Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Why I’m proud of my Katie girl

My little one in the big arena.

My little one in the big arena.

Yesterday’s rally trial was a bigger test for team Katie/Dawn than just whether or not we remembered what the signs said.  East Lansing is a little over an hour from here, and the rally was in a big, old, noisy arena that Katie has never visited before.

In the old days I would have stopped at every rest stop to let her out and arrived an hour before the event so that she could get over her fear as we explored all the scary corners of the building.  In the old days she wouldn’t have accepted treats from me for at least forty-five minutes, and would have been shaking the entire ride.

This trip we didn’t hear a peep from her until I pulled into the parking lot on campus.  In fact half way there I felt maybe I had forgotten to load her up at all!  Once out of the car in the stadium parking lot she had her nose on the ground and was ready to go, pulling me toward the big building, stopping to sniff messages from all the other dogs along the way.

She wasn’t afraid when I opened the door to the venue and she marched right in.  She was a little freaked by the largess of the area, and all the noise…for about 10 minutes.  And she took treats from me right away.  I hadn’t arrived very early at all, and we only had about 20 minutes to wander before stuff started happening and she was relegated to her safe crate.  Occasionally as we waited our turn (there were only 5 total in excellent rally and 2 in advanced rally A ahead of my advanced B class.) I’d take her out of the crate and we’d go for a little walk.  She took treats and was engaged with me every time.

As I watched other entrants run through the course I saw that this particular judge liked to follow close behind the participants.  Another sheltie, one I’ve seen do excellent work in other trials, kept looking behind him and sometimes refused to move, because this strange lady was ‘right there Mom!  She’s right there!!”    I worried how Katie would feel when we were in the ring.

And then it was our turn.  Katie pulled me into the ring and sat looking at me expectantly.  She knows when it’s time to work.  There were lots of distractions, and she was sucked in a couple of times, starting to wander away from me, but I called her back and every time she trotted right back happily.  She never once looked back over her shoulder at the judge, nor noticed all the other people and dogs in the neighboring ring.  She was never once startled or scared or unhappy.   She’s grown so much as a dog.

Husband and I were sitting about 5 feet from the start gate for the rally ring, so while Katie rested in her crate after our run, and while I was off busy working with another classmate, she lay down (which she has never done before at any trial!) and watched the dogs come and go.  Sure she knew her Dad was right there, but she never cried or begged to be let out.  She seemed content to lay there and watch.  When she was out of the crate she was curled in her Dad’s lap, eagerly watching the goings on.

She was no work at all at this trial, and I’m so proud of how mature she was, how accepting of new things, how unafraid.  We didn’t hear a peep from her on the way home either.  She took a long nap when we got home.  So did we.  It was a big day.

Sleepy time

Sleepy time

Today she’s full of herself and does not understand why she is not the center of attention at every moment of every hour.  Takes a while for a rock star to come back to earth after a performance I guess.   Still.  I think she deserves a bit of lavish attention.

She’s earned it.

Don't wake me up Mama!

Don’t wake me up Mama!


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Rally day

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAEvery time I sign Katie (and me) up for an event I wonder as I’m waiting for our turn why oh why I put myself in such stressful places.  Then she looks at me and grins just before the judge says “Ready?”   And I say “Ready!” and off we go.

Today’s event was no different, I wondered again why this was a good idea as I got up at 5:30 and packed Katie’s provisions.  As we left in the dark to drive the hour over to East Lansing in the rain I was sure this was a silly idea.  Katie doesn’t care if she has a title.  When the rain turned to snow as we neared East Lansing I was sure the whole thing was ridiculous.  But I was supposed to help a dog obedience classmate in his very first trial, so there was no turning back.  Which in the end is good because we earned the second leg of the three we need to become titled in Advanced Rally.

There’s a video over on Facebook.  Somewhere we did a station wrong, because our score was 88 out of 100, but I”ll take it.  It’s a Q and we only  have to do this once more for her Advanced title.

Of course there’s Excellent after that.  If we want to go for it.  And Obedience.  We haven’t started that yet.  Though I was watching some obedience rings today and kept thinking…”Well Katie can do that.”  So I suppose there are going to be a few more early mornings when I wonder just what I’ve gotten us into.  Probably will.  She’s sleeping now.

Good girl.


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Disconnected

Imported Photos 01015It’s December.  Christmas is around the corner.  Everyone seems to be excited but I’ve been feeling disconnected from it all.  With no children and no special plans for the holiday, no shopping or cooking to do I haven’t felt empathetic while listening to the young mothers at work talk about sales and gifts and recipes and travel plans.

Today contained a bad commute to work in a downpour, a bad morning at work filled with big problems, a lunch hour spent with truck safety stuff and studying rally signs, a long afternoon trying and failing to get caught up, then a quick drive to band rehearsal where we started out playing terribly and irritating the director.   A typical and exhausting day.

But we’re practicing Christmas music for our concert next week.  And Christmas music is hard to resist.  As the rehearsal wore on we started to sound better.  People settled in.  The director smiled a little bit.  The muscles in my  neck relaxed.  No one minded going past 9 p.m. as we worked out a particularly difficult passage.  People stuck around afterward getting organized for the concert.

On the drive home I sang along with the radio – “Do You Hear What I Hear?”  and “Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer.”  I enjoyed the Christmas lights in the neighborhoods I drove through.  Coming down my street I saw that my husband had turned on our holiday lights for me.

I smiled as walked in the door; Katie was excited to see me and husband seemed happy too.  All in all it was a good day.  It’s December, Christmas is right around the corner and the magic of music connected me to the season. Finally.

So get out there an enjoy the season everyone.  And my best advice is to turn on the radio while you’re out.  I bet you find yourself singing along.

Happy Holidays everyone.  Happy Holidays.


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Silly girl

For a little comic relief I present…Katie!

Yes Mama?

Yes Mama?

She and I have a Rally trial coming up this Saturday.  Last night I was telling my husband that I spent my lunch in the car reading the Advanced Rally signs and practicing commands out loud.  I demonstrated for him; “siT! Down! Back!  Circle!  Katie – HEEL!”  He started laughing and pointed behind me.

There was Katie dutifully sitting and downing, all the time cocking her head to one side as if to say “GEEZE Mama, not so fast!  You know you were using your SCHOOL voice!”

And now she tells me if I laugh at her she just might not be so responsive come Saturday.  So I guess I better be more respectful.  Because you never know what a Sheltie is going to do.

You just never know.

You called?

You called?


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Sorrow to Strength – our first chapter

When Dad was killed by a tired trucker in 2004 we didn’t know what to do first.  We knew we needed help but we didn’t know where to turn.  In desperation a family member started searching the internet and found the Truck Safety Coalition.  Their website back then was pretty simple, but it had a phone number and I called the next day.  They provided information and support – and an invitation to a conference called Sorrow to Strength.   I attended with my sister the next fall only 10 months after Dad was killed.    I smile when I remember how young and naive we were then, not in calendar years, but in the ways of politics and Washington DC.  I remember being incredibly hurt and thoroughly confused at that first conference.  We were still reeling from losing Dad, and we couldn’t absorb all the information provided, but we could absorb the love and support.  And we made lifelong friends.

During the first two days we listened to families tell their stories of loss and pain and outrage.  So many of their stories sounded like ours.  Some of the families had been fighting the fight for many years.  We weren’t even sure what the fight was.  But we knew we needed to help fix the problem of tired truckers – for Dad and for all these other people’s family members too.

Sunday night we had a remembrance service with photos of our loved ones.  Those that could speak told stories about the ones lost; sometimes we laughed along, sometimes we cried together.  The important thing was that we could share our folks with others, that they were not forgotten.  It was important that people recognized our loved ones’ lives had been about much more than just the crash that took them.

Shortly after the remembrance ceremony we retired to our rooms to study the material we’d been given during the meetings.  We were emotionally exhausted, but Monday morning we were going to visit our Senators and House of Representatives.  Neither my sister nor I had ever visited a government office before so we were nervous and I don’t think either of us slept well.

But here’s the thing.  I did not know then how easy it is to talk to someone in my Senator’s office about things I know are important.  Who knew that you could just make an appointment and the staff would be gracious and listen?  Who knew you could walk into any Senate or House office building and talk to your representative?  Who knew you and I are just as important as the people we see walking government corridors on TV?  That our voices and our stories are as or more important?  That we can leave an impression, can change things, can fix things.

We met with people in small offices and big conference rooms for two days.  We were exhausted but empowered.  Maybe things didn’t change instantly after those first meetings.  But I can guarantee the people that talked to us, looked at Dad’s picture, even cried with us, were changed.  We left a little bit of our pain with other people in every meeting.  And we gained a bit of strength with each time we told the story.

We left Washington DC after that first conference with hope.  And we left a little bit stronger than when we arrived.  Sure we were still hurting.  But now we had a direction in which to move, a place to put the hurt.  A way to make sure Dad was not forgotten.

That’s the power in Sorrow to Strength.  We know we won’t ever be free of the sadness.  But making our voices heard, saving other lives?  Well.  That’s what makes us stronger.

It’s for you Dad.  And for all the others.  You’ve made us stronger than we ever thought we could be.  It’s all for you.


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The pond – a twelve month study

Inspired by Sara who is documenting the gulch behind her home, I decided last January to take a photo of the neighbor’s pond on the first Saturday of each month.  I’ve posted January through April, and then May through August.  Yesterday was the first Saturday in December, so this morning I took the last photo.  I’d been hoping for snow so that the December photo would look different from the November photo, but I won’t complain about the 50 degree weather we’re enjoying.

So here is the pond as it looked on the first Saturday all year long.  Remember to click on any photo to see more details.

January

January

February

February

March

March

April

April

May

May

June

June

July

July

August

August

September

September

October

October

November

November

December

December


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Trucks muscle their way back into my life

Trucking issues are once again flooding my mind.  The work to make our highways safer ebbs and flows in my life.  Sometimes I can push it away and fool myself into believing that my life is what it was before 2004.  Sometimes truck issues seem to be everywhere I look.  This week I am overwhelmed with trucks.

Of course some of these feelings may be because Thanksgiving weekend eight years ago was the last time I saw my Dad.  Spending time with family in his home was poignant and brought my awareness of trucks into sharp focus again.  But there’s been more this week to make me focus on the truck issue once again.

A beloved father, whose wife was killed by a tired trucker in much the same way Dad was, and whose two sons were severely injured, is facing his second set of major holidays without her.  The realization of his new normal has begun to hit.  He’s finally got the boys settled and though the constant care of one of them consumes his days, he has just begun his own painful grief process over the loss of his wife and their life together.  I’ve seen his pain emerge this week, and it hurts to watch.  I wish I could make it all better for him.  But I can’t fix it.

Yesterday  my commute to work was extra long due to a tankard truck flipped over on one side of the freeway, and a couple of miles further, a double bottomed gravel hauler that had gone off the road on the other side of the freeway.   The slow snarled traffic gave me lots of time to think about what may have caused these incidents.  Turns out the tankard truck carried something very bad.  Hazard material crews were on the scene when I went by at 7 a.m. and they were still there when I went home again at 6:300 p.m.  Turns out the driver fell asleep while driving this dangerous load at 5:00 a.m.  No one died, but the cleanup is enormous.

This morning I turned on the news and saw the screen glowing with a fire on another local freeway.  A semi hit a Ford Focus, then bounced over the median, breaking apart and bursting into flames.   They say the driver may have fallen asleep.  Luckily no one died, and the semi driver only broke an ankle.

Falling asleep while driving is a problem of huge proportions.  Not just for the drivers of commercial vehicles, but for all of us.  These recent local incidents are just a few of the crashes that are occurring all across the country every single day.   These two didn’t kill anyone but across the country today an average 11 people will die and another 200 will be injured.  This morning my local news is full of the consequences on rush hour traffic, the spectacular fire video as if that were the only effect on the general public.   I am silently screaming at the reporter to wake up and see that the consequences of these crashes are much greater than a closed freeway.  Screaming that this time we were lucky.

This morning a family that owns a Ford Focus is counting themselves lucky.  But more of us should recognize that we’re all lucky every time we make it to our destination safely.  The odds are that sometime somewhere one of us will find ourselves tangled up with a commercial vehicle.  And that we probably won’t be lucky.  Please stay vigilant.  Stay away from these large vehicles that share our road.  Be careful.

Be safe.


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In a land far away

Early morning at the lake.

I am back from four days ‘away’ and it feels like I was gone a week.  That’s a good thing.
It’s hard to describe what it’s like to go from stressful work filled ‘here’ to sunny shiny watered ‘there.’ (Click the photos to see the details.)

Calm

There is always the underlying sadness that very special people are no longer there.  But still it was very good to be South.

Magical

We visited wonderful places, ate wonderful food, played wonderful music and slept until we woke up.

Yum

I couldn’t ask for more.  Except to have Mom and Dad there too.

Missing