Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Running

As we watch the live coverage coming from the Boston area tonight – the speculation about whether the younger suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing is holed up in a boat in the back yard of a home – I read my emails.  A  friend is running a half marathon this Sunday.  She says she is feeling some anxiety; ripples of the Monday bombing.

Imported Photos 00111 (Small)

Ironically Monday morning, while runners, family members and the community were making plans to enjoy the iconic Boston Marathon I was meeting with a foot specialist in Grand Rapids in an attempt to get my running feet back.  I miss the running community.  I miss running with friends, talking along the way, listening to each others ups and downs, giving and getting support.  I miss the sense of accomplishment felt after a good run.  I miss the applause at a finish line.  I miss that part of my life.

I hope those that ran Boston, especially those whose family members were injured or killed, don’t give up running.  In times of stress it can be a comfort, and certainly the running community is supportive of its members.  If you’re a runner one of the best ways to deal with trouble is to run.  Sometimes solutions to seemingly insurmountable problems are worked out on a long run.  Sometimes running allows you space to recognize that things are not so bad.  And sometimes running is just an escape for a little bit.

For my friend running her half this Sunday…I send cyber hugs and reassurances that nerves before a race are always a bit frayed…and it’s normal to feel some extra stress this time.  I know she will do great.  She always does.  In fact when I’m almost 70, as she is, I hope I’ll be running just like her.

If I can get my feet fixed and get myself out the door I think I will.


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Attack of the robins!

Gotta watch out for crazy birds!

Gotta watch out for crazy birds!

Katie and I were outside this morning, just as the sun was coming up.  She was sniffing around looking for the perfect place when from across the street two robins flew up from the lawn, flapping their wings and screeching at each other.  Up and down they flew, chest against chest, then they began chasing each other in larger and larger circles still screeching.   Soon other robins entered the fray, and they all began swooping and diving in a frantic dance.  The swarm of robins burst across the road, diving around our heads, then spun around a tree, then flew back across the road where they all dissipated, each to a separate tree except for two who ended up on the lawn where it all began.

Katie and I looked at each other.  “Well that was weird” I said.   She nodded and finished up what we were out there to do.   We headed inside for breakfast.

Morning peace was restored.


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It’s raining here

Three killdeer

Three killdeer

I feel like I’ve moved to the Pacific Northwest.  It’s raining here.  Every day we wake up to 35 degrees (1.6 C) and mist.  Or 35 degrees and rain.   It rains off and on all day and all night.  We haven’t seen the sun in so long I’ve forgotten what it looks like.  I have faint memories of walks in the park under a warm sun, but my most recent memories of the park are walking through slush in my winter coat, wearing gloves and telling Katie to hurry up!

Today it’s overcast and 35 degrees.  The week long forecast holds a little hope of warmer temperatures but looks like rain every day.  I guess we can dream.  I have an adventure brewing that would be nicer if the temperatures were above freezing.   And if it doesn’t rain on me that would be extra special.  On the other hand all this rain could be snow, like my friends up north are experiencing. And Duluth Minnesota just got 7 inches of snow with more coming tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll just sit down and be quiet.


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Trucks…here’s something you can do.

I’m watching the news today as it covers the people of Sandy Hook in DC lobbying for increased gun control.  I listen to the husband of one of the adults killed as he talks about the flight to DC on air-force one; how the entire flight he wished he was home with his wife watching her dance while she made dinner.   I see a clip of family members in a Senator’s office clutching tissue and trying to present their stories.  My own eyes tear up because I know.

From deep inside my soul I know how they feel.  How incredulous they are to be in the places they are now.  And  I know how they experience these amazing events – they experience it all through the mist of grief.  I remember sitting at a boardroom table, next to the Secretary of Transportation, across the table from Ralph Nader.  I remember the out of body experience as I talked to Dad in my head, unable to believe where I was, what I was doing.

Imagine flying on the President’s plane, talking to people you’ve seen only in the news.  Imagine keeping their attention on your story as you talk.  Incredible.  But we would all give up the attention and all these experiences just to have our family member back.  In a heartbeat.  No one wants the kind of celebrity these families are experiencing now.  No one wants to joint that club.

But I digress.  Here’s something you can do.  Go to this website and vote.  It’s a poll asking people how they feel about increasing the size and/or weight of trucks.  Currently in most states the maximum weight is 80,000 pounds.  There is a push to increase that to 97,000 or 100,000 pounds.

One of the arguments most often used for increasing truck weight is that there will be fewer trucks on the road if they can be bigger.  Historically, there has never been a reduction in the number of trucks on the road when weights have been increased.  There are consistently over time more and more trucks sharing our roads.  If the weights go up there will be more and more heavier trucks sharing our roads.

Another argument is that the increased weight will come with an additional axle which will spread the higher weight out so  there will be less damage to our infrastructure.  Truthfully, a heavier truck is a heavier truck.  Our bridges were not built for 100,000 pound trucks.  No matter how many axles you put on the truck it will still weigh 100,000 pounds.  More damage to our roads and bridges is inevitable.

The families of Sandy Hook say they feel like their children and family members are with them as they work the Hill.  It’s true.  The people killed that December day are there on the Hill.  And that’s exactly why Sandy Hook families work on gun issues and our families work on truck issues – issues we didn’t know anything about not so long ago.  Issues we wish we didn’t know so much about now.

So please go and vote…and of course you can vote whichever way you feel.  At the beginning most of the votes seemed to be coming from the trucking industry.  Now there’s more of a mix in the comments.  You don’t even have to comment.  We were told we might have to set up a profile to vote, but I didn’t have to do that, so you will be anonymous.  We just want to know what every day people think about bigger heavier trucks on our roads.  We don’t want the poll to be skewed either way…we would just like to know how you feel.

Thanks as always for all your support.  As things progress you know I’ll keep you posted.


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Guns and trucks

Listening to the news on the way home tonight I caught a snippet of someone, perhaps the governor of Connecticut, maybe someone else, talk about not backing away from an issue just because the other side talked longer or louder, about not giving up even though the task seems difficult, about standing by your convictions.  The news was covering the President’s stop in Connecticut campaigning for some measure of gun control but talk like that actually helped to bolster my flagging hopes about truck issues.

The next Sorrow to Strength conference is coming up.  During the first weekend in May many family members will be meeting again, talking again, learning again.  Crying again.  Before every conference I get wound up,  sad, angry, even tired.  And that’s before I even land at Regan National.  In some ways I look forward to going; I love Washington DC, but I also dread the conference because it exposes some of the old feelings and frustrations that we all felt right after Dad was killed by a tired trucker.

Lately I’ve been thinking that the whole thing is just too complicated for me to understand, certainly too big for me to make any difference.  Yes we won a huge victory last summer and some of what we’ve been working for has happened.  But so much more is needing to be done.  And the tentacles of the trucking industry are everywhere.  Even when we think we’ve won a small battle we have to stay vigilant to make sure it is not undone or negatively influenced by people that want to increase profits by moving goods in  larger and heavier trucks.

So hearing someone else supporting change that is difficult, change that is being fought by big money, change that is complicated – hearing someone talk about not giving up even in the face of great resistance helped me realize that my fight is worthwhile too.   Giving up would be wrong.  Giving up would let big money and big truck companies win.  Giving up would mean people will continue to die and be injured.  Of course continuing the fight doesn’t mean no one will ever be killed or injured…just that some people will be saved.  And isn’t even one person’s life worth the effort?

Yes, yes it is.


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Mama went and registered me for another trial!

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

Katie here.  You know, first Mama goes and visits Ricky without me.  Then she takes me to school and tells me I have to pay attention more because she’s registered me for another trial and we have to get focused.

And then she brings CHICKEN to school and I’m so crazy I can hardly stand it.  She says she thinks I’m a little too motivated with the chicken and says maybe she’ll go back to cheese.  I say, how can  I be TOO motivated anyway!?!  Mamas are crazy.

So anyway, Mama registered me for my very first obedience trial!  Ha!  Like she thinks I’m going to be obedient?  Me?  I’m a princess….in case any of you have forgotten.  I do what I want when I want to.  Unless there’s cheese or even better chicken.  Then I do exactly what my Mama wants right away.  I guess I can be bought.

The trial is Sunday April 28 at an arena about an hour away.  Wish us luck everybody!  We’ve got a couple of weeks to practice.  Mama says she doesn’t have to memorize any crazy signs and all I have to do is heel when she says to heel and watch her.  I suppose I can do that.  Oh.  And come when she calls.  And sit when I’m supposed to sit.  And stand when I’m supposed to stand.  And not be afraid of the judge even when she touches me!  But those long sits and downs?  I got that, no problem.

I may be a princess…but I am an educated princess.


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Heard on the radio

Driving home in rush hour traffic I thought I heard we are going to send astronauts to lasso an asteroid and park it next to the moon.  Hmm.  I don’t always listen to the radio carefully when I’m driving my crazy commute.  And lassoing an asteroid seems highly unlikely.  Maybe they were talking about a movie plot.

After supper I thought I’d see if I could look it up.  And what do you know; if you google lasso and asteroid up pops the story which is very interesting.  But it makes me wonder.

Do we need to park an asteroid next to the moon so that we can explore it as practice for going to Mars in the 30’s?  Do we need to go to Mars?  I’m not saying we don’t, just that I haven’t figured out exactly what the long term benefit is for spending this much money.

The radio report said that there is money in the national budget for this program.  But there’s no money for mental health issues?  No help for people who have been unemployed for months and years?  Programs for kids going to bed hungry are getting slashed.  So are benefits that many retirees thought they had earned.

Don’t get me wrong.  Space exploration is an exciting, sexy topic.  It gets attention and is certainly more interesting than stories about budget cuts or sad, confused, hungry people.  So I’m open.  Tell me why we’re even contemplating this program.  I try to see both sides of an argument.

Or are you as incredulous as I am?


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See you at the movies

I felt, as many did, that I lost a friend when Roger Ebert died yesterday.  I remember watching his show growing up, enjoying the sparring between Gene Siskel and Roger.  How many of us made our movie viewing decisions based on their thumbs?

I also read Roger’s blog pretty regularly.  And I was sad when he said just the other day that he was going to take a “leave of presence” while he fought back cancer once again.  He wrote about a lot of things, not always movies.  In fact not a whole lot about movies.  He was always interesting, sometimes poignant, sometimes funny.  He wrote as if we were all his friends.  I hope we were.

I like to think that perhaps he and Gene are catching up now, perhaps working on a new project together.  And if heaven is perfect and different for everyone, then I’m sure there’s a movie theater there.   I hope they get to see all the first run movies together — and before any of us.

I’ll miss him as will many of you.  But weren’t we lucky to have known him at all.