Category Archives: Uncategorized
Parenting
I know I’ve talked about this before. And I know, not having kids, that I’m totally unqualified to speak about it. But what’s with parents providing daily, sometimes hourly advice and direction to their kids these days? I sit in a cubicle and am surrounded by parents. Most of them are parents of adult children, children who are off at college or working jobs and living in their own homes. Yet they seem to need to talk to Mom daily.
About every single little thing.
And Mom seems to be the one that orchestrates all decisions, events, discussions and sometimes even meals. Really? These kids can’t decide whether to sell their college books when the news semester starts without discussing it with Mom? They can’t go into their wireless carrier and straighten out a bill without having their Mom call? They need daily prompting from Mom to take stuff out of the freezer for dinner, or to arrange a time when everyone can get together for a holiday meal? They need Mom to negotiate between squabbling siblings?
Huh. I don’t remember ever doing any of that.
When I was in college we only got to call home once a week for a few minutes. And we’d never have called during the day because daytime long distance rates were off the charts. And no way would we have called a parent at work. Ever. For anything.
So as I watched the news last week about the hedge fund manager allegedly shot and killed by his 30 something son because he was contemplating lowering the son’s allowance and was going to stop paying the son’s rent I have to ask the question. How much accountability and responsibility is being given to these adult children? And are parents doing the kids or themselves any favors by being so involved in every single aspect of their children’s lives?
When do their kids get to be the adults?
On the other hand Wednesday of last week I also stopped by a funeral home to pay my family’s respect to the mother of a friend. She died right after the New Year, and was only ill a couple of months. You could see the adult children struggling to accept their loss. It’s a lot, the loss of a mother, for anyone no matter their own age. And as I was driving back to work that afternoon I thought about it all. The helicopter parents. The adult children relying so much on their parents for daily decisions in these times. The way things are so different now than when I was a young adult testing the waters of life. Life without parents.
And I knew for sure that there was at least one set of siblings that would give a lot for a little helicoptering right now from a mom that has moved on to her next adventure. Shoot, if I could I’d call my mom right now and ask her how long it took her to grieve her own mother. And the recipe for that broccoli rice casserole.
I turned out to be who I am because of the way they raised me. They weren’t helicopter parents, but that wasn’t the style in those days. Maybe if I had been born at the end of the last century instead of the middle they would have been coptering around me and my three siblings. Somehow I don’t think so. That doesn’t mean they didn’t love us, it just means they came from stock where you let the kids make their own decisions, good and bad. As long as we didn’t kill anyone in the course of growing up we were allowed to learn our own lessons.
Parents have lots of ways of showing love. Maybe parents of today just show it in a myriad of tiny minute decisions and shows of support. Maybe that’s not all bad. Maybe having a parent that cares is all that matters. Maybe kids will grow up when they have to, helicopter parents or not.
In the end who am I to judge parenting skills. Maybe I’m just feeling envious when I hear all those phone conversations between adult kids and their moms.
Maybe a little helicoptering would be welcome in my world about now.
Maybe I just miss my mom.
Yea, that’s probably it.
I miss my mom.
Wordless Wednesday
Abundance
Abundance of ice.
Abundance: “The great or plentiful amount” as defined in any number of dictionaries. Katybeth over at Odd Loves Company chose tarot cards for some of us at the beginning of the year, then asked us to think about our word, how we could incorporate it into our lives, figure out what it meant to each of us.
My word was abundance.
I sometimes think about abundance when I’m at the grocery store, walking past the wall of cereal choices, or picking through mounds of produce. But most of the time I don’t give it much thought. And surely I am not alone in taking for granted the abundance in my life. Especially the abundance of stuff.
And that’s what it’s all about, right? The abundance of stuff? That’s why we all go to work – to pay for all the stuff; the house, the nice car, the trendy shoes, the best cuts of meat, that great bottle of wine. Because we’re used to having abundance. And we think we’ll be happy once we get that next great thing to add to the abundance we already have. Won’t we?
Abundance of deer food.
But I’ve been thinking small lately. There’s a growing trend of living in tiny houses, and even HGTV has jumped on the band wagon and now has a version of the show House Hunters that follows people looking for a tiny house. I’ve read a few blogs and articles that talk about the lifestyle. I think the most difficult thing is the downsizing, the divesting of a lifetime of accumulated abundance. And if you were to succeed at that…would you no longer have abundance?
Or would you, perhaps, recognize an abundance of a different kind?
Looking through my rose colored glasses I think you’d have an abundance of freedom and an abundance of choices for how to spend your day. And a person living tiny would still have all the abundances that really matter. Family love, good friends, a sense of serenity and peace, quiet times and times to share.
So on this winter weekend as I consider the abundances in my life what do you think? How tiny could you go? Have you looked? Not all tiny houses are log cabins on wheels, I’ve seen some stunning glass and wood houses perched on hills overlooking the woods or grasslands, other tiny places that melt into the landscape and let a person enjoy the abundance that nature has to offer.
It’s a thought.
Tiny is a process.
WordPress Photo Challenge: New
It’s a new year…what makes it new for you? WordPress has challenged us to look around and find something new. For those of us in Detroit this Sunday it’s an obvious choice. The Detroit Lions are playing football in post season, their first foray into playoff football in many years. Since 1992 to be exact. 1992 might not seem so long ago until you remember that the senior Bush was president, and Black or White by Michael Jackson was the number one song.
Outside city offices in downtown Detroit sits a sculpture titled The Spirit of Detroit. In the Spirit’s left hand is a gilt bronze sphere symbolizing God, and in his right hand are people representing family. And when one of our sports teams is in the playoffs the Spirit dons a team jersey.
Excitement in the city.
It’s something very new for the Detroit Lions, but this weekend The Spirit of Detroit is sporting a jersey of Hawaii blue and silver.
And while we’re on the topic of Detroit, the blue jersey may be new, but being tough sure isn’t. Across the street from The Spirit of Detroit is another sculpture, a memorial to the boxer Joe Lewis.
Detroit is strong…like Joe Lewis.
Detroit has just come out of bankruptcy and is blossoming into a new leaner and more vibrant city. It’s turning into the kind of city where parents take a newborn downtown to be photographed in front of an iconic sculpture. The kind of city where people smile and wait patiently in a gentle cold sleet for their turn at photographs. Where they know the meaning of family and toughness and patience.
It’s a new Detroit and I can’t wait to see it in this new year.
You can see other interpretations of the concept of new at the original link at the top of this post. Or you can see a few of my favorites here, here, here and here. Enjoy.
And… Go Lions!
WordPress Photo Challenge: Warmth
No matter what time of year you visit the University of Michigan’s Conservatory at Matthaei Botanical gardens you’ll get a warm feeling.
Warm holiday greetings!
So it’s there that I found a photo for this week’s WordPress photo challenge representing warmth. The tropical warmth of the building in conjunction with the warmth of the season.
Many people have gone out to find a bit of warmth in their worlds. You can find a few of my favorites here, here, here and here. And especially here. Or check out the original link above to see them all.
Stay warm everybody!
Christmas kaleidoscope
Holiday musings
Warm holiday wishes to you!
It seems as though I should be writing a holiday post. I feel this odd responsibility to comment on what for most is the biggest holiday of the year. To talk about the shopping and the cooking and the traveling and the family and, maybe most of all, the memories.
Yet I feel very still inside. Quiet.
And though during this past holiday week bits of blogs have floated through my head, equivalent to sugar plums of old I suppose, nothing has demanded to be committed to digital paper. Nothing has caused me to stop what I was doing and rush to the computer to get it down, to edit, find the right words, rethink the meaning, tell the story. Oh I’ve done plenty of reading; lots of other blogs and articles about the meaning of Christmas. I’ve gone down plenty of other people’s holiday lanes and connected with their memories which are so much like my own.
Christmas Eve I watched Andy Williams and his three brothers in a compilation of his Christmas shows on PBS and smiled a lot. OK. I’m old, but watching the 4 brothers sing in their outlandishly awful color coordinated outfits just made my evening. And cooking dinner with my Aunt on Christmas Day was pretty special too. But it was an uncharacteristically quiet holiday.
Which is not a bad thing.
I’ll leave you with one memory that might get you thinking. I saw this idea on a Christmas special that one of the local networks did. They were interviewing their cast and each was asked if they could go back to one specific Christmas – – which one would it be? Think about that. Can you pick just one?
Mine would be the Christmas of 1964. I was eight, my brothers and sister younger and we were all upstairs that Christmas Eve having our baths before bed. Of course we were anxiously waiting for Santa to arrive with presents, but some of us weren’t quite sure we believed. We had hung little metal bells all along the lower branches of the Christmas tree so that we’d hear him putting packages under the tree. If he was real. I’m quite sure Mom and Dad were upstairs with us as well when we heard the faint tinkle of a bell downstairs. Our eyes got big. We wanted to run down the stairs in our footed pajamas to catch Santa in the act. Then again, we knew if we did that he’d never visit us again. So we didn’t. We stayed upstairs and climbed into our warm beds and smiled from ear to ear. Because that year we knew that Santa was very real.
That’s my special Christmas memory. Special because we were all young and innocent, even Mom and Dad; we were warm and happy and excited and most importantly, we were all together. What’s your special Christmas memory? I’d like to hear about it. Sharing makes the memories permanent, and all good memories deserve to be shared.
I hope all of you had the perfect holiday, whatever that means to you and your family. And I wish for you an extraordinary 2015.
Happy New Year!
The only snow we have is fake!
Wordless Wednesday
Merry Christmas!
Sunday afternoon surprise adventure
Katie here! Hey, bet you didn’t expect to hear from me again so soon! My mama doesn’t let me have her blog very often you know, but since it’s Christmas and all I guess she’s feeling generous. Or she doesn’t have anything to say. Either way it works for me!
In the Arboretum.
So she was lying around the house all weekend. I was plenty bored but after awhile I just gave up and went off to sleep in my secret places. But then she turned off the TV and said: “Katie-girl! Where are you?” And of course I came running because whenever my mama calls me I get right to her as fast as I can in case she’s handing out treats and such. Well this time she was still on the sofa and she asked me if I’d like to go for a ride with her. A ride! Well OF COURSE MAMA! I jumped right on top of her and licked her in the face and then I barked and barked and barked and then I jumped off of her and ran to the door and I barked and barked and barked and then I ran around the sofa a bunch, and then around her feet while she was trying to walk and I kept barking.
I guess you get the picture.
Grandpa & Grandma’s rock
So anyway, my mama took me down to see her Mom and Dad’s rock on the banks of the Huron River. She’s been missing them lately, what with all the family movies and advertisements and stuff on TV, so she took me for a visit.
I never got to meet them.
I wasn’t the least bit interested in the river or the ducks that she said were “right there baby!”
Ducks are boring!
I was much more interested in the other people and their dogs. We only stayed at the rock for a moment or two and then we went walking in the hills. It sure was pretty back there. I guess they got a little snow, but mostly it was just wet leaves.
A little bit of snow.
As we were climbing up and down the hills my mama kept saying “Easy, easy girl” so I wouldn’t pull her and her camera down into the mud. Silly mama. Like I’d ever do that. When I didn’t have her hanging on to me I was as nimble as a mountain goat!
Running down a hill.
We had a really good time. We talked to a couple of people who were out walking their dogs. One lady in particular had a dog named Gus and we walked with them for awhile. The lady was talking to mama about camping with Gus. Mama wishes she had gotten the lady’s name, she says she thinks we could have had a good time going on walks with them again.
Lots of good sniffing!
I slept all the way home, but don’t tell my mama that. I like her to think I’m always vigilant.
Don’t you know.
WordPress Photo challenge – yellow
I know. Yellow??
The point of the original post was that we are surrounded with holiday colors this time of year, blue and silver, red and green. But does yellow have a special meaning for anyone this holiday season?
Turns out it does for me.
Sandy’s favorite color
This time the photo challenge isn’t about finding an interesting representation or a stunning photograph. This time it’s just about friendship and nostalgic memories.
And jingle bell socks.
You see there once was a woman here at work who loved the holidays so much that as Christmas approached she wore socks with jingle bells sewn into them. We all smiled as we heard her coming and going. I wrote about her last winter when she died after a short illness; how she was everyone’s ‘work mom,’ confidant, advice giver, listener. How we were going to miss her.
Her favorite color was yellow, and everyone at her funeral wore yellow ribbons in her honor. I pinned it to the dusty dirty wall of my cubicle last February and look at it every day. I can still hear her voice and her laugh in my head, and I hope I will always be able to bring her to mind and smile.
I’ve been thinking about her a lot these past few weeks as the holidays descend, as work stays crazy and home life gets crazier. And once in awhile when I hear the faint jingle of a bell I’m pretty sure it’s her checking in on us.
If you see me walking around grinning it’s because she’s still with me whenever I see the color yellow this holiday season.
So….how you doing girlfriend? We miss you.
Merry Christmas up there in heaven.
Change Is Hard 