musings | Change Is Hard

July 26, 2013
by dawnkinster 8 Comments

No respect

I woke this morning to the news that someone has vandalized the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.

Mr. Lincoln

One of the beautiful things about our monuments is that you can visit around the clock. Wandering them late on a warm summer night, when they are all lit up, when they are quiet without the hundreds of tourists, is a gift. Perhaps it’s a gift we won’t always have.

Climbing to meet an important man.

All I can say to the person or people responsible is this: If you don’t have any respect for yourselves at least have respect for your own history.

Number 16

July 4, 2013
by dawnkinster 15 Comments

Random summer sounds

Come see my flowers!

It’s the 4th of July, early evening, and Katie and I are sitting on the back deck enjoying the yard. I’ve just filled the bird feeders and Mr. Cardinal (from the previous post …I’m sure it’s him, he’s just so vibrant and talkative) is chatting at me while selecting the perfect seed from the new pile. Katie is on the lookout for chipmunks. Or that squirrel that’s been hanging around.

I spent my day off napping and weeding and sorting community band music to file away . Tomorrow I go back to work. Odd. I keep thinking today is Saturday and that I’ll have tomorrow off.

Lots of things in our garden are pretty this week. So I thought I’d share a few with you as I sit and listen to the sounds of mid-summer here in Southeastern Michigan.

I hear the green heron squawking over at the pond. He’s so illusive I’ve never been able to get a picture. Most of the time I hear him and then just see the tail end of him fly overhead and back to the woods where he spends the nights. I think there are a pair of them but I’m not sure. Last year there were three by the end of the summer.

Sounds from the county fair, set high up on a hill a few miles away drift overhead. Today is opening day, and apparently it’s monster truck night. That’s not nearly as annoying as the big boom firecrackers going off on occasion somewhere nearby. Katie barks back. She’s not scared. She wants to take care of it ! Michigan used to outlaw the private use of these kind of fireworks, but everyone went to Ohio to get them, and our governor felt we needed the revenue. So now they’re everywhere and the nights are long. I personally feel someone is going to get hurt and there will be a big hullabaloo and they’ll be outlawed again. Katie is all for that. Me too.

Just opening

The other annoying sound is the neighbor’s weed whacker. Really. It’s a nice night, turn the thing off. Please. Oh wait. He just did. Happy sigh. Now I can hear the monster trucks better. They’re drowning out the bullfrogs that are beginning to sing. And there’s a red winged blackbird overhead that does not like me sitting here. He wants to raid the feeder. I swear, they can empty out a 10 pound feeder in a single day. I’ve been rationing the oilers. Some summers I just stop putting those out till the blackbirds leave in the fall.

Ah…the sounds of summer here in Michigan. The finches are chirping in the trees overhead, discussing whether it’s safe to drop in and visit the feeders while that dog is sitting here. Or maybe it’s me they don’t like. The trees are full of them chattering. I filled the thistle feeder just for them, and they know it too. I expect some of them will get brave soon and swoop down. Usually there are so many they form a line waiting their turn. Sometimes they bully each other on and off the feeder. Noisy pretty little birds. Two are splashing in the bird bath now, and chasing each other around.

The chickadee was the first brave bird of those waiting in the trees to go for the seed. Then the goldfinches and the house finches followed. Katie stays still and watches. She’s a good dog. She supervised some of the weeding today. She likes to make sure everything is done right. She has her standards.

Almost finished

The wren is on the bluebird house singing her heart out. She does this all day. Maybe it’s the male. I should learn these things. They do this every year. We haven’t had blue birds in our houses in awhile, but the tree swallows and the wrens are fine with that. I guess I am too. Oops…the wren has moved to a tree next to the deck. She’s chattering angrily at us. Sorry sweetie but I’m staying here.

I did see a bluebird today, early this morning as I was walking Katie by the pond. He was in the road pecking at something, then he saw us and flew up on a speed limit sign, then onto a mail box, keeping ahead of us. I told Katie to wait and we just watched him. He went back down to the road, picked something up and then flew away. Pretty.

Pretty garden

A titmouse arrives at the feeder, making it’s harsh call as it circles around poking it’s head in every opening. It selects a seed and joyfully flies to a branch overhead, screeching all the way. It’s not afraid of anything either, not dog or person on the deck watching. Soon it’s back announcing it’s happiness at fresh seed. The sound of it’s wings as it flies back and forth is so fun.

They remind me that I haven’t seen my hummingbirds today. I imagine they’re waiting for things to settle down a bit. My hummers aren’t that happy with all the activity of the other birds. I put fresh food out for them this evening too. They’ll be by in the morning.

Waiting for a butterfly

It’s such a lovely evening here. As light fades the bird noise and traffic to the feeders grows, the tree frogs are beginning to join in the chorus and the wren has moved off and is again singing. Nature is overshadowing the monster trucks’ roar. I hope you all had a wonderful and safe holiday and that you are settling into evening as peacefully as we are here.

Happy Birthday America. You don’t look a day over 200.

June 30, 2013
by dawnkinster 10 Comments

Whatever

The mortgage industry at the end of any month is crazy. Lots of people trying to get lots of stuff done before the new month begins. Some programs require that. Mostly it’s just people trying to meet deadlines, some imaginary, some not. Add in a full moon, especially the biggest moon in months and interest rates rising quickly for the first time in years. Do you know what you get? You get long thankless hours and never ending emails and phone calls. Everyone is in crisis. Everyone has a story. All the messages are marked urgent. People call to tell you they left you an email and wonder if you’ve read it yet. People email to tell you they’re going to call. Multiple people call and email on the same problem. Emails overlap, the problems escalate.

So is it any wonder that Friday morning I woke up thinking I had slept wrong. A kink in the back, right between my shoulder blades. Work Friday was excruciating. Sitting, standing, walking all hurt. Sleeping that night was pretty impossible and all day Saturday I hobbled around trying not to move my head more than necessary, trying to keep my torso straight, my head balanced directly over my shoulders. Getting up and down from sofa or bed was horrible. I slept in fits all day and again all Saturday night.

This morning the pain is still there but it has dulled. I can get up and move around a little. I’ve taken the dog out several times, done some chores, even bending over to empty the dishwasher. I think I’m on the way back. Of course. Tomorrow it’s back to work and the cycle begins again. But the month is over, the moon is shrinking. Hopefully work craziness will recede as well. You never know.

On a brighter note, Katie made me get up earlier today than I might have wished. This is what we saw when we got outside.

Early morning at Katie’s house.

Katie tells me I should thank her more often when she gets me up early. She says maybe she’s the reason I feel better today. She says if she could go to work with me everyone would be happier.

And she says I can thank her later.

Let’s get MOVING Mama!

June 24, 2013
by dawnkinster 13 Comments

Mr. Mandela

Listening to the news on my way to work this morning I was sad to hear that Nelson Mandela is now in critical condition. He will be 95 next month.

I am totally unqualified to comment on his extraordinary life and immeasurable contributions. But I can say that as I was thinking about him on my commute to work I heard his voice distinctly in my head. He said very clearly that “it was time to go.” Just that. Very calmly, unemotional; just a fact.

I have often wondered what goes through the minds of people at the end stages of life. Even healthy people of a certain age must wonder what lies ahead. I ponder whether people of this age are more prone to questioning their future. I wonder if they become eager to find out what’s next. I wonder if people are ready for that next adventure.

Maybe most people would rather stay here with friends and family and daily routine. But given the inevitable do some people look forward to leaving? I wonder. A few people I have known, people who have achieved great age, have told me they were ready to go. Others seemed less certain, more afraid. It’s all human nature I suppose. Still I wonder what people in their 90’s think about and whether it’s different from what people think about when they are in their 50’s.

And of course I wonder if I put Mr. Mandela’s voice into my head myself. I think the world is lucky to have had him at all. And I hope we honor him with peaceful respect when he chooses to leave us.

June 13, 2013
by dawnkinster 14 Comments

Rush hour musings

The traffic was stop and go on my way to work today. So I had a lot of time to contemplate the license plate on the car just in front of me.

IOALOT

Say it out loud. You’ll get it.

After I got it I started looking at the car itself. Was it a Lexus, a BMW, a Cadillac? No. It was a very very old Oldsmobile. They don’t even make the Oldsmobile anymore…and this wasn’t one of the last ones built.

It was big as a tank, square, low. Probably rides great and still looks pretty good except for the rust around the bottom of the trunk lid. So. He owes a lot. Obviously not on this car, so must be somewhere else. Which made me wonder. Aren’t vanity plates expensive? If you owe a lot why would you spend money on a more expensive license plate?

Oh. Wait. Maybe he compulsively buys things. Like vanity plates. Maybe that’s why he owes a lot.

You know, I bet there’s more to this story.

June 5, 2013
by dawnkinster 9 Comments

Beyond brutal

If work last week was difficult, this week it is impossible. Since mid February there have been three women in our department whose husbands have died unexpectedly overnight. This past Sunday it was the husband of someone in my region. The resultant pain and grief among our small group is overwhelming and we all feel so helpless. Each of us wants to help her. None of us can. The work must still get done, and the volume of emails and phone calls has intensified as people hear and want to know what happened. And, of course, how to help. Today is only the third day of this never ending week. We were exhausted before. Now we are plodding, a painful slow hobble; we’re just getting through each day. Our exhaustion and pain is all consuming but nothing like what she is living through right now.

So it surprised me a bit tonight to find I could still smile and sing, even tap my fingers on the steering wheel. The CD from our spring concert arrived last night and I listened to it on the way home this evening. What a great concert; it was full of happy, fun, upbeat music. Stuff you can sing (or at least hum) along with, sway with, nod your head with, snap your fingers to. Good fun, great memories, heart singing music.

Here’s a sampling of what we played (found on youtube and played by other groups for your listening pleasure). For Lassie and Benji’s mom I give you Lassus Trombone. (She plays the trombone so I figured she’d get a kick out of this.) And New York 1927 was really fun to play. We featured the trumpets in Bugler’s Holiday …including one of our oldest members at over 70 featured as one of the soloists. We even showcased the clarinets with Pie in the Sky Polka…a piece I spent way too much time practicing.

The whole evening was really fun, and the memories of that concert kept me smiling tonight on my long commute home after another very long and sad day at work. For the concert we invited 10 or so 7th graders to play with us on a couple of the pieces. The kids looked so young. The young man sitting with us in the clarinets said as he took his chair that he was nervous. We said that was OK, we were nervous too. Afterward his grin, and the grins of most of the other kids went from ear to ear. Amazing what music can do.

I wish it was this easy to lift my friend’s spirit.

May 8, 2013
by dawnkinster 25 Comments

Patience. Not so much a virtue.

Hart Senate Office Building

We’re finished, finally, with our meetings on The Hill. We’ve talked to legislative staff members, subcommittee members, transportation aides, heads of agencies, chief of staffs, a Senator, cab drivers and a Cabinet Member. Everywhere we go we express our frustration with the lack of speed we see coming out of the DOT (Department of Transportation), an agency tasked with the admittedly huge responsibility to implement many of the safety advances spelled out in the Reauthorization Bill passed last August.

Russell Senate Office Building.

Sitting at the huge conference table in the Transportation Secretary’s suite we heard over and over that mandating strong rear crash guards and speed governors, finishing the rule that mandates Electronic On Board Recorders, moving ahead to increase minimum insurance levels required by truck companies, putting together an objective study on size and weight, well, these things all take time. And study. Lots and lots of study. Because they want their T’s crossed and their I’s dotted. Repeatedly we were told we didn’t understand that it’s hard to get things finished in Washington. That there are lots of levels that had to be moved through before the common sense issues could be resolved. That we were impatient and naive.

Yea. We get that.

But let me tell you, if I preformed at my job the way it seems these projects are being handled I’d be unemployed. In the world of business, industry, retail, just about any workplace you can imagine, results are what matter. How many times, when asked by your boss to meet a deadline have you been able to respond with a study? Particularly a study to study the previous studies that have been done on your problem? How often are you allowed to miss a deadline, consistently come in late with a project, and make the excuse that it’s hard? We all have hard jobs. We all face difficult decisions. But eventually we all have to be adults and make a choice…go one way or another…do the best we can with the information we have.

Cannon House Office Building.

Nothing in this world is perfect and you can spend a lifetime trying to be sure you don’t make a mistake, trying to find the perfect solution, a solution that will make all people happy. Handling problems is hard. That’s why they’re called problems. But some problems have easier solutions than others. Some problems are no-brainers.

Strengthening rear crash guards is a no-brainer. The ones mandated on trucks now fail at an unacceptable rate. Canada and Europe have a better guard, and have for years. It shouldn’t be that difficult to transfer information from them to our own trucks. Raising the amount of insurance carriers are required to have is a no-brainer. $750,000 per crash isn’t enough to handle the medical bills for the first week a victim is in the hospital, not to mention a lifetime of rehab and care. Recognizing that heavier trucks will cause more destruction, more death, more injury is a no-brainer. But let’s be sure. Let’s put together a 2 year study. That’s the ticket.

Permanent memorial to truck crash victims.

We met with the DOT Monday afternoon. While we were there people died in truck crashes across the country. Monday afternoon in Charlotte NC the driver of a disabled SUV and a good Samaritan were hit by a semi. The good Samaritan was able to stop his car, get out and try to help the driver a the SUV, but the semi couldn’t stop? Why is that? Also Monday an Arizona public safety officer was killed, sitting in his car on the shoulder of the road while investigating another crash. So at least 3 people died while we were sitting in meetings discussing moving along on projects that will save lives. Not perfect solutions, but solutions that will save lives nevertheless.

Patience. We were told to have patience. The federal government moves slowly they said. These things take time they said. We need to study the ramifications they said. We’ll get back to you on that they said. Well. Tell all that to the three families devastated Monday. Ask them for a little patience. Then imagine it was your family. How patient would you be?

Exactly.

April 30, 2013
by dawnkinster 15 Comments

A mid-century girl

I woke up this morning to NPR talking about mass transit for Los Angles. They were talking about the packed roads, the long commutes and what it would take to change the culture as well as the infrastructure to incorporate mass transit. They ended the piece by saying there would be mass transit construction projects well into the middle of the century.

Laying there in bed contemplating that I realized the probability that I’d still be around at mid century were slim. And here these people were talking about something that hadn’t sounded all that far away. This realization has struck me more and more frequently lately. Not many weeks ago there was another news story, I forget what it was about, perhaps the exploration of Mars, when I suddenly realized I wouldn’t witness the event. It’s an odd feeling.

Which brings me to an update on Aunt V who is 97. She’s home again after her latest stay at a rehab facility. This one was nice; clean, she had her own room, her own bathroom and she liked the physical therapy. But she wanted to be home, and home she is again. She’s determined to get stronger so she will. She’s like that.

But I wonder what it’s like at 97 when you listen to the news and realize you have so little time ahead of you and so much time behind. Do you sit overwhelmed by the memories? Are you still interested in what will happen in the future? Or are you just waiting when you get to this stage of life?

It’s a puzzle we each get to work out if we’re lucky – how to fit all the pieces of our lives together to get the most out of each. How to stay engaged when things change. Maybe the answer is to just live and not worry about any of it.

Maybe that’s the answer.

April 5, 2013
by dawnkinster 16 Comments

Heard on the radio

Driving home in rush hour traffic I thought I heard we are going to send astronauts to lasso an asteroid and park it next to the moon. Hmm. I don’t always listen to the radio carefully when I’m driving my crazy commute. And lassoing an asteroid seems highly unlikely. Maybe they were talking about a movie plot.

After supper I thought I’d see if I could look it up. And what do you know; if you google lasso and asteroid up pops the story which is very interesting. But it makes me wonder.

Do we need to park an asteroid next to the moon so that we can explore it as practice for going to Mars in the 30’s? Do we need to go to Mars? I’m not saying we don’t, just that I haven’t figured out exactly what the long term benefit is for spending this much money.

The radio report said that there is money in the national budget for this program. But there’s no money for mental health issues? No help for people who have been unemployed for months and years? Programs for kids going to bed hungry are getting slashed. So are benefits that many retirees thought they had earned.

Don’t get me wrong. Space exploration is an exciting, sexy topic. It gets attention and is certainly more interesting than stories about budget cuts or sad, confused, hungry people. So I’m open. Tell me why we’re even contemplating this program. I try to see both sides of an argument.

Or are you as incredulous as I am?

April 5, 2013
by dawnkinster 14 Comments

See you at the movies

I felt, as many did, that I lost a friend when Roger Ebert died yesterday. I remember watching his show growing up, enjoying the sparring between Gene Siskel and Roger. How many of us made our movie viewing decisions based on their thumbs?

I also read Roger’s blog pretty regularly. And I was sad when he said just the other day that he was going to take a “leave of presence” while he fought back cancer once again. He wrote about a lot of things, not always movies. In fact not a whole lot about movies. He was always interesting, sometimes poignant, sometimes funny. He wrote as if we were all his friends. I hope we were.

I like to think that perhaps he and Gene are catching up now, perhaps working on a new project together. And if heaven is perfect and different for everyone, then I’m sure there’s a movie theater there. I hope they get to see all the first run movies together — and before any of us.

I’ll miss him as will many of you. But weren’t we lucky to have known him at all.

Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.

Tag Archives: musings