This time yesterday morning people were going to work.  Children were going to school, probably looking forward to the holidays.  There was no sense of the horrific event waiting in the shadows for a small idyllic town; waiting to bring us all up short.  We were moving through our lives as innocents.  I wish it could be yesterday again, and that it could all be different.

The sudden violent death of a loved one is different than death through illness.  For the people of this community in Connecticut life is forever changed in ways not all yet understood.    Right now there is only shock and grief, confusion and maybe a feeling helplessness.  Later, in its own time, will come anger.  I could not help but think about these families facing the forever of their lives without their loved ones, be it an adult or a child.  Years and years of that empty place at their dinner tables, the empty space in their souls.  Grief spiraling into forever.

Sometime in the future some of these families may want to join the fight for gun control or work on getting mental heath services to more people in need.    Oh I know.  Today is too soon for them to think about that.  And it won’t be something that fits every family.  But their families are like our family.  Some will need to find something to fill a small part of that emptiness.   Like those of us working for truck safety to honor dad, they may want to do work that helps keep their loved ones memories alive.  That might make a difference.

For the rest of us, hurting in our own ways as we watch the unimaginable story unfold, the time is now to discuss those issues.  It is way past time that this country stop tiptoeing around the issue of guns.  Like the trucking industry, the gun industry has a powerful lobby and has pretty much gotten what it wants from our government.  Like the trucking industry their arguments sound sensible unless we pay close attention.   And just as change in trucking regulation only comes when every day families stand up and make noise, change in our gun laws won’t change unless regular people are heard.

I can not seem to move on today without expressing these feelings.  Though I have no children of my own, I echo the President’s words…these are all our children, these are all our teachers.  Today we all wake to a new world.  Again.  A lesson learned.  Again.  There is no making sense of this.   We can only move ahead, hold them all in our hearts, and try to make it better.

Last night as Katie and I were exploring the yard I looked up and tried to see if there were 26 more stars shining down.  I couldn’t see them.  But I know they are there.

My little one in the big arena.

Yesterday’s rally trial was a bigger test for team Katie/Dawn than just whether or not we remembered what the signs said.  East Lansing is a little over an hour from here, and the rally was in a big, old, noisy arena that Katie has never visited before.

In the old days I would have stopped at every rest stop to let her out and arrived an hour before the event so that she could get over her fear as we explored all the scary corners of the building.  In the old days she wouldn’t have accepted treats from me for at least forty-five minutes, and would have been shaking the entire ride.

This trip we didn’t hear a peep from her until I pulled into the parking lot on campus.  In fact half way there I felt maybe I had forgotten to load her up at all!  Once out of the car in the stadium parking lot she had her nose on the ground and was ready to go, pulling me toward the big building, stopping to sniff messages from all the other dogs along the way.

She wasn’t afraid when I opened the door to the venue and she marched right in.  She was a little freaked by the largess of the area, and all the noise…for about 10 minutes.  And she took treats from me right away.  I hadn’t arrived very early at all, and we only had about 20 minutes to wander before stuff started happening and she was relegated to her safe crate.  Occasionally as we waited our turn (there were only 5 total in excellent rally and 2 in advanced rally A ahead of my advanced B class.) I’d take her out of the crate and we’d go for a little walk.  She took treats and was engaged with me every time.

As I watched other entrants run through the course I saw that this particular judge liked to follow close behind the participants.  Another sheltie, one I’ve seen do excellent work in other trials, kept looking behind him and sometimes refused to move, because this strange lady was ‘right there Mom!  She’s right there!!”    I worried how Katie would feel when we were in the ring.

And then it was our turn.  Katie pulled me into the ring and sat looking at me expectantly.  She knows when it’s time to work.  There were lots of distractions, and she was sucked in a couple of times, starting to wander away from me, but I called her back and every time she trotted right back happily.  She never once looked back over her shoulder at the judge, nor noticed all the other people and dogs in the neighboring ring.  She was never once startled or scared or unhappy.   She’s grown so much as a dog.

Husband and I were sitting about 5 feet from the start gate for the rally ring, so while Katie rested in her crate after our run, and while I was off busy working with another classmate, she lay down (which she has never done before at any trial!) and watched the dogs come and go.  Sure she knew her Dad was right there, but she never cried or begged to be let out.  She seemed content to lay there and watch.  When she was out of the crate she was curled in her Dad’s lap, eagerly watching the goings on.

She was no work at all at this trial, and I’m so proud of how mature she was, how accepting of new things, how unafraid.  We didn’t hear a peep from her on the way home either.  She took a long nap when we got home.  So did we.  It was a big day.

Sleepy time

Today she’s full of herself and does not understand why she is not the center of attention at every moment of every hour.  Takes a while for a rock star to come back to earth after a performance I guess.   Still.  I think she deserves a bit of lavish attention.

She’s earned it.

Don’t wake me up Mama!

Every time I sign Katie (and me) up for an event I wonder as I’m waiting for our turn why oh why I put myself in such stressful places.  Then she looks at me and grins just before the judge says “Ready?”   And I say “Ready!” and off we go.

Today’s event was no different, I wondered again why this was a good idea as I got up at 5:30 and packed Katie’s provisions.  As we left in the dark to drive the hour over to East Lansing in the rain I was sure this was a silly idea.  Katie doesn’t care if she has a title.  When the rain turned to snow as we neared East Lansing I was sure the whole thing was ridiculous.  But I was supposed to help a dog obedience classmate in his very first trial, so there was no turning back.  Which in the end is good because we earned the second leg of the three we need to become titled in Advanced Rally.

There’s a video over on Facebook.  Somewhere we did a station wrong, because our score was 88 out of 100, but I”ll take it.  It’s a Q and we only  have to do this once more for her Advanced title.

Of course there’s Excellent after that.  If we want to go for it.  And Obedience.  We haven’t started that yet.  Though I was watching some obedience rings today and kept thinking…”Well Katie can do that.”  So I suppose there are going to be a few more early mornings when I wonder just what I’ve gotten us into.  Probably will.  She’s sleeping now.

Good girl.