Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Author Archives: dawnkinster


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Money doesn’t buy

I was mowing the lawn yesterday evening, thinking about Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa, and how Melissa would have gotten the news out of the blue, a phone call or a text that change her life forever and how she would have stopped whatever she was doing and her plans would change as she rushed back to New York to make decisions no child wants to make for their parents and how probably she isn’t even sure about her feelings.  And how some people will say it’s easier for her, she has money, she has people to handle things.  But how no one will acknowledge that Melissa is now an orphan.

Because becoming an orphan as an adult doesn’t get the attention a younger child receives when both parents are gone.  Rightfully so I suppose.  Adult orphans are left to figure out the future on their own.  No matter how much money or people they have they don’t have their parents any longer.  And that fact will be pounded into Melissa each time she reaches for the phone to call her mother, each time she sees news reports, sees clips replayed, listens to people talk.

Money is good.  But it doesn’t buy confidence or self worth or love.  Parents instill that.

I wish Melissa the best as she heads down this new path that is her life.


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Dreaming….dream dream dream…..dreaming….

I had a dream this morning just before Katie the dog woke me up at 5.

I had to give a talk to a group of people.  I didn’t know what the topic was but I was walking there carrying a cement planter filled with soil.  On top of the soil were some roses, some with short stems, some with longer stems.  I was going to put the roses in some sort of vases I hoped I could find when I got to my destination.  I was wearing black pants and a red shirt with a black sweater over it, and carrying a brown cardigan.  I thought I’d just put the brown cardigan on when I got there.  I was thinking about how to talk about family and garden no matter what the topic was that I was supposed to be speaking on.

Turns out the topic was supposed to be serenity.

So I’m at the venue and carrying this stupid cement planter and the roses are wilting so I set it down on one of the crowded long tables where there were little name plates assigning seats.  But all the tables are strewn with other people’s stuff and I can’t find my name.  I finally find the name of someone else at work, and I know she’s not coming so I decide to sit in her spot.  But my cement planter is now far off on another table and the roses look horrible so I leave it there, and go put on my brown cardigan over my black sweater and red shirt and black pants and I look in the mirror and the combination looks terrible so I’m taking off the sweaters and trying to get organized and think about what I can say about serenity when it’s my turn.

I walk back into the room tucking in my red shirt and say:

“How many of you have a stressful job?  Raise your hands.  Yep, me too.  I work in the mortgage industry.  If you looked up serenity in a dictionary on my desk the word wouldn’t even be in there.  So I ask you – what do you do to relax once you leave that stressful job?  Me?  I go work in the garden.  Well, it’s not really a garden per se, it’s pretty full of weeds, but if you go out and pull weeds for an hour and let your mind go blank you’ll relax and at the end you’ll have something concrete to show for it too.  I also travel.   Last week I went swimming.  Well, not really swimming exactly, we went to New Hampshire and the ocean was so cold I could only run in and out.  We went to visit my Aunt on my Dad’s side of the family.  She wasn’t home.  We knew she wasn’t going to be home but we went to visit anyway just to relax.  New Hampshire is serene.  I think my Uncle was serene before he died.  He was over ninety.  Husband’s aunt is going to be 99 this month and she seems serene too.  Maybe you learn to be that way the older you get.  Maybe as you age you really do learn not to let stuff get to you.  Maybe as the years go by the serenity piles up.   Maybe it’s not that I’m stressed, maybe it’s just that I’m too young to recognize serenity.  Maybe it’s an acquired skill.”

So.

Lesson learned from this dream?  Find some serenity today no matter how old or young you are.

And smell a rose along the way.

Katie says HI to everybody!

Wanna play?

Wanna play?


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WordPress photo challenge – dialogue

Two photos that relate to each other is called a photo dialogue.    We didn’t get to Smith Mountain tower this trip, but here’s my photo dialogue from last February when we climbed the mountain.

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You can see other interpretations of  photo dialogues at this WordPress blog.  Or you can find a few of my favorites here, here and here.   And this one too.


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Letter to Mom

Hey Mom,

Sunset at the lake

Sunset at the lake

We’ve been thinking about you as all your kids gather in the house you and Dad built on the lake.  I’m sure you two were here too, laughing over the silly stuff, bobbing out at the end of the dock, your toes pointed to the sky, maybe even jumping from the dock for the traditional family photo, though I know you didn’t like to get water in your eyes.

Hey Mom

Hey Mom

Last night we went out to the big water to watch the sun set.  I know you and Dad liked to do that and the neighbors say he went out alone just about every evening that summer after you died.

Heading home

Heading home

It sure was great out on the warm water with the crescent moon hanging overhead.  The sunset didn’t pan out all that well; we only had one pink cloud, but we had a really nice time anyway.

Of course I’m sure you already know that.

Wish you and Dad were here.

Jump!

Jump!


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Spend a relaxing weekend

On the lake.

On the lake.

Doesn’t it seem like people are stressed more than ever lately?  Frightening sights from all over the world flow into our nightly news every evening.  The economy continues to wallow and we all work harder than ever trying to get by, trying to make a difference, trying our best.

So I appreciate a lovely long weekend filled with nothing but good food and good company.  Here in the United States it’s Labor Day Weekend, when we  celebrate the labor of so many generations before and appreciate those people that worked so hard to build the country we are lucky enough to inhabit today.  It’s a time for family barbecue, camping in the woods, bonfires, boat rides, long walks, and naps.

I’m spending this holiday weekend on a lovely lake in the South where the weather has cooperated and the waters are warm, where the skies fill each afternoon with towering clouds but only a little bit of rain falls.

When I head back to work next week I’ll keep the memories of boat rides and deck sitting and bobbing in warm waters tucked safely away in the back of my mind.  And when that customer demands immediate attention or the coworker calls in sick I’ll pull those memories out and smile again.

We hope all of you are having a lovely weekend as well.  May we all relax and then start again next week with high spirits and wonderful memories.

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Another weekend, another park

Isn't this a cool place?

Isn’t this a cool place?

Katie here.  You know how I got my Mama to promise to take me on an adventure every weekend?  Well this past weekend it was getting to be Sunday afternoon and still no adventure!  I stomped my perfect little feet and tossed my beautiful curly locks but all she did was put me outside in my pen.

WELL!

I was having none of that!  An afternoon in my pen is not an adventure!  I made myself a general pest and eventually Mama said “OK little one, let’s go walk in the woods.”  It was about time!  But she picked one of my favorite activities so I forgave her for being so tardy.

Which way should we go?

Which way should we go?

We went to the Holly Recreation Area and walked on a path through the woods that we’ve never explored before.  It was awesome.  We need to take Peep exploring on that path sometime soon!  We did have to go up a big hill.

You sure you want to go way up there Mama?

You sure you want to go way up there Mama?

 

But I didn’t have any problem with that.

Well let's get going then!

Well let’s get going then!

 

Mama was very patient and waited for me to check stuff out.

What's in here?

What’s in here?

 

Some of the path was through the woods with big trees.  The mosquitoes weren’t too bad and Mama was wishing she’d come earlier in the day, because we had to turn around before I wanted to since it was getting dark.

Fun times!

Fun times!

 

We’re definitely going back.  And I hope it’s soon!

But I'm still not getting my feet wet.

But I’m still not getting my feet wet.

 


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What’s to miss about running.

Once upon a time a long time ago I use to run.  I was never fast but I got to the finish line.   I used to train for races along with a group of women I’d met online, and then in person at races, and then in person just because they are really cool women.  Then I got busy and I didn’t train as carefully as I should have and I tried to get ready for a half marathon having not run for awhile.  I ran too much too soon and too far and I suffered a hairline fracture in my foot.

The wheelers get ready to start their race.

The wheelers get ready to start their race.

I knew as I was going the longer distances that something was wrong.  I knew the morning of the race as I got up before light and packed the car with all the essentials, warm up clothes, clothes for after, water, food, extra socks, pins, number, that I shouldn’t be running this race.  Still.  I had trained for it.  People were expecting me.  It was an inaugural half marathon through a pretty part of the country.

I wanted to do it.

During the drive to the appointed meeting place I reached over in the dark to the stack of clothing on the other seat.  I didn’t feel my race bib with it’s number, that I KNEW I had put on the top of the pile.  I pulled into an empty parking lot and stopped under a light.  I searched the car.  No bib.  I drove frantically home and searched the house.  No bib.

It was a sign, I decided, that I wasn’t supposed to run this race.  I called my friend and told her I wasn’t coming.  Then I went back to bed.

And I never seriously ran again.  It’s hard to start from scratch.  It takes dedication and time and resolve.  And I can’t seem to get out the door.  It’s been years, the stress fracture is as healed as it’s going to be.  I’ve gone to a foot specialist and purchased custom orthotics.  I could do it.

Anticipation before the race.

Anticipation before the race.

I see runners when I’m driving to and from work, or when we’re on trips.  Portland Maine seemed to be the capital of young athletic fit bodies running half dressed through the streets.  All seem to float effortlessly.  I become enamored again with the concept.

But I don’t float.  I slog and running is not as romantic as I remembered.

 

Here they come!

Here they come!

This weekend I went up to Flint to see the start of the Crim Festival of Races.  Ten thousand plus runners and their supporters were celebrating healthy activity, and the love of running.  I felt the familiar twinge.  No not in my foot; in my heart.  I miss the sense of community running gave me.  I could do that again, I thought to myself.

In order to run you just have to start.

Just start.

Just start.


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WordPress Photo Challenge: Fray

There’s nothing quite like the experience of running in a huge road race.  The preparation.  The nervous anticipation.  Excitement builds.  And then you’re off!

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Into the fray.

 

You can see other interpretations of “Fray” by going to this blog post and looking through all the entries in the comments.  Or you can just check out a few of my favorites here, here, here and here!