Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

A conversation

51 Comments

Hey Katie-girl.

Today marks three months since you went over that bridge alone. I think about you every day. But you know that, don’t you.

It’s your favorite time of year, sweetie.

This morning I went to your park to take a walk. It’s the first time I’ve been there alone since you left.

Morning light made the flowers glow.

You know your daddy and I were at your park just after that day, with your Aunt Beth, and she played the bagpipes for you near the pond.

You’d be upset at how much algae is in your pond.

I haven’t been able to go back since, sweetie, not without you. It hurt so much to be a Katie’s Park today, but I had a mission.

I’ll get to that in a bit.

The goldenrod is beautiful this year.

First of all I parked at the township office instead of where you and I always parked. I didn’t think I was ready for everything to be the same and yet so different. So I parked in a different spot.

That helped me get out of the car.

Blue sky and yellow fields.

The park was beautiful, as always. You would have loved it, the air was cool and the sun was just up over the treetops.

Loosestrife, I know it’s invasive but it’s so pretty.

But you wouldn’t have loved getting your feet wet. The path was overgrown, here at summer’s end, and the grass was long and heavy with dew.

You always spent a long time sniffing that corner at the beginning of your path.

The good sniffs might have made up for your wet paws though. I imagine you wouldn’t have grumbled too much, you loved walking in your park so much.

I smiled at that thought.

Lots of wet spider webs. You’d have stuck your nose into a few of them for sure.

I was pretty proud of myself, that I smiled at all. Because mostly I was crying as I walked along. I imagined you everywhere. All our favorite places.

Leaves are beginning to turn. You always looked so good in the fall foliage.

Your turtle friends were out but I didn’t see much else. That might have been because my eyes were all leaky.

I think they were wondering where you’ve been.

It was even hard for me to tell if stuff was in focus on my camera. Yes, silly, of course I brought the camera. Though it wasn’t as much fun without you.

I took a picture of my favorite trees, though it’s hard to understand how they can still be standing when you’re not here.

Anyway, my mission was to hang a memory tag on the remembrance tree. You remember when your Aunt Karen and you and I hung some tags for Reilly and Denny and Norwood, right?

Three beautiful boys remembered. Now there are more we should include.

Well, she had a special tag made for you and she gave it to me after you had to go. I haven’t been able to hang it on the tree until today. I put it right next to your handsome fiancé Reilly’s tag.

Can you read what it says, sweetie? Of course you can.

I know you and Reilly are together now, and you’re both loving the beach and the woods while you wait for your people to arrive. It makes me feel better to know you have so many friends there with you.

Everything in it’s season.

Today I hung your tag at your favorite park, sweetie. I just wanted you to know. Miss you baby-girl.

Love, Mama.

See you around the next curve, Katie-girl.

Well, of course I know mama! Where do you think I was while you were wandering around and crying all over my park? I was right there beside you. Silly mama, I’m always right there beside you. Thanks for hanging my tag, it’s real pretty. Thank Aunt Karen for getting it for me too, OK?

Love you always, mama. Tell daddy I love him too. Got to go now, Reilly wants to go run on the beach.

-Your angel-girl, Katie.

Author: dawnkinster

I'm a long time banker having worked in banks since the age of 17. I took a break when I turned 50 and went back to school. I graduated right when the economy took a turn for the worst and after a year of library work found myself unemployed. I was lucky that my previous bank employer wanted me back. So here I am again, a long time banker. Change is hard.

51 thoughts on “A conversation

  1. I’m crying too ❤️❤️❤️

    Like

  2. Oh….I love that idea of a memory tree …all such wonderful and amazing furbabies ….but I don’t think Norwood was a cow spot dog 😁

    Like

  3. Crying too here. It hurts so much, but it also means so much love.
    Thanks for adding Katie’s words. She is one wise pup/person. She loves you so much!!!!

    Like

  4. Now my eyes are all leaky too.

    Like

  5. Dawn, I understand this so well! I was holding it together, though, until I got to those memory tags, and then the tears came. That Katie! What a special girl!

    Like

  6. And fall is so poignant, anyway, isn’t it?!

    Like

  7. Well, I kept it together, until that ending that is!

    Like

  8. Ohhh… that ending caused a huge lump in my throat. What a lovely ritual to hang those tags. Beautiful Dawn. It will get easier. Eventually.

    Like

  9. What a slew of memories and emotions –

    LOVE the rememberance tree – that is perfect –

    AND I would like to think NAK sent the PURPLES!

    They are all still with us – in a fashion – in a form –

    H&K&W,
    Willow & Phyll

    Like

  10. It’s so hard to lose our beloved pets. This is a beautiful post and my eyes are leaking. I know you miss her so much. Hugs.

    Like

  11. Okay, the message from Katie made me cry. There’s a fence here in Ottawa where people hang their fur angels tags; it’s not a park we went to so I keep the last tags for my angels in their memory box.

    Like

    • I like the idea of a fence. If there was such a place here at her park I’d have done that. On the other hand it was hard for me to take it out of her water bowl where I’d been storing it and doubly hard for me to leave it out there.

      Like

  12. Oh, Dawn…my eyes are leaking, my nose is running, but Katie had me smiling. Of course, she was with you. Have fun on your run, sweet girl. The remembrance tree…such a wonderful idea.

    Like

  13. The remembrance tree, what a beautiful idea. I know how hard it is to miss them. I smile a lot lately, our new puppy ‘Vader’ brings joy to us and our Patches, yet sometimes the longing for my boy overpowers it all, then I have to remind myself to be grateful. We had him for such a long time.

    Like

    • I think a new pup would help a lot….and I love your advice to remind myself to be grateful. I had her for a week shy of 15.5 years. That’s pretty darn good. But it went so fast.

      Liked by 1 person

      • We did not plan to get another puppy, but somehow the puppy found us. It was way too soon (that’s what we thought) but our Patches forced our hand. She was never an only dog, she looked board. Now she is playing and having fun and tired. 🙂
        No dog is alike, so there is no comparison to my Norman. I miss him. I will always miss him but lately I smile a lot. How could I not when I look at a puppy with innocent eyes and floppy ears.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh Dawn, goosebumps. Hugs.

    Like

  15. Once a sweet Princess
    Roamed this park with her mama
    Mama’s now alone

    Oh Dawn, now you’ve got my eyes leaking, too. But what a wonderful tradition, hanging tags on a memory tree! Dallas’s cremation box — with his first teddy bear and some other mementos — is beside my bed … as he was in life. He’ll always be with me in spirit, too. Yes, it helps (somewhat) to have a new pup, but nobody can take Dallas’s place. Nobody. I like the image of all of them running free on a beach somewhere, waiting for their special people to arrive. No wonder Katie loved that park so much — it’s beautiful, and it looks as if you had a perfect day. Hugs to you and your husband!

    Like

  16. My eyes are leaking too. 😦

    Like

  17. A lovely tribute. What a wonderful way to remember your four-legged family members who’ve gone on before.

    Like

  18. They’re hanging in.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Aww such sweet sentiments for your Katie, Dawn. Love the idea of hanging the tag on a tree. Beautiful images!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Oh my, leaky eyes and an achy heart here.

    I love Katie’s tag. How honored everyone will be when they see it and realize they are now walking the same path as royalty once did. Really lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Aw, I have tears dropping on my cheeks. What a beautiful post – heart-warming and healing. Katie is proud of you for going where you two spent much time together. The space will never quite be the same without her there. It’ll be different and always special. Hugs to you – I know how hard it is. PS – The pink charm is beautiful.

    Like

  22. The remembrance tree is such a beautiful idea. I was in tears reading your post and sweet Katie’s quick note. Katie is such a special girl. My heart hurts for you. Sending you and your husband love and hugs. 💕

    Like

  23. The tag…A Princess once roamed this park…is just perfect!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.