Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Wordless Wednesday

Wait!  I know it’s Wordless Wednesday…but I have words I want to say.  And you know I never quite know what day it is anyway.  So let me tell you about community band rehearsal last night.  Thanks to Ricky’s Mom I practiced at least 30 minutes every day this past week.  Even when I didn’t want to.  Some days it was an hour because I just got caught up in the music.  Well.  Only a couple times did it go beyond 30 minutes.  But still.

Just a moment.  A certain sheltie who will remain anonymous seems to need my attention….

There's something OUT THERE Mama!

There’s something OUT THERE Mama!

There's something OUT THERE Mama!

What?  Be quiet??? Really?

Pouting.

Pouting.

ZZZZ z z z..z...z...

ZZZZ z z z..z…z…

…so anyway…I was telling you about last night.  We’re a community band and we use a public school to get together every Tuesday night and practice.  We have a concert in a few weeks and the music is difficult.  So when I woke up to the news the public schools were closed due to icy back roads I just knew the director who is a public school band director would get us in the closed building.  I was right and she did, and more than that the school superintendent sent a custodian to open the building for us.  We are so grateful to have the support of the school administration.

We had a wonderful rehearsal.  Everyone showed up!  And you could tell people spent some time on the music since last week; things fell together and there were some nice sounds.  Some not so nice as well, but we have 3 more rehearsals so we can pound those out.

So thanks Ricky’s Mom!  For making me accountable to practice every single night.  I need to do that this week too, but I’m heading out of town this weekend.  That means I need to spend time with the music tonight and Thursday night for sure.

OK Katie.  Let’s go check out the scary rain before I head off to work.  Silly girl.

It's noisy Mama!

It’s noisy Mama!


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Dancing to the Danzon

Tuesday night was our first band practice since our Christmas concert mid-December.  Though it was nice to have the time off, we were all eager to get back to playing again.  We are getting ready for a community band festival held at the end of February.  This of course makes us more nervous because the audience will be filled with our peers – other community bands, people that know music and will be listening with more critical ears than our family and friends.  So we want to have our stuff together.   We have six weeks.

On of the pieces we will be playing is “Danzon #2” by Marquez.  I had never heard it before, but our director sent an email out during the break letting us know, and telling us that we should go find it online and listen.  You can hear it here.  It’s almost 10 minutes long but worth the listen/watch.  This particular version is done by an orchestra, but we’ll be doing a version for a concert band.  I followed along in my music and our version is almost exactly like this one, with a few minor orchestration differences.

Tuesday night it took us 45 minutes to get from the beginning to the end of the piece.  We stopped and started a lot but some sections sounded pretty good even on the first attempt.   And there was a long duet between our first chair clarinet and an oboe player who just happens to be his 10th grade daughter.  They sounded so wonderful, the two of them together, that the rest of us, the entire band, forgot to keep counting and none of us came in after the 14 or so measures of their solo.  The director laughed and lowered her baton,  voicing what we were all thinking; what a wonderful opportunity for this father/daughter duo to play something so beautiful together.  To create something breathlessly beautiful with her Dad…it will be a memory she remembers forever.

That is the beauty of playing in a group like this.  There are several parent/teenager duos in the band and I think they all enjoy the experience of doing something like this together.  I know we enjoy having them with us.  We would not be the group we are without the support of many local musically talented kids.  They fill in our gaps, cover our mistakes and generally don’t treat us like the old farts we are.  Sometimes they remind us of how old we are just by their intense youthfulness.  But generally it’s just fun to have them around.

So, time to get back to the daily practicing.  Don’t want those young whippersnappers to outshine us more experienced players.  They get to play in their high school bands every day.  We have two hours a week.  But then we have less homework to do at night so it all balances out.

I hope.

IMG_5861


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Santa’s music

Santa reviews the music

Santa reviews the music

With all the events on Friday I didn’t tell you  how our community band’s Christmas concert went.  The concert opened with a few pieces played by a local hand-bell choir.  Their soft gentle melodies soothed our souls in a way few things could.  Though I have to say during “Greensleeves” it was pretty hard not to let the tears slide down my  checks.   As our conductor said at the end of their selections; “I think they’ve taken us to the peaceful place we need to be.”

When it was our turn to play we sat up on that high school stage and looked out into that large audience, filled with families complete with grandparents and little children.   We could still feel our hearts hurting but we were also filled with resolve to salvage something of this magical time of the year.  And so we played.  Yes there were a few bumps, and  some bad moments where we lost our concentration as well as the melody, but there were also joyous moments and fun filled moments and laughs and smiles and rousing applause.

Santa came to visit us and conducted a few of the pieces.  We always enjoy him and are especially honored to have his attention at this busy time of the year.  The children in the audience could hardly wait to visit with him after the concert.

Santa rehearses the band.

Santa rehearses the band.

In the end what felt almost inappropriate as we were driving to the venue turned out to be  just right.  In the midst of overwhelming sadness we created a little bubble of joy and for a couple of hours we were reminded to enjoy our families, to share some holiday spirit, to appreciate our community, and especially to enjoy the moment because, as we all know, the moment is all we have.

Let each of your moments be filled with love, music and warmth.

And we're on!

And we’re on!


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Concert night

Tonight is our holiday concert.  We didn’t get to perform the Halloween concert last October due to the remnants of Hurricane Sandy taking out local power that night, so this will also be our season opener.  I’m sort of nervous which is silly.  It’s Christmas music for goodness sake.  But of course, not just any Christmas music;  some of it is challenging.

After an 11 hour work day yesterday I practiced for about 30 minutes last night.  The ‘few measures’ I had planned on working on morphed into almost all of the works.  And it wasn’t pretty.  I know, I know.  The worst dress rehearsal can sometimes mean the best concert.

Here’s hoping that holds true for me tonight.

Imported Photos 00026 (Small)


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Disconnected

Imported Photos 01015It’s December.  Christmas is around the corner.  Everyone seems to be excited but I’ve been feeling disconnected from it all.  With no children and no special plans for the holiday, no shopping or cooking to do I haven’t felt empathetic while listening to the young mothers at work talk about sales and gifts and recipes and travel plans.

Today contained a bad commute to work in a downpour, a bad morning at work filled with big problems, a lunch hour spent with truck safety stuff and studying rally signs, a long afternoon trying and failing to get caught up, then a quick drive to band rehearsal where we started out playing terribly and irritating the director.   A typical and exhausting day.

But we’re practicing Christmas music for our concert next week.  And Christmas music is hard to resist.  As the rehearsal wore on we started to sound better.  People settled in.  The director smiled a little bit.  The muscles in my  neck relaxed.  No one minded going past 9 p.m. as we worked out a particularly difficult passage.  People stuck around afterward getting organized for the concert.

On the drive home I sang along with the radio – “Do You Hear What I Hear?”  and “Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer.”  I enjoyed the Christmas lights in the neighborhoods I drove through.  Coming down my street I saw that my husband had turned on our holiday lights for me.

I smiled as walked in the door; Katie was excited to see me and husband seemed happy too.  All in all it was a good day.  It’s December, Christmas is right around the corner and the magic of music connected me to the season. Finally.

So get out there an enjoy the season everyone.  And my best advice is to turn on the radio while you’re out.  I bet you find yourself singing along.

Happy Holidays everyone.  Happy Holidays.


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Contemplating too much

The sidewalk last week.

I got out of the office for about 30 minutes today at lunch.  We’ve been so busy, but it was jean day and I was already wearing running shoes…so no excuses not to get my walk in.  Most of the week I’ve been trapped in my cubicle.

As I walked (with camera of course) I noticed how much the color has faded since my walk earlier this week,and certainly since last week’s walks.

Trees reaching for the last bit of warmth.

Still, it was pretty.

I was thinking about how stressed I am at work, and how busy I am there and outside of work.   I’m headed to Washington next week for a couple of days to do a little truck safety stuff.  And I’ve registered Katie for a Rally trial near the end of the month, a couple of days before the community band’s first concert.

Small groves of trees watch me walk by.

Someone at work, learning I’d be out of the office for a couple of days next week, wanted to know how I did it…he said every time he talked to me I was off doing something else.  And a couple weeks ago Bruce’s uncle asked me if I was doing too much.  Something to think about I guess, and it’s not like I haven’t considered letting some stuff go before.

Walking and thinking.

But still.  All these extras are the joyful aspects of life.  Who could give up that moment during a concert when it all comes together and something beautiful emerges?  So few people get to experience that.

And when Katie sits at attention next to my left ankle waiting expectantly, and moves seamlessly with me as I call “HEEL!”and pivot to the right, all the while grinning at me…well…who wants to give that up?

Trees and clouds shot with the ‘dramatic’ setting.

And the opportunity to go to DC and make a tiny bit of difference, to know your efforts and those of your family and friends have saved lives.  Well.  It’s not possible to give that up.  At all.

Looking for answers.

In the end I finished my short walk with no solution.  It’s not the extras I want to walk away from.  It’s the work that consumes me for so many hours each day.  But I know I have to wait my turn for retirement.  Mom used to tell me that when I complained about work.

Ok.  I’ll wait.  But I’m making a list of stuff I want to do once I have my freedom.  And it’s getting pretty darn long.

Walking toward the future.


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Behind

I rise from bed before the alarm after a restless night.  I’ve dreamed what could be the dramatic first scene in a book filled with the terror of survival.  The idea for a book if I were an author.  But I don’t like those kinds of books, call them scary and rush through the worst descriptions of fear.

No time for Katie this morning, I’m behind.  A little belly rub as I wake her from sleep.  She trots to the guest room where I have hung today’s work clothes.  She hops on the bed hoping for a little nap.  No time baby, no time.  I am behind.

I’m behind.  Behind, behind, behind pounds in my head, pounds under the conscious efforts getting ready for work.  Behind.  I remember the details of my dream as I’m in the shower.  No time to think about the dream.  No time.  I’m behind.

A quick shower, no time to linger in the warm steamy water.  I’m behind.  Katie curls up on the rug.  She has time.  Drying off I am glad my hair curls whether I mess with it or not.  No time.

Last night’s rehearsal went poorly.  I need to practice.  “You are all adults.” the conductor said.  “We don’t have time to work out the wrong notes here”   There are only four rehearsals  until our concert.  We don’t have time.  I am behind.

Work is overwhelming.  Hundreds of emails, problems.  Short staffed. Cranky people including me.  No time to stretch, relax the shoulders, take a deep breath.  I worked on Sunday and now I am behind.   I think of the problems I left on my desk as I rushed to band last night.  If I just move faster maybe I’ll be less behind.

I strap time on my wrist this morning and think that no one wears a watch anymore.   I can’t stop time.  It is streaking past me, falling into the abyss of the future.   I don’t know if I am the White Rabbit or Alice.

But I know that I’m behind.


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Randomness

It’s been a crazy busy few weeks at work with no end in sight.  There’s been even more stress lately as we’re short staffed.  People are are sick, on vacation and loaned to another department.  Yet the volume continues.  I need to find a way to get through the day without being overwhelmed.  Without getting angry.  Without getting kink in  my neck.

Message to the young lady in the blue Ford tailgating me on my commute to band practice tonight:  There are four lanes of traffic.  We’re all going the same speed.  There’s a car in front of me, one on either side of me.  Where did you want me to go?  When I could I moved one lane to the right, just to get out from in front of you.  You zoomed up behind the next car.  We were all going 75.  Why do you need to go faster?  I had a really bad day at work but just because you’ve got some sort of death wish doesn’t mean I want to go with you.

Rehearsal tonight was grueling.  We’re still sight reading pieces while we figure out what we’ll play for the Halloween concert.  Some pretty strange stuff.  Some really difficult stuff.  Some strange and difficult stuff.  Two hours nonstop.  At 8:50 p.m. the conductor stopped and started talking about the season concert dates.  We figured we were done and began to relax.  Then with only a few minutes left she asked us to read one more piece.  And as we were sighing and pulling the piece out of our folders she said “You may  have noticed that this arrangement is written a half step lower than the original composition.”  My stand mate and I both said sarcastically and at the exact same time – “Yea, we noticed that.” and then we both looked at each other and burst out laughing.  We laughed so hard that we were crying.  We laughed so hard that we missed the first 16 bars of the piece of music.  We giggled through the whole thing.  It wasn’t even that funny.  Guess you had to be there.

After a long day and a bad commute, a exhausting rehearsal, it was good to end the day with laughter.

Yes it was.


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Music filled Saturday with some football too.

Heading to ‘The Big House.’

We had such a great day!  Saturday afternoon we parked near the University of Michigan’s Hill Auditorium, then walked thirty minutes south, enjoying the sunshine, the students partying in the street, the crowds, the tailgaters, to the stadium where we sat in a VIP box, guests of the School of Education, to watch Michigan beat Massachusetts.

I’ve never been in a VIP box before.  Let me tell you, that’s the way to watch football!  Of course I don’t really get football, though I do enjoy a good long run down the field.  Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t really care which team passes long or runs, it’s just fun to watch.

For me, a college football game is all about the band.  Yes, the band; that group of kids who puts everything they’ve got into providing entertainment and pumping up the crowd.

The band over on the other side kept us in the game.

While other people were chatting before the game I was watching the pregame show.  While others went to the restroom at halftime I was watching the band.  While others were cheering and booing ref calls I was watching the band across the way in the stand as they chanted, shouted, danced and blew their lips out creating excitement.  Yep.  Love football…because of the band.

The “M” marches toward the sideline.

In the middle of the fourth quarter we had to leave the game to walk the 30 minutes back up to the main campus.  We had symphony tickets.   It was the opening night of this year’s season and the Ann Arbor symphony was playing Beethoven.

Hill Auditorium.

As I settled into my seat I jokingly told my Aunt that it would probably be inappropriate to stand up, pump my fist in the air and shout “GO BLUE!” in the middle of Symphony No. 9…right? She thought probably it would not be good.  Apparently I was not the only one feeling the dichotomy of experiences that day, as during the introduction remarks the speaker actually commented on how cool it was to watch a football game then walk across town to hear a symphony.  Then he yelled  “GO BLUE!”  And the audience applauded in response.

The program opened with the National Anthem, the second time I’d heard it that day.  It was played by the full orchestra and sung loud and clear by the audience.  Then most of the orchestra stood up and left, stage left.

The symphony played Twelve Contradances next.  Twelve short pieces,played by a smaller, mostly string subset of the full orchestra.   Each movement is a slightly different version of music to keep your toes tapping..composed in 1802.  As I was listening I noticed a man sitting a couple of rows back from the conductor.  He was sitting quietly, not moving, no instrument that I could see, hands folded in his lap.  I thought maybe he had played with the full orchestra and just forgot to leave with the rest of them.    Then in movement #8 he picked up a tambourine and played it expertly till the end of the movement.  When movement #9 began he again sat, stoically, hands folded in his lap for the rest of the piece.

Ah! Perfido, Op. 65 was sung by  soprano Laura Aikin who has a beautiful and powerful voice.   The music was written to the verse of a poem written by Pietro Metastasio and was all about cruel love.

Symphony and choirs

The last half of the program was Beethoven’s Symphony #9,  Choral, or most of us think of it, Ode to Joy.  It was played by the full orchestra, and sung (in the 4th movement) by 4 soloists and a huge choir.

The first movement was full and lush, my favorite way to listen to a symphony.  The second movement was fun and fast with some amazing oboe, french horn, bassoon and tympani work.  The third movement was a sweet chorale and I was beginning to struggle to keep my eyes open.

All that was overshadowed by the drama of the fourth movement.   It began with notes you’ve all heard in commercials.  Then moved to the cellos and basses, wonderful seamless building of the familiar Ode to Joy melody, followed with the tune repeated in the violas and then the gentle violins.  By now we were all humming along as the sound built and built, bigger, more and more lush until the choir stood up and the sound became wonderfully overwhelming.

The crowd was on their feet before the last note hit the ceiling, cheering and applauding.  Sort of like at football.  We clapped till our hands ached.  The artists on stage grinned like kids.

Yes our day was full.  Full of joy.


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Ann Arbor Symphony and Anton Nel

Husband and I were treated to the Ann Arbor Symphony again tonight.  It was their Beethoven Festival and as always it was wonderful.  They opened with “Fidelio Overture,” the fourth overture written by Beethoven for his only opera.  The second number was Beethoven’s Symphony No 1.  You can read a review of the concert here.

Both were wonderful – the Ann Arbor Symphony plays everything wonderfully – but the part of the evening I was looking forward to most was hearing Anton Nel play the piano.  Born in South Africa, winner of many awards , Mr. Nel is on the faculty of the University of Texas, Austin and teaches piano master classes around the world.  Last night he played the Piano Concerto No. 5, the “Emperor” composed by Beethoven in 1809.

From the first moment I was swept away, in awe of the agility of his fingers.  The movement soars and sweeps with notes coming fast and furious, then becoming sweet and light only to be overtaken by that energizing excess of notes again.  I secretly thought that somehow Mr. Nel must have more than ten fingers, for how could a mere mortal ten produce the sheer number of notes that were floating in the air high above our heads?

If I held my breath in delight during the first movement, I sighed with everyone else through the beautiful second movement.  We were lulled into a  tentative, almost dream-like and soulful world as the fingers quieted, stroking out soft beautiful tones, painting soft pastel moments, soft around the edges and supported gently by the symphony surrounding him.

Then, with no break to warn us, we were jarred awake by the third movement which danced it’s way into our hearts, faster and faster; it was a joyful dance and none of us were allowed to be wallflowers.   The music swept us up and carried us to the end, high on a wave of sound and images.  For a moment, just at the end it slowed and we were almost lulled back to our dream world, and then it all came to a wondrous fantastic joyous finish.

There was a collective gasp at the end and then thunderous applause erupted.  On our feet we all wanted more.  Mr. Nell graciously consented playing two encores;  “Bagatelle” and ending with “Fur Elise.”   The applause was overwhelming and I hope it let him and the symphony know how much we appreciate the opportunity to be a part of the magic they created.

If you live in Ann Arbor you must know what a gem you have in the Ann Arbor Symphony.  And not just in the amazing soloists they bring to your city.  There is an abundance of talent in the individuals that play regularly in your symphony.  The next concert is November 12th.  If you can, schedule it into your life.

Experience the magic.