Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.



Funny how it happens.

You’re going along in your life, handling stuff, feeling like you’ve moved past the sad place.  You’ve written some about truck stuff and felt strong doing it.  You spent an evening talking to a young woman whose mother was killed by a truck a year ago and you were glad to give her an outlet, help her plan some of her new and unexpected future.  You felt good about being able to listen objectively with less personal emotion.

Missing them.

Missing them.

Yet this morning you feel a little off.  The dog gets you up early, before light, and as you stumble into clothes to take her out, wander through the house to get a jacket, it occurs to you that the house was being remodeled the last time your Dad was here and that he never got to see the fireplace.  Why not just send him an email with a photo attached you reason.  Seems like a sensible thing to do.

And then you find yourself in the driveway staring up at a beautiful moon sitting low in the sky, beside a bright planet off to the north.  And you realize that the moon is not blurry  because of sleep in your eyes but because you are staring through a sheen of tears.  There’s no email in heaven.  Is there.

As you and the dog wander you contemplate the long road of life and how you don’t know what’s over the next hill.  You are lost in thought, memories.

It's a long road.

Long road.

Then just overhead a cardinal begins his morning song and you can just see him through the soft morning light.  He flies right over your head, still singing and you figure it’s Dad cheering you up.  It works as you realize you’re not in the dark place.  This place, this morning, is more  a gentle blue place with shadows around the edges.  Soft, not scary.

And then your dog stares up at you with big eyes, wondering, and grins because you do and the two of you hustle back to the house for breakfast.

Funny how it happens.

Love you Mama

Love you Mama

Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

20 thoughts on “Funny

  1. Your parents are so good at sending you messages, and you’re so perceptive about receiving them.

    Hope you have blue skies, sweet songs, and smiles today.


    • We had a beautiful day today, 70’s and sun. I took Katie to school, weeded some, and set up the tent for another night of sleeping under the stars.


  2. It is funny how that happens. You may have inspired another blog post for me. I’ve never felt sure about writing this particular post, but it has been on my mind for a few months now. Today might be the day. Thanks Dawn.


  3. Poignant, as usual! Hooray for Katie, adding her healing balm.


  4. Pingback: Butterflies and Memories | Karma's When I Feel Like It Blog

  5. This brought moisture to my eyes, followed by a soft upward turn of the lips. Yes, it is funny how it happens. And good.


  6. Sara really said it. It is so sweet how your parents are always in contact with you. Hope you and Katie had a good day!


  7. Mommy looks up at the stars too and thinks of her dad.

    About a month ago, Mommy had a hard time putting a brick in the patio outside. It was on the corner near the shed by the wall. Mommy knew it just had to fit. She struggled and struggled. Then she thought of her dad. And without any thinking she removed the brick next to the one in the corner. She put the corner brick in and was able to squeeze the second brick in . Mommy shouted to heaven to her dad – I did it! Mommy knows her dad was there in spirit helping her with that brick.

    Mommy knows like u, that help from loved ones in heaven does come at times when u need them the most.


  8. Cole and I call them moments. A “moment” is usually triggered by a subtle memory or desire and while it pierces the heart it doesn’t last too long and is usually followed by a smile. I heard Cole tell someone not to long ago, “Every time I think about my dad, I believe he must be thinking about me too.” Yep, it’s funny that way…..


  9. You have a wise son. I think I will borrow that thought. Yes, sometimes Bruce asks me what’s wrong if I’m distant…and I’ll say something like “Just having a Mom moment.” Doesn’t happen so much anymore….but probably always will.


  10. Funny how it happens…tears in my eyes right now, too. I will be glad to get downstate in a couple of weeks to be with my mom and dad.


  11. I think Dad watched your fireplace go in. No need for e-mail. 🙂


  12. Funny indeed. Sometimes the dark places encroach and recede, and we don’t even notice them come or go, but only feel the whisper of their passing.


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