Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

A missing mom kind of day turns extraordinary


I started feeling melancholy last night, laying in bed staring at the ceiling in a house she and dad built a long time ago, surrounded by some of her special things.

All day today, as I ran errands in town, I felt a certain heaviness as I drove past stores we shopped in together, past the university where she worked.

Not much going on in the sky. Yet.

Heading back to the house late in the afternoon I noticed the redbud in bloom, the delicate purple-pink flowers shining against the still bare branches of the rest of the forest. She’d have liked that.

I thought I’d take Katie to a park, sort of a reward for patiently waiting for me all day. But she wasn’t in the mood, and to be honest, neither was I. I thought I’d settle for a nap. But I was restless and sleep wouldn’t come.

A gentle circle in the grey water.

So Katie and I headed out to the dock to sit and wait for the sunset. I wasn’t expecting very much, there were only a few clouds in the sky and the last few nights haven’t been very interesting.

Still. It was nice to be sitting on the end of the dock with my feet hanging down over the water and my Katie-girl laying tight up next to me. I was still feeling sad, but it was a peaceful sort of sad.

Circles within circles.

The water was still, reflecting the sky and clouds. I smiled, and watched the water move as small minnows just touched the surface, creating gentle circles that quickly moved outward.

I couldn’t see the actual fish, just the circles appearing like magic and spreading across the water. Soon there were circles intersecting other circles.

Expanding lines intersect.

I focused on capturing those gentle patterns. Katie fell asleep beside me.

I was so intent on trying to get those circles, trying to get the light right, the focus crisp. I almost forget to check the sky. But the sun waits for no photographer; the sky was beginning to show a bit of color. And I was starting to feel a bit better.

A little bit of pink turns up for the show.

But those little fish were still making circles and I wasn’t sure I had captured the exact perfect one. So I turned the camera back to the water.

And then I realized the circles were now pink. The water was pink. Which meant the sky must be…

The circles begin to glow

I looked up. And had to hold my breath.

Katie stirred and agreed to pose with the sky. She didn’t even ask for a treat. The sky was enough.

I can’t believe how beautiful this is mama!

It’s impossible to overstate how the sky this evening picked me up. I was laughing and running up and down the beach trying to capture it all.

Katie stood on the dock and watched me with a patient look on her face. She knows her mama and she was happy that I was happy.

No words can adequately describe this.

Thanks mom, for sending me the sunset tonight. I know you were there watching me watch it. It looked like something you might have painted.

For all I know you did.


Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

26 thoughts on “A missing mom kind of day turns extraordinary

  1. Oh how magical! 💕 Lovely!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Whew! This was some kind of wonderful post, Dawn. You captured it beautifully. Katie–pink is definitely your color.


  3. I love the progression of photos within your text! I could feel your world changing as it was happening. What beautiful skyscapes!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. what a wonderful sky! I am glad the day ended up with an “uplift” for you Dawn


  5. penncosect24 explains the feeling of reading this post perfectly – I love it too.


  6. Oh my. This made me cry it was so beautiful. Your writing snd photography are so lovely.


  7. You know, Dawn, perhaps Aunt Vi helped your mom paint that pink sky! What gorgeous shots you’ve captured … and I’m glad a pensive day was salvaged after all.


  8. Beautiful reflections of the colorful sky. I chuckled over continuing to take photos of the rings on water to get it just right. I’ll come home with one to two hundred pics (using rapid fire) of the same thing just to get one or two that are exactly right. The rest get deleted.


    • I know, right? And I had to use the manual focus because there wasn’t enough definition in most of the water shots for the camera to focus. And I can’t see without my glasses, but I can’t use the eyepiece on the camera with my glasses, so I was doing a lot of guessing.


  9. Lovely, I haven’t cried much since my Mum passed but reading your blog post made me tear up. I know tomorrow will be a hard day; it’s my Mum’s birthday.


  10. This gave me goosebumps. How wonderful and how beautiful! I love that when we’re feeling sad and missing them, our moms find a way to let us know they’re still watching over us. ❤


  11. I liked the ripple in time analogy, even if you hadn’t intended it. The sunset was phenomenal.


  12. Pingback: A fleeting moment | Change Is Hard

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.