Morning light
I glanced out the window this early morning, a break from reading emails and blog posts, and realized the world outside looked black and white.
Before the day’s light brightens up the yard it was a study in bare trees and snow cover. For a moment everything seemed so simple, obvious. Black or white.
But as it does every day, the light changes and colors become more visible and nothing turns out to be either totally black or totally white.
And isn’t that a good thing.
Morning watch
She wasn’t my BFF. We weren’t childhood friends, I didn’t go to school with her, never ran a race, took a class, or joined a book club with her. I didn’t know all the personal details of her life, never went out for a drink or hung out on weekends with her. But she was a friend. We saw each other in the halls at work, ran into each other in the ladies room. We stood and talked, long conversations about life, family, choices. We picked each other up when we were having a bad day. At the very least we smiled and waved as we scurried about our work. She cared when my parents died. I cared when her marriage was over. She’d greet me with “How you doing Girlfriend?” and a smile. Sometimes I’d tell her how I was doing, sometimes not. But I was always glad she asked.
I wasn’t unique in my relationship with her. She was everyone’s Mom at work. She was where people went for an aspirin or advice. Where people went when they needed a break from the work grind, to talk about her grand-kids and admire their photos on her cubicle wall. To laugh. To commiserate. To recharge. She wore socks decorated with jingle bells during the holidays every year and we all smiled when we heard her walk by; she was the epitome of Christmas spirit, our own Christmas elf.
And when she didn’t feel well this winter we all cared. When she was gone from work awhile we all asked about her. “Not good” I was told when I asked her boss early in January. He was going to see her that weekend so I said I’d write her a note for him to deliver. The next day, giving him the note I heard more; it was more serious than I realized and I knew my note was inappropriate. I rewrote it that night, changed it from a cheery couple of lines to a two page letter telling her how much I enjoyed our conversations, how grateful I was that we were friends, how I would miss hearing those jingle bell socks as she went by during the holidays. I gave her my home phone number and my personal email in case she needed another long conversation.
I never heard from her. She died Thursday night – we heard the news at work Friday morning. Devastated does not begin to describe my sorrow. Our collective sorrow.
She was a little person, probably not five foot tall, with a heart as big as the sky. I can hear her voice in my head, I see her walking the halls at work. I strain to hear those bells. I tried to remember the last time I saw her, talked to her. She used to send me emails about jumbo loans that had to be underwritten in my area but had been sent in error to her department. When it was busy I was never happy to see her emails and we used to kid about her sending me the work. My last email from her was Christmas Eve.
Her: “Happy Holidays. I have just moved 3 files to your new deal
queue… Thanks”
Me: “Thanks. no more gifts now….we don’t deserve them! 🙂 ”
Her: “Oh, but my friend, you DO deserve gifts!! ….the best that ever were 🙂
OK–no more gifts today–just a wish for a blessed, happy Christmas & New
Year.”
Friday as I sat stunned in my cubicle I idly typed her name into email. I know it’s silly but I just wanted to say goodbye. I sat and stared at her name. Remembering. Trying not to cry. Listening to her voice in my head. Then I typed one line…”I’m going to miss you girlfriend.” I paused, then hit the send button. I got an auto reply: “I am out of the office until 3/3/14.”
Somewhere a short little lady is visiting with friends and family that have gone before. Her socks are jingling, her smile is wide, her face glows. Those of us left here are hurting, but were we ever lucky to have had her while we did.
So…you go girl, enjoy your next adventure. I wish it could have been the retirement we talked about, dreamed of. I wish you had had more time here. And I’m hoping this is the biggest, best adventure of all.
But I’m sure going to miss you girlfriend. Yes I am.
You remember summer don’t you? Remember what it smelled like? How the heat warmed your face when you looked up into the sky? The sound of frogs chattering in the evenings? I’m missing summer. So much.
Snowy road
And it’s not like we’re done with winter yet. Not nearly. I understand feeling this way in February when there are dashed hopes of little green bits poking their way up out of the snow. Or the mud. I’m used to being frustrated as snow squalls fly in March and sad when the last ice storm bends our trees in April. But today it’s still only January, and we have such a very long way to go. I miss summer. I want to go camping with my Katie-girl. I want to spend a warm humid night listening to deer crash around in the woods. I want to wander under the stars without wearing 16 layers of heat trapping wool. I want to roast marshmallows.
I even want to swat a mosquito.
I’ve begun to think about camping in a real campground, perhaps in a state park, somewhere further away from home this summer. I search the internet and investigate parks, what they have to offer, what the sites are like and I realize I will have to reserve a spot soon in order to camp on a weekend. I guess I’ll randomly choose a park and a date and hope it doesn’t turn out to be a stormy weekend.
Summertime camping!
So which park do you all think I should choose? I’ve thought about Hartwick Pines, about 4 hours north, which has trails to walk on. Or maybe I should try to camp at a park on a lake, maybe even a Great Lake? Of course there are state parks closer to home, one a couple of exits up the road. Still…it’s just as much about the travel as it is the final destination.
You know Katie is always up for an adventure. I can’t even say the word ‘camping’ right now because she gets all excited and when we don’t go right away she is so disappointed. But I’m sure she’s pining for a little outdoor fun too. As I’ve said it’s been a long winter.
Did I just hear a mosquito? Darn. It was only in my dreams.
Snow!
Being tired of winter I refer you back to a Wordless Wednesday from July.
Aunt and the UM bell tower
It’s Monday night and I’m just finding time to tell you about our weekend. I seem to be perpetually behind. Obviously I’m spending way too much time at work. Yea, that’s it.
Saturday evening husband and I attended the University of Michigan’s Collage Concert. You’re heard me talk about these concert in past years. It’s bits and pieces of symphony, band, small groups, soloists, dancers and actors who perform one after the next, each in their own spotlight, the light bouncing from one side of the stage to the other, then focusing on the larger groups, and back to individuals.
Lots of talent
Every person was playing, singing, dancing or acting their hearts out. Each gave their art their absolute best. The combination was fast paced, magical and eclectic. It’s wonderful. Where else could we hear an alto saxophone solo playing the contemporary “The Brass Violin“ by Creviston, transitioning into a chamber choir singing “Ubi caritas“ by Mealor (sung at the royal wedding in 2011). I give you these two examples just to show you how divergent the works were that we enjoyed.
We heard bits of an oboe sole accompanied by a soundtrack of a poem complete with the sounds of birds, a jazz ensemble playing music that had us all tapping our toes and nodding our heads, followed by six men playing classical bassoon while wearing glittery jester hats, followed by 4 trombones playing a crazy contemporary piece followed by the soft tones of the chamber choir again.
Pretty details
It keep us engaged. It kept us looking excitedly for the next spotlight. Where else could we have ever hear a full symphony play a version of “Rhapsody in Blue” woven delicately with the University of Michigan fight song? I ask you where? Only in Ann Arbor.
It was fun. It was crazy. It was beautiful. And I was more than a little sad when the symphony began the familiar strains of Ravel’s “Bolero” because I knew that was the last piece. I’ve said it before, but it is truly amazing to witness that much talent all on one stage, all in one night.
We drove home in a lull between snowstorms happy and tired. We fell into bed late, anticipating a slow lazy Sunday morning. We did not factor in Katie.
Playing!
Katie woke me up at 5 a.m. She had to go out. I did the usual “GO LAY DOWN!” She did not. Though I tried again, in the end I got up and we went outside so she could pee. Shortly after coming back inside, with me back under the warm covers she asked to go out. Again. I got up and we went back out. Again. And again a few minutes later…and again…and again. I went out with her 11 times in 4 hours.
Eventually even I had to realize this was not normal and I got a few samples for the vet. We took her to the local emergency after hours vet (because why would this occur during regular vet hours?) along with her samples.
They took her in the back to weigh her and try for a more sterile sample…and then we waited. Katie waited in her Dad’s lap where she is most comfortable when she is in a scary place.
Sleepy little sick girl
She was so tired and stressed she fell asleep in his lap. I wished I could do the same. Shortly the results were back…she has a urinary tract infection. We got her meds, paid the $300+ bill, and headed home.
She settled in at home as if just going to the vet made her feel better. She got her first pill and seemed to be as good as new, though that doesn’t seem possible. She got her second pill late Sunday night and slept through the night. Today she seems pretty much her normal self. So I’m happy we didn’t wait till normal office hours today since she got relief so fast.
Still…it was a crazy weekend and I woke today sorely wishing it was a 3 day weekend. Katie says she wouldn’t have minded another day with everyone home either. But she’ll wait till next weekend to go to the park..given it’s stinking cold here…record lows predicted for tomorrow.
I sure wish we could all stay home and be nice and warm tomorrow!
Snowy
This week amid record snowfall, wind and excruciating cold I have been wistful for warmth. I’ve been dreaming of Florida beaches, remembering the smell of orange blossoms, longing for the feel of sun on my shoulders, and squinting up into reeling snowflakes to look for any sign of our own, long missing, sun overhead. So when I saw this week’s photo challenge, juxtaposition, I immediately connected the heat of a Florida orchard with the snow blowing past my window.
And came up with this:
It’s still snowing today. What was once beautiful is now viewed as something to get through. I know spring is not that far away…but from where I sit right now it feels like an interminable, never ending struggle.
I look forward to checking out other photographers’ version of juxtaposition. You could have all sorts of fun with this topic. It should be a great diversion from focusing on the weather. Give it a try! You have till next Friday to post your own juxtaposition composition. If you click on any of the links in this paragraph you’ll see a few of my favorites from this week.
I hope you go out and find something that shouts juxtaposition to you, I can’t wait to see it!
Snow on the roof.
It’s still winter here. You’ve probably heard that, and it’s probably still winter where you are too. Snow, snow, snow. And it’s cold. After awhile it begins to wear a person down. Add to that stress in the form of employment, or lack of employment, depending on your situation, and it’s hard to stay motivated.
I was on my slow snowy commute this morning and thinking about the other people in the cars surrounding me, all of us creeping on slick roads toward cubicles where we’ll do some sort of work for several hours and then creep home again. It all seemed overwhelmingly sad. Then I remembered the Christmas concert CD I haven’t heard yet. Yes I know, I’m a bit behind. We played that concert the 16th of December and I’ve been too distracted since to listen to it.
Who says you can’t enjoy Christmas music in January? Stuck in traffic I turned off the radio full of grim news, forecasts of frigid cold and more snow, long reports of traffic snarls, and began to hum along with holiday music. I let it take me away, could see the music in my mind, felt my fingers playing a phantom clarinet. And then there were tears sliding now my cheeks as the sweet gentle tones of “The Holly and the Ivy” filled the car. I don’t know why. If I had to guess I’d say it was the stress of work in combination with a grueling commute coming to a head. The emotion caught me by surprise. But shortly I had to smile, because right after “Holly” was “March of the Toys” which reminded me that life marches on. So I wiped my face, grinned a bit, pulled into the parking lot and marched myself right into work. And it turned out not to be such a bad day after all.
The commute home was worse than the one going in. More snow. Icy roads. Slow. Sometimes tense. I was letting myself get stressed all over again. Then a few miles from home I came up behind a jeep. The license plate was GD2BME. It got me smiling again, and realizing that it’s true for me and for most of us. Even during a long winter filled with snow and traffic jams and below zero temperatures and long commutes and frustrating work.
Even with all that… it is GD2BME. Hope it’s GD2BYOU too.
A bowl of birds
I got nothing. Haven’t done anything interesting. Haven’t done anything important. Haven’t done anything.
Ask Katie. She is bored too.
I guess I’m not so much bored as totally exhausted, sad, and seemingly unable to use time effectively. All I really want to do is nap which is impossible when you’ve got a sheltie in the house. So I wander. Do a little laundry. Do a little cooking. Watch the birds at the feeders.
Sit down.
Check Facebook, read a few blogs and think about a blog topic. Sort a little music.
Sit down.
Consider that I should practice before rehearsal tomorrow night. Sigh.
Sit down.
Make some cookies to put in the freezer for a time in the future when I don’t feel like making cookies. Read some more blogs. Remember there is wet laundry in the washer, move it to the dryer.
Sit down.
You see a pattern here? Three days and nothing much happened. Tomorrow it’s back to work.
Here’s hoping you had a much more exciting weekend!
Hungry
Katie here. Last you heard from me school was cancelled and I was soooooo sad! My mama tried to make it up to me by hugging me in the rain but that really wasn’t enough. So last Sunday I made my mama take me to the park! I made her take me today too (cause we didn’t have school this weekend either!) but it was cold and windy today so we didn’t stay long. I’ll share some photos from our trip last weekend, cause I know you want to keep current with my princess activities.
We had such a good time! And guess what? We met a lady with two shelties!
Could have been new friends!
My mama and the lady stood around and talked and talked. I wanted to go on my walk so I wouldn’t sit next to her dogs, even though they were really nice. The tri was a guy and he was 15 years old! He was really friendly.
I think he liked me!
The blue merle was a girl and she was nine. She was friendly too, but she wanted to get going on her walk just I did.
She has a beautiful face!
We were going in opposite directions so after awhile I pulled my mama away. She said I was rude, but I didn’t care, I wanted to get going!
So off we went down the path. I was very good, but my mama said something about me walking twice as far because I kept zigzagging back and forth across the path. I couldn’t help it, there were good smells everywhere!
Mama thought the tree was cool.
Mama didn’t take a bunch of pictures of me this time. I thought that was good. More time to explore! She said I was acting crazy, all excited and not paying attention. So she took out the secret weapon. CHEESE.
Were you talking to ME mama?
I heeled all the way back to the car. I’m a good dog.
And smart too.
Hello park!
