Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Musings from a long commute

Snow on the roof.

Snow on the roof.

It’s still winter here.  You’ve probably heard that, and it’s probably still winter where you are too.  Snow, snow, snow.  And it’s cold.  After awhile it begins to wear a person down.  Add to that stress in the form of employment, or lack of employment, depending on your situation, and it’s hard to stay motivated.

I was on my slow snowy commute this morning and thinking about the other people in the cars surrounding me, all of us creeping on slick roads toward cubicles where we’ll do some sort of work for several hours and then creep home again.  It all seemed overwhelmingly sad.   Then I remembered  the Christmas concert CD I haven’t heard yet.  Yes I know, I’m a bit behind.  We played that concert the 16th of December and I’ve been too distracted since to listen to it.

Who says you can’t enjoy Christmas music in January?  Stuck in traffic I turned off the radio full of grim news, forecasts of frigid cold and more snow, long reports of traffic snarls, and began to hum along with holiday music.  I let it take me away, could see the music in my mind, felt my fingers playing a phantom clarinet.  And then there were tears sliding now my cheeks as the sweet gentle tones of “The Holly and the Ivy” filled the car.  I don’t know why.  If I had to guess I’d say it was the stress of work in combination with a grueling commute coming to a head.  The emotion caught me by surprise.  But shortly I had to smile, because right after “Holly” was “March of the Toys” which reminded me that life marches on.  So I wiped my face, grinned a bit, pulled into the parking lot and marched myself right into work.  And it turned out not to be such a bad day after all.

The commute home was worse than the one going in.  More snow.  Icy roads.  Slow.  Sometimes tense.  I was letting myself get stressed all over again.  Then a few miles from home I came up behind a jeep.  The license plate was GD2BME.   It got me smiling again, and realizing that it’s true for me and for most of us.  Even during a long winter filled with snow and traffic jams and below zero temperatures and long commutes and frustrating work.

Even with all that… it is GD2BME.   Hope it’s GD2BYOU too.


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Nothing much going on

A bowl of birds

A bowl of birds

I got nothing.  Haven’t done anything interesting.  Haven’t done anything important.  Haven’t done anything.

Ask Katie.  She is bored too.

I guess I’m not so much bored as totally exhausted, sad, and seemingly unable to use time effectively.  All I really want to do is nap which is impossible when you’ve got a sheltie in the house.  So I wander.  Do a little laundry.  Do a little cooking.  Watch the birds at the feeders.

Sit down.

Check Facebook, read a few blogs and think about a blog topic.  Sort a little music.

Sit down.

Consider that I should practice before rehearsal tomorrow night.  Sigh.

Sit down.

Make some cookies to put in the freezer for a time in the future when I don’t feel like making cookies.  Read some more blogs.  Remember there is wet laundry in the washer, move it to the dryer.

Sit down.

You see a pattern here?  Three days and nothing much happened.  Tomorrow it’s back to work.

Here’s hoping you had a much more exciting weekend!

Hungry

Hungry


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Park days

Katie here.   Last you heard from me school was cancelled and I was soooooo sad! My mama tried to make it up to me by hugging me in the rain but that really wasn’t enough.    So last Sunday I made my mama take me to the park!  I made her take me today too (cause we didn’t have school this weekend either!) but it was cold and windy today so we didn’t stay long.  I’ll share some photos from our trip last weekend, cause I know you want to keep current with my princess activities.

We had such a good time!  And guess what?  We met a lady with two shelties!

Could have been new friends!

Could have been new friends!

My mama and the lady stood around and talked and talked.  I wanted to go on my walk so I wouldn’t sit next to her dogs, even though they were really nice.  The tri was a guy and he was 15 years old!  He was really friendly.

I think he liked me!

I think he liked me!

The blue merle was a girl and she was nine.  She was friendly too, but she wanted to get going on her walk just I did.

She had a beautiful face!

She has a beautiful face!

We were going in opposite directions so after awhile I pulled my mama away.  She said I was rude, but I didn’t care, I wanted to get going!

So off we went down the path.  I was very good, but my mama said something about me walking twice as far because I kept zigzagging back and forth across the path.  I couldn’t help it, there were good smells everywhere!

Mama thought the tree was cool.

Mama thought the tree was cool.

Mama didn’t take a bunch of pictures of me this time.  I thought that was good.  More time to explore!  She said I was acting crazy, all excited and not paying attention.  So she took out the secret weapon.  CHEESE.

Were you talking to ME mama?

Were you talking to ME mama?

I heeled all the way back to the car.  I’m a good dog.

And smart too.

Hello park!

Hello park!


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Best of times, worst of times

I heard last night that JCPenny is closing stores and laying off 2000 people.  I know they’ve been having problems defining themselves.  I know sales in retail across the board was lower than hoped during the holidays.  And I know the feelings of  fear that is rippling now through JCPenny employees as they wait to see where the ax will fall.

For them it doesn’t feel as though the economy has turned a corner.  For them the future doesn’t look bright.  They can’t see the end of the tunnel.  For them it’s not a news story, not a statistic, not a theoretical unemployment figure.  It’s personal.  It’s like someone is shooting fish in a barrel and they are the fish, scary in its randomness.  Who will survive?  And why?

I speak from experience when I say there is a kind of survivor’s guilt during times like these.  “Downsizing” is a nice word for what actually feels like multiple deaths in a family.  Often sudden, surprising, unexpected.  You are unprepared even though you knew times were slow.  You see closed office doors as if they are casket lids, and you feel sharp, unexpected pangs of loss.  These are family members who are suddenly gone through no fault of their own – for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Every day while downsizing is going on you go to the office as if going to a funeral.

These are the times we are in.  And it isn’t happening to other people, it is happening to all of us.  Some of your friends or neighbors or acquaintances are waking up today without a job they had yesterday.  Families are figuring out what the new normal is and how to make do.

Those left behind are trying to figure out what the new normal is too.  And feeling sad and guilty.  Those left behind are in mourning and I’m not overstating that.  Mass layoffs are tragedies.  People on both sides of the ax will need time to regroup.  Grief comes from unexpected places.

Today I’m headed for the office like usual.  But I’m going to miss  some very nice people, good people, hard working people that won’t be there.

I wish them the absolute best.


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Weekly photo challenge: Window

This week the WordPress photo challenge is something I have always really liked.  It’s window.   As soon as I saw the word I was excited; there are so many options with a word like that.   I think back and realize I’ve shown you lots of different windows in previous blogs.  Here are a few I remember off the top of my head.

There was a blog about Washington DC last spring where I showed you all kinds of windows.

There was a  window in my blog about the family farm.

I used the reflection in a window for a previous photo challenge,intended to represent ‘inside.’

And of course not too long ago I asked you what was outside your window.

So I was a bit stumped about where to go to find a window I’d never shared with you before.  As you know I like nothing better than to go on a little road trip looking for a photo, but the weather here is less than perfect and the roads aren’t perfect either, so I’ll have to settle for something close to home.

There’s a village cafe in the next town over.  Sometimes I drive to work though the town and notice the warm welcoming light shining through it’s front window.  So this morning I drove over to see what might be photographed.  And I ended up with this:

Morning at the cafe.

Morning at the cafe.

You notice the warm light first, but if you look carefully, through the picture window, you might see the waitress in white taking an order, or  a woman in a booth holding her face in her hands.  Perhaps she’s reading the morning paper, or maybe she’s contemplating her coffee.  Windows often allow part of the story to emerge while leaving the rest of it up to our imagination.

Go to the WordPress link above and see what other window entries have been submitted.  I think you’ll find several you like.  I liked this one and this one and this one, last time I looked.  There are many more now.

And look again outside your own window.  I bet the view has changed some since I last asked you about it.


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School got cancelled!

Katie here.  I feel a need to protest.  My Mama goes off every day, all day, leaving me home alone.  Well not really alone cause I’ve got my Dad here, but you know what I mean..she leaves me every day!  And I only have a couple of days when she’s home each week…and Saturday is supposed to be all about me.  ME ME ME ME ME!  I almost always get to go to school unless I’m at doggy camp and I just love going to school.

Now I know this week was tough on my peeps  because Mama’s been coming home from that place she calls work all tired and cranky and late every day.  And Dad’s been shoveling the driveway and making me a path all week and that seems to make him tired and cranky too.  But people!  All that snow is melting!  SEE?

This is my snowdrift.

This is my snowdrift.

Oh.  You think that still looks like a lot of snow?  Well…it’s where Dad piled it all up when he shoveled the driveway.  Most of the snow is more like this.

And this is my yard!

And this is my yard!

Well, I guess you can’t really see, but the snow in the rest of the yard is probably only a foot or so deep.  I don’t know for sure cause my Dad makes a path for me so I don’t have to walk in snow that deep.  Have I mentioned I’m a princess?  Probably a few times, huh?

So anyway…I was all excited and stuff because today is Saturday and I get to go to school!  My Mama cut up my treats and I got to put on my school collar and she put me in my crate in the car and off we went!  I was so happy my tail wouldn’t calm down.  We drove and drove and I heard my Mama making squeaking noises but I didn’t pay her any attention.

After awhile the car stopped and my Mama came back to get me!  I could hardly wait!  SCHOOL!  Then I realized we were in our own garage!  What kind of trick was that!  She picked me up and we went in the house.  Well.  I’m wasn’t going to stand for that!  She was on her stupid phone texting about icy roads so I started whining.  She took my out because she thought I needed to do a job, but instead of heading over to my path I headed right back to the car.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do and it was TO GO TO SCHOOL!  She said “No Baby, I’m so sorry,” and picked me up and rocked me as we stood there in the driveway in the rain.  I was so sad.

So now I’m trying to find something to do.  This is so boring.  I tried helping my Mama as she sorted music for her band, but she told me I have to practice my alphabet some more because I got stuff all mixed up.

Is this music hard Mama?

Is this music hard Mama?

I guess I’ll have to sit on this stupid sofa and give her the stink eye the rest of the day.  But the weather guy says it’s going to be warmer tomorrow and she sure better take me somewhere fun.  Cause I am NOT going to wait five more days until the focus is on me!  No I will not.  I am a princess you know (yes I guess you know) and I expect better!

This is not fair!

This is not fair!

Yes I do.  Humph.

Me and my snow.

Me and my snow.


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Getting through the cold times

Most of you…OK all of you…probably know we got socked with snow and then the “polar vortex” cold this week.  It’s made just about everything difficult.

See the bird resting in the feeder?

See the bird resting in the feeder?

The official amount of snow that fell in the town nearest to us is 15 inches (38.1 cm) but we measured 19 inches (48.2 cm) in our yard.  The majority of it arrived on Sunday which was lucky because we didn’t have to try to get to work while it was falling.

I figured I’d just leave for work extra early Monday morning.  I knew that over a foot of snow would snarl traffic no matter what work the county had done to get roads cleaned up.  The roads in our subdivision hadn’t been touched by anyone other than the residents who used their snow blowers to clean out the road directly in front of our driveways.  And the snow fell all night.  Then the wind began to blow near midnight.

Not selling cars at the dealership.

Not selling cars at the dealership.

Very early Monday Katie and I slogged through the snow in our driveway out to the road to look.  No one had driven on it yet.  I couldn’t tell how deep the snow was…but it looked deep in the dark.  I was apprehensive and decided I needed to drive the truck because it had 4 wheel drive.  Of course it wasn’t in the garage and was covered in snow.  So I started scrapping snow and ice off it…warming it up while planning which route I’d take.  I wanted the route that had fewer hills and curves on my way out to a main road.

About 6:15 in the morning I backed out of the driveway and headed up the road.  I got as far as the next door neighbor’s house and got stuck in a huge drift.  Panicking I managed to back out of the drift, back into the neighbor’s driveway, then turn around and head back home.  I decided I wasn’t going to try that again, and called in to work at 6:30.

Bird bath.

Bird bath.

My husband emerged from the bedroom about 7:15 and asked me if I had tried to go to work.  I told him I did and got stuck and I wasn’t going to work.  He said we should be able to make it out of the sub.  I said no way.  He said let’s try.  So we did.  We went the other way and plowed through smaller drifts, eventually making it out to a main road, then to the freeway.  I arrived at work on time at 8:30…after all that, and before just about anyone else in my department.  Many people couldn’t get in at all.

Tuesday the Polar Vortex arrived.  Husband drove me to work again because it was -17 F  (-27.22 C)and the roads were still bad.  I was wearing many layers, including my running tights under my dress pants to stay warm in the building that is essentially glass.  It was a long day, though more people made it to work.

Tracks of something hungry.

Tracks of something hungry.

When husband picked me up from work that evening we stopped at a restaurant across the street from the office for a quick dinner.  It turned out to be very quick because just after our food was served the power went out.  We ate in the relatively romantic light of overhead emergency lights, and they comped us the meal because their credit card readers didn’t work.  The commute home was long because the wind was making the roads slippery again.

Wednesday morning the temperatures were more reasonable, still negative…but not so terrible.  We actually made it to double digit temperatures in the afternoon…on the positive side!  I drove myself to work, but the roads were still slippery and it took me an hour and a half to get there, and an hour and a half to get home that evening.

The stress of bad commutes and understaffed work days is wearing me out.  And to top it all off we have to work five whole days this week!

By the end of this week we’re supposed to get rain.  That never makes the commute any easier…but I’ll take it over more snow.

The bird seed is stored in here.

The bird seed is stored in here.

Katie says she wants to go to the park and I have to remind her that the snow is deeper than she is tall.   There’s a cartoon on Facebook that says something like “I’m tired of winter, next season please.”

It’s early in the winter, but that’s exactly how I feel.

Layers.

Layers.