Change Is Hard

…but change is certain.


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Beyond brutal

If work last week was difficult, this week it is impossible.  Since mid February there have been three women in our department whose husbands have died unexpectedly overnight.  This past Sunday it was the husband of someone in my region.  The resultant pain and grief among our small group is overwhelming and we all feel so helpless.  Each of us wants to help her.  None of us can.  The work must still get done, and the volume of emails and phone calls has intensified as people hear and want to know what happened.  And, of course, how to help.    Today is only the third day of this never ending week.  We were exhausted before.  Now we are plodding, a painful slow hobble; we’re just getting through each day.  Our exhaustion and pain is all consuming but nothing like what she is living through right now.

So it surprised me a bit tonight to find I could still smile and sing, even tap my fingers on the steering wheel.  The CD from our spring concert arrived last night and I listened to it on the way home this evening.  What a great concert; it was full of happy, fun, upbeat music.  Stuff you can sing (or at least hum) along with, sway with, nod your head with, snap your fingers to.  Good fun, great memories, heart singing music.

Here’s a sampling of what we played (found on youtube and played by other groups for your listening pleasure).  For Lassie and Benji’s mom I give you Lassus Trombone.  (She plays the trombone so I figured she’d get a kick out of this.)   And New York 1927 was really fun to play.  We featured the trumpets in Bugler’s Holiday …including one of our oldest members at over 70 featured as one of the soloists.    We even showcased the clarinets with Pie in the Sky Polka…a piece I spent way too much time practicing.

The whole evening was really fun, and the memories of that concert kept me smiling tonight on my long commute home after another very long and sad day at work.  For the concert we invited 10 or so 7th graders to play with us on a couple of the pieces.  The kids looked so young.  The young man sitting with us in the clarinets said as he took his chair that he was nervous.   We said that was OK, we were nervous too.  Afterward his grin, and the grins of most of the other kids went from ear to ear.  Amazing what music can do.

I wish it was this easy to lift my friend’s spirit.


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Mahler 6

If you like your symphonies full bodied you should have been in Ann Arbor last night when the Ann Arbor Symphony did Mahler’s Symphony No. 6.  With just under 100 musicians the stage was packed.  And every one of those musicians played their hearts out.

The 6th is relentless…full…lush spellbinding.  It could be…should be…the score for a movie.  That would be something wouldn’t it…to make a movie…perhaps a silent movie (the better to enjoy the music).. to fit  the drama of Mahler’s 6th.  It has everything an epic movie should have; marching armies, intimate battles, galloping horses, angst, star crossed lovers, mothers tenderly watching their children who grow up to march in armies heading off to battle, gentle love scenes, peaceful pastoral settings…more marching armies.  Life.  Death.

The musicians played 80 minutes and there were very few of those minutes that allowed any of them to rest.  Those of us in the audience sat still for 80 minutes, only letting our breaths out for the few seconds between each of the four movements.

We enjoyed fantastic woodwinds, royal trumpets and stunning horns. The strings played as one, the harps were ethereal, the percussion added a sense of drama alternating with humor.  The music swelled and lifted us in ever tighter revolutions, higher and higher into rarefied air and then let us down gently onto a moss strewn forest floor where we luxuriated in sunshine and harmony until the music swept us up on the next wave of emotion again.  Over and over we raced high above earth and then floated back.

Mahler wrote about this piece as he was composing it.  He said it was going to be like nothing the world had heard before.  Last night it often seemed bigger than the world, as if it could touch every corner of our planet.  The sound was bigger, brighter, more luminous than words can describe.  You had to be there.  You should have been there.

Finally the whole piece came down to the last measures, measures as soft and delicate as a final breath.   They gave me goose bumps.  And as the musicians let that last note go, as the conductor stood still with his hands in the air as if to hold on for one more moment, as the audience held it’s breath, my eyes filled with tears.

Profound.


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Lots on my mind.

It’s a full moon and the end of the month.  The combination appeared to make the mortgage industry  this week simply insane.  So I’m glad it’s finally Friday night.

This weekend will be pretty busy.  We are going to the Ann Arbor Symphony on Saturday night.  I’ve been so stressed I’m not even sure what they are playing, but it doesn’t matter.  I could so use some music therapy right about now.

And on Sunday morning Katie and I are going to attempt to earn the first leg of her Novice Obedience title.  I’m mostly freaked about her off leash stuff.  Unlike Rally where I can talk to her and call her back to me when she wanders, Obedience doesn’t allow talking other than the heel commands after each halt.  And there are a number of things we have to do, so our time in the ring is longer…without treats to keep her motivated.  I’m hoping that 6 years of school click in and she’ll just do what we’ve done for years.  If she is on her game…and if I don’t mess this up…well…there will be a jackpot waiting for her.  Between you and me there will be a jackpot  regardless of whether we “Q” or not…just because we love her.

So anyway, after a very stressful week at work I’m now sort of stressing about the weekend.  And next weekend I’ll be in Washington DC at my 5th Sorrow to Strength.  I need to get prepared for that too…but I can’t seem to think about it too much until I get past the Obedience Trial.

Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into all this stuff.  But really?   It’s just that almost everything interests me and if I could have my way I’d be doing even more things.  But for now I’ll focus on the symphony on Saturday and on getting to the trial on time for Sunday.

I’m sure Katie will take it from there.

What you talkin about Mom?

What you talkin about Mom?


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Finding spring in Columbus

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThis past weekend I spent a delightful evening at Ohio’s Columbus  Symphony which worked in tandem with the BalletMet to celebrate spring.  I can tell you first hand it was worth the four hour drive.

The first half of the concert was filled with Debussy and Ravel.  The haunting and gentle flute solo of Debussy’s Syrink with its low soft notes was  played beautifully by a musician standing in a theater box above the main floor.  It was a perfect introduction to the night’s emotional music and a backdrop to the slow sensual dancing of two members of the ballet.

Debussy’s Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun followed immediately and continued the low but lush theme.  As the music grew you could almost see the green shoots emerging from the damp earth, you could smell the hint of rain and see the buds on the trees swell.  Soon I could imagine all sorts of birds, some walking along the shore, others soaring over head accompanied by the undertones of bull frogs among the reeds and, yes, the fawn frolicking in the afternoon sun.

The first half of the concert concluded with Ravel’s Rapsodie Espagnole.    Influenced by Spain, the first three movements felt as soft and wonderous as the preceding pieces and I was still imaging that pond full of wildlife, though sometimes the frogs were sounding  less Midwestern as the Spanish rhythms became more apparent.  The fourth movement finally provided all the expected fire of a Spanish dance and was brought to full realization by members of the ballet.

At the conclusion of the first half, just before the applause began, you could hear a collective sigh from the audience.   The symphony and the ballet had held us all spellbound.

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Igor Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring:  Pictures of Pagan Russia in Two Parts filled the second half of the performance; Part I, The Adoration of the Earth and Part II, The Sacrifice revolve around villagers dancing in celebration of spring.  The group dancing during these pieces was spectacular and engaging.  And of course I especially enjoyed the clarinet work.  Of all the pieces played that evening, this piece had the biggest sound, the most intense feeling, the fastest movement.  It was as if we were all moving through spring, and bursting out into summer on the other side.

Of course there was a long standing ovation.  As soloists, both dancers and musicians, were recognized the crowd continued to applaud.  And we were all smiling.  Because for a couple of hours we  experienced the touch of spring.   No matter that more snow was forecast, that the temperatures were frigid and the winds blowing.  For those moments inside a packed concert hall we stretched toward the sun and felt the warm breeze on our faces.  We witnessed joy.

And in the days ahead as we shovel the heavy spring snow and bundle up against cruel temperatures we can remember the soft beautiful music of green sprouts unfurling, of birds soaring overhead and fawns playing in the sun, of dancers celebrating.  We were lucky to be touched by a bit of spring this past weekend, thanks to the artists in Columbus.

And that will help us make it through these last weeks of cold.

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So tired

Have you ever been so tired that you can’t even make it to bed?  So tired your legs and feet ache, your hands tingle and your head seems to be in a fog?

That tired?

That’s where I am right now.  A long day at work followed by a long rehearsal has me sitting here wondering how I can get myself out of the chair and off to bed.  How to make myself go to sleep.

But my mind is running circles around my physical self.  Lots to do at work.  Should probably work late tomorrow night.  But have lots of music to practice too.  And the dog needs to work on heeling before class on Saturday; she can’t do that by herself.    I need to order dahlias for next summer.  I was supposed to do that in January.  Should find the order form.  We have no groceries in the house.  What will we have for dinner tomorrow?  I think I was supposed to call my college roommate last night.  Or tonight.  Can’t remember for sure.  I promised some people at work that I’d develop a self employed training unit by the end of March.  What’s today’s date?  Good I have time.  Our next concert is the end of May.  How many weeks does that give me to practice?  I really want to run another race…but I haven’t run in two (or more…how long HAS it been) years.  I should try to run one day after work this week, see how it goes.  Wonder where my running clothes are.  Haven’t seen my running watch in a long time either.  Guess I don’t really need a watch, it’s not like I’m running fast.  The guestroom needs organizing.  Probably could find my running stuff if I did that.  And I need to look for that photo of my brother and his friend as kids, I promised to send it to them.  It might even be in the guest room closet.  Should get organized.

Yep.  Should get organized.

Or go to bed.

Tired.


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When music fills the air

We made it through our back to back concerts, one Friday night for family and friends and one Saturday morning at a festival of community bands.   We had a lot of fun, but it sure took a lot out of me.  I napped most of Saturday afternoon and on into the evening.  But now I”m up and awake and I can tell you all about it!

Friday night we invited the Pontiac-Waterford Big Chief Barbershop Chorus to share the stage with us.  They did about 30 minutes of music, their harmony wonderful, their voices warm, they smiles big.  I’d say the average age of the men singing was late 60’s, maybe even early 70’s and their love of music was obvious.   Our love of their work was obvious as well, as we gave them a hearty round of applause at the end.

Then we were up.

We had only three pieces of music, but they were each long.  And mostly fast.  And difficult.  For me, the sound in the auditorium was different than it ever has been before, and I felt more exposed, though I was practically hidden by a grand piano that was being played during our last piece.  Some of the work felt mushy, a little less intense than I’d heard it in rehearsal.  But the audience seemed to enjoy it – we got spirited applause from the small crowd.  And we knew we would have another chance the next morning to make the music fly.

Saturday morning we needed to be an hour or more west by 9:00 a.m.  Given we’re in Michigan we worried about the weather  and most of us left early.  Turns out it was only snowing at our destination, so the ride over was uneventful.

Soon enough we were in the warmup room trying to get settled into our music.  Just before we went on stage the director asked us to do something she asks of her 6th graders before a concert.  She asked for 30 seconds of silence.  For the kids the goal was to get them to settle down.  We used those seconds to focus, to take a breath, to settle into ourselves, and if we were inclined, to ask for a little divine support.   I think it helped us stand taller and feel more centered and less rattled as we took the stage.

It worked.  The music flowed so much clearer on Saturday morning.  The sound moved across the band; from one side to the other we were one.  Even our troublesome second piece of music sounded like music rather than warm up exercises.  Of course we had hiccups.  One was probably obvious to the audience, certainly to the judges in the back, but most only we knew about and I’m not sharing.

I’m not saying we played as professionals.  Because we’re not.  We’re just a bunch of mostly older people who love to play and are grateful to have a venue.  Being invited to play at the community band festival is the highlight of our season and just about the most fun a middle aged band member can have.

Friday night I talked with one of the  Barbershop Chorus members. His grin was wide, his enthusiasm was contagious.  He was just back from his high school reunion where he was the only one left of his old singing group.  He said he couldn’t believe, at age 77, that he was still doing something he loved so much, how lucky he felt to still be involved with music.

Amen to that sir.  Amen to that.


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Don’t want to jinx it

Our community band plays a concert tomorrow night and then we’re on to the band festival Saturday morning.  We’ve had several weeks of solid rehearsals including this past Tuesday.  I don’t know when I’ve felt so prepared.

Which begs the question…good dress rehearsal…bad performance?  Of course not!  And really, Friday night IS rather like a dress rehearsal for Saturday’s event.  Still, I hope we play our hearts out tomorrow night for family and friends…and still keep some in reserve for the next morning too.

Wish us luck.  And if you’re around…7:00 Clarkston High School Friday night.  It’s free.

Resting and waiting for tomorrow.

Resting and waiting for tomorrow.


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Beautiful Beauty and the Beast

Last night husband and I went to see the local high school production of Beauty and the Beast.  Several members of the community band I play with were either playing in the pit, singing and dancing on the stage or working lights from the booth.  What a treat.  So many talented kids.  Wonderful music, great costumes and sets merged with joyous laughter, thunderous applause and standing ovations.  Love poured from the group on stage to the audience and was tossed right back to the performers.

You see the best in a community when you watch an event like this.  The coordinated effort of students and adults creating something fine and good.  It was wonderful to watch.  And what of our favorite door?

She was adorable.


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Wordless Wednesday

Wait!  I know it’s Wordless Wednesday…but I have words I want to say.  And you know I never quite know what day it is anyway.  So let me tell you about community band rehearsal last night.  Thanks to Ricky’s Mom I practiced at least 30 minutes every day this past week.  Even when I didn’t want to.  Some days it was an hour because I just got caught up in the music.  Well.  Only a couple times did it go beyond 30 minutes.  But still.

Just a moment.  A certain sheltie who will remain anonymous seems to need my attention….

There's something OUT THERE Mama!

There’s something OUT THERE Mama!

There's something OUT THERE Mama!

What?  Be quiet??? Really?

Pouting.

Pouting.

ZZZZ z z z..z...z...

ZZZZ z z z..z…z…

…so anyway…I was telling you about last night.  We’re a community band and we use a public school to get together every Tuesday night and practice.  We have a concert in a few weeks and the music is difficult.  So when I woke up to the news the public schools were closed due to icy back roads I just knew the director who is a public school band director would get us in the closed building.  I was right and she did, and more than that the school superintendent sent a custodian to open the building for us.  We are so grateful to have the support of the school administration.

We had a wonderful rehearsal.  Everyone showed up!  And you could tell people spent some time on the music since last week; things fell together and there were some nice sounds.  Some not so nice as well, but we have 3 more rehearsals so we can pound those out.

So thanks Ricky’s Mom!  For making me accountable to practice every single night.  I need to do that this week too, but I’m heading out of town this weekend.  That means I need to spend time with the music tonight and Thursday night for sure.

OK Katie.  Let’s go check out the scary rain before I head off to work.  Silly girl.

It's noisy Mama!

It’s noisy Mama!


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Dancing to the Danzon

Tuesday night was our first band practice since our Christmas concert mid-December.  Though it was nice to have the time off, we were all eager to get back to playing again.  We are getting ready for a community band festival held at the end of February.  This of course makes us more nervous because the audience will be filled with our peers – other community bands, people that know music and will be listening with more critical ears than our family and friends.  So we want to have our stuff together.   We have six weeks.

On of the pieces we will be playing is “Danzon #2” by Marquez.  I had never heard it before, but our director sent an email out during the break letting us know, and telling us that we should go find it online and listen.  You can hear it here.  It’s almost 10 minutes long but worth the listen/watch.  This particular version is done by an orchestra, but we’ll be doing a version for a concert band.  I followed along in my music and our version is almost exactly like this one, with a few minor orchestration differences.

Tuesday night it took us 45 minutes to get from the beginning to the end of the piece.  We stopped and started a lot but some sections sounded pretty good even on the first attempt.   And there was a long duet between our first chair clarinet and an oboe player who just happens to be his 10th grade daughter.  They sounded so wonderful, the two of them together, that the rest of us, the entire band, forgot to keep counting and none of us came in after the 14 or so measures of their solo.  The director laughed and lowered her baton,  voicing what we were all thinking; what a wonderful opportunity for this father/daughter duo to play something so beautiful together.  To create something breathlessly beautiful with her Dad…it will be a memory she remembers forever.

That is the beauty of playing in a group like this.  There are several parent/teenager duos in the band and I think they all enjoy the experience of doing something like this together.  I know we enjoy having them with us.  We would not be the group we are without the support of many local musically talented kids.  They fill in our gaps, cover our mistakes and generally don’t treat us like the old farts we are.  Sometimes they remind us of how old we are just by their intense youthfulness.  But generally it’s just fun to have them around.

So, time to get back to the daily practicing.  Don’t want those young whippersnappers to outshine us more experienced players.  They get to play in their high school bands every day.  We have two hours a week.  But then we have less homework to do at night so it all balances out.

I hope.

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