William H. Badger. Feb 4, 1929 – December 23, 2004.
Eighteen years without you is a long time. And no time.
You should have had more time.
Sometimes it feels like we’ve made no progress at all. And sometimes I know we’ve at least stopped some of the unsafe propositions, maybe even made a few inroads toward safety.
Still.
You should have had more time, and we can’t fix that for you or any of the thousands of families trying to move forward with their own grief. Their own new normal. I hate that term.
Eighteen years ago this morning. Last night, laying sleeplessly in bed, I imagined you getting up so very early in the dark morning, making sure the heat was turned down, the water turned off, and the doors locked, putting your suitcase into the trunk of your car and heading toward the airport.
You never got there. You never got to come home.
It’s not right, not for you or for us. Not for the 5,000 plus families that faced similar facts in 2021, or the as yet unnumbered thousands from 2022. And the hundreds of thousands of injured every single year.
We have to keep working, even though we’re all tired.
Anyway, I was reading Quaint Revival’s latest post about all the snow she’s getting over in Wisconsin, and she said it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas…which led her into thoughts about how those lyrics happened to be written and a request for someone to find out for her. Which, being a want-to-be librarian I felt compelled to do.
I think Santa is on some sort of exercise program.
She thought maybe the lyrics were written by Meredith Wilson in 1951 as he sat beside a pool, hopefully under warm skies. But Wikipedia says it probably was written in Yarmouth, and when I google that I can only find Yarmouth Maine, or Yarmouth British Columbia, neither of which sounds very warm, even in midsummer!
Looking for her Christmas gift. Or a peanut, whichever’s available.
But looking for this information did remind me that we played this very piece of holiday music at our recent concert, so I went to listen to it again. Well, actually, I went and listened to it for the first time. Music sounds very different when you’re sitting in the middle of the band than it does when sitting in the audience, and I haven’t taken time to listen to our concert until now. (I recommend listening to this with a good set of earphones…it sounds a LOT better with earbuds than just using your laptop speakers.)
Holiday music always makes things better.
Last Sunday I had a couple friends come for lunch and painting. Well, truthfully, they brought most of the lunch (roasted tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches) and most of their own painting supplies too. After we ate the yummy lunch we settled in to paint Christmas cards. It was so much fun to experiment together. Plus it increased my stock of cards waiting to be mailed out to unsuspecting friends and family. I should do this on a larger scale next year!
Seems like birds infiltrate all aspects of my life.
We have a little bit of snow, enough to make things look pretty, but not enough to interfere with driving. Not that I’m driving much. One of the benefits of retirement is not having to go out unless I want to. When it’s cold and snowing I rarely want to. And though I miss my Katie-girl soooo much, I am kind of glad to roll over in bed and go back to sleep in the dark early hours of these winter mornings.
“I used to put up with an awful lot, mama.”
Speaking of not traveling, we’re staying home this Christmas. We have had invites to holiday gatherings, but this year we just can’t quite make ourselves wander out. Twenty Twenty-two has been a long, hard year for us. Instead of going out this year I’ll fix some of the family mealtime favorites, and we’ll snuggle up on the couch to enjoy the quiet.
I look forward to seeing these guys every year.
Though it might not be entirely quiet. We’re going to have a houseguest for awhile, a little 10 year old doggie will be staying with us while his mom is visiting family out of town. We’ve practiced him being here without his mom a couple of times and I think he’s going to settle in, but he sure does love his mom.
“Does this peanut make my head look flat?”
I saw a movie trailer this morning for something staring Tom Hanks. There was a year, a long time ago, when my husband and I watched several movies, unusual for us, realizing later that all of them were Tom Hanks movies. You know, Castaway, Green Mile, Saving Private Ryan. This movie is called something like A Man called Otis. While I was watching the trailer something felt familiar…and then I remembered one of my favorite books, A Man Called Ove, by Fredrik Backman, about an elderly man who’s quiet life is interrupted by a family that moves in next door. I think the movie is based on this book, and I think I really need to go see it. Maybe during the Christmas holiday week, as a gift from me to me.
Sometimes Christmas feels like this.
I did get out to feed the birds at Kensington this morning. A lot of the photos in this post are from that visit. I didn’t look at the weather, or even the temperature before I left home when it was still dark. By the time I got to the park the wind was blowing the snow sideways. Not surprisingly no one else was around.
“I don’t eat out of hands, lady. But if you’ve got a spare peanut I’d enjoy it.”
I went out to the boardwalk to see if I could entice the Queen to my hand, but she wasn’t having any of it. In fact none of the birds were willing to get too close, though they were happy enough to come to the railing if I’d leave my treats and back off.
“Not today, lady, not today.”
I wandered in the woods a little, to get out of the wind, and even there things were very quiet. And then I stood still and waited.
“My turn!” “NO IT’S NOT! It’s MY turn!”
And soon enough I heard the flutter of wings and saw, through the trees, the fast moving little bodies of hungry birds. So fun. Even though my hands were freezing and my toes were freezing I stood around out there for a long time.
“Hey Lady! I’m waiting patiently over here!”
I stood there just smiling and watching them, all puffed up against the cold.
“Puffing up helps you keep warm lady, you should try it.”
Merry Christmas to my little birds, and to all of you too. May you all enjoy this holiday season, in whatever way seems right for you this year.
Yes, you read that right, it’s me! I’ve been wanting to visit, but mama said she needed a little time so I’ve been waiting. Impatiently. Just because I’m over the Rainbow Bridge doesn’t mean I’ve learned patience. Nope, I’m the same demanding princess I’ve always been, but I figured I’d cut mama and daddy a break, cause they’ve been through a lot.
I’m not totally self centered!
Sending my love to all of you!
But today is my birthday, people! I’m sweet sixteen, and I figured what better time to check in with you than on my birthday! I was kind of hoping there’d be presents, but when you think about it, I don’t really need anything wrapped up pretty – – here on the other side of the bridge I get whatever I want, whenever I want it.
As befits a princess, don’t you know.
Do you happen to have a treat for me?
As you know, I’m across the bridgewith a lot of my doggie friends, and we’re having a real wonderful time exploring and napping and getting treats and stuff. It’s pretty crazy. If I feel like playing in the snow, it snows! And if I’d rather nap in a pool of sun, well, the sun shines and warms me to the perfect temperature. I’m never hot! I’m never cold! And I never, ever, have to wear those silly boots that mama and daddy used to put on my feet!
Not wearing those boots, nope, not doing it.
Oh, and I get to chase stuff over here! There’s squirrels and chipmunks and even cats! OK, I don’t get to actually catch any of them, it’s just a fun game after all, but I get to run as much as I want! And I never get tired! And if I do feel like a little snooze there’s big huge puffy sofas with piles of pillows for me to lounge on. You might remember that I was something of a pillow hog at my house, and up here I get as many pillows as I want!
My pillow, mama, back off.
Most important is that I feel great! No tummy aches, no achy hips or feet, no silly gall bladder to worry about. And I love eating again, it’s one of my favorite things to do. I never gain too much weight and there’s no yucky prescription food. Our suppers are yummy, succulent meals prepared specially for each of us. I told them I didn’t want any chicken and rice, I’m focused mostly on cheese and roast beef with an occasional side of cabbage, my favorite vegetable. Sometimes I pick a cherry tomato right off the vine, they’re always warmed by the sun, sweet and juicy, and always in season! It’s simply amazing.
It fact, it’s almost perfect. Perfect, of course, would be if all of you, and especially mama and daddy, were here with me. But I know it’s not time yet, so I’ll wait…somewhat impatiently… because, well, I’m me.
I’ll stop by for a visit again some day, but until we can be together again, I have some advice for you. Run through the snow, eat a cherry tomato and sleep with as any pillows you can get. I guarantee you’ll be smiling every day.
Friday night we attended the Ann Arbor Symphony’s Christmas Pops at Hill Auditorium where I’ve enjoyed many AA Symphony concerts with my aunt. Friday my husband sat on one side of me but there was an empty seat on the other side.
I was lucky enough to hear Sleighride and Christmas Festival again, pieces I play every year with my own community band. I have to say I think CCB’s whip instrument was more effective than the one used Friday night, but having strings really makes those pieces extra wonderful.
At one point Silent Night was filling the auditorium, voices and instruments singing softly, the sound rising up to hover near the ceiling and I thought about my aunt and how she would have loved this concert. I wished she could be there, I could imagine her, dressed in holiday red, grinning back at me as we silently acknowledged just how good it all was.
I got sort of misty-eyed.
Then I noticed some movement in the lights up near the stage. One of the big round lights near the ceiling was flickering faintly. And, as I watched, it blinked. Twice.
And I grinned.
Because I knew right then and there that my aunt had figured out a new way to grin back at me. Merry Christmas, Aunt Becky, I think you had the best seat in the house.
A friend and I got to visit the Meijer Sculpture Garden this week. The conservatory building was all decked out for Christmas, which is why we planned our visit.
There’s been lots of expansion to the building since I was there, notably a huge room with giant marble sculptures of faces on all four walls.
But the main attraction were the Christmas trees, each decorated as they might be countries from around the world.
They were all beautiful, and it was so much fun to stop and examine them.
All those trees, lined up or tucked into corners sure got me into the holiday spirit!
And then we wandered in the desert room, filled with catus and seasonal poinsettias…
…and the tropical room filled with jungle plants and more poinsettias….
…and watched a model train wander through a village filled with iconic Grand Rapids buildings made out of natural materials…
…surrounded by more poinsettias.
We even spent some time trying to figure out a couple of art installations.
Even after reading the notes on the wall we didn’t really get it. But it was fun trying.
We stopped at the gift shop, where I stared at a bag of marbles for a long time, remembering all the games we used to play back a few decades when I was in grade school. I still like the way marbles feel, and almost bought this bag, just for fun.
But I didn’t. We bought lunch instead and then headed home, taking the back roads the better to find some barns. Of course we found one…
.
..or two…
…or three.
So fun!
Thanks, Linda, for driving us around on our latest adventure. Let’s schedule the next one soon!
Once in awhile I like to mess around with black and white images. Most of the time I look for stark images with clean lines and a big contrast between the darks and lights. Kind of ultra modern.
But I also like nature in black and white, so when I saw Cee’s challenge I went looking for something from my archives that would fit the bill. And, as you know, I have a LOT of bird images so I decided to pull this Sandhill crane from a visit just last month to my favorite bird park. It was all about the shadow when I took the image, and I think it’s the shadow that makes this a great black and white.
I hope you like it too! Thanks, Cee, for the challenge!
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas and along with holiday lights and temporary lots filled with fragrant greens, there are holiday concerts happening in towns everywhere.
Thursday afternoon, while scrolling through Facebook I noticed an announcement for a community orchestra concert in a town just twenty minutes from me. I didn’t know the city of Fenton even had a community orchestra.
The concert was free. What did I have to lose?
Excited to hear the program.
Turns out it was nothing but a win for everyone that attended, both the musicians and those of us in the audience. A multi generational musical organization, much like my own Clarkston Community Band, the group had a wonderful, full, sound, and played a variety of music, some of which most of us recognized.
I couldn’t help but smile through the whole thing.
Was the performance perfect? Of course not. There were times intonation was off, a few, rare, wrong notes. A squeak. But I learned something. I learned that, as an audience member, these small errors didn’t ruin the experience. Each little blip disappeared under layers of beautiful sounds, the overall enthusiasm of the musicians and music director, and the obvious love and support from the people around me in the audience.
A large crowd turned out to support their local community orchestra.
I left the auditorium with a big smile on my face, humming Leroy Anderson’s Christmas Festival, something I’ve played multiple times, but had never heard while seated in an audience.
Testing the sound system in advance of our concert.
And on the drive home I thought about all the concerts I’ve played where I’ve been focused on the parts that didn’t go perfectly, felt bad afterwards because something had gone wrong. The reality is, for most in our audience, the overall experience at our concerts is probably good, maybe even great.
And if members of our audience leave our venue with smiles on their faces, maybe even humming a bit…well…then the concert was a success.
Making our audience smile.
My own Clarkston Community Band played our holiday concert Friday night. We had less than an optimal number of rehearsals, and though I practiced, I was still nervous. The nerves were well founded, as I lost my way on one piece of music, missing almost an entire page of music before I could join back in.
Santa shows up with the world’s largest whip slap percussion instrument!
But the reality is, one 2nd clarinet’s loss of concentration did not ruin the concert. Most likely no one but the clarinet playing next to me even knew. And the overall feeling of the evening was happy, fun, perhaps even joyful.
Sleigh Ride is guaranteed to make an audience smile.Especially with a whip that can be heard into the next county.
Cookies and cider at a reception for Santa afterward didn’t hurt either.
Smiles all around.
Happy Holidays, everyone! May all your days be warm and inviting and fun. And look around your community, there’s likely a group out there that would love to have you in the audience!
The first of every month my Facebook friend, let’s call her KB, posts a greeting that is unique to her. Yesterday was December 1 and KB was nowhere to be found. I searched my friends list, no KB. Did she unfriend me? Had I done something to offend her?
It’s not likely, if KB doesn’t like something she’s more likely to tell you than unfriend you. But other scenarios I could imagine were much worse. So I checked with another Facebook friend, who was also worried and had been searching for KB too.
I decided to email KB and ask her if she and her family and business were OK. I wasn’t sure I’d hear back, we’re not frequent emailers, I wasn’t even sure the email I had was still good. I considered googling her name, but didn’t want to find bad news. So I waited.
And guess what? KB emailed back almost instantly! She was fine! Her business was fine! Her family was fine!
What’s not fine? Facebook is not fine. She says Facebook ‘assassinated’ her a few weeks ago. She doesn’t know what happened. Maybe she was hacked, but there’s no definitive proof of that. All she knows is that Facebook erased her and all her associated pages including her Instagram.
I add an image of Katie-girl, enjoying the sunset on Lake Michigan, because KB loved Katie too. And because everyone can use a little Katie once in awhile.
She’s been working ever since to get it restored but she says Facebook has virtually no customer service and she’s come to a dead end for every clue or suggestion she’s tried to pursue. She says she’s grieving her Facebook friends, those she only connected with via the social media platform.
And she wonders about others out there, maybe isolated individuals with access to others only through a platform that can summarily dismiss you forever with no options and no consequences to them.
So….what’s the deal Facebook? If KB said something you objected to (and I can’t imagine what that would be) don’t you usually give second chances? Some explanation? Something??
And how come a big company like you doesn’t have adequate customer service? KB hasn’t even been given an explanation as to what happened. Is this the way you run your organization? Giving Tuesday was this week, you’ve done a good job in helping nonprofits raise money for their causes…so you care….right?
So how about caring about an individual who’s fighting to stay connected to her community? Ignoring her is not a good look. Facebook.
Change Is Hard 