we’re still ‘connected’ to the outside world through our electronics?  Or will those electronics slowly move us toward craziness?

Meanwhile we will take our current situation one day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time.  The road ahead isn’t clear to any of us and hard decisions await.  I guess that makes us like most everyone else out there.

But it’s still harder than it looks.