I went on a little adventure this week, two nights spent near Lake Michigan shooting images of the Milky Way. It didn’t escape my attention that I went without my girl. Or that I went in part because it was too hard to be here without her.
And it worked. For two glorious nights I stood in silky sand with my lens pointed at the sky and I was happy.
Last night, after I was finished shooting while waiting for my photographer friend to finish her work, I sat alone in the sand, gazed up at the Big Dipper and talked to my dad, a warm breeze drying the tears on my face.
Pt. Betsie lighthouse on a warm summer night.
Hey Dad. I know you and Mom never met Katie but she’s up there now. Take care of her for me, will you? She might be scared to be so far away from her mama and daddy. I don’t want her to be scared, so please reassure her. And she likes her shoulders to be massaged. If you could do that for me, I’d appreciate it.
Tell her we love her, and miss her, and we’ll see her again someday.
PS: I’ll have more images to show you from the past two nights once I get them all sorted. It was pretty amazing, millions of stars crowding the sky, the Milky Way glowing.
I’ve written posts of celebration for other dogs. Friends’ dogs, dogs I loved, some I’d met, some I only knew online. Those posts flowed from my heart through my finger tips, past my tears and onto the screen as if by magic.
But this is my girl.
And the pain, so deep, is creating a fortress wall high and wide, filled with hidden devises ready to ignite without warning as memories explode and fade in my mind like 4th of July fireworks.
The words in my heart, aching to be set free by my finger tips, are trapped.
This is the time to celebrate Katie, to sit and remember all fifteen years, five months and twenty-three days of her extraordinary life. To relive the adventures, the funny head tilts, the squirrel alerts, the soft tummy tickles.
Ok, so maybe I won’t be singing in this post, but lots of birds were vocalizing when I visited the Shiawasee National Wildlife Refuge Friday morning. (And I should thank my friend Wendy for telling me about the Merlin phone app that helped me identify so many bird songs that morning!) Want to come along? You should probably be on a screen bigger than your phone for these images. Just to get the full effect, you know.
It was a beautiful sunny day. Perfect for basking.
I got a later than normal start, as I’m usually there at sunrise and this time I didn’t arrive until hours after the sun was up. But it was still morning! So that counts for something, right?
This might be a king bird. Or something else. I thought he was very elegant.
Still, there weren’t many cars in the parking lot, which now that I think about it, was irrelevant because I planned on doing the Wildlife Drive instead of doing my usual 4 mile hike through the woods.
This juvenile bald eagle startled me, coming off of a telephone pole just as I drove by.
I was curious about what I’d see from the car on the 6 mile route through the refuge. I’ve visited in late fall and early spring, but the wildlife drive is only open from June 1 through September 30 each year, so I’ve never driven it before.
Not all the pretty things are wildlife. At least this water lily stood still for me.
I have to say there are long stretches of the road that weren’t particularly interesting to me. But when I got a good image, it was a really good image.
I watched this blue heron scratch his chin for several minutes before he took off for parts unknown.
And it was fun to see the refuge from a different perspective. I could see, way across the wetlands, parts of the trails I usually walk.
Way over there is a tree that usually has eagles sitting in it. You can get closer if you’re walking, but they always see you and fly away.
But boy, you have to be ready for anything while driving, just like when you’re walking in the woods.
Mama wood duck and her brood. Not in focus, but way too cute to leave out.
You never know when a bunch of birds will fly up over your car, or be standing silently up to their knees in water. (Do birds have knees?)
Do you see the heron out there looking for lunch?
I lost lots of great shots because I couldn’t get a fast enough focus.
Look closely and you’ll see a bunch of wood ducks startled by me driving by. Not in focus, but cool anyway.
I was particularly disappointed by not getting a great shot of the pelicans. I caught a glimpse of them too late, when I was already past the perfect spot to stop.
Not in focus, but there was a car behind me and I didn’t take the time to check my shot. Darn.
I actually drove the road twice, just to get back to the pelicans to get a better shot, but they were gone when I came around the second time. But that’s OK, I got a great shot of a sleepy blue heron on my second trip around.
“Can’t get a lick of sleep around here.”
And I spent quite a long time watching an egret stalk his (or her) lunch on my second loop too. They are so white I’ve often had a hard time getting good images of them, but this one was close enough to notice the nuances in the tail feathers.
I think something wasn’t going down easily.
I don’t know what it was eating, something too small for me to see, but there seemed to be a lot of it and the bird was chowing down.
Notice the color on his tail feathers?
Once I got through the gate at the end of the road the second time I decided to park and go walk some small part of my typical hike. It’s just over 2 miles out to the overlook, and of course 2 miles back and I didn’t want to do all that. And I’d just driven by the overlook. Twice.
The light playing on the water caught my attention.
But you know how it goes. Once you get started you’re always finding something just around the next bend in the trail that sparks your interest. Plus there was this high school (or maybe college?) group that I passed and I wanted to keep ahead of them. Just because.
Out with a park ranger learning about cool stuff.
So I ended up doing almost the entire 4 mile loop. But that’s OK, because I got to see the eagles’ nest and at least one of the adults was sitting in it. I’m guessing there are babies up there, but I couldn’t tell.
On guard.
The nest is a long way away from the trail, really too far for my lens, but you get the idea. I was thrilled it was in a dead tree. When I first saw this nest last winter I assumed that leaves would obscure the view come summer. I grinned when I turned a corner in the trail and the nest was right there. Plus the eagle, a bonus, made me smile even wider.
So, two driving loops, 12 miles, on the Wildlife Road, and a 4 mile hike through the woods. I’d say that’s a pretty good day.
The milkweed is just about ready to burst into summer.
Two days after Katie flew free we had company. My brother and sister arrived for a visit that was planned weeks before we knew Katie wouldn’t be here to greet them.
It was a good distraction, to have additional people here in the house. The days were filled with activities and meal preparation. I told stories about my girl, and cried when I needed to. It was nice to have extra people around who knew and loved her.
“I don’t suppose you have a peanut for me?“
Of course we went out to Kensington to see the birds. The heron rookery was filled with teenagers waiting for their parents to show up with food. They’ll soon be off on their own.
“Do you see the delivery guy? He said he’d be here in 20 minutes and that was an hour ago!“
And then we wandered a few of the trails looking for hungry little birds to come down for a treat.
“You know I won’t come to your hand, but I’d appreciate it if you drop a few treats for me along your way.“
We were later in the day than I generally visit, and I wasn’t sure what we’d find. Little did I know the park would be teeming with wildlife. At the beginning of our walk we came across an assertive raccoon.
“Looking for lunch, people, give up your seed and no one gets hurt.“
Another walker told us she had been fed by people (against the rules) and was now stalking guests. We tried to run her off, because there were small children present. But it was difficult to get away from her.
Finally we took a different path away from the other people and not far down that path we witnessed a great battle. We first heard the sound of a wound up sandhill crane very close.
Then we saw the action begin.
Mama stands over in the tall grass as the battle began.
We think the crane couple had a nest, or perhaps a young one, and the turkey was intent on getting too close. The crane was intent on not letting that happen.
The crane was relentless.
As we stood there, me with a camera lens that was too long because they were so close to us, the battle moved from the field to the path we stood on, and then into the woods. And back again.
“You can’t hide from me, Turkey!“
It was very loud, mostly the crane screaming at the turkey.
“Get moving out of here, you turkey!”
But the turkey was stubborn too. Each time the crane thought he had banished the turkey, and began to walk calmly back to his family, the turkey followed him, and the battle began again.
“Yep, took care of him, he won’t come back this way again.”
It got quite brutal.
“Get back, I say!”
There were the three of us and one other woman essentially trapped on the path, snapping pictures. I never took time to reset my camera settings for the low light and activity, so lots of images are out of focus.
“Take that!”
Still you get the idea of the epic battle we witnessed. It was amazing.
“Darn turkey. Can’t let your guard down a moment around here.”
When they finally settled down, we moved on.
“I’ll be back.”
Turns out even in the middle of the day there were lots of hungry littles out in the woods. Especially since we were on a less traveled path.
“Hey! Don’t forget about me!”
We had a few little birds follow us, and one larger male red-bellied that came down to visit us multiple times. That’s very unlike my typical experience where they usually act quite shy.
“HI!!! I put on my best outfit to show up for a meal! What did you bring me?”
We had a lovely walk, the weather was perfect with dappled sun deep in the woods, and a slight breeze keeping the bugs at bay.
My artsy-fartsy shot for the day.
This park never fails to entertain. When I’m feeling blue I can always count on finding a smile out among the trees.
Nature is amazing.
I hope you each have a place like this that mends your soul. I feel lucky to have mine.
A week ago today you left me, baby-girl. I know it wasn’t entirely your idea, at least not the particular day and time, but you’d been telling me, subtlety, for weeks that you weren’t feeling well. So I made the decision to set you free.
Still…I wonder if I was too early, if you wanted to stick around for a little more time. You were mostly happy on Monday and Tuesday. I almost changed my mind.
Just before the vet arrived.
Still…you weren’t eating. Every day you ate less. On Sunday you ate hardly anything at all and buried your face in the cool grass when we went outside. We didn’t want you to starve. Food was always your favorite thing.
Still…I miss you so much. I don’t know how to be without you. I can’t seem to catch my breath. I know I should write a tribute to you but I can’t. Not just yet. As long as I don’t write that piece I can fool myself into thinking you’re just in the other room, or at camp.
Always waiting on her mama, she’ll wait for me across the bridge now.
Change Is Hard 