Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Flying is not glamorous.

Other planes are flying. Why can’t I?

How many of you remember when flying was sort of glamorous?  When you used to get dressed up to fly, wear heals and nice suites?  No?  Well most of you are too young to remember, but I’m glad those days are over and that I was wearing comfortable clothes and flats on Wednesday when I flew to Washington DC.  Booked on a very early United flight out of Flint, connecting in Cleveland and ending up at Reagan National, I expected to arrive in DC mid morning, enjoy a leisurely metro ride to the mall and a bit of time at the Martin Luther King memorial before my first meeting scheduled at 2:30 in the Hart Senate Building.

I did my part, got up at 3, got to the airport by 4:45, was at the gate at 5:00 a.m.  The flight was supposed to board at 5:30.  By 5:45 they told us there would be a small delay because a screen in the aircraft would not light up.  After a bit they said it would take an hour to fix and I knew I’d miss my connection, but I had lots of time before my first meeting in DC.  I was irritated but not worried.

After the hour was up they told us the flight was cancelled.  Immediately I was up the escalator and first in line at the ticket counter to get rescheduled.  I eventually scored a Delta flight out of Detroit direct to DC that would get me in around noon.  But I was in Flint.

They booked a taxi van and 10 of us crammed in there for an crazy ride in rush hour traffic down to the big city.  Along the way we encountered a traffic jam created by a fender bender accident and our driver veered off the freeway on an exit, careened through a Mobile gas station, and headed back north on the freeway we’d just come down.  We were mostly confused and stressed as we hung on tight in the swaying vehicle.  None of the seat belts worked, and I was sitting on half a seat, sharing the last bench seat with two rather large ladies.

We finally got deposited at Detroit and I ran for my flight, making it to the gate just as it should have been boarding.  It was not boarding.  There were maintenance problems with the plane and there would be a delay.  Really.  Really?  We sat for another hour or more.  I’d been ‘traveling’ for over 7 hours and had only managed to get sixty miles from my house.

Reagan National

We finally flew out of Detroit a bit after noon, and I arrived at Regan National around 1:30.  No time for the metro trip, no time for wandering amid monuments.  No time to relax.  No time for lunch.  I grabbed a cab and headed for the Hill.  Tomorrow I’ll tell you about two conversations I had with cab drivers.  One in particular was pretty special.

But for now I’m going to go to bed.  Just thinking about that flight has exhausted me all over again.


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Stars are always there

The days are getting shorter and sometimes I miss the long light filled days of summer.  But these dark early mornings, when Katie and I are outside looking for that perfect spot I’ve noticed the stars are so bright that they seem lower in the sky – almost as if we could touch them.

The past two mornings I’ve seen the Big Dipper in the north, my representation of my Dad, and Orion’s Belt in the south, my representation of my Mom.  It’s not every day that I can see them both at the same time, hanging there in the sky.  So as Katie sniffs, I watch the sky and say hello to each of them.

Yesterday it occurred to me that all summer, even when the sun had brightened the sky before Katie and I ventured out, the stars were there.  They were shining above even when I couldn’t see them.    Just like my Mom and Dad who are also there, even though I can’t see them.

So this morning as I head to DC to work once again on safety issues I know Mom and Dad are right here   even though I can’t see them.  They will always be right here.  And I’ll feel their arms around me as I fight the fight.


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DC prep

I’m getting ready for my trip to DC this week where we’ll be filming a video about the Truck Safety Coalition.  My part of it deals with our outreach efforts.  I’ve been writing answers to potential questions, getting the feel for the words, figuring out how I might say something, working on impact.

Can I practice on you?  These are not the exact questions, I haven’t been provided those yet…but this is the topic and the areas that will be covered.  And this is my first attempt at trying to explain the importance of our outreach piece.  Yes we work on changing laws and getting new rules issued.  But we also work at finding the families touched by truck crashes and offering them support.

So here goes:

Why is it important to reach out to families?

These families have been, without warning, thrust into a world filled with pain and grief.  They aren’t prepared, and everything is confusing.  The heartache is unbelievable.  Most don’t know what they should do first, where they should focus.  It’s all they can do to get through each day, one moment at a time.

While they are in the initial stages of shock and grief they don’t realize there are things they may need to do to preserve evidence, to help them later when they face the court system and the truck company. They are focused on their loved one, whether it’s to prepare a funeral, or help them begin the long road back to health.    We provide them information if they want it, resources if they need them, and most importantly, a listening ear, a hug, support from someone that’s been in a similar position.

What is special about the Sorrow to Strength Conference?

The Sorrow to Strength Conference, held every other year,  is a place where  survivors and families of truck crash victims can gather and share.  We honor our lost loved ones, we support the injured and we provide hope for those families just beginning the long journey.

We spend the weekend connecting with other families and learning how to make changes in the industry, either through legislation or governmental safety agencies.  Most families have had no political experience, so this is all new and somewhat intimidating. The conference helps to introduce victims and families to ways they can make a difference.  There is a universal feeling among families who attend the conference; they want changes made so that another family doesn’t have to go through what they are going through.

The conference identifies key truck safety priorities, and arranges for families to meet with their state’s legislative offices to discuss safety issues.   The conference also arranges meetings with members of the Department of Transportation, the Federal Motor Carriers Safety Administration, National Highway Transportation Safety Administration and the National Transportation Safety Board.  These are all important agencies with safety oversight responsibilities.

Sometimes people in Washington forget that there are faces on statistics.  When 4,000 people die in truck related crashes each year it can be hard to focus on individuals.  The Sorrow to Strength conference allows Truck Safety volunteers, comprised of families who have borne the brunt of these tragedies, to bring the statistics back to human scale.  When five or six of us sit in a meeting room, holding our loved ones pictures, and each of us tells the short version of our story, one after another, the impact is unforgettable.  Administrators who have been working on studies and research look us each in the eye and realize that safety has to be their number one priority.  Without the conference none of us would have access to these people, or an opportunity to tell our stories to such high ranking officials.

What do these outreach programs mean to a family who has experienced a loss?

I can speak from my own experience.  When Dad was killed in 2004 we were suddenly alone in a crazy world that we didn’t understand.  Truck Safety gave us direction, told us what to look for in a lawyer, what to do first to preserve evidence.  And as we moved through the process they helped us to understand what to expect from each step and how to prepare for it.     I don’t know what we would have done without them.

For other families, the connection with a Truck Safety volunteer may provide a safe place, maybe the only safe place they have, for them to express their grief no matter what.  When the rest of the world has moved on and a family member feels like they should ‘be over it’ the volunteer will tell them that it’s OK to grieve.  It’s OK to feel bad.  That someday they won’t feel so bad, but for now whatever they are feeling is right, and no they are not going crazy.

Truck Safety Outreach programs help families get through the sorrow and move toward strength.  Every family wants to make a difference, and through Truck Safety they can.  Unfortunately it is inevitable that there will be new families joining us this year and every year.    Our goal is to try to find those families and to let them know that they are not alone.    It’s the way we can make a difference.

And it’s the way we honor those we loved and lost.


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Contemplating too much

The sidewalk last week.

I got out of the office for about 30 minutes today at lunch.  We’ve been so busy, but it was jean day and I was already wearing running shoes…so no excuses not to get my walk in.  Most of the week I’ve been trapped in my cubicle.

As I walked (with camera of course) I noticed how much the color has faded since my walk earlier this week,and certainly since last week’s walks.

Trees reaching for the last bit of warmth.

Still, it was pretty.

I was thinking about how stressed I am at work, and how busy I am there and outside of work.   I’m headed to Washington next week for a couple of days to do a little truck safety stuff.  And I’ve registered Katie for a Rally trial near the end of the month, a couple of days before the community band’s first concert.

Small groves of trees watch me walk by.

Someone at work, learning I’d be out of the office for a couple of days next week, wanted to know how I did it…he said every time he talked to me I was off doing something else.  And a couple weeks ago Bruce’s uncle asked me if I was doing too much.  Something to think about I guess, and it’s not like I haven’t considered letting some stuff go before.

Walking and thinking.

But still.  All these extras are the joyful aspects of life.  Who could give up that moment during a concert when it all comes together and something beautiful emerges?  So few people get to experience that.

And when Katie sits at attention next to my left ankle waiting expectantly, and moves seamlessly with me as I call “HEEL!”and pivot to the right, all the while grinning at me…well…who wants to give that up?

Trees and clouds shot with the ‘dramatic’ setting.

And the opportunity to go to DC and make a tiny bit of difference, to know your efforts and those of your family and friends have saved lives.  Well.  It’s not possible to give that up.  At all.

Looking for answers.

In the end I finished my short walk with no solution.  It’s not the extras I want to walk away from.  It’s the work that consumes me for so many hours each day.  But I know I have to wait my turn for retirement.  Mom used to tell me that when I complained about work.

Ok.  I’ll wait.  But I’m making a list of stuff I want to do once I have my freedom.  And it’s getting pretty darn long.

Walking toward the future.


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Sometimes change works out OK

Some of you have figured out that I successfully imported my old blog into this blog.  You got a message that there were over 1000 posts to read!  🙂  I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to read all 1000 again.  Really?  No?  Well…some were led down that path…and have commented on posts from a year ago when we were in California.

San Fran goodness.

I wish we had been able to go back out there again this year, but no, we’re still here in Michigan.

Meanwhile, change is coming  here as well…at least in the weather department.  Not too far north of us they have had snow.  And last night we got our first hard frost which killed the tomatoes and the dahlias.

The last bit of summer.

I’m so glad I cut most of the blossoms yesterday, so they’re in my kitchen now and I’m enjoying the last of their beautiful colors for a bit longer.

Summer glows as it slips away.

The leaves are changing faster and faster here too.  They are absolutely stunning!  I was worried that we wouldn’t get any fall color because we had so little rain this summer.  But once again I was wrong.

Fall arrives with fanfare.

It’s beautiful at work on my lunch walks, and it is beautiful around home too.  I have so many photos.  Every year I think the trees are the most beautiful they’ve ever been and I take more photos.

Waiting for the school bus.

This year was no exception

The air glows gold.


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Dog walk

Lots of doggies here Mom!

Katie and I had an adventure today.  She’s not sure if it was an excellent adventure.  But it was an adventure none the less.

The Michigan Humane Society has a dog megawalk each year as a fundraiser.  This year they had part of it at my favorite park, and my employer put together a team.  So there was no excuse not to go.

But of course Katie doesn’t really like lots of people and noise and lots of strange dogs.  And I was decidedly worried about how hundreds of dogs would behave together.  And how their owners would control them.  And how she’d react to noise and confusion.  I decided if she was really uncomfortable we’d just go home.

We’re all walking for a cause.

We had to walk a long way from the parking lot to registration, along with lots of other people and barking dogs.  Katie didn’t think this was the kind of “park” and “walk” that she had been expecting…but she marched right along, checking in with me from time to time, stopping to sniff a tree, but mostly she was with me as we moved toward registration.  But as we got close to the field filled with hundreds of dogs and their people she began to lag behind.  Then she just stopped.

We discussed it for a bit, then she asked to be picked up and I indulged.  I wanted to find our team and let them know we were going home early.  As I looked for my team members we met Titan, a sheltie who had been groomed into a ‘lion cut’ and was growing out his coat.  He was not interested in Katie and she didn’t want to sit near him either.

Titan was not interested in you either Miss Katie!

But I never did find my team until just before the walk started.  And by then she was settled into the whole chaos thing, her ears were back up, she was letting some people pet her, and she was accepting treats.  So I knew she was OK.

Once we got moving she was a happy camper.  She walked most of the walk next to her new best friend Sampson, a 4 month owned pitt bull owned by a coworker.

“Hey Sampson, let me tell you how to get ANYTHING from your Mom!”

We didn’t do the whole walk, it was two miles and she was lagging after awhile, as was the puppy and another dog on our team.  But we probably did a mile and a half.  We even met another sheltie named Katie!

This Katie is 13 years old. Isn’t she pretty?

I was very proud of the way Katie handled the noise, the dogs, the people, and the walking.  But I think it was equally important that I read her and didn’t make her do the whole thing.   And that I was ready to go home if she didn’t adjust.  I know her, and I know it takes her about an hour to settle into a new place, so I’m pleased to see she still has coping skills.    We’re registered for a rally trial in about 3 weeks, in a new building.  So I am reminded that I will need to get there early and let her adjust.

I think she’s asleep now.  It was a very big day.  And I probably owe her a real walk her regular park tomorrow.  I’m pretty sure she will demand it.

Team “Who Let the Dogs Out”


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60th wedding aniversary

Cutting the cake in Grandma Braun’s dining room.

Today would be our parents’ 60th wedding anniversary.

Sixty years seems, in theory, like a very long time.  Yet it seems to have sped in the blink of an eye.    They only got 52 years together here on earth, but I know they are celebrating together now.

All of us – 1974

Fifty-two years was good but not enough.  I wish we were all getting together to celebrate down on the lake.  Cake, flowers, cards, none of that matters.  It would just be good to all be together again.

Yes it would.