Trent, over at his blog, often posts about things that make him to smile. It’s part of a weekly thing that I haven’t been organized enough to participate in regularly.
It’s not that I don’t have things to smile about. It’s just that I can’t seem to coordinate that event with writing a post about it. Because usually the events that make me smile are small, almost imperceptible, and they often get lost in the bigger things that color my days.
I’ll help you with weeding, mom!
But this afternoon while I was weeding the gardens surrounding our house, I started to grin. I have to say they are beautiful this year. And that alone should make me smile.
But my smile for this week was more specific.
So anyway, I was weeding a garden I generally ignore. A couple decades ago this was a vegetable garden but it turned out the sun beating on the back of the garage was too hot, so for the last several years we’ve been tossing in ‘wildflower’ seed, sometimes purchased from the Vermont Seed Company, sometimes purchased from Home Depot.
Taller than the average gardener.
I can’t honestly remember where this year’s seeds came from, but they look to be mostly coreopsis and zinnia. Most year I totally ignore this once the flowers are up. But this afternoon I ventured in, intent on pulling out some really tall weeds.
The garden wasn’t designed for people to walk in it, so I was picking my way through, trying to do the least amount of damage with my big feet, pushing aside the tall zinnias which are taller than me.
From the garden in the front of the house. Also spectacular.
I suddenly felt like I was doing the breast stroke among the blossoms, pushing them aside to move forward in the sea of pink and red and yellow. I thought of my friend, Bob, and how he’d have liked that turn of phrase, swimming in the sea of zinnias. How he probably would have commented on it, and the pictures of flowers growing here.
What better way to gather smiles than taking a couple days to adventure with a friend in northern Michigan? I can’t think of a better way to grin for two days, and I’ve been meaning to share some of our smiles with you but time and events sent me off on a detour or two.
On top of adventuring we saw some really cool barns.
A couple weeks ago a friend from college and I took off to do some fun stuff. Stuff you always say you’re going to do but usually don’t get around to.
Waiting for riders.
Like flying down a mountain on a plastic sled at Crystal Mountain Resort. You’ve always wanted to do that, right?
Before my first ride.
Haven’t you secretly yearned to be on that bobsled when you watched the winter Olympics? No? Really?
Well let me assure you that I was going much slower than an Olympic athlete on ice, and it was perfectly safe.
Whew! Made it!
And oh it was such a blast! It was so much fun that we each rode down four times! (4 rides for $30 each)
This is how they get the sleds and people back up to the top.
We would have gone again, but we had other things to fit into our short two day adventure. Like visit one of our favorite places, Pt. Betsie.
A few people were swimming. I got wet up to my ankles. It was cold.
You all know that I try to get out there, even if it’s only for a few minutes, whenever I’m in the area. I’m not usually there in beach season, so it’s fun to see the sand filled with sun bathers and rock pickers.
Lots of people looking for that perfect stone.
We didn’t stay at the beach long, we were hungry and it was getting late. We checked into our hotel and then went to dinner at The Cherry Hut.
We had a nice dinner and more importantly bought a cherry pie to take with us.
I kinda felt like the women having to wear this getup wasn’t fair. The men were in khakis and red shirts.
Which we ate at the hotel. YUMMY!
Tasted like home made!
The next day it was on to Boyne Mountain, further north, which has a relatively new Sky Bridge, built between a couple of ski mountains.
The ski lift here was longer and slower, giving us lots of time to enjoy the beautiful summer day.
Quite a structure!
The bridge is pretty long, and moves a bit with the people walking on it.
You can spend as much time as you like out there.
Handrails are handy.
The top railing was about at my eye level, so I’m guessing just over 5 feet.Don’t look down!
In the middle of the bridge are a couple of sections of plexiglass so you can see below.
Don’t overthink it and you’ll be fine.
That was weird, but not too scary. Mostly I imagined how beautiful this will be in the fall.
When those trees turn orange and red, man that will be stunning!
And then we rode the lift back down, found our car and headed home. Well. Not directly home.
We had to turn around for this one. “That’s a good barn,” we both said as we drove by.
We did stop for a couple photogenic barns.
Blue skies, red barns, white clouds. Can’t beat that.
And a house.
Someone’s dreams were lost here.
Wouldn’t be an adventure without barns.
Or without friends. Thanks for the great time, adventure friend. You know who you are.
Friday the August 2nd my friend Nancy died, and Wednesday August 7th my friend Bob died.
Bob and I weren’t the kind of friends that hung out together, we didn’t know each other outside of work. He was my manager for some months when I was an underwriter, and we were fellow managers, along with several other really wonderful people, for several years, long, long ago.
He was a great manager and those of us that got to work for or with him were lucky. He was always smiling, always supportive, always wise, always engaged. When you were talking with him he was fully talking with you. He noticed little things, did little things, appreciated little things.
He was one of those people that made going to work fun.
Eventually he moved on to another company and I didn’t really stay in touch. Then along came social media — Facebook, blogging. And that’s how we kept track of each other over the years. Not a lot, he’d comment on something I posted on FB. I’d note that he was in NYC during his beloved US Open Tennis Championships, or visiting London where he lived as a child.
About a year ago I noticed someone asking him, on FB, if he was in NYC for the tennis matches. He replied that no, not this time because one side effect of the new chemo pill he was on was fatigue, and he was really tired. Chemo pill?? I messaged him to apologize that I had somehow missed the fact he was taking chemo. He replied that he had slipped up by letting that out on FB.
He’d been sick for a couple of years. Stage 4 now.
But amazingly he was so optimistic, so joyful. He was still working, he was doing well. His wife and family were wonderful. His son was getting married in September of 2024. He was sure he’d be around for the wedding.
So since then, periodically I’d check in with him, always on FB messenger, he’d always reply that things were good, he was a little more tired, but he was good. In January he took a medical leave, and told me he was declining and probably wouldn’t ever go back to work. But that was OK, he said, because it gave him more time with his wife and sons.
He felt really lucky that he had that time. He loved his family so much.
We didn’t talk every day, but whenever we messaged back and forth I would end up smiling. He was so supportive, even as he was needing more support himself. He was so wise and had such good advice on my every day problems. I will miss having him there to bounce frustrations off. He always made me feel better. In fact at the end of one series of messages a few months ago he ended with “Don’t worry, you’re doing better than you think.”
That was Bob.
Below is his very first message about the cancer to me, describing his approach to his illness. It made me smile though my eyes were misty. One of Bob’s gifts to so many of us was helping us smile even in the tough times.
“I’m really A-OK. I remember reading with interest your posts about your dear aunt in her last few months. I was sick by then and sensed something was up. Loved how she went out on her terms and LIVED right to the end. I got great inspiration from her through you! I’ve become an avid vicarious traveler these past few months in particular. Your adventures I read with rapt excitement! Your trip to Canada with Beth…I was tempted to hop in the car and go to a bagpipe concert near a lighthouse! And your sadness and grief when you lost Katie and all the thrill and energy and excitement of Penny…I was right there! …. So, that’s my tale of woe, but truly not woeful. In fact, I’m more happy and more ‘chill’ than I’ve ever been. I’ve had a great run. I’m having a great time, and I don’t give much thought to the circumstances.”
Saturday, at the funeral home, I looked around at the room packed with people, all telling Bob stories. And here’s the thing. I didn’t have a unique relationship with Bob. He was a caring, supportive, gentle, inspiring friend with everyone. He had a positive influence on everyone. He made us all, each of us individually, feel special. And we were all, each of us, lucky to have known him.
Apparently Bob’s employer had a thing called “Random Acts of Bob” based on the way Bob did nice, random, things for people all the time. I think, in Bob’s honor, those of us that knew and loved him should make a point of continuing his tradition. And if all of you who weren’t lucky enough to know him want to join in, well, I think that would make Bob smile.
Isn’t it amazing how one person can create a whole world of smiles just by being himself. It’s going to take a lot of us smiling a whole lot to even begin to fill the void he left. But I think it’s worth trying.
When I got back from the funeral home Saturday evening and changed into my regular clothes I noticed the shoes I had been wearing.
Last week I lost two friends within 5 days of each other. They were from two different parts of my life and didn’t know each other but they were very much alike.
Friday August 2 a very special lady went to join her husband in heaven. Her name was Nancy and we’d been friends for almost 40 years. We met when she was hired by the bank where I was a trainer. She and four others were hired to be branch managers and I trained them for a couple weeks in our teller systems.
In 1985 I moved back into our branch system as a floating manager, and I worked in Nancy’s branch for several months, driving more than an hour each way every day. We became good friends when she invited me to stay with her, in her lakeside home, to ease my commute. She was gentle, sweet, empathetic and had a huge heart. She was always smiling, and had the best giggle. She was everybody’s mom.
And, 35 years ago, she and her husband, Bob, introduced me to my now husband.
This is the only picture I can find of Bob and Nancy, from our wedding in 1990.
When Bob and Nancy retired they moved to Arizona and, sadly, Bob died from pancreatic cancer shortly after. But Nancy and we have stayed friends, calling once in awhile, visiting when we could, annual holiday cards. During my last call to her she told me she was thinking about moving into an assisted living facility, and as she described it I told her it sounded nice. Then a few days later she accidently called my husband, and during their conversation told him the same thing.
She moved into her new apartment a few months ago, but suffered a fall and was in the hospital when her heart failed. Her son called me with the news.
I think, now, about our last visit with her back in February of 2020. We stayed with her a single night, and then traveled around the state, visiting beautiful places. But I got sick on that trip and we didn’t want to infect her so we called her and told her we wouldn’t be coming back to the house, instead we’d find a hotel near the airport for our last night in Arizona. We told her we’d be back out to visit her.
And then….covid. We never got back out to Arizona to see her again, and that makes me really sad, but we will keep her in our hearts forever. She loved and grieved for her husband so much for the many years that she survived him that we’re thankful she is with him again. That must have been some reunion.
But man, I’m going to miss her giggle.
I’ll tell you about the other special person I lost in the next post. They each deserve their own space. And the combined grief is just too much.
Here it’s been a week since Penny posted and there’s nothing new on my blog.
I know you aren’t out there waiting with bated breath to find out the latest in our exciting lives. Still. My mom always said, as the owner of a small business, that you had to have consistent hours, you had to be reliable, or people won’t come back.
I think about her a lot, my mom, and the advice she gave. Her birthday is in two days, August 11th. She would have been 96 this year. These days, as I creep further into my senior years, 96 doesn’t seem all that old.
Though I suppose it is.
Anyway. My mom told me I should be consistent, and I will try.
In the last few weeks I’ve done a little traveling, seen a few barns, had some fun, thought about political stuff, and tried not to sink into the divisiveness of our country. I’ve watched my yard bloom into summer and followed the flight of little birds, eagles and turkeys. I’ve asked Penny if she wants to go out, or to the park and what is that in your mouth and to stop that!
All of that is stuff of blog content.
But sometimes all a person can do is think about her mom who’s turning 96 and isn’t here. So that’s what I’m going to do today. And maybe tomorrow too.
Happy Birthday, Mom. You’d have made 96 look marvelous.
Guess what? Mom is sneaky. I don’t think any of you should trust her. Cause you could be taking a nap and minding your own business when suddenly she’ll put your harness on and you’ll find yourself in the car! With no explanation!
“Where are we going, mom?”
And suddenly you’re at a place you’ve never seen before and it smells like other dogs and you’re kind of confused…and a really big horse of a dog (mom said it was a Great Dane) comes in behind you and you ask your mom to pick you up.
And of course she does.
And then you might find yourself in a kennel! In a noisy ‘room’ of your own and you don’t know what’s happening…and a nice girl comes and takes you outside to the yard which seemed nice, but most of the time you’re in your room watching dogs go back and forth.
Mom was in a hurry so this picture is blurry. But you get the idea.
And you begin to wonder if you’ll ever see mom again. And you kinda wonder if you even want to given she left you here in the first place.
And then, the most wonderful thing happens! The nice girl takes you on a walk and through a couple doors and there is your mom!
And you jump up and down a whole bunch and mom kisses you on the nose and asks if you want to go home. What a silly question, of course you want to go home!
This is me on the front porch of the place mom left me.
And you’ll bark at her almost all the way home. Cause you have a lot to say. Yes you do.
So tell me, people, does this sound like an adventure to you?
Penny has been spoiled and so have her mom and dad. When we’ve needed her to be somewhere besides our house during the last almost two years, we’ve been able to deposit her back with her breeder for a few days or even a week.
She loves her Mama S, and is always excited to be there, and we’re thrilled that she’s safe and in a happy place. But we can’t assume that Mama S. will always be available when we need to be somewhere else.
We need a backup plan.
So for the past week I’ve been searching for the right kennel, somewhere that will treat her well, and keep her safe, even if she won’t be entirely happy to be there. I started with the vet, asking them to give us names and numbers of kennels they recommend.
I got three options.
Let me stop right here and tell you that you can’t believe everything you read or see on the internet. I looked for websites for each of the three, writing notes about hours, services, reviews. Then I got in the car and began visiting, intending to just show up without warning and see what was what.
The first place, my pick based on location and information on the web, looked like a very nice residence, with no evidence of it being a kennel. That made me hesitant to just go ring the doorbell, so I sat in my car down the street and called them. Turns out they were retired and no longer taking pets.
Well darn.
The second place looked OK from the very busy street, a lot of pole barn type buildings, a big parking lot, signs and hours posted. Inside was the owner and we talked a long time. I liked her philosophy about not letting dogs meet each other, but was worried that outdoor play time cost an additional $3.00 a time.
I kind of wonder if those walks really happen.
I asked her if I could see the place my girl would be, and the owner walked me into the back area, which was dark (lights off because the air wasn’t working she said) and had maybe 30 runs each separated from the next a by chain link fence. There was no outdoor space and no natural light.
Though I think she’d be safe, I couldn’t imagine my girl being happy in this dark, warm, noisy place.
So I moved on to the third option. The website made it seem acceptable, lots of pictures of dogs, nothing specific, nothing about paying extra for anything. But I couldn’t find the building. I drove up and down the short road past very expensive houses, and didn’t see anything that looked like a kennel. There was an old stone building with a fence and a gate and barbed wire, but the gate was closed.
So I drove down the street and called. Sure enough, that old stone building was the kennel. I drove back and the woman working there had opened the gate. There was a piece of notebook paper taped to one of the doors that said “Office.”
I hesitently opened the door. Inside was a desk, a phone, and some crates stacked up against the back wall. The ceiling tiles were all warped and stained with water damage. The floor tile, of asbestos vintage, was chipped and broken. No one was there.
The smell was horrific.
As I was contemplating backing out of the building, the employee walked into the office from the back, the dogs barking behind her. Wearing a tank top and sweating because there was no air, she told me she lets all the dogs out into the yard “3 or 4 times a day,” using the space in front where I was currently parked, which is why the gate was closed. She told me she would give the dogs any meds they needed, feed them up to three times a day if required. “Anything they need, I’ll do,” she said.
Just for giggles I asked if I could see where my girl would be. In the back room were several dogs in crates not much bigger than they were, and the smell was worse. I smiled thinly and said “thank you,” and got the heck out of dodge while she was still talking to me.
In my car, while driving away I said, out loud, that it would be a cold day in…well you know…before I’d board so much as a pet lizard there, much less my girl.
So I started from scratch. I researched three more kennels, a couple of them located near me, and the one we took Bonnie and Katie to years ago which is about 30 minutes away. One of the close by kennels never had an employee in their office during the hours their website says they are available. So after two attempts to talk to someone they’re now off my list. The other one that’s close by gave me an appointment time to stop by next week. It’s a very small kennel with good reviews. We’ll see.
And lastly I drove out to the kennel I’ve trusted for years, realizing (now that I’d seen the innards of kennels) that I had never had a tour and I had no idea what it was really like. I was greeted with a smile and given a gracious tour on the spot. Big individual kennels, with cement walls between them. Each dog gets two “rooms” so they can potty in one if they want to, but they’re taken outside individually 3 times a day to fenced and grassy play yards where they’re allowed to wander around for 15-20 minutes each time. There are heated floors in the winter, and music playing all the time. There’s an emergency vet on the property.
It’s still a kennel and I’m sure my girl would rather be with her Mama S. That will always be our first choice, but I feel good that I have a plan B. I’m going to schedule Penny for a one night evaluation (a requirement of that last kennel) soon, so we’ll know how she does.
Searching for the perfect kennel reminds me very much of when we were looking for long term care housing for Bruce’s aunt. You pretty much know when you walk in the door whether you want your family member to stay there. Don’t trust reviews, go see for yourself before you make such an important decision. Most of them, kennels or nursing homes, are nowhere near good enough for our family members, furbabies or not.
Change Is Hard 