April | 2015 | Change Is Hard

April 29, 2015
by dawnkinster 20 Comments

Caught up in it all

I have a friend I’ve missed talking to, seeing regularly. We worked together for many years and probably would have become good friends but I ended up being her manager and you just can’t be friends with people that work for you. She retired a year ago shortly after her husband died and we promised we’d get together. We meant it.

But you know it didn’t happen.

I’ve thought of her often, mostly when I’m at work where things remind me of her. And I’ve pulled out my cell phone to call her and then thought I’d wait till I wasn’t at my desk, maybe at lunch, or before the drive home. But lunch never happens and by the time I leave I’m so tired I don’t think about anything but the traffic jams waiting for me out on the freeway.

Then this week someone else asked about her, assuming I’d kept in touch, and I made a concerted effort to reach her. As we talked today I wondered aloud how her retirement was going, what she’d been doing, how life was. What was new.

She said she’d renewed her library card, read a lot of books, watched a lot of movies, spent time with her grand kids. Slept. All good things.

And then her voice broke and stilled. With a little wobble in her throat she softly mentioned that it had been lonely. Without her husband of so many years, without her friends at work she’d been lonely. Oh she didn’t want to start working again, face the traffic in the mornings, the stress of the industry we’re in, but still…

And I felt terrible. I was supposed to have her over for dinner. I was supposed to keep in touch. And I let it go every day, day after day, while I got sucked into the endless funnel of work and life.

And she’d been lonely.

It’s ridiculous. Me, who knows more than most how short life is, who knows what’s important, let it slide. She’s someone I care about, someone who makes me laugh, someone who was there for me when things were very very bad.

She was lonely. Damn.

We’re having dinner early next week, she and I and a few more people from work who have wondered how she is and have missed her. I can’t wait. She made me laugh this afternoon in the middle of work craziness. Even while I was beating myself up. She’s good like that.

Some lessons have to be learned and relearned. What’s important are the people, not the profit. It’s pretty simple really, but oh so hard to follow through. Lesson learned.

Again.

April 29, 2015
by dawnkinster 4 Comments

Wordless Wednesday

April 27, 2015
by dawnkinster 9 Comments

WordPress Photo Challenge: Motion

Washington DC’s metro system. One of the things I love about DC.

You can see more interpretations of ‘motion’ at the original post. Or check out a few of my favorites here, here and here. Oh…and here too.

April 26, 2015
by dawnkinster 18 Comments

Watch those treats mama!

Hey mama! I’m stuck behind this big log!

Katie here. Those of you that live around here are probably noticing that spring has arrived! Oh I know sometimes we still get a snow flake or two, but all in all stuff is really beginning to green up and some people even have gardens that are blooming already!

My mama says she doesn’t know how this happened. She didn’t notice the willow trees turning yellow before they popped out in green buds, and she didn’t see her goldfinches when they were green with gold tufts of new feathers. She says suddenly the grass was green, the willows were green, and the birds were gold! She doesn’t understand how she missed all this.

I do.

She works too much. It’s hard to notice stuff like trees and birds when you go to work in the dark and come home at dusk. I’d say it’s even hard to notice things like a princess. Who is sitting right by her feet. Holding a pink pig in case she wants to play.

Or anything.

So I look forward to the weekends, because then, sometimes, if I’m lucky, my mama will take me to the park. Like she did today. Of course she wanted to take some silly pictures. Honestly mama…don’t you have enough photos of beautiful me sitting beside grasses at the park?

Got anything good over there mama?

Today she liked the way the sky looked and she was trying to get me and the grasses and the sky. But she couldn’t get me to look at her.

I have a new rule about having my picture taken, but don’t tell her.

When she gets out that stupid camera and makes me sit I do. But I look the other way. And when she calls my name I look at her for a split second and then I look the other other way. Even when there’s really nothing over there that interests me. I do this a lot until she gets really frustrated and just takes the picture anyway. She has to be really fast to get one of me looking at her. It’s my little way of letting her know who’s boss.

Not going to look at you Mama.

We all know who’s boss. Right?

So anyway, today she thought she’d trick me and she pulled a plastic bag of treats out of her pocket and she’s squatted down trying to take a picture of me with the sky and she was waving the bag of treats around and I’m focused on the ground just next to her and I won’t look at her and she can’t figure out why until I stand up and she stops looking through the camera and says “STAY!” in her school voice, so I do, and she gets the shot and then she stands up and says “come!” and I do and then I start scarfing up all the treats that had been flung out of the plastic bag all around her.

Ha ha ha ha mama! See? I am such a good girl! Even though there were treats flying everywhere I stayed until you said come! But I wasn’t really interested in looking at you when there were all these great treats lying all over!

My cover girl shot.

Mama. Sometimes she’s not very perceptive. But I love her anyway.

Especially on the weekends.

Can’t we just go for a walk mama?

April 25, 2015
by dawnkinster 18 Comments

Early morning musings

Katie is excited because it’s the weekend. Me? Not so much; it’s just another work day for me. So when she wakes me up extra special early, even for a work day, I roll out of bed. The sooner I get to work the sooner, in theory, I can come home.

My mind wanders as I get ready for work in the darkened house, Katie gone back to sleep on a rug in the bathroom.

Did you know that it is possible to fall asleep in the shower? That’s why they invented those benches. Far better, I’ve found, to sit down than fall down.

And when did it get so hard to put on socks? I remember standing in the middle of a room on one foot, tugging a sock onto the other without thought. Now I have to place my foot firmly on the floor and lean on the bathroom counter to get a sock on. Better that I sit down for this too.

And wandering out to the living room, turning the TV on to watch the news as I eat my whole grain cereal I notice the traffic reporter is excited. About what I wonder, thinking of my commute. Turns out she’s excited because there are no traffic backups. Of course not. It’s 4:30 a.m. And I wonder why all traffic reporters are young, blond, thin and so very chipper?

And what’s with the weather guy? Do I need a countdown on how many minutes until the sun comes up? Who really needs to know this?

Maybe I’m just grumpy that it’s Saturday and I’m making a peanut butter sandwich to take to work. The better to avoid those vending machines that call my name when I’m frustrated.

No more delay. I’ve shared my snarkiness with you.

Off to conquer my emails.

April 22, 2015
by dawnkinster 15 Comments

Wordless Wednesday

April 20, 2015
by dawnkinster 23 Comments

To love a dog

Social media. Who knew way back in 2006 when I first started blogging that I’d meet so many people. Who knew when I stumbled across a blog about an agility dog down in North Carolina that one blog would lead me to other dogs with blogs, and their wonderful owners.

The years slid by with warp speed and, inevitably, some of my favorite dogs have grown old and ill or suddenly (at least to me) moved on to their next adventures on the other side. So many dogs.

I was thinking about some of them this weekend as my friend Ellen struggles with the terminal cancer of her second ‘Merle Girl’ Boost. She lost her Tika just last month and now faces the loss of another sweetie.

It’s almost too much to bear, and they aren’t even my dogs.

Tika in 2011

I was lucky enough to meet the three of them a couple of years ago. We even got to go for a walk and I felt honored to hold Tika’s leash while Ellen took some photographs. After reading about them for so many years I felt like I was in the company of celebrities.

Boost plays with her leash

And now hearing the tragic results of Boost’s tests my heart breaks for Ellen.

I think back to all the great dogs I’ve been lucky enough to get to know, even a little bit, here on the internet. Sarah’s Misty; I cried all day the morning I read she had been set free. Most of you remember Honey the Great Dane who danced with her mom at competitions and how sad we were when she had to go. Eva’s mother Hana who left Eva when she was just a puppy, way too soon, and Dog Dad’s Deacon and Essex the collies who had to go early as well. And of course recently Katie’s Maizey and Debi’s Norwood. Heartbreaking, all of it.

There are more, so many more, and all of these losses make me very sad — but the sadness never cancels out the joyous fun of knowing them in the first place. And as Ellen herself said many years ago, if you hang out in a world filled with people and their dogs you’re going to face heartbreak. But she says, and I agree, it’s worth it.

Katie the sheltie-girl puts it succinctly. “We are only promised today, mama, let’s go to the park!”

Sharing my park with all of you.

Good advice sweetie. And while we’re there we’ll take a moment to send good thoughts out to Ellen and her Boost.

Ellen and her Merle Girls

April 19, 2015
by dawnkinster 13 Comments

WordPress photo challenge: Early Bird

This photo challenge was supposed to be about getting out at dawn and finding something spectacular to photograph, something that glows in the early light or floats magically in early fog.

That’s all well and good, but in our household Early Bird can only mean one thing.

I love mornings mama!

Here she is after this morning’s walk through dew covered grass, sitting in the morning glow. Yep, she’s the one responsible for me catching many beautiful early morning shots.

What does Early Bird mean to you and your family? Share a photo or two of your world as the sun comes up.

You can see all the posted responses that have come in so far here at the original post. Or check out a few of my favorites here, here and here.

Mornings. Gotta love my early bird Katie-girl.