It’s always hard to ask for money. But when your passion for the cause overrides your reticence you just have to squish down those scary thoughts and do it.
So I am.
There are lots and lots of families out there going through unimaginable pain. But I can imagine it, because my family is one of them. When dad was killed December 23rd, 2004 our lives shattered. We’ve patched things back together over the 20 years but you can still see, and always will see, the mended cracks.
Other families out there need support and advice and shoring up. Also hugs. The hugs we can give for free but the rest takes money. So I’m asking you to donate today, Giving Tuesday. Please give with heart, give with love.
Giving Tuesday, an annual event that started on Facebook (I think) and has since morphed into all sorts of activities, is coming up. Always the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, this year it will be December 2.
My dad as a young man.
For the past several years I’ve used the date to raise funds for the Truck Safety Coalition, and I will this year too. I like to give you all a heads up before so that you can do your research and think about where you’d like to donate your hard earned money.
As always I remind everyone that large truck crashes aren’t partisan. The semi that slams into the back of your car doesn’t care whether you’re Republican or Democrat. It doesn’t care what race or gender or religion you are. It’s irrelevant whether you have family waiting for you at home or only your pet dog.
Still way before me.
Dad lived alone back in 2004 when he put his suitcase in the trunk of his car and headed for the Atlanta airport in the predawn hours of December 23rd. He didn’t know he’d never make it to the airport. I picture him pulling up the driveway for that last time, blissfully unaware of what waited for him.
More than 5,000 people die in crashes involving large trucks every year. More than 100,000 are injured. It’s not all the trucking industry’s fault, some of it is caused by those of us in cars doing stupid things. Both sides of that issue warrent additional vigilance on the road.
For the record, dad was slowed in traffic that was being guided around a previous wreck when he was hit from behind by a semi driven by a sleepy driver who didn’t see all the traffic stopped ahead of him.
The Truck Safety Coalition was there for my family 20 years ago and it’s still there for families that have been turned upside down by a crash. TSC provides support and advice and the opportunity to use their grief to make change for the better.
The obligitory church photo.
So I’m asking you to consider donating to the Truck Safety Coalition for Giving Tuesday this year. I’ll post again with a link soon. You don’t have to wait until December 5th to donate, but you can if you want to.
I’ll be sure to remind you.
Dad, ever on my mind and especially as we approach his crash anniversary, tells me to tell you thanks for the years of support you’ve given me and my family. And thanks for considering making a donation this year too.
In the world of blogging friendships are made. Some people, mostly not bloggers, don’t believe people who only know each other online can be considered friends. But I’ve been writing blog posts since 2008, and I’ve made several good friends. A few I’ve even met in person. Either way, on-line or in person, they’ve all been important to me.
Trent was one of those blog writers I’ve never met in person. But I’ve read his blog, Trent’s World, and he’s read mine, for several years. This week we learned that he died unexpectedly on October 5th. It’s a huge shock. He was only 61, will always be 61, though his 62nd birthday is today.
He ran several times a week with friends, he kayaked when he was on Cape Cod. He walked his dogs daily, and had just gotten a puppy. His beloved boxer, Fiyero, died unexpectedly on September 10th, so he was glad to have a new puppy, named Ledecky, in the house again. Though he did say puppy Ledecky was, of course, a lot of work.
Picture from Trent’s blog, Fiyero and Ledesky the new puppy.
He wrote music and books, was taking singing and drumming lessons. He played trumpet and keyboard, and probably other instruments as well. He was reading a math book for fun. Yes, a math text book.
He had retired recently and was obviously enjoying his time free from work. I wish he had had many more years to enjoy all of his hobbies, his pets, his friends and his family.
Trent was always one of the first people to comment on a new post, and he always responded when you commented on his. Last November he was the first person to donate to my Giving Thursday Facebook page, as I raised funds for the Truck Safety Coalition in honor of my dad.
Trent posted twice a week, once to talk about his week, in a “If We Were Having Coffee,” where we guessed whether he was in New Hampshire or Cape Cod, and another post to talk about a smile he had enjoyed during the week, in “The Weekly Smile.”
Trent’s last blog post was October 4th, a coffee sharing post saying he was in New Hampshire. He responded to a comment on that post early in the morning of the 5th.
Nothing about any of this prepared us to lose him, and I imagine his wife and family are having a terrible time with the shock as well.
So, even if you never read Trent’s blog, please pause for a moment and think about his friends and family. I’m sure they could all use the good thoughts. I’m hoping he is with his Fiyero now, running on a beach, perhaps along with other pets and family and friends.
And I think what we could all do in his honor is share a smile. Even if it’s not every week, let’s share the things in our lives that make us smile. Trent made us smile, let’s keep the smiles going. I think he’d like that.
The next to last sentence in his last blog post: “Anyway, that is about it, I need to be on my way.”
Now he has gone on his way, much too soon.
Rest easy, Trent. (link to his obituary) You were a good guy and we will miss your writing and singing and music and short stories and books. We’ll miss hearing about your runs and your pups. Thank you for all the support you showed us, your detailed comments, your extra input when we needed it, your donations to causes that matter to us.
Time is sliding away again, as it does, and I want to tell you about our time at the end of September in Washington DC.
Reagan National Airport from the Metro platform.
This year we did something different in that we combined the big fundraising dinner with our biannual Sorrow to Strength conference. We’ve been doing the conference for as long as I’ve been with the Truck Safety Coalition, more than 20 years. But we’ve only done the annual fundraising Gala twice before.
We were in town to make a point.
The objective in doing it all during the same weekend was to save everybody some money. The hotel gave us a discount for doing 2 events, back to back. And we, as volunteers would only have to pay to travel to DC once.
Change is hard.
The Gala, on Friday night, was fun, the food was delicious, and we raised a decent amount of money between sponsors and volunteer donations. But we still have a long way to go before we can say we’ve raised our entire annual budget –we’ll be scrambling at year end just like every year, but we’re getting better at finding funding sources.
It was a lovely evening.
Satrday morning people were invited to attend a session where the staff and a few volunteers showed us the ‘roadshow’ they’ve been doing the last two years.
Showing us one of the very first underride guards built.
In 2023 we received a grant from the DOT (Department of Transportation) to meet with at least six police departments across the country and talk about underride crashes, and how to designate them on crash reports.
We and the DOT feel these types of crashes, where a passenger vehicle goes under a tractor trailer, are under reported, both because some police departments don’t know enough about them, and because on most police crash reports there is nothing to indicate underride.
We dream about getting to zero.
We heard from a volunteer who had spoken at some of the shows, and with the manufactor of an underride guard that is being put on some trucks in some cities now. It was all very interesting and hopeful.
A Texas retired crash reconstructionist spoke at our road shows and our conference.
Then Saturday afternoon we met with the families and survivors and shared our stories. As usual this was a traumatic and overwhelmingly emotional time. This year there were so many new families. More than half of us in the room were there for the first time, and their families had suffered loss so recently.
So much to learn at our conference.
It breaks my heart. We’re glad they found us, but we wish the trends were going down. They are not. More than 5500 people died in crashes with commercial trucks in 2023, the last year we have data for. Over 150,000 were injured.
And some if not all of the safety measured we’ve fought years for are being rolled back.
Sunday we learned about the issues, and there are many. We focused, though, on a couple we think we can make progress on. We think safety is nonpartisan, but not all issues are. The two we spoke most about certainly are.
Just up the road from our conference hotel.
We think AEB (Automatic Emergency Braking) should be required to be included on all new buildsof all sizes of commercial trucks. For awhile we actually had the DOT headed that way, but then the trucking industry pushed back and the smaller trucks, those like box trucks, dump trucks, utility trucks, were taken out of the rule. We want all trucks to be required to have AEB. There are all sorts of little delivery trucks running around our neighborhoods now. Why wouldn’t we want them to stop when someone pulls out of a driveway or a kid rides his bike across the road? AEB is already on many cars, people are getting used to it. Why not include it on all trucks?
And drug testing in fatal crashes. It’s already a thing that is supposed to happen. Companies are required to get their drivers tested if there is a fatal crash. But 40% of these drivers are NOT being tested. The companies just blow off the requirement and if caught pay a fine. In my dad’s case the driver was not tested. My dad, dead and at the morgue, had blood pulled and tested. Why, I don’t know. A 75 year old man, stopped in traffic, was tested for being impaired, but the driver of the truck that hit and killed him was not.
Then Monday we went to the Hill to talk to staffers about our issues. DC and the area around the Hill was uncharacteristically quiet. It was two days before the potential government shutdown. Members, if they were in town, were on the floors of their chambers. Staffers were nervous and preoccupied.
Everybody was worried and a bit discouraged too.
In addition to Hill meetings I was also lucky enough to attend and speak at a meeting with other volunteers and a TSC staff person at the DOT where I met the probable new Administrator for FMCSA (Federa Motor Carrier Safety Administration). He hasn’t been confirmed yet, but he likely will be. I think he’s going to be good, his background is police work and he said all the right things. But then, they all say all the right things in the beginning. I will reserve judgement until I see what he does.
The Acting Administrator is not in this image…as he’s not confirmed yet.
Overall I think our meetings went well, or as well as we can expect in these times. Best of all? The new families rocked it. They moved out confidently, told their unimaginable stories of loss, and talked about our two issues (and any others that they felt called upon to talk about) with folks who have the ears of those who need to make the changes.
Sen. Peters is from my state, but he’s retiring which makes me sad.
That’s why it’s called Sorrow to Strength. They come to the conference in overwelming grief, they share that grief and it gets a tiny bit easier to bear among others like them. They learn some new skills, they practice those skills, and they go back out into the world a little stronger, more confident and maybe feeling less hopeless.
And that’s how our four days in Wasington DC went.
Part of our ‘debriefing’ after all our meetings were over. (No I hadn’t started drinking when I took this!)
Of course I’ll be asking for donations again during our Giving Tuesday campaign in November. And maybe next April for my birthday. But you can donate any time. Just go to trucksafety.org and push the DONATE button.
Dad and I thank you. And thanks for reading all of this.
Summer is flying by, and soon it will be September when the Truck Safety Coalition holds it annual fundraising dinner, and then it will be November when we ask our friends and family to donate through Giving Tuesday, and then it will be December when we make that last push to meet our funding goals.
Because I’m on TSC’s board I’m hyper aware of the need to fundraise, but before we get into this end of year cycle where I’m asking you for your support I just wanted to say thank you.
Thank you for the dollars you sent us at the end of 2024 when I was asking for support at our dinner. Thank you for going online when I was working the Giving Tuesday platform. Thank you for putting checks in the mail, directly to them or to me.
It feels just like yesterday that so many of you were actively engaged with my cause making it, at least for the moment, your cause too. It makes me feel less alone in the fight.
I don’t remember if I told you about our dinner last September. When I got up to speak I looked around at that crowded banquet room, at all the faces there. Crash survivors, victims’ families, TSC staff members, attorneys, other safety related non-profits, friends, Congressional staffers concerned about the issues, all these people were intermingled at the tables, and I thought….”We are not alone.”
And I said this out loud, I asked the victims’ families and survivors to look around. I told them our work is hard and sometimes it feels lonely, but look around at all these people here to support us. We are not alone. Our family members and our previous lives have not been forgotten.
And that’s how you make me feel too. So I wanted to say a simple thank you — without any ask attached.
A friend of mine made cards for me, using a photo of my parents and me taken a few decades ago. Who knew back then what I’d be working on now? I sent the cards to people I knew had donated last year, if I had an address. I would have sent them to all of you, but I know some of you wonderful people only online.
Think about how amazing that is.
You know me only online and still you support the cause that means so much to me…saving people’s lives, reducing truck crashes, supporting families, and spreading the word to be careful when you’re driving.
I know I’ll be back soon, asking for money to support our work. And once in awhile I’m sure I’ll be on my soapbox again. But for now, thank you all so much for listening and letting me ramble.
The deaths and injury numbers are going up, we can’t stop now.
I arrived a little early, and walking under that gate into that quiet place was hard, knowing my friend was taking her last walk with her little budy, saying her final goodbye. My eyes welled up before anything even got started.
Dogs from WWI.
But once it did, seeing all the therapy and honor guard dogs in attendence, all the people there to pay their respects, it felt a little better.
Not to say I didn’t use my tissue multiple times.
One of many dogs there to wittness the last goodbye.
Katie and Deuce visited this place many years ago. It’s a beautiful cemetary, and I know I’ll take Penny there to visit someday this fall, when the weather is cooler and we can spend some time exploring.
Deuce’s therapy dog group, getting ready to pay their respects during the last walk.
I know my friend is going to miss her little buddy every day forever, but what an honor to have him spend eternity with other special dogs, all of them having served not just their own people but hundreds of others.
Over 600 therapy dog visits, my friend said during her talk about him. More than 600 times he gave people comfort and smiles and love. Lots more than that when you count all the love he gave his mom, and Katie and me, and all his other friends.
A 21 second howling salute at the end of the service.
So long, sweet Deuce. You have planted your prints on so many hearts, we’re going to remember you and miss you forever.
Sunday evening, the last of the long, hot, 4th of July weekend, a couple friends from our community band and I were lucky enough to attend a Detroit Symphony Orchestra concert held outside at Meadowbrook Hall.
A few minutes before I left home to meet them for a quick dinner before the concert, the skies opened up and rain poured down. It was the first rain all weekend. I was discouraged, but figured at least we’d have a nice meal together and we’d see about the music later.
But even as I walked out to the car it began to clear.
So it was with high hopes and a bit of excitement that we arrived at the venue and found a place to sit in the grass high on the hill overlooking the stage. Of course just as we began to settle in the rain began again.
But once again it blew right through, and with a few gusts of wind the sky began to brighten. Then the music began.
What a wonderful evening! The crowd was happy and appreciative. The weather cooperated. The music was, of course, wonderful. Celebrating John Williams, it was filled with the scores of his many works and as the conductor talked about each piece you could hear the audience anticipate which one would be played next.
We were usually right.
As I listened I thought about Shelley, our community band music director who passed away this past February. She would have loved this concert. What’s not to love? The Detroit Symphony, a group she had season tickets for, a beautiful summer night, families enjoying the music, a beautiful sky overhead, and John Williams.
Perfect.
Toward the end of the program a lesser known score was played, the theme from Far and Away. The movie starred Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and the music starts off similar to a lot of his movie scores, fast and furious. But the last minute of the 3 minute piece, those last moments, those are sweet.
I smiled because in those moments, with fireflies twinkling and the music soaring into the evening sky, I knew somewhere maybe right overhead and not so far and away, Shelley was smiling too.
And I bet, in fact I’m 100% sure, she enjoyed the concert just as much as we did.
Mom says she has lots of photos to edit from her trip, but I keep asking her to do stuff with me so she hasn’t had time to mess with those old photos. I did let her edit the images in this post, cause they’re about me and I know how much you all want to see me.
This is mom’s favorite back yard weigela bush. It has three different shades of pink blossoms, that all bloom at once. This was the bush Mom was asking Katie to pose in front of in June of 2022 when she and dad noticed how sad Katie was.
Mom says that’s when she and daddy decided it was time to let Katie’s soul fly free. So when she sees this bush in bloom she always thinks about Katie and that day, and it makes her sad.
But did you see what’s on the bush, just to the left of my right ear? Go ahead and look again. Maybe make the image bigger on your device.
See it?
Yep…a butterfly! Mom had been out taking pictures of it earlier, from a good distance away because she didn’t want to scare it off. And then, when she thought it was gone, she took me out there to get my picture with the blooms, and the butterfly flew right around our heads and settled down eating and drinking.
It wasn’t afraid of us at all!
It stayed out there, flying around near us the entire time Mom was taking my picture. Do you think maybe it was Katie come to visit?
Our community band’s season is coming to an end. We play the last concert this coming Friday, only a few days away, and this one is special. This concert is in memory of Shelley Roland, the music director of our band, who led us for almost two decades. This special woman who was our leader, mentor, and friend died in February after fighting cancer for nine years. So the pieces chosen for this last concert all have some connection to Shelley.
The band sounds great. We’re especially large for this event, because many musicians, friends and past students of hers, have joined us to play music in her honor. I think every section of the band has an extra person or two. And because Shelley was a clarinet player and a teacher, our section went from the four clarinets we had at the last concert to a total of eleven for this one.
All of this is really wonderful, but as we were rehearsing a particular piece last night I suddenly realized why we were playing it and my eyes filled with tears. I need to get the tears under control before Friday night, because I can attest that it’s impossible to play a clarinet and cry at the same time.
Please think about us this Friday evening. It’s going to be hard but beautiful and I can’t think of a better way to honor her memory.
But darn, I better remember to pack my pockets with kleenex.
Change Is Hard 