Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Beyond brutal


If work last week was difficult, this week it is impossible.  Since mid February there have been three women in our department whose husbands have died unexpectedly overnight.  This past Sunday it was the husband of someone in my region.  The resultant pain and grief among our small group is overwhelming and we all feel so helpless.  Each of us wants to help her.  None of us can.  The work must still get done, and the volume of emails and phone calls has intensified as people hear and want to know what happened.  And, of course, how to help.    Today is only the third day of this never ending week.  We were exhausted before.  Now we are plodding, a painful slow hobble; we’re just getting through each day.  Our exhaustion and pain is all consuming but nothing like what she is living through right now.

So it surprised me a bit tonight to find I could still smile and sing, even tap my fingers on the steering wheel.  The CD from our spring concert arrived last night and I listened to it on the way home this evening.  What a great concert; it was full of happy, fun, upbeat music.  Stuff you can sing (or at least hum) along with, sway with, nod your head with, snap your fingers to.  Good fun, great memories, heart singing music.

Here’s a sampling of what we played (found on youtube and played by other groups for your listening pleasure).  For Lassie and Benji’s mom I give you Lassus Trombone.  (She plays the trombone so I figured she’d get a kick out of this.)   And New York 1927 was really fun to play.  We featured the trumpets in Bugler’s Holiday …including one of our oldest members at over 70 featured as one of the soloists.    We even showcased the clarinets with Pie in the Sky Polka…a piece I spent way too much time practicing.

The whole evening was really fun, and the memories of that concert kept me smiling tonight on my long commute home after another very long and sad day at work.  For the concert we invited 10 or so 7th graders to play with us on a couple of the pieces.  The kids looked so young.  The young man sitting with us in the clarinets said as he took his chair that he was nervous.   We said that was OK, we were nervous too.  Afterward his grin, and the grins of most of the other kids went from ear to ear.  Amazing what music can do.

I wish it was this easy to lift my friend’s spirit.

Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

9 thoughts on “Beyond brutal

  1. You were right. Mommy was smiling from ear to ear on Lassie’s Trombone (i meant to say Lassus Trombone) piece. Mommy would have had that song on continuous loop and would have took the longest way home to keep hearing that song over and over again in the car.

    On another note, at mommys work, a coworker died and two other coworkers fathers died in like a two week period. So we attended two funerals and a memorial service. The boss ended up doing a company get-together at his house to take our minds off things and it worked.


  2. Wow, that’s a lot of sadness. I’m glad you can find some happiness.


  3. I wonder if they use musical therapy in any mental homes or even nursing homes. From reading your post, it seems as though it would be helpful.

    Peace to all your co-workers.


  4. Man what a rough time. As for you with your music, brighter days will come for your friends, too. Best wishes to all.


  5. So sorry to hear of the rash of unexpected deaths plaguing your office. They say, Time heals all wounds, but I’m not sure that’s true of death. Time helps, of course, but it’s the finality of death that leaves lingering pain.

    I’m glad the music CD helped. I’ve found that music helps me, too. What cool pieces your band performed! Here’s hoping things get better for all of you!


  6. It sucks. That is about the only thing I say these days. It seems to resonate with people. And I love this quote and keep it on an index card in my wallet. “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
    ― A.A. Milne

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so glad you found a smile! Play that CD often and remember this too shall pass.


  8. So sorry about the loss of three different husbands in one department. That is awful. Thank goodness for your music.


  9. Your post contains it all. The grief of Life, and the Joy. I can’t imagine so many losing their husbands so unexpectedly. I can imagine the joy of music. Guess that’s all part of the dance of Life.


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