change | Change Is Hard

December 15, 2016
by dawnkinster 26 Comments

HEY! This is not the way I thought I’d celebrate!

Katie here!

What you say? You just heard from me? You wonder if mama is even doing anything interesting? Well, according to me, the princess, she is not.

Besides! It’s my tenth birthday!

That’s double digits people! It’s a big deal and I’ve been looking forward to it for months! (OK, for moments, but in dog years that’s the same as months.)

There should be cake! And treats and balloons and guests and party hats! And gifts. Lots and lots of gifts.

But instead mama got me this.

Not my color mama!

I hate it. I can’t see through it, it flops over my eyes, and it’s not my color. Everybody knows that my color is pink. This thing is not pink. And even the bandage on my leg is blue instead of pink.

Obviously a grievous error.

Mama put me back in the clear cone that the vet gave me. I like it better cause I can see stuff coming at me. Like a treat. Not that I’ve seen any birthday treats. But just in case I’m ready.

This is not my favorite thing either mama!

Also it makes an awesome snow scoop.

Mama says I’m really tired and since I’m on pain meds we should probably celebrate my birthday once this whole cone thing is done. What’s a couple weeks anyway she says? Just about a trillion dog years…but whatever mama.

I need a nap but mama says I have to stay awake long enough to tell you that the thing on my leg that the vet took off was just a wart and nothing to worry about.

So now I have to wear this lovely cone of shame for two whole weeks! Sigh. I’m not very good at being a patient. I ask to go outside and then make mama or daddy walk around and around my path without actually doing anything. I mean what do they think? I can’t sniff for a good spot wearing this ridiculous headgear. But then they took it off so I could sniff and I still won’t do anything. I like to make them nuts. Especially when it’s so cold outside and the wind is blowing so hard.

And last night I made mama sleep on the floor next to me. Mostly I didn’t need her but it was nice to push up against her when I woke up scared in the middle of the night. I’m glad she was there. And just cause she did that I let her sleep all the way until 6 a.m. this morning.

Maybe I’ll let her sleep till 6:15 a.m. tomorrow. We’ll see how I’m feeling. Could go either way.

Meanwhile, I expect a big celebration of my birthday after this stupid cone is gone. I’m starting to gather my list of demands now. A princess has to be ready, don’t you know.

Katie here, signing out – thank you all for all your good thoughts and prayers when I went under the knife. I know they made a big difference, and they certainly made mama feel better.

Sending you all sheltie hugs and kisses. And if you need a cone, I have a spare.

My snow scoop.

November 21, 2016
by dawnkinster 6 Comments

3 Quote Challenge: Day 1

“There is a plan and a purpose, a value to every life, no matter what its location, age, gender, or disability. — Sharron Angle

I’ve been nominated by Carol at Wanderings of an Illusive Mind. (For a smile and a look at something beautiful, go check out her blog header…she paints with alcohol inks and the horse you’ll find there is stunning!)

Life here is pretty busy at the moment, though I suppose it’s busy everywhere now that the holidays are upon us. Here in the US the combination of politics and holidays don’t seem to go together very well, especially this year.

But I don’t want to talk about that.

I’d rather talk about the value of a life, regardless of the age or location of a person. Especially because of the age and location of a person.

Our elderly family member is settling into a new home, one she wishes she didn’t have to accept. She lived in her own apartment until she was 101 ; that’s longer than most of us will ever live alone. But her legs and her heart just aren’t strong enough for her to live alone any longer.

She knew that someday she’d have to move into a nursing home. Still, now that the time has come, it’s hard.

It’s hard on those of us watching her struggle with emotions as we struggle with ours. It’s hard telling her over and over that she can’t go home again. It’s hard to listen to her voicing her objections to her new location. And it’s hard to leave her there after each visit.

It’s hard to tell her the sky is a brilliant blue and the air is warm and see her sad eyes at the realization she can’t see out the window on the other side of her shared room. It’s hard to listen to her talk about the noises made by other residents at night without having an acceptable resolution. To think about her never having her favorite cinnamon raisin toast again because there’s nowhere to toast it for her. To realize that her space is too small to give her fresh flowers, that she never gets fresh fruits with a meal, that she can no longer enjoy the company of her bird. That she enjoys no privacy at all.

Mostly it’s hard for her.

I believe her life still has value, regardless of the age she has attained and regardless of where she now finds her physical self. And I believe that somehow we need to find a way to make her feel valuable again. Because right now she’s not feeling like she matters to much of anyone at all.

And that’s not right.

Change is hard.

Charlie misses his mom.

November 16, 2016
by dawnkinster 8 Comments

Wordless Wednesday – change is hard

Wordless Wednesday

November 2, 2016 by dawnkinster 13 Comments

November 1, 2016
by dawnkinster 30 Comments

When the future is uncertain

Autumn light catches color.

I suppose the future is uncertain for everyone, after all tomorrow is not promised. But when you’re 101 the future is even less certain.

I wonder what that feels like.

We grow up looking forward into forever. When we’re five we can’t wait until we’re 10, excited by those double digits. And then we want to be sixteen so that we can drive a car and eighteen so we can vote, and twenty-one so we can legally celebrate with a beer.

Golden glow tinged with red.

And the future stretches out forever into the horizon.

Then suddenly you’re closing in on one hundred, then a hundred and one, and you’ve outlived most of your siblings, many of your friends. Your only child. And you remember the smallest details about the century just past, the events, the places you’ve lived, the places you’ve left. So many people that are now gone.

Purple focus.

You don’t see so well now, you’re uncertain who is entering your space, and family and friends announce themselves and you smile and nod, glad of the company, the time to talk, to tell some of the stories, some of the things you have stored in your mind.

You know time is passing, that your body is becoming more frail, that a fall will likely cause you to lose the last bits of independence you enjoy now. You’re careful. Still, it is inevitable.

Early morning light shimmers.

And when you fall you hesitate to push the button for help. You know it will mean leaving your home behind, perhaps for the last time. You’ll be leaving all that is familiar and under your control.

You know you’ll no longer be able to make all the decisions, that you’ll have to live somewhere else. Somewhere different and less private with less privileges and fewer friends near.

Lonely.

But you push the button.

And now things are being sorted out and you wish you could go home but that’s probably not an option. And the future looks different than you wished it could be but maybe that doesn’t matter so much anymore.

Maybe you’ll be fine for the time you have left no matter where you end up, as long as your friends and family still come to visit and you all get to tell the stories of the old days and remember the good times.

Standing proud.

Maybe you’ll be fine. Because no mater the length of time allotted your future still stretches into the horizon.

Note: Many of you have read and care about Aunt V. She’s in a rehab center now and things are being sorted out.

She’s being brave, but change is hard.

Pink. A favorite color.

September 22, 2016
by dawnkinster 3 Comments

Something about that sky

Many of you know that I love the photographic work of Snap Happy Gal. If you study her images you’ll note that the sky is often a big part of the picture; her clouds low and robust, the light always mesmerizing. I can spot her work on Facebook even before I check to see who posted.

Sky is a big deal to me too. So on my drive up to Northport yesterday I noticed when the heavy dark clouds rolled in as I navigated morning rush hour through Flint. And how they rolled and twisted as I reached the flat land near Bay City.

Farmland anticipates rain.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to get off the freeway and see what I could catch. I thought to myself as I drove the back roads – “This is a Snap Happy sky.”

There’s a big lake just past Grayling and it always catches my attention. This trip was no exception as the clouds kept rolling in. I had to stop.

Dark and stormy Lake Margrethe

And so it was, and continues to be this morning, here on the big lake. Lake Michigan swells quietly beneath an ominous sky, caught between summer and autumn.

Summer leaves reluctantly.

Living in a wide open space you can watch the weather approaching. It’s almost like watching it on radar, the way the clouds move across the water. But it’s better than radar because you can actually feel the changes — you’re surrounded, as if you’re sitting in the biggest 360 degree 3D movie theater in the world.

A clear blue sky would be boring.

I think it’s possible we’ll have clouds for all three days of my visit. Some people might be sad at the lack of sun and blue sky.

Me? I’m thinking this is going to be cool!

Evening quiets.

August 11, 2016
by dawnkinster 6 Comments

Happy Birthday Mom

At Gulf Shores AL

Your birthday snuck up on me again this year. I used to know it was coming, used to shop for the perfect card to send, used to plan exactly which day to drop it in the mail so that it arrived on your day.

Used to.

Now I’m more likely to realize it’s August 11 when I hear on the news about the Perseid meteor showers which always lit up the sky on your birthday. Like your own personal fireworks.

Happy 88th birthday Mom. It’s been twelve years since I’ve mailed a card to you. But I’m sure you know that we’re thinking about you on this and every day. I bet you knew we were all together last week at the home you and Dad built. We had a good time at the lake.

But it would have been better if you’d both been there too.

High School Senior

July 11, 2016
by dawnkinster 19 Comments

Monday

Happy flowering clematis.

Not so long ago Saturday mornings were my favorite time of the week. The weekend stretched before me; hours and hours of time to spend however I wanted. But by Sunday morning I was already beginning to grieve.

Now that I’m retired I’ve noticed that my spirit picks up on Monday mornings. Early morning I settle into my chair to check the news and the weather, to contemplate life or to do nothing at all. Perhaps to fall back asleep. My choice.

Cheerful mikweed.

The dog asks to go out, and I stand with her in my front yard and listen to the roar of the freeway a mile away. All those people headed back to work. It makes me smile.

I know that sounds smug. Possibly even evil. But with everyone back at work grocery shopping gets easier. Driving into town is less insane. Going to the park is more peaceful.

Joyful zinnia.

It seems like the sky is blue just for me. I notice the roses glowing, the birds singing. I have time to watch the light move across my back yard.

Mondays are special because they remind me again, every week, how lucky I am that I’m not jumping in the shower and then into the car, heading back into the fray.

Roses smell sweeter.

Monday is my favorite day though the rest of the workweek isn’t bad either. And I’ve learned to tolerate all of you crowding up my weekend. I’ve learned to just hang on because Monday will roll around again soon.

Monday. It’s my favorite day.

What’s yours?

Makes me smile.

June 21, 2016
by dawnkinster 18 Comments

Nothing to do

Remember when you were a kid how you’d hound your mom (or dad) during summer vacations about having nothing to do? And no matter what was suggested it wasn’t what you wanted. Even though you couldn’t exactly say just what that was.

Retirement can be sort of like that. Or not.

Checking out the buffet.

Katie and I have been camping in the back yard the last couple of nights. This morning, with a thunderstorm in the forecast, I went out to pack the tent up. I was feeling privileged that it was 7:30 on a Monday morning and I wasn’t sitting in commuter traffic on the freeway. The neighborhood was quiet, sun shining softly on the leaves, only the sounds of the birds to interrupt my wandering thoughts.

Got any jelly there lady?

A chipmunk and a fat squirrel skittered away from me as I startled them mid-breakfast. A rose breasted grosbeak flew off the feeder, an oriole streaked away toward the woods.

I smiled.

I’ll just get a drink while I wait.

And then part way across the back yard two tree swallows flew in formation right toward me, perhaps 6 inches above the grass. They swooped and swirled through the yard. I stood still. They circled me several times, flew low and then swept up over the tomato cages, then down across the lawn again. Like stealth bombers, their wings were silent unlike the other birds that frequent the yard whose fluttering wings and grumpy cries always let me know when the feeder is empty.

I recognized in that moment how lucky I am. I can stand perfectly still in my backyard, in the middle of a weekday morning, and enjoy doing absolutely nothing.

I demand fresh oranges!

I’m reading a book, Slow Love; how I lost my job, put on my pajamas, and found happiness. by Dominque Browning. The author is describing her transition from frenzied work to unemployment. This afternoon I read the following passage which perfectly described how I felt earlier in the day:

“I begin to understand how nothing to do is its own state of grace, difficult to find deliberately, nearly impossible to recognize. Nothing to do means I can sit and look and let my mind wander, then empty, then fill again, with wonder or with grief, with anything or with nothing at all. “Nothing to do” is not the same as “Nothing can be done.” One is hopeless; the other the place from which hope becomes possible.”

In the heat of mid-morning, standing still in the light, I realized that nature was enjoying my yard every day. Used to be that I didn’t get to see it, but now, now that I have nothing to do, it’s all right there for me to enjoy.

Pretty darn cool.

Grape jelly again?!

April 11, 2016
by dawnkinster 13 Comments

Looking for fog

After days and days of cold littered with snow we woke this morning to more temperate weather. With the snow rapidly melting the warm air was tinged with fog. As the sun rose I headed over to the closest park to see what might be interesting. I actually caught this out of the corner of my eye as I was driving to the back of the park, and just had to turn around at the golf course and come back. (Click on any photo to make it bigger and see more detail.)

Mysterious

The fog was disappearing and by the time I got up to the parking lot and began the long walk down the hill toward the woods it was gone. So I began to look for other interesting things.

A flock of seven sandhill cranes flew by, oddly silent. It’s rare that I’ve seen them when they weren’t making a lot of noise as they fly. But this was pretty early in the morning. Maybe they hadn’t had coffee yet.

Incoming!

I liked the fact that the red twig dogwood bushes were very very red even under the dull cloudy sky. And that the fog, now droplets, was beautiful tucked among the bright twigs.

Color bursting out all over

And there was something else bright red flitting through the forest. Some people believe a cardinal in your path is a loved one’s spirit come to visit. I see so many cardinals that I don’t think they can all be my long gone loved ones, but this one was all alone, so maybe.

Just stopped by to say hello

Then there was this bird. It was sitting quite far away, and the morning light interfered with my sight. Or maybe I’m just getting older. Anyway, I don’t know what this bird is, so I took a shot blindly and then cropped it a whole lot hoping one of you will know. We have killdeer out at this park…could it be one of those? It was making quite a racket out by the road, but not making the typical killdeer kind of song.

Who am I?

I don’t remember killdeer having yellow on them either…so…what do you think it is?

Of course the red winged blackbirds are everywhere. At home they are eating me out of bags and bags of sunflower oilers. They are starving! But so are all the other birds, so I keep putting it out for them. At the park they are establishing their territories and this guy was not excited about me walking by on the path.

No crossing into MY territory!

He fluffed up to get his picture taken though. Show off.

The pack of sandhill cranes flew back over, something must have startled them from their breakfast on the golf course. One of them still has legs hanging low. I wonder if he flies that way all the time?

We all have our own flying style lady. Get over it.

And then the sun came out! It lit up the hill I was climbing as I headed back to the car. I couldn’t resist taking a photo of one of my favorite trees.

Splendidly alone

Someone going the other way asked me if I had gotten any good pictures. I shrugged, wagged my hand back and forth. Nothing special I replied.

On my drive home I stopped at a hilly field, the home of a crabapple tree that used to grace a farmhouse yard. I’ve always admired the way the tree and the hill share the space, always meant to grab a photo. Today was the day.

Little tree, big sky

I don’t know what it is about this tree, sitting alone in an empty field. I just like it.

So…did I get any good pictures this morning? Oh yea. Every morning that I get to spend outside with my camera is a good morning. Fog, no fog. Sun, no sun. There’s always something special to find. And to make the day even better, when I got home Katie demanded equal time and we headed out to her park.

I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it soon.

Pay attention mama!

Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Tag Archives: change